


Usami♡Café

by bounsweet



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, M/M, Out of Character, Past Rape/Non-con, Smut, fuck it up boys, i'm bad at fics but i don't want to give up on what i started;;, lots of side ships oops, suddenly drv3 ot3 is here and im a mess, this is rlly bad at the beginning but i promise it progressively gets better, validate me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2018-12-10 15:32:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 98,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11694618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bounsweet/pseuds/bounsweet
Summary: Hajime Hinata is out of his hometown to study and prep for university to complete his parents dreams for him. Nagito Komaeda is a deadbeat high school dropout getting by, by managing two jobs, with no parental guidance, depression and a lot of cigarettes. And Chiaki Nanami? Well...she just wants to run her café, all while aiding her friends with their oblivious soon-to-be feelings for each other.[[if im being real chief, this prob won't update again]]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT NOTES: i do not hate!!! the character i antagonize in this fic. regarding reasons i can explain if asked, i felt they fit best. do keep this in mind, as i truly do love the antagonized character. he is not forever antagonized. do comment any questions about any thing bothering u so i can get to it asap, conveniently here!
> 
>  
> 
> so as a (mostly) happy, side fic to distract me from my issues i'm putting this out there. no, not everything is going to be perfect or accurate, especially setting-wise. my knowledge of japan and it's cities are limited but if necessary, i'll do the research.  
> i've had this on my mind for awhile and i have a huge notes page on my phone of all the ideas i have for this. i don't know how long i intend to make it and it's gonna be something i upload more when i feel like it than a forced schedule, i apologize for that in advance.  
> anyway, to move on, i hope you enjoy the late night cliche idea i conjured up  
> edit: i read over it just now and fixed a lot of mistakes, i finished this at like 6am so i'm terribly sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of...something...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: hey i fixed a lot for this chapter and (going to w) upcoming chapters to save me from the embarrassment of new readers thinking im shit so ur..welcome? i think  
> this was honestly terrible and so ooc to begin with im? so sorry im glad i'm going back 2 months later to fucking fix this shitty fic i hate myself

"A few _really_ old eggs...an empty carton of milk...ugh," a frail arm snatched the carton of eggs and milk up, chucking them into the garbage as he shut the fridge, his thin legs then pacing towards his cupboards. "Cereal from...a month ago, cup nood-" a yawn interrupted him.

Nagito Komaeda, deadbeat high school drop out living all on his own. Already twenty and can't manage to get himself together. Frail, pale, grunge, and a little bit more than dead on the inside. Not to mention he owes several hundreds to his landlord. He knew it's what he got for smoking pot like it was his lifeline for a solid 5 years, and no one dared to get him started on what he was buying when it wasn't weed. Although it wasn't like wasting money on his replacement of cigarettes served him any better. He sighed, trudging out of his kitchen and into his messy, old, tattered living room, plopping himself down on the couch. His tired eyes glared into the old, black television screen across the room, pondering why he still had if it he never watched television. Reaching for his cellphone on the coffee table in front of him, he picked it up quickly and clicked it on to check the time.

6:42am

Another defeated sigh escaped his lips as he sat up, putting his phone down onto the coffee table once again. He had until 7:30 till his shift at Usami's. No part of him had a single desire to go, he was already far too physically and emotionally exhausted with all the stupid fighting that happened at the casino bar earlier that night. Not to mention his hangover sinking in from recklessly drinking the alcohol he was meant to be serving. Celeste wasn't even around to occupy him.

' _Should I nap or eat that cup of noodles? Maybe I should shower first, I smell disgusting..._ ' His eyes cast down at his uniform, all covered in grime and even some asshole's throw up. Stains from alcohol and soda and blood, it all grossed him out. He needed to get out of these clothes and fast; he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stand in them any longer without throwing up himself. After taking it all off in an instant and chucking it into his laundry room's washing machine, he headed for his shower. 

The warm water was turned on, and Nagito stepped into the stream, groaning. It felt nice on his beaten thin body. He couldn't help but mentally recite all the bullshit that went down merely hours prior to the present time. A stupid argument over two drunk men who so happen to accidentally step on the others shoe. He couldn't comprehend just how ridiculous you had to be to fight over such an excusable thing, and as expected of his manager, Junko Enoshima, who wasn't willing to put a stop to it herself, forced Nagito to get involved. If anything, the constant drunken fighting only fuels her, like she gets off to it or some shit, especially when he was the one forced to put a stop to it. To top it off, one of the guys threw up on him. He pondered how he managed to keep up a smile all throughout the night.

His thin fingers ran through his messy, long hair, rubbing in shampoo. He thought some more about whatever, wondering how the weather was going to be, pondering anything to ignore his painful hunger pangs. Soon, he was out of the shower, wandering off mindlessly into his bedroom to change. It took little time for him to get ready in the most basic outfit, boring black jeans, flimsy, big t-shirt and a zip-up sweater even bigger than the shirt for his small, thin build. 

He raised his arms up to stretch, yawning. Fair, milky coloured skin peeked out from how he lifted his arms up, elevating his shirt with him. After towel drying his hair and leaving it to air dry, he head to the kitchen to make that cup of noodles to shut his growling, hurting stomach. More yawning as he opened it up, filling the cup with water, pouring the flavour packet and putting it in the microwave for the recommended amount of time.

He personally hated cup noodles, but it was the only thing in the household he could eat that he thought wouldn't kill him.

The buzz of a vibration caught his attention. 

Nagito froze, taking a moment to hear the humming of his phone vibrating all the way from the kitchen. He trudged back to the living room, picking the device off the table and answering the call quickly.

"Hello?"

_"Nagito! Are you still home?"_

The sweet and soft voice of his best friend and manager filled his ears. "Yeah, I am. Why, what's up?" 

_"Okay, I'm outside your apartment building. Can you come down?"_

"Ah? Oh, um, yes! I'm delighted an angel like you would dare pick up a peasant like me! But, my fair manager, I would appreciate if you could wait just a bit, I'm waiting for my breakfast and I'll be out in a moment."

_"..."_

"..."

 _"Take your time, I'm just at the front. Don't worry, we got time, I think."_ She  _thinks._ Was Chiaki ever a confident person, he pondered?

"Are you still playing Super Mario on that outdated system?"

_"...Yes, for the 17th time. It'll be the 18th if you keep carrying this on."_

"Ahaha! Right, sorry, I can't believe dreadful me would do such a thing. Don't worry, I will be down as soon as I can."

Nagito hung up after Chiaki replied with silence, as he knew not to pay that sort of response much mind. She was always out of it, so it didn't necessarily bother him. Nothing she did bothered him, as she was the closest person to him. Putting his phone in his back pocket, the beeping of the microwave snapped him back to reality, so he swiftly sauntered to get the cup, and a fork, and make his way downstairs. He snatched his keys and a few other necessities before heading out, swiftly locking the door behind him before rushing his skinny little legs to the elevator. He was on the 8th floor of the whole building, and he wasn't about to travel down that many flights of stairs, as waiting for an old creaky elevator seemed so much more better than physical activity in tight, emo jeans.

* * *

The old, blue car sat out in the bright sunlight in the front of the building, with Chiaki gaming away in the front seat. It was excruciatingly hot out, receiving a groan full of pure irritation from Nagito. Opening the passenger seat door and plopping inside, he groaned again, body slumping back in exhaustion. The car was just as hot, maybe even hotter, but not a single fragment of a reaction was shown from Chiaki. "Aren't you dying?" he said loudly, shutting the door beside him. He buckled himself up as Chiaki turned her key in the ignition and started the car. The cool air conditioning began to blow. 

"Now I'm not."

The way to the café was quiet, disregarding Nagito's noodle slurping. He finished them sometime along the way, leaving the empty cup in Chiaki's cup holders of the car. Fortunately, they arrived soon enough, and it looked as it always did. The pink logo displayed for all passerby's to see; "Usami♡Café." It had the logo of a cute, pure white bunny dressed in a costume made to represent a cutesy anime magical girl, peeking out past the top of the heart. Chiaki approached the front door, unlocking it and entering. It was clean inside, not a single evidence of mess or even customers that night was shown. "I suppose Chihiro took care of the night shift well," she spoke softly. Nagito watched as she entered the employee room where their uniform aprons hung, exiting with hers on and handing off Nagito's to him. It was soft pink with white frills at the bottom, much like a generic maid apron, along with the head of their company's mascot, Usami, sewed into the right side of his chest. It took awhile for the embarrassment of wearing it to subside, but in all honesty, it grew on him. Most of Chiaki's friends who stopped by always commented on them, with the exception of Nagito's few friends stopping by and joking around about how it'd be the perfect 'getting dick' outfit. He saw why they thought so, but he wasn't planning on being that way anymore. After all, he found himself repulsive and disgusting and undeserving of such attention, especially after his time with...

"Nagito?"

"Hmm?" he murmured, eyes casting towards the face of his manager. He paused, the both of them making note of his spacing out.

"Put your apron on."

"Oh, right." 

He flustered in embarrassment, putting it on, and tying as many pieces of his half damp messy hair that he could back into a little tuft of ponytail. As he entered behind the counter, he quietly began to sort out the things around the counter, along with the help of Chiaki as the hum of the background music made for peaceful ambiance. He grew more aware of his headache with every moment that passed by, a hangover easing itself into him. Just as he finished organizing a counter of coffee beans, the sound of the door's bell jingle and Chiaki's sudden, but quiet gasp caught his attention.

"Hajime?" she exclaimed loudly, not walking out the door designed to literally get out from behind the counter, but jumping over it, quickly running up to this person she very clearly knows. The name sounded familiar...

"A-ah, Chiaki? You work here?"

Nagito peered over, watching the two as Chiaki stood so close to him. He hadn't seen her this excited about a friend, so with curiosity, he soon followed, quietly joining the two reuniting friends.

"Yes! I opened up this business a little while ago, it's really coming along well, I think... I haven't seen you in forever, I-" the girl became aware of Nagito's presence as he approached, Hajime's eyes gazing towards him. "Oh, that's Nagito, he's my friend and coworker."

Now, there's a handful of times where Nagito was definitely taken aback by someone he's met, and now was definitely one of those moments. Not because of his looks, although he was very cute and well kept, but something about this friend of Chiaki's had his heart skipping a beat. This feeling was something else entirely, and he couldn't tell if he was pleased with it, especially considering how he literally knew nothing about this guy.

"Ah, um...my name's Nagito Komaeda, what's yours?" he fumbled, mind racing with self-hatred. He didn't understand why he was so awkward and shaken up by him; it's not like he did anything necessarily worth such a reaction. Besides, he knew he wasn't like this.

"Hajime! Hajime Hinata, pleasure to meet you, Komaeda!" He stuck his hand out for a hand shake, which Nagito hesitantly accepted, feeling how soft and firm his hand was. It was...nice, how perfectly well his fingers gripped his hand, and how it so conveniently almost fit perfectly with his hand...or something like that. It wasn't long until he realized he'd been holding it far longer than he should be, nervously jerking his hand away.

He lightly coughed, clearing his throat in an attempt to avoid the awkward aftermath of holding this guys hand like some little high school girl. Chiaki gave him a peculiar look, one much like definite judgement and enjoyment. He hated it. He hated that this girl knew exactly how he felt based on a little slip up.

"Just call him Nagito, he doesn't mind, I think... Anyways, Hajime and I were best friends all throughout high school, I think I've mentioned him once or twice," she said. Nagito could recall something being told to him about the brunette, but it didn't seem prominent enough for him to remember. Her eyes returned to Hajime. "I need to go in the back room and sort out some paper stuff, but I'll talk with you when I'm done, Hajime. For now, why don't you order something? Nagito here will help you with that at the counter," she pointed to it. Nagito took that as a signal to return to his place behind the counter, giving himself a mental pep talk on the way to chill the fuck out and stop being so goddamn feeble. Hinata soon followed behind, exchanging words with the short girl before she walked off.

"So, what are you doing around here, of all places? Your high school definitely isn't in this city, so surely you're here for other reasons?"

Hajime glanced down at his phone briefly before tucking it in the back pocket of his pants. "I'm here to study abroad for awhile before getting into university." He walked up to the ordering area where Nagito stood in front of a register, pressing in buttons to open it up and fiddle around with the cash inside, organizing it. 

"Mhh, I see. A deadbeat worthless punk like me envies you, I dropped out of high school." Fiddling around with the coins, counting it up in his head, having Hajime's eyes glued to his hands...he could feel his face flushing up already.

"Why?" the brunette asked, a tinge of genuine curiosity in his voice. His eyes had this special gleam of wonder in them, the way a child would, but comparing him to a child was almost stupid. He had this type of mature vibe to him, but his face looked soft and sweeter than the rest of him portrays. 

Opening his mouth to reply, Nagito dropped a handful of coins, his head immediately listing off ways to instantly kill himself as they hit the ground. The tension and his spacing out got to him, and within the barely five minutes he's known the boy. Clearing his throat once again to break the silence, he bent down to pick up the coins one by one. "I can't say what happened but maybe one day I will," he replied, eventually standing up with a handful of coins that he carefully put back into the register, shutting it.

"That's okay, I understand. We all have burdens, and I'm a stranger to you so don't worry about it." He smiled softly.

His face heated up like a furnace at the gentle smile, his cheeks dotted with a pink even brighter than his apron. He laughed again, trying to brush off his awkward behavior. "S-so, Hinata-kun! What would you like?" He watched this boy scan the menu, noticing every little detail. The way he fidgets with the material of his thin, navy blue t-shirt, the way his eyebrows furrow and eyes squint as he examines the menu...why was he so intrigued with him again?

"If I'm calling you Nagito, you can call me Hajime, it's fine. I'm not too sure what I'd like...what do you usually drink?

"A-ah? Pathetic little me? Well, I suppose I enjoy myself an iced latte with an extra shot of espresso, but that's just tired complex me!" He was about to punch himself for being the living embodiment of awkward.

Hajime tilted his head and frowned, probably feeling uncomfortable over Nagito's sudden self deprecation. "It's... not that complex at all but okay... then I'll go with that, medium please." He returned to his gentle smiled, pulling out his wallet. "Can I also have..." he leaned over to the treats on display, scanning each one slowly before glancing up at the menu again. "Ah! A strawberry crepe, please." Another stupid bright smile that made Nagito forget where he was again, but he refused to make his reaction evident this time. Not with his inevitable in-the-closet situation at a risk. No one but Chiaki, his coworkers, and a few people who used to talk to knew about his sexuality. It wasn't too big a deal, but he didn't want to be put in the spot for it, so he chose to just keep it secret.

"Sounds good, that'll be 850 yen."

Hajime handed him 900 yen, insisting he keep the change. 

"Ah no, I don't deserve this, you should-"

"No really, keep it, it's okay."

Nagito sighed in defeat, picking up a medium cup, writing down his name and a brief description of the order on the cup. "Wait over at that side of the counter, your drink will be quick but the crepe will take a moment." Nagito got started, lost in his thoughts. What was up with the ridiculous reaction he had earlier? He doesn't even know the guy and he's treating him like some high school crush. He's never had that bad of a reaction with anyone he's just met before. After more excruciating thoughts about it, he finally gave into defeat and dropped it...for now. 

A light bell chime of the door opening caught his attention as he was handing Hajime his iced coffee. 

"Chiaki! I'm here!"

Chiaki was then seen peering out from the back room, waving at the girl who entered.. "Hi, Hiyoko. Your apron is in the employee room."

The small, blonde girl giggled, arms on her tiny hips as she paused, glancing briefly at Nagito and the brunette who waited for his order. "Okay! By the way, I have a perfect idea for the café, so you better talk to me when you're not busy." She wandered off into the employee room, and Nagito sighed. Hiyoko's ideas were often beyond extra and far too costly to fund, so he couldn't imagine Chiaki agreeing to whatever crazy idea the little girl had now. She returned, apron on and ready to work, joining Nagito behind the counter and avoiding bumping into him while he was making Hajime's crepe.

Another door ding, who happened to be a customer.

Finishing up the crepe, he brought it to Hajime on a small plate with little pink flower designs along the edge. "Sorry for the wait, I can't believe I wasted so much of your time!"

"You didn't take long at all," Hajime replied, the same frown from earlier. "You seemed really determined to make it well, so don't be hard on yourself, and I'm sure it'll taste just fine. Sorry if I'm just...over analyzing, I don't want you to feel bad for taking your time." 

"N-no, I did try hard, so I hope you enjoy it. Now go, I have a job to do, you know." Despite his forceful tone and arrogant posture, arms crossed and all, Nagito smiled softly at him before walking off to return to his job. Hajime stuck around after having finished crepe and coffee to work on some papers he brought with him in his bag. An hour or two passed of customer after customer, and Nagito got things done swiftly and nicely, along with Hiyoko doing the same and Chiaki who joined them just recently.

There were no more customers for some time, giving everyone a break. Chiaki and Hajime were sitting together, talking and giggling and just genuinely enjoying being reunited after their two years apart. Nagito exit the counter to pick up Hajime's plate and empty coffee cup. "Did you enjoy them?" He asked, looking down at the boy in front of him. He couldn't help but stare him up and down, noticing his casual outfit, his fluffy brown hair, his small but tall build, his fair and lightly tanned skin, his pointed nose, his pretty green-hazel eyes...

"Nagito?" Chiaki's voice cut his thoughts, bringing his attention back.

"H-huh? Oh, right, sorry, I am just terrible. How embarrassing and pathetic of me." He chuckled.

"I enjoyed the coffee and crepe a lot," Hajime said probably for the second time, but looking down at the table, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. What happened? Was he being awkward because he noticed Nagito staring him up and down? He had a mini mental breakdown for a second, but then he looked back up at him and smiled. "I'm sorry if it's a bother, I know you were just busy but can you make me another coffee?"

Nagito blinked for a moment. "A-ah...yeah, of course I can! Anything for you, Hajime!" He returned to the counter in an instant, making him his iced coffee hastily but carefully. He could tell in his mind, he was already clinging to this kid. He might not even be around often in the near future, but talking to him just really got him going. He felt more energized and excited, rather than his normal constant state of empty sadness and hanging guilt.

He returned to Hajime with the coffee, and was handed 400 yen. Chiaki took the money from him, sauntering to the counter. "Nagito, you can go on your break, okay? I'll be here if you need me, talking to Hiyoko." He nodded in response, removing his apron and hanging it up in the employee room. He didn't want it to smell like cigarettes after his break.

Thin legs made their way for the back door to the outside, being greeted with fortunate shade and an empty back alley. Sighing, he retrieved a dart from his pack of them and pulled out his lighter too, lighting it up as he sucked, removing the dart from his mouth to exhale briefly. He put the pack and lighter back in his pocket, crouching down on the ground with his back against the wall. He pulled out his phone to check the time; 10:13am. Sighing again, he put his phone away.

God, he really needed this cigarette.

"Hajime Hinata..." he mumbled, another drag and smoke escaping his lips. The sense of nicotine gave him a pleasant feel, calming his nerves and allowing him to relax. The sound of the door being opened caught his attention, his gaze immediately meeting with the source of the sound. Nagito chuckled, looking up at Hajime who opened the door, baffled by how he conveniently walked out just as he thought of him. The brunette closed the door behind him, standing next to Nagito with his back leaning against the wall.

"Did you need anything?" He asked, sitting on the ground instead of crouching. One leg laid out as the other's knee was up. Another slow puff. "Hajime?"

"Chiaki didn't mention you smoke," he mumbled, looking down at him.

"Aha, I didn't expect you two to discuss about me or my smoking habit for that matter, but yeah, it's just a bad habit. Helps me cope with things, was my replacement for past substance abuse in high school that got carried on far too long."

Hajime sat next to him, his legs spread out in front of him. "Chiaki's just worried about you, I guess she's got me worrying about you a bit as well now. Are you okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm all good, you two have nothing to worry about, especially when it comes to a worthless little bug like me." Nagito smiled, but Hajime just sighed. "Did she say anything about me?"

"Nothing I was aware was super private or anything, she told me anything else would be best to learn by getting to know you...she did say you struggle with two jobs though, and I can even see it. When's the last time you slept?"

"Uhh... well, I've been up for about...2 days? Are my eyes that dark right now?" 

"Your eyes look like they're blackholes waiting to swallow me whole."

He paused, definitely thinking about something among those lines for a moment. "Huh, I had no idea."

"And you were yawning lots while working earlier."

"Yeah, I guess I was! But, hey...was somebody watching me?"

"W-what?! I-...I mean, I guess, I don't-"

"Hajime, you are so weird, I can't believe you would examine a pathetic little rat like me work!" Nagito giggled. 

"I-It's not like that, okay?! I was just-"

"It's too late now, Hajime! No point in sugar coating it!"

He grumbled, sighing in defeat. Nagito finished his cigarette, putting it out and getting up to toss it in the trash bin by the door. "You coming?" he called out, watching Hajime as he stood up. He brought his frail hand to the doorknob, opening it when receiving a nod from Hajime. Today was definitely the start of something big, and he could tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually literally hate the first few chapters of this i want to rewrite them but it's too late for that sbfuobfuorbfn i hope i burn


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hajime cares too much and Nagito doesn't want him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy this chapter of this fic. pov is Hajime in this chapter  
> also i dropped the formal san/kun/chan thing unless it's hiyoko, chiaki, or sometimes nagito being soft with hajime or something idfk  
> im bad at hajime pov and im tired and i sorta forced myself to pull this chapter outta my ass bc i need to get something for this out of the way so i can put a chapter out  
> sorry this isn't very hajime-based, i'm saving that for a bit later bc this was a bit of a komahina chapter...im trying guys  
> i'll edit this when i wake up bc im crashing rn hope u enjoy and don't bully me for my mistakes  
> i should stop posting these at 6am w no sleep
> 
> edit edit: BIG 2 MONTH LATER EDIT BC THIS IS TRASHYYYYY i hope i never write again

 

If Hajime had one word to describe Nagito, it was most definitely complex...or kind of annoying. Not that he could say that to him; a friend of Chiaki's is a friend of his, and his usual behavior was hard to hold back. (A His mind couldn't wrap around him and just how his brain worked. From the way he shook his hand, to his self deprecation, and how he manages to act so happy despite working two jobs and rarely getting a wink of sleep...he couldn't quite comprehend it. Maybe he was really just that inexperienced with people. Maybe he didn't need to be trying to understand him. Besides, why did he feel the need to over analyze a stranger? After returning from the back alley, all him and Nagito did was stand with only the counter separating them, and chat about the weather, coffee, anything small worth discussing until a customer came in. Every so often he'd notice Chiaki give her co-worker a strange look... whatever the reasoning being, Hajime knew he wouldn't simply figure it out. One thing he figured out for sure, though, was that there was something that he didn't know that the two of them knew, and it was definitely bothering him. He just had no idea how to ask what it was, and he'd feel nosy.

Why was he talking to him more than Chiaki anyways?

He watched Nagito make several coffees, examining him. The way he was so careful, the way his eyes narrowed and his brows knitted, how he nibbled on his bottom lip. He just finished up an order while Hiyoko was doing the drive-thru.

"Hajime, are you feeling okay?" Nagito asked him suddenly. His expression softened up quickly, his gaze looking him up and down.

"W-what? Yeah, I'm fine, why do you ask?"

Nagito looked puzzled, keeping quiet for a moment before breaking into a fit of giggles. "Aha, I guess it was just me then! You just looked really pale, I apologize."

He laughed again, seeming so carefree and not bothered at all by his current state of living. He knew he was stuck working here for another few hours ahead, only to work another shift elsewhere for an entire night...yet, not a single part of him showed any bit of distress.

"I-is something wrong?" He asked suddenly, his smile lowering once again.

"No, not at all. I was just thinking." he said gently, smiling to reassure Nagito that everything was alright. Did his resting face seem off to him? Why did he care so much anyway? Dismissing the thought with a mental eyeroll, he glanced around the café.

"Nagito!" Chiaki called from the employee room, interrupting his thoughts and their sort of conversation. "Come here, I need to talk to you."

Nagito smiled at Hajime, making his way around the counter. "I'll be back in a second," he said, undoing his ponytail and shaking out his white hair. As he did this, he made his way to the employee room. Hajime pondered whether it was naturally just that white and how.

"Sooo, I see you've got Nagito-chan's attention." It was Hiyoko who spoke. She wore a smug grin, barely making eye contact with Hajime as she leaned over the counter. Her blonde pigtails were long, making her look even more like a child over the lack of height...he questioned how she reached the drive-thru window.

"H-huh? U-uh, I guess so? He's really nice and of course he'd want to be friends with me since Chiaki and I are close and all." The awkward tension made him regret replying.

She pursed her lips, eyes glancing to the side. Her smug grin wouldn't leave her face. "I dunno, he's especially off with you in particular...Chiaki has had old friends come around once or twice before but never has Nagito willingly took part in meeting them, never mind chatting with them during every bit of free time he got... All I'm saying is he's bein' a lil different..." 

 _'Just what is she getting at?'_ he pondered, evidently irritated. They're still practically strangers, and besides, Nagito seemed to be acting normal.

Nagito suddenly returned as if on cue, cutting his conversation with Hiyoko short. Not that he was complaining. 

"Hey, Hajime, would you like me to show you around the area?" he asked, smiling at him with his nervousness evident. His fingers fumbled with the hem of his apron as Hiyoko just smirked, leaving past the counter towards the employee room. 

"H-huh? Oh, of course, but, uh, don't you have to work?" Hajime asked, feeling a little guilty he'd be leaving work so suddenly because of him, but glad Nagito was warming up to him so quickly. Being shown around by him would only make them closer anyway, right? Chiaki would probably like that.

Nagito softly chuckled. "Chiaki told me I could leave now if I wanted to, so I'm only going if you're up for a tour of the neighbourhood."

He pondered it for a moment. Would Chiaki really be okay with that? He was sure she would be. Besides, she still had Hiyoko, and it was way past noon so there wouldn't be piles of customers in for lunch or anything. He softly nodded. "A quick tour would be nice."

The other boy smiled, undoing his apron and quickly putting it away in the employee room. He exit quickly, but with Chiaki and Hiyoko trailing behind him, his expression very irritated with a mild fluster.

"You guys don't get it, we can have it every Monday and attract so much attention! Or Friday nights! Tuesday and Thursday special!" Hiyoko squealed, running in front of Nagito and Chiaki, stopping them in their tracks. Hajime tilted his head, puzzled.

"Even if we would, we can't afford that," Chiaki said, looking down and twiddling her thumbs. 

"Yes we can! Or, atleast, I can! C'mon, Chiaki-chan, it would be so much fun!"

Nagito huffed, crossing his arms and looking off to the side. His fluster was only deepening. "Are you forgetting I'm, oh, you know, a guy? You know, with a not-so-feminine build and a pe-"

"Shut up, Nagito-chan! Besides, you can pass as a girl just fine! Your body is thin enough to pass as feminine, and your hair is long! And come on, you'd be in a skirt, no one's going to see your little d-"

"Can't I just be a butler?!" Nagito cut in, his gaze returning to Hiyoko. He was glaring at her, eyebrows furrowed while his jaw clenched, lips set in a hard line. 

"Well, you see...I already am having them made at the moment, so if I had my tailor suddenly make a butler outfit instead, it'd cost quite a bit!" Hiyoko had a twisted grin as she held back her mischievous giggle. "Unless you'd like to pay for it."

Nagito grimaced, bringing his hand to his face to rub his temples. "N-no." he muttered, sighing in defeat.

"Well then! Ko-maid-a it is!" She burst into a fit of giggles, holding her stomach as she stumbled back into a chair. Chiaki even giggled a little bit too, and Hajime wouldn't admit it aloud for the life of him, but Nagito would definitely suit a maid outfit. Not to mention the pun was funny. Why did he think of Nagito in a maid dress before the dumb pun that was said way before anyone would have pictured the pale boy in a maid dress?

Nagito, on the other hand, had his fists balled up and face flushed up with a deep hue of red. His pale, frail hands looked like they'd pop a vein.

"W-what's going on?" Hajime finally butt in, bringing his hand up and scratching the back of his head. The flustered white-haired boy huffed, storming to Hajime. He grabbed his wrist with thin fingers and continued walking, dragging the boy with him. As soon as they were outside, Nagito sighed heavily, letting go of Hajime's wrist very suddenly and almost hesitantly.   

"Hiyoko always comes up with weird ways to attract attention to the café, usually with traditional outfits. We've never really had anything against her ideas, but they were very pricey and we weren't the most successful business at the time." He ruffled a hand through his hair before glancing back at Hajime. "Shall we walk?" He asked, to which Hajime nodded.

They strolled along together, walking at a fair pace. The area seemed rather busy for whatever time it was. He quickly pulled out his phone to check the time, but noticed two text notifications from Chiaki. He stopped walking, putting in his pin to check out the message. Nagito, however, hadn't noticed he stopped until he was a few feet away from him, quickly sauntering back to Hajime.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, leaning close to Hajime, who was too distracted by his phone to reply.

_'dont be silly, wrap your willy'_

_'I'm sorry, Hajime-kun, that was Hiyoko-chan.'_

Hajime flustered, immediately shutting his phone off and shoving it in his pocket. He forced a laugh, scratching the back of his head. "L-let's continue walking, shall we?" he stammered, starting to walk as soon as he finished speaking. Nagito followed after him, very much confused.

"W-what happened, is everything okay?" he asked again, but Hajime didn't reply. Nagito huffed, grabbing the flustered boy's wrist and pulling him back. "Hajime, talk to me." He whined, soft lips pouting. 

"J-just my uh...dad? Yeah, dad, sending me an embarrassing text, don't worry about it!" He knew the other saw straight through his lie, but Nagito let go of his arm regardless, walking ahead. Hajime followed, still flustered but now guilty. "I'm sorry," he said, having trouble turning his gaze towards him as he was blushing. 

Nagito softly smiled, looking back. "It's okay. I know you were lying but I won't press it, that'd be rude of me."

They walked some more, Nagito pointing out what all the buildings were on the way. Eventually, they were walking through a quiet neighbourhood, making the silence awkward between them.

Hajime coughed, clearing his throat and cutting the silence. "So, Hiyoko wants you guys to have a little maid café special thing?"

"Oh, don't remind me about that. She's crazy and refuses to have things anyway but hers. We've never went along with her crazy ideas due to the lack of funds but now that she's a famous traditional dancer, she makes plenty of money."

Hajime tilted his head, confused. "Why does she still work at the café then?" 

"She feels bad quitting on Chiaki, because, like me, she was the only one willing to hire us."

Hajime stopped walking, but this time, Nagito noticed, and stopped in front of him. "What do you mean? Why wouldn't anyone hire you guys?"

Nagito chuckled, bringing his arm up to the back of his neck. "I couldn't answer for Hiyoko, but as for me, I suppose you could say I was rather messed up."

His heart sunk a bit. "W-what do you mean? You seem perfectly fine-" he was cut off by Nagito laughing again. 

"Everyone thought I was crazy, Hajime. I got into some stuff and lost my best friend, and soon after that, my parents died. I had no one, Hajime. There was no hope left for me, and all I felt was pure despair..." He laughed again, bringing his arms up, hugging himself and looking down at the cement. "Th-then I met him..." Nagito fell quiet, his breathing hitched and shaky.

"K-Komaeda, hey, you don't-"

"He used me, Hajime! H-he-" the boy hiccuped, crouching down and hiding under his arms. Hajime could hear him sob. He didn't know what to do...he didn't know Nagito well enough to know how to handle him in this sort of situation. Decidedly, he squatted down next to him, placing his left hand on his arm. 

"You don't have to tell me, Komaeda. I understand this must be something that traumatized you," He spoke softly. Hajime didn't know what to do. His mind was racing as much as his heart was, he couldn't feel himself breathe. The other looked up at him, face covered in tears, to which the brunette instinctively brought his right hand up to Nagito's face, gently wiping the tears away. He smiled at him, hoping to lift his spirits. "You can forget about it for now, okay? This doesn't-"

"I tried killing myself that night."

His heart dropped, smile immediately gone."W-what?"

"Ah, sorry, Hajime, did you not hear me? I said I tried killing my-"

"N-no, I heard what you said but I just...I-I'm shocked...that's not the answer, Komaeda."

"Well, when your life suddenly falls apart and you lose everyone and everything because of a terrible drug addiction and an abusive man who claims he'll help you but only manipulates your lack of independence, it seems like the only answer."

Hajime didn't know how to reply. He was shocked, and his stomach felt like it had been completely upturned. "W-what happened to him?" 

"Hmm? Oh, he's still, well, alive. Police found out when I got them involved but he only got 4 months worth of jail time. They thought it was a waste to keep him in especially when I had previous bad records with the cops."

"Have you seen him since?" he asked. That was the only question he could think of that wouldn't invade his personal space.

"No. If I did, I'd probably go into full panic attack mode and die on the spot!" He started laughing. _'_ _Why is he laughing so lightly at such a traumatizing possibility?'_     
"Chiaki found me that night, standing on the edge of some bridge railing. She talked me out of it, told me that I was stronger than that. I didn't believe her, but it meant the whole world to me that she tried to be there for me, to help me overcome my trauma. Of course, I didn't move on from it, she was just a distraction from it. I'm a mess when I'm alone for too long." Another soft, halfhearted, carefree chuckle. "Besides, you shouldn't care so much, Hajime. You don't even know me entirely, do you? For all you know, maybe I'm lying!" Laughter. Again. _  
_

Hajime kept holding his breath without trying, still shocked from the things he's been told. "I-...you can't act out a breakdown like that, Komaeda. And I don't think you'd lie to me, you've been...sweet to me." He felt guilty, as if he had anything to do with it. He knew he didn't, but the thought of him suffering with this trauma...it was eating him up on the inside with every passing second he thought about it. What did this guy do to Nagito, and why? How could he do what he did without feeling guilty enough to stop? Hajime didn't understand, and it was eating away at his mind and heart. "K-Komaeda, I'm sorry. I really am, I'm so sorry, I h-"

"Hajime."

"Y-yes?"

Nagito was quiet, studying the ground for a moment before looking back up at Hajime and smiling. "Stop calling me Komaeda, silly."

"A-ah? Oh, sorry, Nagito..." Hajime stood up, watching Nagito get up as well and adjust his sweater and rub his eyes. It took awhile for him to notice him watching. He blushed up immediately.

"H-Hajime? Is something wrong? Do I just look ugly after crying?! I-I'm sorry, I'll never let you see my terrible face ever aga-"

"Ko-...Nagito...I was just...staring, th-that's all," he murmured, recalling the text Hiyoko sent via Chiaki's phone earlier. He huffed, feeling his face heat up as he abruptly turned away. "We should head back to the café."

"Ah, you go on ahead, I'm off to catch a bus and get home, but I'll see you soon, hopefully!"

Hajime nervously chuckled, glancing back at Nagito. "I don't remember the way back..."

"Geez, Hajime, you just want me to walk you back...you're such a girl."

"W-what? No, I...I am not!"

Nagito giggled, pulling out his pack of darts and a lighter. "Mind if I have one on the way? I don't wanna breakdown like that again."

"No, it's all good, go ahead. They're bad for you, though, you know."

"Mhm," he hummed in reply, pulling one out of the pack and lighting it up, exhaling a large amount of smoke as he put the pack back in his pocket. "I know, but it helps me feel more at ease, as much as I'd love to quit it. A sad yet probably better coping method than my usual."

"What's your usual?"

Another puff of smoke from him, but no reply. He only started walking, so Hajime knew he shouldn't press the subject. He couldn't help but wonder, though. He had so many questions, so many concerns about Nagito. But most importantly, why did he tell him all this?

One thing was certain, and that was that this boy who he thought was complex based on so little interactions, just became an entire puzzle to him, and he was determined to figure him out someday.

Were they taking things quickly? Surely not, he thought. This is just a friendship, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is much appreciated, thanks♡


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepy Nagito and patient Hajime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll get as many chapters out as i can this month before i start god awful school lmfao hope this chapter isn't too shit for y'all, i'll try to pace through this instead of rushing like i kinda wanna delete chapter 2 and take a different lead on it lol  
> komanami is a healthy friendship and i want them to support each other, not fuck so just saying that bit of komanami here is just how their friendship has built up, they're rlly close and nagito is Gay As Fuck so nothing but friendship is coming outta the two  
> also this is Fucking Gay but they aint gonna get together that quick......this is just the start of Hajime's questioning of sexuality  
> sorry for any mistakes i've been putting this together from like 4am to 12pm goodnight

Why he spilled like that in front of Hajime, he didn't know. He barely knew the kid, let alone the fact that they just met a mere 7 hours ago. The walk back was aggravatingly quiet, mind for the noise of him exhaling cigarette smoke, which briefly ended sooner or later. Why wasn't Hajime speaking? Did his breakdown make him uncomfortable? Does he think Nagito's crazy? His mind was racing with every possible negative reasoning. That was, until Hajime suddenly stopped walking. Nagito turned back, watching him examine the pale boy, looking him up and down, then gaze up at the clear, sunny sky.

"You know, summer is just starting. Aren't you hot? Being in a sweater and black jeans and all." He glanced back at Nagito, eyes squinting through the sunlight.

It wasn't until Hajime pointed it out that he realized just how humid the suns rays felt on him. "Aha, don't worry about me! I'm fine, this awful heat is nothing!"

Hajime softly pouted, crossing his arms. Despite having to squint through the sunlight, Nagito could still see the concern in his expression. "Surely you're not cold or anything."

"Nope."

"Then why the sweater?" He pouted again. _'What's up with him?'_

Nervously chuckling, Nagito gently tugged the collar of his sweater up. "My skin is very sensitive, especially to the sun, so I try to avoid showing much skin outside during clear days like this."

Hajime's pout was gone instantly, replaced with a dull expression, almost like he was bored. "I-I'm sorry, I had no idea," he muttered, continuing to walk past Nagito, who followed after him shortly.

"It's no big deal, Hajime-kun. We just met, it's only normal you wouldn't have known." His gentle smile was a relieving sight for Hajime, and besides, Nagito was right. He couldn't have expected him not to wonder why he was out in such heat with a sweater and long pants.

"I was just worried, too much heat can make you dizzy or sick, and you haven't slept for so long, and you're so thin, and-"

"Oh, shush, Hajime, I get it, you care _too_ much about me and apparently have examined me enough to become aware of my thin build."

"I-It's not like that!" he flustered up.

Nagito laughed, quietly but filled with such genuine happiness. "You're so funny, Hajime-kun. I'm not worthy of such a positive influence," he smiled again, looking at the blushing boy beside him. The café was soon in their sights, although Nagito was a bit unenthusiastic about it. He enjoyed this walk, even though he was exhausted and tired and nearly sweating. Being around Hajime made him feel oddly secure, it was almost discomforting.

Upon arriving, the café wasn't at all busy, disregarding the few customers sat down with their treats. 

"Ah, you're back!" Chiaki exclaimed, running up to the two. She twiddled her thumbs nervously, as she always did when she was going to tell Nagito something he wouldn't like.

"Don't you dare tell me-"

"We're doing the maid café special! Every Tuesday and Thursday from noon to the evening!" Chiaki barely got to finish her sentence, having to speak up louder halfway due to Nagito's groaning and grumbled ' _I can't hear you_ 's over him covering his ears. He immediately walked away into the employee room, shutting the door behind him and sitting on the little bench by the apron storage. It was only expected Chiaki would go with it, judging by the lack of sales compared to previously months. She needed this opportunity, as this was her business. He was just...worried, self conscious. He had nothing necessarily against the idea, but he felt too...ugly, messed up, displeasing to do it. The idea of having everyone see him in a frilly maid dress made him sick to his stomach, not because of the dress itself, but with the way his pale, pasty skin would look awful with it. The way the gross scars all over his arms and legs would then be obvious to everyone, and they'd all think he's gross, and sick, and pathetic-

He was digging his nails into his thighs. He was acting up again, freaking out, shaking, wanting so badly to rip his skin apart. 

"I-I can't," he mumbled to himself, bringing his hands up and kneading them through his hair, eyes glued to the ground. It wasn't until a knock that he snapped out of his self-destructive trance, his gaze meeting with the door that slowly cracked open.

"Nagito, are you okay?" Chiaki asked, slowly walking in and closing the door just a bit behind her, enough so that it was open by a crack. She walked over, sitting next to Nagito and putting a gentle, small hand on his shoulder. Some time passed in silence. "You're worried, aren't you?" 

Nagito didn't reply, his gaze affixed to the ground. 

"Hiyoko-chan told me to let you know that she made the dresses long sleeved, and the skirt is super frilly and will cover a lot! She also has thigh socks, so you don't have to worry, okay? I made sure she wasn't lying to me, she showed me the designs. You'll love them, Nagito, I know you will!" She was standing in front of him now, arms up to her neck with her hands in little fists. Her cheeks were all puffed up, eyebrows furrowed in determination. 

Looking up, his expression softened, smiling at the excited little owner. "I can expect only the best from my fair manager," he chuckled, bringing his hands up to squish her cheeks, getting a whine out of her.

"Don't do that, I'm not a kid." 

Laughing once again, Nagito wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a tight hug. His face was smothered against her torso. "I owe you my life, Chiaki."

"Mhh? No, you don't. You owe yourself your own life, since you tried to take it away from you. Now let go of me you muffin, I need to head back and help out with Hiyoko."

Letting go, Nagito nodded, giving Chiaki and small grin. She smiled back, turning away before stopping and nearly hopping as she turned back around. She reached into her pockets, offering her car keys. "You're off for the day so you should go home. You can borrow my car."

"Hm? N-no, it's okay! Knowing me, I'd get in a car accident." 

She huffed, frowning at him. "Then I'll make Hajime drive you, so he can bring back my car too." Without listening to the backtalk, she stomped out of the room with her ignorant childish attitude. He knew she was messing around on purpose to lift his spirits. 

As he was defeated, he had no other choice than to exit the room. Chiaki was smiling at him from the counter before cocking her head towards the entrance where Hajime was, fiddling with her keys. Before joining Hajime, he quickly entered behind the counter, almost hesitantly. "C-can I ask you one thing?" he whispered.

"Hmm? Of course, Nagito-kun."

"I-Is-"

"Hajime straight?" Could she say it any louder?

"N-no! Well, actually, yes...but be quiet!"

"Mhh...I can't say for sure. He's never shown much interest in girls before, but also not boys...he's always been too busy studying for his mama."

"His mum? Ah, I see, typical-"

"Not exactly, it's actually really...uh..."

"W-what?"

"Has he not told you? She d-...actually," Chiaki suddenly turned away, almost hissing at him. "That's not for me to tell you! Find it out yourself, you...you dummy queer boy."

Nagito gasped, fists clenching. He struggled to force away the smile on his lips. "You did NOT just call me a dummy queer boy!"

"Oh yeah? Dummy queer boy!" She spoke up a lot louder. "Dummy dummy stupid queer boy! STUPID DUMB QUE-"

"OKAY CHIAKI YOU PROBABLY LESBIAN I'M GOING NOW GOODBYE." Almost instantly, Nagito stormed out of the café, his face a bright red but a smile complimenting it. Hajime followed after him, looking beyond puzzled. 

"W-what just happened?"

"Nothing, it's nothing, we always mess around like that. Sometimes she just-" Nagito coughed, opening the café door a little bit with his foot, leaning into the crack. "-TAKES IT A LITTLE TOO FAR AND SAYS THINGS THAT NO ONE ELSE NEEDS TO KNOW."

A muffled "shut up stu-" was heard, the rest being cut off by Nagito removing his foot and allowing the door to close. He smiled to himself, practically skipping to the parking lot as if he achieved some sort of victory from their childish banter. 

"You guys are sweet," Hajime said, his tone almost weary, but cheerful. "Do you have feeling for Chiaki?"

Almost instantly, Nagito stopped his skipping, nearly tripping over his feet. "W-what? What makes you say that?"

"Well you guys hugged in the staff room and all, and you touched her face-"

"Were you watching?!" Nagito huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at Hajime.

"W-well, no! H-Hiyoko was, and she was describing what-...okay then, I sort of was, but that's not the point!" He awkwardly laughed, scratching the back of his head and avoiding Nagito's dead stare. "Y-you can be honest with me, I won't-"

"Hajime, please, do you really think I'd have romantic feelings for my _manager_? Sure, we have emotional history together, but in that case, we would be dating by now, don't you think?"

Pondering it for a second, Hajime sighed, his arm falling to his side. "Good point..."

 _'And do I really look like I like pussy?!'_ a part of Nagito screamed inside his mind, internally angry he was accused of heterosexuality. Softly growling, he snatched Chiaki's keys from Hajime, making his way to her vehicle. He quickly unlocked the doors, letting Hajime in before hopping into the seat next to him. He sunk into his seat, yawning and putting his legs up on the dashboard. It wasn't until Hajime put the keys into the ignition and started up the car that he realized the boy just moved into the city and wouldn't have a single idea where to go. He sat up, placing his hand on the car door handle. "Ugghhh, Hajime-kun...I'll just bus home, okay? You don't know the way to my place, and it's fairly far away, I don't want you to get lost." He watched him pull out his phone, tapping around on it until a victorious "mhm!" came from his mouth. He handed the device to Nagito."

"Put your address in, I'll do it this way!"

"Are you crazy?! You still don't know the city, I don't-"

"Komaeda, c'mon-"

"Nagito."

"N-Nagito, whatever! Just, c'mon, I got this, okay?" He pouted. That stupid pout has shown up at least 3 times so far during the day and Nagito knew it was his weakness already. Defeated, he typed in his apartment complex address, and handed the phone back to Hajime, watching him fiddle with it a bit more before putting it down on the dashboard. He buckled himself up before pulling out of the parking spot, figuring out the city one block at a time. Nagito laid in his seat, all sunken in with his legs rested up on the dashboard. He wasn't even buckled up, but not like he really cared if he lived or died after an accident. The latter was much preferred to him. 

Hajime drove slowly, leaving the frail pale boy to slowly fall asleep to the gentle rumble of the car.

* * *

"Nagitooo, ugh, wake up, you stupid..." Hajime arrived at the complex approximately 10 minutes ago. He sat for awhile enjoying the cooling air conditioning, parked quietly in the parking lot and almost sorta kinda definitely watching Nagito blissfully sleeping. Groaning, he picked his phone up, quickly calling up Chiaki. She eventually answered. 

_"Ghhah...hi, Hajime..."_

"Hi, Chiaki. I hope I'm not bothering you but what floor and room is Nagito on?"

_"Mhh...? Room 8...uhh...809, I think? Floor 8...it should be on his keys, where is he?"_

"With me. Asleep. In your car."

_"Aaahh...are you carrying him up?"_

Hajime hummed in reply, glancing back at Nagito and sighing. Chiaki wished him a quick good luck before hanging up to return to her job. "Alright, Nagito, I hope you don't mind if I just..." almost immediately flustering up and sweating despite the air-con, he gently rummaged through his sweater pockets, which were empty. He next checked his front jeans pockets, finding the keys to his apartment and thanking a nonexistent higher being he didn't have to fumble his hands through the back pockets. The numbers '8-808' were inscribed into the key. Chiaki almost remembered, at least.

He exit the vehicle, walking around to pick Nagito up from the side, holding him up carefully with one arm before locking the car behind him. He wrapped his now free arm under him, holding him securely. "He's so light..." Hajime mumbled to himself, looking down at the boy in his arms. His hair was messy and fluffy, it looked like he had just woken up from a 10 hour sleep, minus the dark circles around his eyes. His cheeks looked soft yet supple, his nose a little pointed... it wasn't long until he noticed other commoners around him staring at him, so he quickly made his way to the apartment complex, his face heating up instantly.

Arriving to the elevator, he waited patiently for it. He entered, tapping the '8' button, waiting some more. Finally, he arrived to the 8th floor, so he exit the elevator. He examined the floor, looking around for any sign that specified where he'd find 808. On a bulletin board by a staff room, there was an arrow left for 840 and higher, right indicating less than that. He headed right, carefully reading the number of each door until he reached 808. "Sorry, Nagito, but this might be a little uncomfortable," he said, as if the sleeping boy could hear him. He gently slouched him over his shoulder, unlocking the door and opening. Inside, it was...empty, and humid, yet very tidy. Shutting the door behind him, he sighed, walking over to the hallway past the kitchen and living room. There was the bathroom at the end of the hall, an empty room with a bed he presumed to be the guess room, a laundry room, and a room that was moderately more modern. He had some clothes strewn about, an unmade bed, and a desk with lots of crumpled pieces of looseleaf paper sat atop it. 

He kicked his shoes off before entering the bedroom, making his way to the bed where he laid Nagito down. "A-ah, I hope you don't mind, I'm gonna take your shoes and sweater off for you, okay? Then I'll be leaving." He smiled, even though Nagito was fast asleep. He quietly undid his shoes and pulled them off, placing them on the ground beside the bed. 'How am I going to get his sweater off? I don't want him to overheat, his apartment is practically a sauna...' sighing, he gently propped Nagito up a bit, sliding one sleeve off his right arm.

"W-what?" 

His heart stopped for a moment, immediately sinking down to his stomach. Nagito's arm was covered in scars. He couldn't stop staring, the way he was keeping Nagito propped up went unnoticed, causing discomforting for the sleeping boy. Much to his luck, he woke him up. 

Nagito was rather... pissed. "Hajime, what the fuck are you doing?" he snarled, releasing an empty, irritated sigh.

"I-I...what? N-no, I just, you wouldn't wake up, so-" he stood up, stumbling back. He fell, landing on his bottom. "I-I'm sorry, I-"

Nagito began to laugh quietly, looking down at his own arm. "I didn't want this."

"W-what?"

"You think I'm crazy now, too, don't you? You think I'm pathetic, don't you?!"

"What? N-no, Nagito, I-"

"Don't lie to me!" he screamed, chucking a pillow at Hajime. He snatched up another pillow, holding it tight against his chest instead. He buried his face in it, laying down and turning on his side, curling up. His back faced Hajime.

"Nagito..."

"Don't talk to me, I don't want to hear it."

"I-...I-I'm not-"

"I said shut up! Don't talk to m-"

"No, I'm not shutting up-"

"You're such a fucking...leave me alone. You don't even know me. None of this matters."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

Hajime stood up, walking over to the bed. He stared down at Nagito all curled up, his face smothered against the pillow. His eyes looked nearly dead. Softly sighing, he sat down on the edge of the mattress, leaning on one leg while the other stood on the ground. Hesitantly, he placed a hand on Nagito's arm, carefully caressing it. "Y-you don't...have to freak out on me, okay? I'm not here to judge you. I wouldn't have been the way I've been till now in that case. You freaked out before and I understood, not everyone is going to-"

"P-please stop talking."

It stayed quiet for awhile.

"Do you want a hug, Nagito?" Hajime could see the blush spread across Nagito's cheeks. He almost smirked to himself, watching him fumble for words.

"I-I-u-...um, I-I, um-"

"Here, come on, sit up. We can hug for as long as you'd like, I'll do whatever it takes to help. Let's go, up, up!"

"I-I...I..." His blush only deepened as he put the pillow aside, sitting up and kneeling down on the mattress. His gaze kept down, along with his head. His fingers gripped the hem of his shirt, nails digging into the material.

"T-take your time, I don't mind." He sat up on the bed, one leg hanging off the side. He held out his arms, being patient and gentle with Nagito. He didn't know what he's gone through, but he knew it must have been hard if he's broken down twice within the past 10 hours of knowing him. He was no therapist, but it was obvious enough that Nagito just wanted someone willing to be gentle and understanding with him and be aware of his poor mental health and trauma, without needing him to open up about it first. "I-I'm gonna be patient with you, okay? So, just-" 

He was cut off by Nagito practically flinging himself into Hajime's arms, wrapping his own arms around his back and taking deep breathes. A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he tightly embraced him. 

"Let me know when you want to stop, okay?"

"I don't think I ever want to."

Hajime laughed quietly. "That'd be okay, too, if I didn't have any responsibilities."

"H-hey, um...Hajime?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't...think I'm pathetic or crazy, do you?"

"Of course I don't, why would I?"

"Would you think I am if I killed someone?"

The sudden question made him feel uneasy, but decided not to overlook its potential double meaning. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to know. "W-what kind of...?...w-well, that sort of depends on who you killed and why."

The room fell silent, the only sound being their breathing and heartbeats. 

"Nagito?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Don't hesitate to say no, but, can I see them?"

Nagito pursed his lips, fumbling with the material of Hajime's shirt on his back.

"H-Hajime?"

"Yes, Nagito?"

"Y-...you're...a loser."

"...now I think you're crazy."

Nagito jerked away, huffing at him. He cocked his head to the side, looking for the nearest pillow to hit Hajime on the head with. "Not funny! You're stupid! Dumb! YOU'RE A LOSER!!"

Laughing, he snatched the pillow, tossing it away. Not a single word was spoken between them, just halfhearted smiles and loving eyes. 

In that moment, he could truly say, he was feeling genuine happiness, and not a single bit of stress even bothered to cross his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares and drunken mumbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha wow i'm so creative naming chiaki's cafe after usami and junko's casino after monokuma what originality ahahaahhahahah i hate myself  
> also....an update so soon?!??!?!?!?! hope ur proud im getting this out while creativity is alive  
> also nagito doesnt hate celestia their friendship is super open to insults with no negative meaning behind it  
> i just edited some shit im so sorry

_"You did good, pet."_

_He's shaking. There's blood. This is wrong._

_It's him._

_"Now, punish yourself. You deserve it."_

_He deserves it, the pain, the blood. He deserves the ragged switchblade cuts all over his arms, his thighs. He deserves to bleed and bleed and suffer. It's his fault. He deserves pain. He should die. Die, die, dieidiediediedie_

_"That's not good enough."_

_The walls are closing in on him. He can't breathe. He can't speak, can't scream. Make it stop._

_"You're fucking pathetic."_

_He's pathetic._

_"You're fucking crazy."_

_He's crazy._

_"I don't want this." No one heard him. Not even himself. He's crying._

_Make it stop. Make it stop. Makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop-_

* * *

 

Nagito shot up, covered in cold sweat. His head hurt, his eyes welled up with tears. He couldn't catch his breath. Why does his past always find its way back up in his head, reminding him of the things he did? And why now? His eyes shot around the room, panicking as he searched for his phone. It sat atop his bedside table. In an instant, he snatched it, turning it on. The time was 7:04pm. Frantically, he dialed Chiaki's number. 

_"Nagito?"_

"I-I..." he sniffled, laying back down and curling up with a pillow.

_"Did you have a nightmare?"_

He let out a breathy chuckle in response, panting heavily. He felt sick, his stomach was turning and his lungs felt like they were being crushed.

 _"Do you- a-ah, Hajime, shush, I'm on the-...what? N-no, I'm talking to Nagito...yes, he woke up, now shut up! This is important!"_ Chiaki groaned on the other end. Muffled sounds of Hajime talking back soon faded away, the sound of a door slamming shut cutting him off. _"I'm so sorry, Nagito, he can be a little bit of a brat."_

That's right, Hajime stuck around until he was falling back asleep. He suddenly started to recall the events before his nap.

_"Do you want me to come visit you? I can bring you-"_

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Nagito shifted off the bed and stood up. "I-it's okay, Chiaki, I-I'm...I'm fine." He wasn't, but he couldn't keep relying on Chiaki. She had to work, and he knew Hiyoko's shift would end before she could even make it to his place.

_"Are you sure? I can send Hajime, if you'd like. Ah, speaking of him, do you want to speak to him?"_

His heart skipped a beat, almost forgetting about his headache and nausea the moment he considered it. "S-sure."

 _"Mh, okay! Give me a second."_ The other side was quiet for a bit, until he heard her open the door. More muffled voices, then the sound of the phone's speaker being bumped.

_"H-hello? Nagito?"_

He smiled to himself, almost swooning. "Hi, Hajime. Did you watch me sleep?"

 _"W-what?!"_ Hajime huffed on the other side.  _"N-no, shut up."_

Giggling, he sat back down, shifing on the edge of the mattress. "Are you blushing? You're definitely blushing, Hajime."

_"No, I'm not! Shut-"_

"Ah! You totally are! I can almost hear the blood rushing to your cheeks, it's screaming-"

Hajime mumbled something inaudible under his breath, receiving another giggle from Nagito.

He stood up once again, stumbling a bit before gaining enough balance to walk to the bathroom. He put the phone on speaker, quickly washing his face over the sound of muffled speaking between Chiaki and Hajime. The sudden sound of a door closing made him jump.

 _"Did you sleep well?"_ Hajime asked softly. The hum of cars and a soft breeze was heard. He could only presume Hajime went out back.

He pondered on whether he should lie or not. He didn't want Hajime to worry about him... "I slept really good!" He lied, feeling his stomach churn. 

Hajime sighed, sounding much like he was relieved. _"I'm glad. Ah, also, I noticed your fridge was empty so I got a bit of groceries for you, they're on your kitchen counter, okay? You make sure you eat something, you need it. Also, you fell asleep with your dart pack in your pocket, so I took it out and left it on your bedside table for you along with your lighter, just-"_

Nagito groaned, exiting the bathroom to retrieve a much needed dart. "I'm unworthy of your generosity, Hajime...you're such a mom."

_"A-ahaha...y-yeah..."_

Did he say something off putting? "Hajime?"

" _Y-yes? Hi, sorry, I just... it's nothing."_  It definitely wasn't nothing. _"Now, I need to give Chiaki her phone back, so you better eat, okay? I'm leaving the place to go and catch up with another friend, but I'll stop by during your shift tomorrow, okay?"_

Nagito hummed in reply, placing the dart in his mouth and flicking his lighter on to light it up. He exhaled smoke, removing the dart from his mouth. 

 _"Nagito,"_ it was Chiaki now.  _"Call me if you need me, okay? My phone's always on me."_

"Mhm, I will," he mumbled through his dart. "Also," he pulled it away from his mouth. "Lecture Hajime for me for purchasing me groceries."

Chiaki giggled on the other side.  _"I will."_ She hung up. _  
_

He sauntered off to his balcony out in the living room, leaning his arms against the railing. The gentle breeze was nice on his messy bedhead hair, and relatively calming. Why did Hajime react the way he did earlier? Was it because he made fun of him? He thought for a moment, recalling Chiaki talking about him studying for his mother, and that it's apparently emotionally crushing for him...but why? Despite being overcome with worry and curiosity, he finished his cigarette, putting it out on the railing and dropping it into a little trash bin in the corner. He checked his phone. It was 7:21.  _'Work at Monokuma's around 9:30pm...that gives me plenty time to eat and do my laundry...'_

He ventured to his laundry first, filling up the washing machine with dirty clothes. He turned it on, and left to go make some food.

"Lets see..." upon entering the kitchen, he saw two plastic bags of groceries, a carton of milk and a little note next to it all. His frail fingers picked it up, bringing it close to his eyes to read.

_'Hi, Nagito. You fell asleep and I was gonna make you something to eat for when you woke up but your fridge was empty, so I bought a few groceries for you. I didn't have time to make you anything, though, so I hope you make yourself something. You need it.  
Sincerely, Hajime.'_

He smiled to himself, feeling his cheeks subtly heat up. The warming moment ended soon, and Nagito paused, stumbling back. He pressed his back against the fridge behind him, slowly sinking down to the ground. "Wh-what am I doing?" he muttered to himself, looking down at the note now crumpled up in his right hand. He didn't know why he felt this way. Yeah, Hajime was cute and sweet and all, but he doesn't know him, and he doesn't even know if the guy's straight or not. Surely he just feels this way because he's lonely, right? He couldn't possibly develop feelings for some guy he's known for nearly a day... 

His mind was against him, though. He suddenly pictured Hajime's gentle smile, the way he assures Nagito and keeps him comfortable. It made his heart melt, and stomach feel fuzzy yet sick. He didn't want to feel this way. It was nice, but he couldn't trust his feelings to someone, not after  _him._ He doesn't want to get hurt, he doesn't want his codependency problem to be taken advantage of that way again...but Hajime wouldn't do that to him, would he?

* * *

Hajime and love don't exactly mix. Well, Hajime and just about everything don't mix. This study trip is the most he's done out of studying in forever, and he almost hated himself for it, but he knew he had to study. He knew he had to learn everything he could to make his mother proud.

His mother, who died 4 years ago due to several fatal medical conditions.

His dad insisted Hajime started learning about such things, and try to become apart of the government's group of scientists looking for cures and such for all kinds of diseases. He declined at first, as it was a lot of stress on him, yet his father pestered him into feeling guilty about it with the death of his mother. She was all he had as a child, as his father was often gone and cheating on his mother even despite her medical states. He didn't care about the family, and he knew this, even at a young age.

 _Bzzzzt! Bzzzzt!_ His phone.

Hajime pulled his phone out of his pocket, sauntering into his living room and sinking into his couch as he picked up. "H-hello?" 

 _"Ahh, Hajime, you picked up! It's Sonia!"_ Sonia, undoubtedly everyone's high school heartache during their senior year together. Her and Chiaki were closest to Hajime throughout their high school years. He always wondered, though, why a girl apart of a royal family insisted on going to a trashy public high school.

"Mhh? Oh, hey, did you need something?"

 _"I was informed by our good friend Chiaki that you are in the city! Would you like to go out and be friends later this evening?!"_ She sounded determined, and definitely straight-forward. 

"We already are friends, Sonia. And I would love to, what time?"

_"Hmm... I'll pick you up around 9, okay? I want to introduce you to my friends and we can go out and do stuff over the night time!"_

He quietly laughed to himself. The way she spoke never changed over the last few years. "Sure, what are we going to do? And is Chiaki joining us?"

_"Unfortunately, Chiaki is not joining us! We are going out to this super big casino, ah, it's nice! Are you okay with alcohol?"_

"Yeah, alcohol would actually be a really nice end for my first day here."

Sonia squealed in excitement, the sound of her jumping wherever she was was obvious. _"Ah! Gundam will be with us. Do you remember him?"_

"G-Gundam...Tanaka? That nutcase?"

The royal girl huffed. "Hajime!" she whined. _"He and I are kinda..."_

"Don't tell me-"

 _"N-not the...the stuff! Not the do, sorta!!"_ She was frantically searching for words. _"A-ah, we're...courting? Ah, wait! DATING! HAJIME I REMEMBERED!"_

He laughed at her, standing up and walking off to his bathroom. "Well, if he's still crazy, I'm judging you. I'm gonna go and get ready, so I'll text you my apartment complex address and you can call me when you arrive. Sonia hummed a quiet 'mhm!' into the phone, hanging up after. After shooting her his address, he hastily got ready in what he thought would suit a night out at a casino bar; black chinos, a white v-neck and olive green cardigan to top it, all paired with boring, old, white sneakers. He honestly thought to himself that he looked totally good, normal and...straight, but really, he didn't.

Time passed. It was 8:30. Only half an hour until Sonia would be around. He sighed, slouching back in his couch.

"I wonder if Nagito ate..." he muttered, checking his phone again. Only two minutes had passed. He grew tired of waiting, deciding to make his way down and wait for Sonia at the front, sitting along the steps. The fresh air was nice, along with the light, cool breeze. For awhile during waiting, his mind couldn't keep itself off Nagito. He couldn't help but wonder if he ate, worry about the jagged scars raked down his wrist, his pale and anemic physical state-

A loud car honk alerted him, the sight of Sonia exiting her car now had his full focus. As he stood up, she ran towards him, immediately embracing him. "Ah, Hajime! You're so thin still! You need to eat more...uh...food? Yeah!"

He smiled at her as she let go, leading him to her vehicle. He entered the back seats, shifting in and buckling himself up. "Okay! Lets go pick up Gundam and get going, yes?" Sonia chimed, driving off a lot faster than he was comfortable with when it came to her. "Ah, I'm so excited! I've never been to this casino, and I've heard from another friend of mine who will be joining us that the bartender guy tonight is really cute!"

"Sonia, you have your...boyfriend situation."

"Right! That's why you seduce the bartender!"

"S-seduce?! Sonia, I-"

"You mustn't worry about telling me, Hajime! It's okay- oh, look, there's Gundam's house!"

* * *

"Something's...different, with you." 

"W-what?"

Nagito's more than (not-so) delightful night shift was none other than a bartender. He hated everything about this job; the people, the unwanted flirting from girls and sometimes men, the attitude Junko, his manager...everything about it was jarring, aside from the cash and the fact that Junko allows him to drink as he does his job (as long as it doesn't affect his work too badly.)

"You heard me," chimed his job-buddy, Celestia Ludenburg. She was practically an ultimate gambler; everyone always quarreled with her for being so good, but when she wasn't being beefed at, she was sipping a rum and cola with Nagito. "Did something happen today? You're giving off a very different vibe, Komaeda-san."

"W-well, I met someone I guess? I don't think he's gay, though, so that's unfortunate, but he's sweet."

Celestia curled her fingers around her cup, leaning her left elbow against the table and resting her chin in her palm. "Mhhm...that reminds me, Sonia Nevermind, you remember me talking about her?"

"Yeah, what about her?"

"She's coming here with her boy toy and a few others, so I may be a little...occupied frequently. I'm sure the others would love to talk to you, though."

Groaning, Nagito downed a shot of gin, practically glaring at Celestia. "First you leave me alone last night, and now you're expecting me to be social with _your_ friends?"

She chuckled, finishing her glass. "Mh, sorry, dear prince, I didn't know you were so picky. Besides, you're here to work, not flirt with me."

He scoffed, crumpling up a napkin and chucking it at her. "You're gross, I'd never flirt with you, you dumb whore."

She giggled, hopping off the stool. "Excuse me momentarily, I'm gonna wait for them at the entrance. Try not to get alcohol poisoning due to my absence." 

Hastily serving the customers, Nagito couldn't help but down more shots, and think more and more about what exactly he felt for Hajime. It made him want to tear his mind apart until he found the answer, regardless of it he wanted that truth or not.Despite that, he felt like he already knew the truth, but was in great denial of the potential...

"Komaeda-san, I'm back." Celestia returned, a few friendly, colourful people behind her. ' _Wait...is_ _that_.. _.'_  
"Meet Sonia, Gundam, Kazuichi, and-"

"Hajime..."

God, he was so drunk, and Hajime was just  _so_ fucking cute.

"You know each other already?" Celestia watched Hajime practically bounce up onto a stool, elbows flat down on the table, hands holding his head up. 

"He works at Chiaki's café," Hajime muttered, softly smiling up at the flustered bartender.

Sonia hopped up next to Hajime, Gundam and Kazuichi joining next to her. "Drinks are on me guys, so don't worry about paying!" The others were bickering over Sonia paying, but neither a drunken Nagito or a sober occupied Hajime paid any mind. Celeste had taken her leave briefly to gamble around.

"D-doesss...the pretty boy want somethin'?" Nagito slurred, leaning an arm against the table. What was he thinking, blatantly flirting with him... 

"You reek of alcohol," Hajime chuckled, glancing around the casino. "Monokuma Casino, huh? The decor is nice! Very monochromatic, despite the red...It's pleasing to the eye."

"Y-you're...pleasing to eye- THE eye, yes, sorry, I'm-" a hiccup. "...drunk."

Hajime snickered, flicking Nagito in the forehead before glancing at the rows of alcohol and the little menu. "Mhh...can I have 2 shots of whiskey, and a shot of rum?"

"That...comin' up, my dear...cute boy..."

Hajime received his shots, downing them instantly. He looked so pretty and just...good,, Nagito couldn't take his eyes off of him. "Guhh... I haven't drank in so long, maybe three was too much," Hajime muttered, his face scrunching up in disgust at the taste. Nagito collected the shot glasses, putting them off to the side.

He immediately returned to admiring Hajime, only ever not focusing on him when he had to serve a customer. They chatted among each other, mostly just Hajime asking little questions about how Nagito was feeling. His only reply was ever a hum. It wasn't until his manager, Junko, came out to speak with him that he genuinely stopped paying Hajime attention.

"Eugh, hey, emo kid, you're on...break...and you reek, how gross!" Junko huffed, pinching her nose in an attempt to shame him.

"How...long's my break?"

"Uhh... I'm not sure, so have an hour long break or somethin', one of the other staff will take over till you're back or whatever. Also, don't drink too much, I don't wanna drive your stupid ass home again like the last time you drank like this." Ignorantly sighing and disregarding Nagito, Junko left to deal with quarreling customers, practically screaming at them. The drunken bartender paid her no mind, handing Hajime another shot and downing another one for himself.

"Aahhh...I n-need a dart, can you...come with me, Haaajime?" He exit the counter, wrapping his hands around the brunettes' arm. Hajime nodded in reply, suddenly being dragged away through some door that read 'Staff only,' soon ending up outside. The moon was up, and the sky was pitch black. Stars shone, scattered around, although it's not like either of them could manage to focus on the stars, being drunk and all. 

As Nagito lit a dart up, sitting on the ground with his legs spread out against the wall, Hajime sat awkwardly in front of him, kneeling down. He immediately began fiddling with Nagito's left hand that was free after it lit up the dart. His fingers were slim, long and soft...he liked them. In fact, drunken Hajime liked them so much, he made him cup his cheek, subtly smiling to himself as he did this.

The white-haired boy started giggling, exhaling cigarette smoke. "Y-you're so...gay, Hajime," he mumbled in a playful tone, softly stroking his cheek with the hand he brought up to his face.

"A-am not." he mumbled, eyes closed as he practically purred, nuzzling into the touch. "M-maybe just... a bit," he whispered under his breath.

"Hmm? What was that, Hajime...?" Nagito asked. Hajime was quiet for some time, continuing to drunkenly nuzzle himself against his hand. Soon finishing his cigarette, Nagito put it out on the cement, tossing it away to the side. "A-are you...feeling okay?" His heart was racing, face heated up. Hajime looked just as red, softly swaying as he rubbed his cheek against the palm of Nagito's hand.

"M-maybe...just a little...bit..." he muttered, opening his eyes to look into Nagito's.

"A lil bit what?" Nagito asked, pulling his hand away. Almost instantly, Hajime grabbed it, putting it back on his cheek to nuzzle against. 

"G-g...gay..." He was so quiet, he couldn't figure out his messy, whispered slurs.

"W-what? Speak uuup, Hajime..." Nagito whined, softly pinching Hajime's cheek.

Their hearts were racing. Almost impulsively, Hajime pulled Nagito into his arms, hugging him tightly. He rested his chin on his shoulder, taking deep breaths. Neither of them spoke, the only sound being cars humming in the distance.

"H-Hajime...are you feeling okay?"

"Y-...yes, are you, N-Nagito?"

"..."

"Nagito?" Hajime pulled away from the hug, his face merely centimeters away from the pale boy's face. His eyes were filled with wonder as he stared into them, a breathless feeling in his tight chest. He felt overwhelmed with the need to be there next to him, to hold his body against his and feel his warmth. Had he always been like this when drunk, or was this situation just special?

Things felt like they going by in slow motion. The sound of cars was quiet and fuzzy, the breeze of the wind was a faint hum in their ears. Nagito wasn't thinking as he leaned in, and much to Hajime's surprise, he found their lips pressed softly against each other. His wide eyes stared at his lidded eyes, his fingers numb as they gripped his shoulder. Even more to his surprise, he wasn't complaining.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedbackkkkkk...also, i have a set idea on what the maid dresses will look like so...fuck ya i'll describe it next chapter in the notes bc i can't rlly explain it in the story without making it awkward sorta?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maid dresses and unintentional boners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://twitter.com/bounsweetx/status/897387054077796352  
> OKAY CHECK THE LINK OUT KIDDIES!! i drew out what the maid dresses look like since this chapter...is komaida!! im no artist but it was fun to spend time on for me and yall. and i don't think i could be specific about the dress details in the fic bc that's jarring to read and write.  
> this chapter feels like it's not my best? I could have definitely done better but im not good at hajime's perspective. im growing tho! i'm still young, it's no surprise i may be lack luster at points  
> enjoy! even tho this chapter is kinda shit and i was hittin it real hard w writers block

"Nagito?" Hajime then felt his lips pressed against Nagito's.

That's right, Nagito kissed him. Why? Hajime couldn't understand. His stomach felt fuzzy and warm, limbs feeling limp. He felt Nagito's thin fingers pinching the material of his cardigan on his back. The pale boy was panting, almost shaking.

Nervously, Hajime wrapped his arms around his neck, leaning deeper into the kiss. Why was he doing this? Why was he enjoying this?

Nagito pulled away briefly, staring Hajime in the eyes. His legs felt weak, he couldn't handle being stared down the way he was given their situation.

"I-I'm so-"

Hajime cut him off, immediately pressing his lips back against him without second thought. Not even with a single thought, really. He wanted to kiss him, to feel his lips against his, to feel that warm, welcoming feeling in his stomach, to feel...the love and attention he's been craving. He traced a hand up the back of Nagito's neck, receiving a gentle gasp through pressed lips. The sound nearly drove him crazy as he gently pushed his tongue past Nagito's lips, his hand now ruffling through strands of messy, white hair. 

Why was he going along with this? And initiating it even more?! He barely knows Nagito! And besides, he's also a male...surely they're just enjoying this because he's drunk and not thinking straight, right? A mouth is a mouth, regardless of it's owner's gender...right? His thoughts were then clouded over with explicit visuals of Nagito doing unspeakable things, and very much against his thought of himself, he could just feel his loins throb.

Nagito pulled away, only to place his lips against Hajime's neck. 

"Wh-what are you doing?!" He shrieked. Nagito froze, looking back up at the brunette. 

"I'm kissing your neck, of course!" He smiled gently, not a single bit of uncertainty on his pretty, flustered face.

Hajime didn't know what to say. His mind was still full of...things...and all he wanted was to feel his lips again, but he just couldn't. His head hurt, he didn't understand the things he was feeling... he's always been so home bound his entire life. All he's ever known for the last 4 years of his life without his mother was the feeling of complete emptiness, the loneliness and neglect. His arm fell to his side, no longer tangled in his white, soft hair. Why was he feeling this way, over a boy? Was he really...?

"Hajime?" Nagito leaned close, his frail fingers cupping Hajime's jaw. "Are you okay? Do you want me to leave?"

"N-...I..." his eyes fell to the cement.

"..."

"..."

Nagito sighed, his facial expression was the most sullen he's ever seen it. Were those tears...?  He mumbled out a shaky apology, nearly running off.

"W-wait!" He called after him, but it was too late, Nagito was already gone. He just ruined everything, didn't he? Completely crushed all potential of being anything to Nagito. He ruined everything, this was all his fault. He sat frozen for a bit, his mind and heart racing. He really did fuck everything up, didn't he? "DAMMIT!" He screamed, impulsively punching the brick wall in front of him. He couldn't feel anything, just like before. Just like he's been all these years, he didn't feel a single thing. His eyes began to well up with tears as he struggled to stand up, using the wall he'd just abused to aid him. He trudged back inside, being greeted by Sonia as he returned to the main area.

"Ah! Hajime! How- EEK WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND ARE YOU OKAY OH MY SHIT GOD NO YOU'RE CRYING-"

"SONIA! I'm fine, calm down! I just-"

"WAS IT THE BARTENDER GUY YOU WERE TRYING TO SEDUCE?! DID HE DO THIS?!"

"Sonia, no, calm down!"

She huffed, slipping a thin, silk scarf off her neck, and wrapping it around Hajime's hand carefully. He noticed he really fucked it up, the knuckles being completely coated in blood. "What happened out there? We saw the bartender guy return in tears..."

"W-what?"

"Yeah... we saw him talk to the replacement bartender person and then take down like...4 shots or something? I do not know... I cannot remember! Anyway, after that, he walked right past us with tears running down his face. You must inform me, Hajime, what happened!?"

Nagito really _was_ crying? Over Hajime? And he even drank more...why? He was drunk enough... He felt sudden nausea, guilty and angry with himself. "I-I'll tell you later, okay?"

Sonia finished wrapping the scarf over Hajime's hand, sighing softly. "Fine. We are leaving now, though. Are you coming?"

"Y-yeah, I'm coming."

They all exit the casino, Sonia, Gundam and Kazuichi all giggling among each other while Hajime trailed behind. They said their farewell to Kazuichi as he got into a taxi. The rest of them soon made it to Sonia's vehicle. Gundam drove Hajime home, being the only sober one. He crashed in his bed immediately after drinking a bottle of water.

* * *

 

Dim, warm sunlight poured in through his window, the light shining on his face. "Ghh...fuck," Hajime mumbled. His eyes fluttered open, looking down at himself and squinting through the sunlight. He was still in the same, alcohol-reeking clothes from last night. He didn't have much of a hangover, just a subtle headache. Sitting up, he glanced around, noticing his phone plugged in on his bedside table. At least drunk him remembered to plug his phone into it's charger somehow... He noticed his hand wrapped up in some scarf thing...ah. All the memories of the previous night came flooding in.

"Am...am I gay?" he mumbled to himself. The sudden sound of vibrating made him jump. It was his phone, Chiaki was calling. Sighing softly, he picked his phone up, answering her call. "Hey, you need something?"

_"Come to the café, before Nagito-kun gets here."_

"A-ah...? Well, I would but I don't think I'm on the best terms with him right now..."

_"Huh? He seemed fine a bit ago when I asked about you over the phone..."_

His heart stopped. "W-what do you mean?"

_"Did something happen last night?"_

"Y-yeah, we got drunk and ended up kissing-"

 _"WHAT?!"_ That shriek was not Chiaki.   
_"H-Hiyoko-chan, shhh!"_

He pulled the phone away from his ear, groaning at the little girl's screech. "D-did he not mention it?" he mumbled.

Chiaki grumbled on the other side.  _"He woke up late and told me over the phone that he has a killer hangover so he's coming in late...and he did say you guys were together during the night, but he also said he couldn't recall what happened after you guys hung out...hm...how much did he drink?"_

"A lot. Like, 8 to 10 shots?"

The girl sounded like she choked on something on the other end, sputtering out the liquid.  _"Are you telling me he got blackout drunk and doesn't remember-"  
__"HE DOESN'T REMEMBER SUCKING HIM OFF?"_

"W-what?"

 _"Hiyoko-chan, be quiet!"_ He heard a door slam on her end.  _"Ghh... I'm sorry about that. How about we just talk when you get here, okay?"_

"U-um, sure, but why do I need to be there so urgently?"

 _"You'll see. Now, hurry up, it's 10:30 and Nagito's leaving his apartment complex soon."_ She hung up before Hajime even got to reply.

He sighed, placing his phone down to go brush his teeth. While in there, he carefully took the scarf off his hand and thoroughly washed the injury. It was fine, now, just a bit of scraped skin. He bandaged it up regardless, returning to his room to dress himself. Without much thought, he threw on black jeans and a grey v-neck, far too tired to care much about his appearance.

* * *

 

After an excruciatingly long walk in the late spring heat, he arrived at the café, greeted by Chiaki. The café had a lot of different decor, the tables covered in pink table cloth, the chairs were all different and in a variety of soft, pastel colours. The window curtains were replaced with silky light pink material, pinned to the side. 

"I-I...wow..."

"Isn't it great?" Chiaki smiled, her eyes scanning around the room. "Hiyoko and I did it this morning after she brought in the maid dresses."

"W-wait...the maid dresses?"

Hiyoko popped out from the employee room, sticking her tongue out and winking at Hajime. "Ya huh! Today is Tuesday, and that means...the grand opening of our special maid café event!"

The chime of the doors bell all had them turning their heads, staring at the boy who entered.

"Ohhh no. Oh no, oh no, I'm going home, I'm going-"

"WHAT?! NO YOU'RE NOT!" Hiyoko screamed, jumping after Nagito. She grabbed his wrist, tugging on it. "We're starting up in 10 minutes so get over here and get your dress!"

Hajime's heart stopped. He couldn't stop staring at Nagito, reminding himself just how beautiful and pretty he was. It wasn't long until he was recalling the previous night. The way his soft lips felt against his, the way his tongue rolled against his own...the way he ripped his heart out of his chest and had him leaving in tears...

"Good morning, Hajime!" Nagito chimed. The brunettes stomach churned, his gaze averting off to the side.

"G-good morning."

The room fell silent.

"Ugh, you boyfrienders need to cut it out and stop being so awkward!" Hiyoko huffed. Nagito squeaked as she tugged his arm harshly, flustering at her comment.

"O-okay, I'm coming, I'm coming, calm down, Hiyoko!"

He watched her drag him into the employee room, shutting the door behind her.

Chiaki giggled, sitting down on the nearest chair. "So what happened last night?"

"A-ah...well..." he swallowed back dry saliva rubbing his right arm and sighing. "I went out with a couple of friends to the same casino he worked in, but I had no idea. When I arrived, I just sat there and talked to him while drinking until his boss let him out for a break...we went out back for him to smoke a dart, and then-"

The employee room door opened. "LISTEN NAGITO I'M NOT LETTING YOU OUT UNTIL YOU PUT THAT-...WHAT? YES, THOSE TOO, I PAID FOR IT SO YOU'RE WEARING IT! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S EMBARRASSING, NOTHING IS AS EMBARRASSING AS YOUR FACE!" She slammed the door, huffing as she walked over to the two. "Sooo...did he suck you off last night?" She smirked.

"N-no, we just...kissed. He finished his dart and then kissed me because I was being touchy with his hand. Then we kissed more and I kinda froze up so he ran off thinking I didn't want it or something."

Chiaki hummed, pressing a finger to her lips. "It seems like he's forgotten about it..."

"Yeah, the queer hasn't said a thing! If he remembered, he'd be spilling all the tea! Or just not showing up to work because he's crying over his poor wittle bwoken heart!" Hiyoko began giggling into her hand. "So, did ya like it? Did ya wanna suck his dick after it?"

Hajime flustered up, glaring at Hiyoko. "N-no, I'm not even gay."

"WHAT?!"

He rolled his eyes.

Chiaki just hummed again. "How did you feel about the kiss?"

He gulped, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "I-I...kissed him again when he first pulled away, aha..."

"Did you want him to leave?"

"...no..."

"Why-" 

"AND YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME YOU'RE NOT GAY?!" Hiyoko screamed, flinging her fists around.

"U-um...i-is everything okay out there?" Nagito interrupted them, peeking out of the employee room. His fluster was evident even though so little of his face was revealed.

Hiyoko gasped, skipping over to the door and immediately flinging it open. Nagito squealed, running off to the corner of the room to avoid being seen. "GET OUT HERE NOW YOU QUEER!" After what sounded like a gang fight, Hiyoko pulled Nagito out of the room by his wrist. He had tears at the corner of his eyes, covering as much of his face as he could with his free hand. 

Now, if there's one thing Hajime was in that very moment, it definitely was  _not_ straight. His heart practically skipped a days worth of beats at the view of Nagito in the puffy pink and white maid dress. His face was so flustered, but he looked absolutely adorable, stunning, pristine... Surely it was illegal to be that pretty in a maid dress, as a male, right? The way his small, frail hands peeked out from under the long, oversized sleeves, the way his thin legs worked so nicely with the light pink stockings and black platformers...he suddenly felt like the sun was his own face based on how flustered he was and just how much he could already feel himself sweating. 

"What do you guys think? My tailor worked real hard!" Hiyoko had a huge, genuine grin on her face.

There was a large bow peeking out from the sides on the back, tied around the waist. The apron was ruffled at the bottom, and the dress evidently had a fluffy, white petticoat under it. The bow on the chest was a bright but soft yellow with a gem in the middle where the knot of the bow was. All these colours clearly represented Usami, the café's mascot. On top of that, it was paired with soft pink bunny ears with a bow on one of the ears. Go figure.

"Y-you look great," Hajime stammered out, immediately regretting his words the second Hiyoko flashed him a smug smile. Nagito smiled at his reply, putting the hand that was hiding his face down, suddenly feeling a lot more confident due to Hajime's opinion.

"Thank you, Hajime! Although I disagree." He walked over to him, his black shoes clicking against the tiles. Hajime stopped breathing, afraid of what he was going to do. Was he going to hit him for last night? Maybe knee him in the dick? Instead, he just peered over his head, then down at his shoes, and back up again. "...you're even shorter now!" 

Hajime exhaled deeply, relieved. "A-aha, yeah, guess I am."

"Alright," Chiaki cut in, walking over to the employee room. "Hiyoko and I will change, and then we'll open up." The two girls were gone, employee room closed behind them.

Nagito sighed, patting down the skirt of the dress. His eyes kept glancing at something on him...probably his bandaged fist. "This feels pretty nice, actually! Minus the lingerie Hiyoko made me wear."

 _'W-what?!'_ Hajime screamed in his head, immediately imaging Nagito sat on one of the tables, legs propped up and spread, revealing lacy, soft pink panties paired with the bulge of his-...yeah, he was  _really_ starting to come to terms with his sexuality, despite still wanting to refuse it. "Sh-she made you...wear lingerie? I-I mean, isn't it uncomfortable being male and all?"

"Hmm?" the pale boy hummed, looking down at his shoes. He shamelessly grabbed the hem of the skirt, leaning over and lifting it up to peak under. Hajime immediately squeaked, covering his eyes and turning around, his face completely red. "It's not bad, it's actually pretty cute!"  
_'Only Nagito would say such a thing.'_  
"Want to see?" _  
'ONLY NAGITO WOULD SAY SUCH A THING BUT YES I WOULD LOVE TO SEE-'_

The girls returned, (un)fortunately for Hajime. The three employees immediately flipped their "open" slate at the front, having customers soon flooding in. Everyone seemed to be greatly enjoying the whole maid event, although some of the stares the girls got were discomforting.

"Hajime."

He turned his head to the sound, eyes being met with Chiaki.

"Can you help Nagito with bringing in some stuff from the storage room? It's out back by the door to the alleyway."

Quickly nodding in agreement, he ventured off to the storage room, spotting a bunch of boxes outside an open door. He could only presume it was the storage room. Peering inside, he saw lots of boxes and a little maid Nagito struggling with a couple of boxes.

"A-ah, Hajime, c-could you help me?" he stammered out, giggling under his breath. He walked over, taking them out of his hands and bringing them to the other boxes out the room. "Th-thank you, Hajime! I'm so-"

Conveniently, Nagito being in a maid dress and all, fell. On top of Hajime. Landing with his lingerie (barely) covered ass on his crotch. 

"A-aah! Oh no, oh gosh, I'm so sorry, Hajime!" He could feel the bulge of Nagito's member through the lingerie against his own loins. His insides were knotting with desperation. 

"I-it's fine, just-" Nagito tried to get up, but the loose ends of the bow on his back were stuck under Hajime, immediately forcing him back down. The brunette grunted at the pressure against his crotch.

"Hmm...you gotta lift your hips, Hajime."

"I can't if you're sitting on my dick like that."

Nagito's eyes widened for a moment, before falling into a rather...dark gaze. "I'm not sitting on your dick, Hajime," he mumbled, purposely trying to get back up again just to apply the same pressure from being forced back down. Hajime grunted again, his face heating up. Nagito was  _not_ doing this...

"W-what are you doing?" he hissed, propping himself up with his elbows. Nagito softly giggled, pointing the tip of his finger against Hajime's lips.

"Don't play dumb, Hajime. I can see the way you're eye'ing me...and of course, I heard your conversation with the girls..." he rolled his hips down, slow and hard. "I knew I was forgetting something, but I just couldn't quite put my finger on it..." he gently probed the finger against his lips, rolling his hips down again. "It's all adding up now..."

"Nnnhg...N-Nagito, cut it out," he grumbled, looking away and trying to blindly push him away. 

"A-ah...n-no, nonono, wait, I-" Nagito started panicking, struggling to get up.

"W-woah, Nagito, what's-"

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!"

"W-what?" It was then that he saw what Nagito didn't want him to see; red, seemingly recently made cuts all along the exposed part of his thigh. Why...? "N-Nagito-"

"I-I said, d-don't...look." He frantically covered it up with the dress' skirt, looking off to the side. Hajime could see tears welling up in his eyes. 

"H-hey, it's okay...where did they come from?" He struggled but managed to sit up, allowing Nagito to be free. The pale boy didn't move, or speak. Hajime shifted closer, kneeling down in front of him and gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "Talk to me after your shift, okay?" he said softly, smiling once Nagito looked back at him. "You go and do your job, I'll bring all these boxes and we can forget this happened, okay?"

"I-I...why?" he croaked out, looking down at the dress and gripping the apron.

"What do you mean why?"

"Y-you're so...sweet to me, even though I forced myself o-on you, drunk... and just then, I-"

"I-it's okay! Really, I-...I didn't...hate...it...."

"W-what was that, Hajime?"

"Nothing! G-go, okay?!"

Nagito stared at him blankly before smiling, pulling Hajime into a tight hug. "D-Don't drop the boxes, they might land on your boner, Hajime!"

"I-I'm not-!" The pale maid had already skipped off. "...hard."

 _'I'm not gay...right? Dad would kill me...I can't be, it's...wrong...? Love is just...a waste of time...no point in getting attached to someone who'll die someday, just like mom...this is wrong...right?'  
_ He could only wonder why it felt so right, and so much more rewarding than shunning himself away like his father tells him to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback would be great! I hope u enjoyed this chapter


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accusations and an unplanned date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey kiddos!! i'm back from my trip. ready and inspired from 2 solid days of drinking and blazing......yikes. bad habits;;; don't do drugs kids.  
> also sonia is a sweet little angel and i almost want to pair her w chiaki later on in this........hmm  
> enjoy this chapter finally!

 

 

"Nagito-kun?"

The employee glanced at the source of the sound, eye contact meeting with his manager.

"Where the boxes?" a yawn then followed after her question. As if on cue, Hajime returned from the storage room, boxes balanced atop each other. He exhaled heavily after placing them down on an empty counter over to the side. Chiaki approached him and began unloading them, taking out bags of coffee and coffee cups. He left the two friends to do that, helping Hiyoko with tables and orders. One customer kept eyeing him, and Nagito would be lying if he said it wasn't making him uncomfortable.

"D-do you need any help, miss?"

The girl looked like she was apart of a royal kingdom, based the way her getup was. Her hair was nearly platinum blonde, eyes a twinkling, icy blue. Her silky white dress had long, puffy sleeves that cuffed around her wrists, the top part folded down into a v-neck, not to mention the length of the dress was nearly touching the ground, but short enough to reveal her... golden heels? That wasn't real gold, right? She looked like a princess.

"N-no, not from  _you."_  She huffed to herself, eyes darting in another direction. 

 _'What?'_ he thought in his mind, eyebrows furrowing as he looked down on the princess-like girl. "Okay, um...b-by our rules, you aren't allowed to stay without purchasing something or having been given permission-"

"Who said you can talk to me? Do not snap at me like that, peasant!" She looked like she was trying really hard to be angry. Something about her vibe just didn't suit her attitude. Glancing back, she eyed him bottom-up. "Y-you work at the known Monokuma...Casino, am I correct?"

"E-eh?" he stammered out, fingers nervously fiddling with the hem of his apron. "I-...I do...why do you ask?"

She huffed again, crossing her arms and looking away. Regardless of her persistence, she sure was sitting real straight. 

"D-did I do something? I've never met you before, so I'm not sure how you know I work there..."

Her eyes widened, glancing back at Nagito. She stood up, palm of her hand slamming down on the table. All heads turned toward her. "I-!...P-please do not stare at me, everyone..." She retracted her hand, holding it close to her chest as her face flushed up.

"S-Sonia?" Hajime cut in, interrupting the two. He stood a few feet away, his face scrunched up in confusion. "W-what's going on, are you and Nagito okay?"

"A-are _you_ and Nagito okay?!" She squeaked in reply, crossing her arms again. 

"O-oh, about that, aha..."

"I drank too much and couldn't remember a thing this morning, miss...Sonia, was it?" Nagito cut in softly, the corners of his lips curling into a gentle smile. 

"Oh...I remember seeing you drink a lot of shots! I believe you had drank at least four upon returning from forcing yourself on my dear friend Hajime!" She practically growled at him, watching Nagito's lips immediately fall into a frown. Did Hajime...really say that to her?

"S-Sonia, what the f-!...Ugh, come with me," Hajime muttered, glaring at her and pointing at the front door. She walked out, her heels clicking against the tiles hastily. 

He felt his heart sank, and the inevitable self-destructive want to slice his body apart was back. He suddenly felt a hand on his arm, his eyes darting towards it.

"Hey, go talk to Chiaki, okay? She's outside in the back," Hiyoko said softly, gently squeezing Nagito's arm. She has a genuine look of concern in her face, despite how harsh and cold she usually was. "And...don't do anything you'll regret over this kid...I know you clearly have a huge little crush going on with him but you can't let him drag you down...okay?"

He blinked back tears that dared to well up, softly nodding. "Th-thank you, Hiyoko-chan...I-I'm really sorry to leave everything up to you for a bit..."

"Ahh, nah! Don't stress it! There's very little customers, and besides, they know to not get angry at an innocent little girl! Not to mention I'm famous and practically pushing the blessing of my face upon their pitiful beings..."

"A-...right...I'll be back," he muttered, walking into the counter and out back to escape Hiyoko's crazy narcissistic speech. He slowly opened the door, sighing in relief that the alleyway no longer was bathed in hot sunlight. Chiaki sat on the ground a few feet away, fiddling with her phone...probably playing some mobile game. The shade and soft breeze was inviting. Nagito quietly hopped out of the door and over to the girl, sitting himself down next to her. She immediately shut her phone off upon noticing him, putting it down on the ground farthest to the pale boy, almost hesitantly.

"Hi Nagito-...you look down, what happened?" As expected, the girl could read him like a book, her eyes examining every detail on his face to decipher this. Man, were his friends weird.

He pondered it for a moment, wondering whether it was worth burdening his complicated emotions on his manager, "W-well...how do I put it? I can't remember last night but based on my assumption, Hajime was with friends when he saw me...and we left out back and blah blah tongue touches, whatever..." he replayed the scene back inside of the coffeehouse in his mind, trying to figure out the best way to explain the events that just unfolded. "Ah! So, one of the friends I presume was there, her name was Sonia. She looks like-"

"A princess?"

"Yes! A princess."

"She is royalty."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah, Novoselic royalty. Hajime and I went to school with her. Anyways, continue."

"Ah...right. So, I'm doing my job and serving people, but she's just sitting there, glaring at me."

"Sounds like Sonia."

"But she didn't seem like she was good at being mad."

"That...also sounds like Sonia."

"And then I told her I don't remember anything because I got blackout drunk, and then she told me she saw me drink more after I returned from, and I quote directly from her, 'forcing yourself on my dear friend Hajime!' Can you believe that?" He imitated Sonia's voice when he quoted her, lifting a hand up to open and close like a little puppet with his frail fingers. His manager looked puzzled, pondering the information she was given.

"Maybe she just misunderstood the situation...after all, she was told the story when she was drunk. There was no saying she'd remember it word for word."

"I-I guess, but-"

The door swung open, the sound of it crashing against the brick wall startled the two workers. Out came Sonia, her eyes welled up in tears. She immediately pounced on Nagito, arms wrapped around him as she wailed. "I-I'm so sorry, Komaeda-kun! I completely-" she hiccuped, "misunderstood, I'm so sorry!"

Hajime was peeking out, scratching the back of his head while shrugging at Nagito and Chiaki. 

Sighing, Nagito placed a hand on Sonia's arm, softly caressing it. She pulled away and looked at him, eyes wide and still full of tears as she studied his face. "It's okay, miss Sonia, I understand."

Sonia was quiet for sometimes, her eyes scanning the pale boy's face. "A-ah...Hajime, you were right, he is a pretty boy!"  
_What?!'  
_ "His eyes are very much like the finest of jewels, and his hair is like..." she reached a hand in his hair, her eyes immediately sparkling with excitement. "Oh my goodness, and his hair, it-"

"O-okay, Sonia, you're not thinking before you're speaking again!" Hajime's face was flushed pink, he brought up a hand to cover as much as he could of the pink tint. 

"Mhh... alright. I will stop for now and leave the pretty boy alone!" She stood up hastily, brushing off any dirt from her dress' skirt. She offered a hand to both Nagito and Chiaki, helping them up. She even stopped for a second to stare at his frail hand.

Glancing back at Chiaki, Nagito noticed her glance up at Hajime, then down to her phone. She leaned down to retrieve it, quickly pointing a finger at it while eyeing Hajime before sliding it into her pocket...what was going on between those two? Were they...?

Clapping her hands together and bringing Nagito back to reality, Sonia giggled, skipping back up to the door beside Hajime. "I would like a coffee now, if that is alright with you, Komaeda-kun!"

"Nagito is fine!" The pale employee chimed.

Everyone followed Sonia back inside, Nagito attending to the counter with Hiyoko while Chiaki took orders around the table.

Walking over with a slip of paper in hand, Chiaki handed it to Nagito, smiling up at him. "Order for Sonia and Hajime!"

Looking down at the slip, he read a latte with Sonia's name next to it, and...specifically written, with a little heart dotting the 'i', 'Nagito's order', along with Hajime's name beside it. His heart fluttered when he read it, face heated and cheeks pink the entire time he made the drinks. Once finished, he wrote Sonia's name on her cup, and just as he was about to write Hajime on his, he froze, contemplating something so cliche it hurt. Giving in to cheesy temptation, all while patting himself on the back in his head, he wrote his number down, and a simple 'call me' with a little heart at the end. He swallowed down whatever bit of pride he may have had left (even though he was practically grinding against the boy's dick in the storage room a mere hour ago.)

Chiaki took the drinks, her eyes skimming the text on Hajime's cup before snickering to herself. She shook her head as she strut towards their table and placed down the drinks, flashing them a smile before she disappeared to other unattended customers. He could hear Sonia's gasp all the way from the counter.

 _'That must have worked,'_ he thought to himself with a smirk, his hope clouding over his doubts. 

* * *

"Hajime! I think the pretty cloud hair boy wants you to call him!"

Hajime's jaw had dropped as he skimmed the text on his coffee cup multiple times, his face a bright red. Surely this wasn't Nagito who wrote it, right? Maybe it was Hiyoko?Then again, why on earth would it be Hiyoko?

Sonia raised her coffee to her lips, slowly tilting the cup back and taking a small sip. She hummed softly in approval. "You look extremely flushed, Hajime! You have very bright tinges of p-"

"I-I know, Sonia, shush!" Hajime snapped, resting his face in the palms of his hands. His elbows pressed against the clothed table, his mind muddled with thoughts. He couldn't stop peeking at the digits scribbled on the cup through spread fingers, eyeing the little heart at the end the most. He raised his head, glancing briefly at the counter where Nagito was seen wiping the counter with a damp cloth. A soft hum from him was heard, even through the background music and chatter. He kept staring, his thoughts becoming a lot more clearer. 

 _'What would Nagito look like in the morning? Would his hair be any messier?'_ He thought to himself, watching how his lips pursed, how his frail, pale hands gripped the washcloth, how his eyes suddenly met his-

Nagito smiled and waved, returning to his cleaning soon after. Hajime stopped breathing in that moment, immediately turning back around to Sonia and sipping his coffee quietly, shaken up from being caught staring the way he was. How much more could he follow his beyond gay intentions? Sonia held a hand up to her mouth, her eyebrows scrunched up. It was obvious to him she was holding back a giggle.

The royal girl stood up, finishing her coffee and slamming the cup back down. "Hajime! We must go, now!" She announced, leaving more than handful of yen on the table before grabbing Hajime's wrist and tugging. 

"W-what?" He tugged his arm away, but Sonia's grip was hard. She had that same glint of determination in her eyes when she had an idea, along with the furrowing of her eyebrows and curled up lips.

"Did you not hear me? I have said that we must go, and we must be going now!" She tugged on his arm again. Sighing, he gave in, allowing her to drag him away and out of the coffeehouse. 

* * *

The rest of Nagito's shift was boring. It wasn't long until maid hours were over and they were allowed to change and leave for the afternoon. There was one thing Nagito didn't change out of, although he didn't deem it  _that_ bad. 

Hajime was nowhere to be found around the shop, lowering Nagito's spirits. He hadn't even gotten a text from the boy, never mind a phone call. 

"Nagito-kun, do you want me to drive you home?" Chiaki chimed in after greeting Chihiro, the evening shift worker. 

Nagito nodded, watching the girl pack something into her backpack. She still carried her old backpack from high school everywhere with her, despite how torn and faded it had gotten. Chiaki stood up, slouching her bag over her shoulder. 

"Good luck with your shift, Chihiro!" She called out before pushing through the front entrance door, being greeted by the red glow of the sun through pink clouds. The two walked to the manager's car in silence, Nagito being distracted by the sunset before them.

"You like him, don't you?" She cut the silence, briefly glancing back at the pale boy.

Nagito didn't know what to say. Surely it'd be too early to come to terms with something so bold, right? He'd only known Hajime for barely two days, how could he possibly like him? Maybe he'll just take advantage of him like _he_ did, make him do things he didn't want to do, hurt him, abuse him, use him-

"Hajime's never been interested in someone before."

More silence from Nagito.

"He's barely had time for friends. He'd always be studying to become what his dad wants him to be."

The boy stopped walking, in which Chiaki did also stopped briefly after.

"Why are you telling me this?" He muttered, feeling his arms shake and legs loosen. 

Chiaki glanced back, eyes examining Nagito's hard to make out expression. "Because you have a chance to forget about that pain, Nagito. And so does he."

"Do you think I can trust him? Or anybody for that matter? If you care about him that much then why don't you get together with him?" His words felt like poison to the girl, but so did hers to him.

"Because he's like a brother to me, Nagito. I want him to be happy just as much as I want you to be happy, and I can tell you both-"

"Stop," he snapped, gaze falling to the cement ground of the parking lot. His fists balled up at his sides, nails digging into the palms of his hands. "I...I don't want to be hurt again."

Chiaki took a step towards Nagito, arms down at her side. "What makes you think Hajime will hurt you?"

"Why are you trying so hard to hook me up with some guy who might not even be into men?! Are you even doing this for  _me_?"

The girl stopped breathing for a moment, feeling her heart tighten and stomach churn at the boy's words. "I-..." she croaked out, glancing down at the ground. "O-of course I'm doing this for you!" She spoke up, her fists balling up as she looked back up at Nagito. She stomped over to him, glaring up at him in the eyes. "Deny it as much as you want, but I know you like Hajime! I'm not stupid, Nagito!" 

"W-Well apparently you're stupid enough to disregard the trauma of being used as a toy to rape and kill with!" He screamed, eyes welled up with tears. "D-do I need to remind you, Chiaki? Was seeing me in a hospital bed several times not good enough?!"

Chiaki swallowed back her heart, standing straight and taking a deep breath as she recalled memories of greeting the pale boy before her in hospital bed. "N-no, it's not that, Nagito...I-I just...seeing you sad and empty is too much," she spoke softly, wrapping her arms around him. "He's gone now, you can do this. I know you can. You're strong, and you need Hajime just as much as he needs you. I know you feel drawn to him, he feels the exact same way with you...so, please..."

"I-I can't-" he choked out. Chiaki's embrace couldn't even warm his cold heart. "H-He..."

The girl hushed him, pulling away from the hug to cup his cheeks. "Lets drive you home, okay? You should sleep, you muffin. Junko called in while you were working and told me to let you know you have today off."

That was relieving, at least. He followed Chiaki to her vehicle, slouching in the seat next to her while ignoring the buzz of thoughts. "I'm sorry for screaming at you," he mumbled nonchalantly, fiddling with the window button. He kept pushing it all the way down, then bringing it back up. Chiaki paid it no mind, her eyes affixed to the road.

"It's okay," she replied, smiling to herself. "You know I understand better than anyone. I would never get mad at you for your issues, Nagito."

They arrived to Nagito's apartment complex where she saw him off for the evening. He got up to his apartment, immediately crashing in bed.

* * *

_He could hear giggling on the other side of the curtain. She was there everyday, wasn't she? She sounded like an innocent little girl. She was actually a college student, he believed._

_"Papa, papa, look!" Another cheerful giggle, followed by the sound of the mattress squishing. "They let me start up my coffee shop!"_

_"That's good, dear," croaked a hoarse, deep voice. That was her papa._

_"What should I name it? I still haven't thought of a mascot, or a logo or anything...or a menu..."_

_"Hmm..." hummed the old, hoarse voice. "What...about the rabbit...you'd always draw me as a child?"_

_"Oh yeah! That's brilliant, papa!" She giggled again._

_..._

_She came the next day. This time, there were no giggles, no jumping on the bed. She was crying. They were in a different room this time, different floor and section of the hospital. Which one, though? He didn't know._

_They were no longer separated by a curtain, but a thin wall only connected by a door. How weird, for a hospital._

_"Miss, we're gonna need you to wait outside for a bit."_

_She sniffled. "C-can I wait in there?"_

_"Sure, miss, as long as Komaeda-san is alright with it."_

_His door cracked open, the short pink-haired girl peeking through. "H-hi..." she sniffed, rubbing her eyes and quickly fixing herself up. She entered, shutting the door behind her. "You must be Komaeda-san."_

_He smiled, raising an arm to wave at her. He could barely muster the strength. "I am! But you can call me Nagito. And who may you be?"_

_"Chiaki. Chiaki Nanami." She smiled softly._

_..._

_"Nagito?"_

_The nighttime autumn air was cold on his skin. The metal of the bridge was even more chilling, it felt like ice._

_"What are you doing up there?"_

_He looked back, eyes meeting with Chiaki Nanami. He hadn't seen her since the hospital, months ago. Her father died, so she stopped showing up. She didn't visit Nagito, she was afraid of losing someone she'd grow attached to._

_"G-get down, please. You can't jump, Nagito, you're stronger than that!"_

_Was he? Even despite being covered in various scars and bruises and bites and blood of another's, was he really stronger than that?_

_"Please! I can help you, please, j-just...don't jump...please."_

_But doesn't he deserve to die?_

* * *

_Bzzzt! Bzzzt!_

He startled awake, the feeling of his phone vibrating in his pocket waking him up. Another restless sleep, waking up covered in cold sweat. As he groaned, he fished his phone out of his pocket, picking up. "Hello?" He grumbled, sitting up and running a thin hand through messy, white hair.

_"Ah, Nagito! U-um...are you free right now?"_

Hajime called...he actually called! Nagito could feel his heart pound through his chest. "Of course I'm free, anytime for you, Hajime-kun!"

_"Okay, great, then get ready, we're going out for dinner, okay?"_

Out for dinner...with Hajime? Surely this was a joke, right? "I-I, well-"

 _"And don't take long! I made reservations just a bit ago, and we'll have to wait if we don't make it on time, okay? I'm hanging up now, I'll text you when I'm at your apartment complex to pick you up!"_ Hajime hung up.

Was this...a date? An unplanned date? And for what? 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breadsticks and panic attacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YALL SO MUCH FOR 1K HITS I AM ACTUALLY CRYING  
> koma's abuser is revealed!! prepare urself kiddos

Was the dinner date his idea? Admittedly, no, but once sparked up, he knew he couldn't let the opportunity go. And what better time to do it than now? Besides, would he really consider it a date?...

He'd just hung up on the phone, heart racing as Sonia applauded him from his bed. 

"Perfect, Hajime!" She praised him, a wide smile plastered on her face as she clasped her hands together, the clapping coming to a stop. "I have got the perfect restaurant for you two to go to! I can be your personal chauffeur, and drive you guys to the restaurant! I will also be there with Gundam, so you will be able to contact me and I can watch you two!"

Hajime involuntarily flinched at the last comment, breathing out a nervous chuckle. "Doesn't he have work tonight, though?" He asked, pacing over to the long mirror beside his closet, groaning internally at his appearance. Why was he so anxious?

"Ah, you see, Chiaki already planned that out! She planned all of this out, actually!"

His thoughts paused. "What?"

Sonia stifled a giggle, thin lips pursing. "After we left the café, lovely little Chiaki and I texted amongst each other through our cellular devices! She had made reservations and also called the pretty cloud hair boy's casino manager, telling her he cannot attend work this very evening!"

Did his friends really manage all that with so little time, just to help him spend time with Nagito...?

"Ah, I am just so excited! You and cloud boy are my number one ship!"

"...what?" Hajime's expression went blank.

"You know, like the teenagers do now a days with their television shows, novels and video games...They put two people together that would be cute together, and-"

"Sonia, just stick to the adulthood you live now."

The princess huffed, crossing her arms. "Are you judging the art of shipping?"

"...that's enough from you," he mumbled, leaving the room to take a quick shower. How much time did he have to get ready, anyway? How should he dress?

He tried to visualize what the date would look like, how Nagito would be dressed, how messy his white bedhead hair would be, his bright grey eyes, pink cheeks...he found his face heating up to a temperature hotter than his shower. Once finished, he exit the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist before brushing his teeth. Satisfied with the hygienic matters of himself, he exit the bathroom, returning to his bedroom to change.

"KomaHina!" Sonia chimed once Hajime entered, pointing a finger up. She had that expression of determination.

"...what?"

"You know, like, a ship name! It's when you take a part of the name of both persons in the ship, and put it together as a ship name to call them by!"

"...and?"

"You and Nagito would be known as KomaHina! Because his last name is Komaeda, I believe, and yours is Hinata, so put them together and you get...KomaHina!" She raised her arms up in excitement as she said the name.

"Sonia, get out."

"Or would it be HinaKoma?" she muttered to herself, arms now down and a fist pressed to her chin as she pondered the situation. "It really depends on who is the one to put their peni-"

"SONIA." Hajime spoke up, his face flushed red as he glared at the princess. "Can you  _please_ shut up and get out so I can change?"

"Oh, right! Yes, I will excuse myself for the time being. We can discuss the matters of my new ship later!"

He shut the door as soon as she stepped out, a palm slapping against his face in embarrassment. 

Deciding on an outfit was complicated, considering he had no idea how Nagito was going to dress. He settled with boring black jeans, white dress shirt, and for whatever god awful reason, a black tie. He felt just a bit too formal, but brushed it off as him overthinking it. 

"Sonia!" He called out, his door cracking open just a bit.

"Yes?" 

"You can come back i-"

The door slammed open, the princess skipping in and squealing. "Ah, Hajime, you look so cute! I am so proud, you are going on your first date!"

"I-It's not a date." he mumbled, fiddling with his tie nervously.

Sonia huffed, strutting to his closet to rummage through. "Well, based on how you and him have acted around each other with the limited time you have known one another, I do believe this would be a date!" She pulled out a black topcoat, quietly gasping before turning around abruptly. "Hajime, put this on!"

Sighing to himself, he slid it on, watching the princess' eyes light up and hands clasp together. 

"It looks perfect! Ah, my goodness, you are going to have that cute little cloud boy's heart!"

"You think so?" He asked quietly, approaching the mirror to stare at himself. He didn't think he looked half bad at all, maybe he wouldn't flunk his first "date".

Was it really a date? Did Nagito consider it one on his part?

"I do think so! Now, put on some cologne and your dress shoes, and lets go! Make sure you text pretty boy and let him know we are on our way!" 

Sonia excitement was encouraging and endearing. It made a lot of his stress go away, and he was more than thankful for her and Chiaki's help. Immediately, he got his shoes on and sprayed cologne, before exiting his apartment with an ecstatic Sonia.

* * *

"Chiaki you don't understand I will literally throw up yesterday's noodles on him, he's gonna hate me and think I am a psychopath or something- I mean I kinda am one, hello, not-so convicted murderer? Not the point, anyways-"

_"Nagito-"_

"And how am I supposed to dress? The only clean clothes I have are black ripped skinny jeans- you hear that? BLACK RIPPED SKINNY JEANS, I mean, I am a fashion disaster, Chiaki! Absolutely trash, I can't-"

_"Nagi-"_

"Like, do you think he's dressing fancy? What shirt should I wear? Should I wear the only tie I owe? No, no way, that's my job tie-"

_Bzzzt! Bzzzt!_

"..."

_"...are you going to check that?"_

He pulled his phone away from his ear, immediately gasping out whatever bit of air in his lungs. "CHIAKI HE'S ON HIS WAY HE IS ON HIS WAY I AM GOING TO FUCKING DIE-"

_"NAGITO! Calm down, okay? You guys live a moderate distance away from each other, so quickly brush your teeth, put on a cardigan or something over whatever clean shirt you have- don't forget cologne- and go."_

"Do you think it is that easy?!"

_"Well, yes."_

"...right, okay. Well, I will be hanging up now, my fair matchmaker. You better reply to every single text I send you or I'm making you double my pay for the rest of this month."

_"Hnn...fine. But it doesn't count if I'm facing a boss; there's only so many lives I can lose for you."_

"Chiaki I have one life, and one life only. Don't compare-...or hang up on me...stupid." 

His phone displayed the time, 7:19pm. What time were the reservations due for?

Pushing pointless thoughts aside, he quickly brushed his teeth, flossed, everything, before returning to his room to change. Looking at his nude torso disgusted him. The way his rib cage stuck out, the scars that begged for attention on his sickeningly pale skin...he needed to put clothes on immediately, before he'd make himself throw up.

Looking through his closet, the only clean thing he deemed casual was a black button-up short sleeved blouse, and grey woolen cardigan. As if he needed to look anymore edgy.

 _'Why's Hajime taking me out?'_ he pondered, feeling his heart race anxiously. No part of him was ready for this, thought he felt content on going.

The buzzing of his phone interrupted his thoughts.

* * *

"Are you ready?" Hajime said into the phone, his own heart pounding. He wasn't dreaming, right?

_"Y-yes, kinda, sorta, I-I mean, I still look like trash but that's inevitable-"_

"I'm sure you look fine."

Nagito fell quiet.

"We're at the front of the complex, so come down when you're ready, okay?" He heard a door shut and the sound of keys jingling briefly on the other side. 

 _"W-we?"_ Nagito muttered, a hint of discouragement in his voice.

"Yeah, Me and Sonia. She's our...chauffeur?" Hajime immediately clarified, his heart skipping at the uncertainty in the pale boy's voice. "I-It's just us together for the dinner stuff, if that's what you're wondering."

Nagito nervously chuckled, the sound of elevator dinging being heard.  _"I'll be down momentarily for our 'date', Hajime."_ he teased, chuckling once again before hanging up.

"Sooo...how'd the call go? Is he ready?" Sonia chimed, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel as she glanced back at the brunette. Her mischievous smile was evident. 

"He teased me, called it a date."

"Because it is."

"It is not-"

"Ah, here he comes! Try not to touch his-"

"Sonia I will strangle you."

The princess giggled as she tapped the button that unlocked the doors, turning the music down to a hum as the pale boy opened the door.

"H-hi, Hajime!" Nagito chimed, hoping onto the seat next to him and shutting the door next to him. The boy smelt of cheap cologne and cigarettes, his hair still a messy bedhead. "Ahh, oh no...I underestimated how formally to dress for our _date_..."

Sonia snickered loudly, receiving a huff from Hajime. "I-I...was worried I dressed  _too_ formally, and it seems like I did." he whined, examining Nagito's outfit. To be fair, it felt like something he'd wear 'formally', and it wasn't necessarily bad; it was actually cute, especially how the colours clashed with his pale, fair skin.

"Well, I-"

"Okay, my little ship, we must be going, for your reservation expires around 7:45 and it is 7:32!"

"Your little ship?" Nagito asked, to which Hajime begged he not press the question further. 

The drive was quiet, mind for Nagito teasing Hajime about it being a date. It didn't bother him personally, just made him flush up a lot. He was trying hard to accept his current state of potentially romantic interest in the pale boy, wanting to be able to live his life without feeling wrong about every little thing he did aside from studying...but it was hard. He knew his father wouldn't accept this.

"Hajime, did you hear me?"

Nagito's voice brought his mind back to reality, his thoughts jumbled. "W-what?"

"You look really flushed.." he mumbled, bringing a hand up to Hajime's forehead and pressing the underside against it. The physical contact only made him fluster up even more. "Are you feeling okay? Do you need to go home? We can do this another night if you're feeling sick, I don't want you pushing yourself for a lowly bug such as my-"

"Nagito."

He pulled his hand away, body tensing up until the brunette smiled.

"I'm okay, just nervous." He said quietly, ignoring Sonia's smirk through the rear view mirror. 

"Nervous for what?"

He swallowed a hard lump in his throat, eyes darting out the window to avoid eye contact. "Th-this, I guess? I've never been on...well, a date. I guess this is a date and I've just never been on one, you know?"

Nagito was quiet for sometime, the silence making Hajime nervous. Did he overdo it, calling it a date and all? He glanced back at Nagito nervously, shocked to see the pale boy's head hung down. 

"N-Nagito?" He stuttered frantically, leaning over to touch him. A quiet sniffle from him stopped his hand.

"I-I...I thought..." he murmured, bringing a hand up to his face, rubbing his eyes before looking up at Hajime. He smiled brightly, eyes welling up with more tears. "I thought this was just some joke." He admitted, rubbing away at the tears that slowly streamed down from his eyes.

Hajime frowned, eyebrows furrowing. "I...I wouldn't do that to you..." he spoke breathlessly, barely getting the words out. His chest hurt, seeing Nagito cry. Why was he crying? Who hurt him so bad to a point where being taken on a date felt too unreal to him? "Don't cry, okay? I know it must be hard to, but trust me as much as you can."

The rest of the ride was quiet as Hajime let Nagito recollect himself, flashing him a sweet smile every time the pale boy glanced at him.

"Alright, we have arrived!" Sonia announced. Nagito exit the vehicle from the left, with Hajime stepping out from the right. Sonia rolled down her window, grabbing the brunette by the tie and tugging him down. "I'm gonna park and dine a few tables away from you two with Gundam, okay? Text, call or come to me if you need me, and take this." She forced a wad of bills against Hajime's chest before letting go of his tie, rolling her window up and driving off.

Hesitantly, he shoved the money in his coat pocket, cursing the girl in his mind as he approached Nagito, smiling at him. "Shall we?"

The restaurant inside was gorgeous; a colour scheme similar to Monokuma Casino.

"Welcome to Hanamura House!" greeted a buff looking woman with messy, shoulder length hair. Her chest was practically bursting out through her blouse. "Table for two?"

"A-ah, yes, I have a reservation, actually..."

The woman looked down at a file, eyes glancing through the text before speaking up. "Ah, Hinata?"

"U-uh, yes... My friend made the reservation..."

"Ohh, yeah! The boyfriends, right? Come this way!" She grabbed two menus, heading off before either the boys could deny. Their table was in a relatively more quiet area, with very little customers who also appeared to be on dates of their own. They sat parallel to each other, appreciating the decor around them. "I suppose I'm your waitress for the night? My name is Akane!"

Hajime smiled, nervously chuckling. "Th-thank you, Akane..."

"I'll return momentarily, so take your time!" She placed a menu in front of both boys before dismissing herself.

"What a nice lady! I must say, I do feel bad she is stuck with such a large bust while working such a job." Nagito said, flipping open the menu and scanning over it. "Can't imagine how many provocative comments she gets."

"Y-yeah..." Hajime muttered, flipping open his menu as well. He wasn't sure what he felt like eating...in the distance, he noticed Sonia walking past their section to join up Gundam, sighing internally that she wasn't in his sights. "S-so! Tell me about yourself, Nagito." He leaned an elbow against the dark table, chin resting in it's palm. 

"What would you like to know?" He asked, head tilted curiously.

"I-I don't know...what do you think of yourself?"

Nagito's eyes widened, seemingly surprised by the question. "Well that's a way to start off I suppose... personally, I think I'm worthless trash who should have died alongside my parents."

"W-why?"

"Mhh, personal reasons, I suppose? Overall, I just believe I'm a waste of space regardless. Just a burden for Chiaki to worry about; not sure why she worries so much about me, though."

"I...I know I don't know you too well, but I don't think you're a waste of space..."

Nagito just hummed in reply, glancing back down at the menu.

"U-um, may I ask..." Hajime muttered.

"Go on."

"How did your parents die?"

Nagito's blank expression turned into a frown. "I...well, we were going off for a vacation, I think I was around eight? Anyway, vacation, turns out our plane had been hijacked. Long story short, believe it or not, a meteorite came down and wiped half the people on that plane out, including my parents."

Hajime recalled old news of a phenomenal but fatal meteorite crash from when he was younger, feeling his stomach churn. "I-I'm so sorry." 

"It's weird, huh? Lucky that the hijacker had been killed, but unlucky that it also killed my parents..."

They both grew quiet, the tension thick. It wasn't until Akane returned that the tension died. 

"So what'll it be for drinks, boys?"

Hajime decided on water, while Nagito asked for a dry martini.

"Alcohol, huh?" he asked once Akane left, eyes struggling to determine Nagito's expression.

"You'll tolerate me better when I'm tipsy."

"Oh yeah, missed being called a pretty boy," Hajime teased, chuckling at the blush that tinted Nagito's cheeks.

"D-did I really call you a pretty boy?"

"Yeah, you also kissed me, and tried to give me a hickey-"

"Sh-shut up, Hajime!" Nagito squeaked, covering his face with one hand. "You also kissed me, so don't act like you didn't like it!"

"I didn't say I didn't like it."

The pale boy went quiet, squirming uncomfortable in his seat as he covered his face. He mumbled something under his breath, too muffled for the brunette to make out.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

Akane returned with their drinks, placing them on the table along with breadsticks. "Enjoy these, and I'll get back to you for the main course later!" She flashed a big smile, her eyes more focused on their food than them before leaving.

Nagito immediately sipped on his martini, huffing as he looked away from Hajime.

"Don't drink too much, okay? I don't want you having a huge hangover tomorrow morning, and I know you're a lightweight-."

"Shut up, you're not my parent."

"Wow, Nagito, twenty-one and you're accusing me of being a stubborn parent?"

"Shut up!"

"Make me."

"Oh, don't you  _dare_ start with me,  _pretty boy_."

Hajime burst out into a fit of chuckles as Nagito started munching on a breadstick, smiling to himself. 

They talked among each other more, laughing and giggling at the mutual teasing. Nagito had another martini, eventually finding himself a bit more than tipsy. He spouted whatever came to mind at that point, and Hajime found every bit of it endearing.

"Hey, do you, like, have any kinks?" The pale boy asked, sipping on his martini. His face was flushed red, sitting with a knee up on his chair, leaning back.

"None that I'm aware of..." he replied, thinking to himself. He's never really had any experience at all, so he couldn't think of any over the top of his head.

"I think...maybe you like the whole maid thingy...because you were all hard and stuff when I sat on your dick..." He grabbed another breadstick.

"I-I...I don't know? It was just...embarrassing, I guess? Seeing you in a maid dress and all, I mean, it suit you-"

"Noo, wait I got it! You liked the lingerie!"

Thinking about it, Hajime did feel somewhat weird at the idea of Nagito in lingerie. "W-well, I mean..."

"Good thing I'm still-" he hiccuped. "-wearing them."

"Y-you're...still wearing them?!" 

"H-hhah, look at your face, Hajime! You're all blushy and red, dawh, I just wanna...gah!" He leaned over, poking the breadstick against Hajime's lips before retracting it to bite. His elbow knocked his martini over, the liquid spilling on his jeans. "Ghhaah...I'll be right back, okay, Hajime?" The white haired boy groaned, leaving before Hajime could reply.

They'd been so busy chatting and admiring each other, that neither of them got around to deciding on a meal. Sighing, he glanced around, staring at all the other couples dining together. In the distance, he noticed a relatively tall person with extremely long black hair pass by their section, probably headed to the bathroom. More time passed, Akane came by and he dismissed her, impatiently waiting for the pale pretty boy. Soon enough, he was seen stumbling to Hajime, face covered in tears. 

"H-Ha-Hajime, we need to g-go, now, please, now-"

"W-woah, Nagito, what-"

He sobbed, all heads turning towards the pair. "I-I can't-"

Taking a deep breath, Hajime tried to keep his calm, standing up and leaving around 10k yen (approximately 100 USD) down on the table. "Let's go, okay?"

Nagito took a step towards Hajime, tripping over his feet and falling, wanting to curl up and cease to exist. He hugged himself, nails frantically clawing at his arms. In the distance, his eyes caught that same black haired person walking by, his red eyes glued to the pale boy...Nagito seemed to notice this, immediately grabbing Hajime's hand and panting in a huge fit of panic. Why did that man look so familiar to Hajime?

"H-hey, okay, um, I'll carry you, okay? Just breathe." He leaned down, arms shaking as he scooped the panicking boy up into his arms. His arms immediately wrapped around Hajime's neck, holding him tightly as his crying was muffled into his chest. He didn't know what happened, but he was smart enough to tell it had something to do with that guy. "We'll go wait in the parking lot for Sonia, okay? I'll call-"

"Hajime, what has happened?" The princess coincidentally appeared, rushing to the two boys in a panic. "O-oh no, oh gosh, okay, look, I will drive you two home, so-"

"No, just drop us off at my place, okay?"

Sonia went quiet, her mind pondering why, although she knew now wasn't the time to ask. "R-right, okay, let us go."

The trio rushed out of the restaurant and into the car, Nagito curled up next to Hajime in the backseat. He was shaking, freaked out and still sobbing against the brunette. The ride to Hajime's apartment complex was short.

Exiting the vehicle, he scooped Nagito back up, heading inside and up to his apartment and putting Nagito in his bed immediately.

"I'll get you water, okay?" He said, removing his coat and placing it on the ground next to the bed. Upon returning with a glass of water, Nagito was seen curled up with Hajime's jacket. His sobbing quieted down a bit, sounding a lot less panicked.

"It-..." he took a deep breath. "It was  _him._ "

Hajime's heart sank, remembering just how panicked the pale boy was. How the life in his eyes were immediately sucked out, all by seeing this guy. A part of him wanted to curl up next to Nagito and sympathetically sob with him, but a bigger part of him noticed his head pounding and blood boiling. "That's the g-...the fucker who hurt you?"

Nagito took a deep breath, sitting up to take the glass of water from Hajime's hands, chugging down the liquid desperately. "Hurt's...an understatement..." He handed the glass back to Hajime's fumbling with the cup before leaving it in his hands. He placed it on the bedside table, sitting next to Nagito on the bed.

"What happened back there?"

Taking a deep breath, Nagito wrapped his arms around Hajime's closest arm, nuzzling his cheek against it. "I came...out of a stall, a-and there he was...waiting for me."

"Did he say anything?"

"H-he..." another deep breathe. "He told me...to watch out..."

"What the fuck?" Hajime spoke up, his head turning to Nagito, eyebrows scrunched up. If his blood wasn't boiling a moment ago, it definitely was now. "I-is that a threat? Shouldn't you-"

"I can't."

"...why not?"

Nagito went quiet, his grip on Hajime's arm loosening. "H-Hajime, I just...I can't..."

"Nagito, he threatened you! What do you mean-"

"H-Hajime, I can't! He has shit against me, and I can't...I don't..." His eyes started welling up with tears, impulsively scooting away from Hajime to hug his knees. 

The brunette was at a loss for words. What could he say? His mind was racing for an explanation, furious that this guy not only traumatized Nagito, but also has blackmail against him...the situation was sickening. "Nagito...don't cry, okay? You don't need to tell me, I understand if you don't trust me yet..." his voice was low and gentle as he kicked his shoes off, scooting close to the pale boy and crossing his legs. He quietly untied his sneakers, helping the drunk boy take them off and place them on the ground next to the bed.

"Why did you bring me to your home?" Nagito said, words breathless and forced. His head was raised up, eyes almost glaring at Hajime.

"A-ah, I was just scared to leave you home alone... I was afraid you'd do something reckless, or that guy knows where you live...I hope that's okay. You can have the bed to yourself for the night, I'll sleep in the-"

He was cut off by Nagito's lips pressed hard against his. His chest tightened with guilt, still wary of how his father would react to such a thing. Regardless, the feeling was rewarding, and so much more better sober. The drunk boy wrapped his arms around Hajime's neck, kneeling against the mattress. Pulling away, his eyes had welled up with tears once again. "I'm sorry- I just-" he sniffled, smothering his face against Hajime's collar and breathing him in. "I'm a mess."

"Th-that's okay. That makes the two of us." he spoke softly, rubbing Nagito's back as his head and heart pounded. He wanted to kiss him again, to feel those stupidly soft lips against his again and again and again...his dad's going to disown him, isn't he?

"C-can you help me undress?"

Hajime's heart skipped a beat, all thoughts immediately swerving to far too perverse ones. "W-what?"

"So I can sleep...my pants are wet still..."

He cleared his throat nervously, stifling an awkward laugh. "A-aha...y-yeah, I'll help you." They quietly got Nagito's cardigan off, then slowly unbuttoned his blouse, Hajime desperately keeping himself together. The scars on his skin hurt to see, but he made sure not to make it evident he was staring at them. "A-alright, now for your jeans..." Bracing himself, he watched Nagito undo the button, pulling the zipper down, then leaving the rest for Hajime to help shimmy off.

_'Ah, right. The lingerie.'_

If he wasn't already unintentionally hard, he was now. Nagito giggled, pressing his thighs together as he watched Hajime's expression. "Ah, I'm sorry, Hajime-kun...I forgot how tempting I dressed for you."

"N-Nagito, you're drunk, don't say that-"

"I wasn't drunk when I got ready."

He swallowed dry saliva, folding the jeans up and placing them on the ground next to his shoes. He snatched a large worn out t-shirt for Nagito to wear to sleep, smiling at how his eyes lit up upon putting the shirt on. 

"Are you going to sleep with me, Hajime?" he slurred, face pink and eyes droopy.

Sighing, Hajime decided it wouldn't necessarily hurt, so he quietly undressed, desperately trying to keep his erection hidden. Settling with a big t-shirt and boxers, he turned the light off and joined the pale boy in bed, immediately having him snuggle up against him.

"Did you think you could keep the boner a secret?" Nagito whispered, gently pressing his knee against it. The gasp from Hajime was pleasant to him.

"N-Nagito, go to sleep before I leave you to sleep alone."

The pale boy huffed, nuzzling against the brunette's chest. "Fine, but only because I want to cuddle with you."

"You're  _so_ gay, you know that?"

"Don't say it like you aren't too."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> expected? probably. to be fair, who else fit the position?  
> how much u bet nagito is gonna wake up all like 'holy fuck did i score last night' i actually dont know how he's gonna wake up.......guess you'll find out later ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pancakes and blatant words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to my laptop that updated when i was halfway through this chapter on an unsaved draft :)))  
> sorry it's been hajime's perspective consistently lately i promise it's just assisting build up my...plans  
> thank u so much for sticking along so far btw... i know im rusty as fuck and my writing is so bad compared to many here but i like writing and a lot of u seem to not hate it too much i think!  
> thank u so much for all the kudos and comments... they make me so happy i love reading yalls comments so much ;;  
> enjoy this chapter pls...

Hajime woke up instantly, eyes blinking open to the stream of sunlight and light breeze against his skin through his window. His body was trembling, forehead beaded with sweat. Every part of his throbbing head tried to keep clung to memory of a fuzzy dream he refused to forget, struggling to recollect it. He brought his knees up to his chest, hugging them as he began to think over the dream.

There was darkness surrounding him. He was sat in a chair, body frozen but not restraint. Then though the darkness, came Nagito, body bare besides a flimsy, ripped up white t-shirt and grey boxers. He approached Hajime slowly, his body free of any scars or bruises. He spoke his name past soft lips, voice quiet and strained as his dead grey eyes bored into his own. The recollection brought shivers down his spin. His skin looked almost pure white, collarbones peeking out past the collar of his shirt. He had stopped in front of him, staring down at the brunette before raising a hand to his cheek, softly cupping it and speaking.

"Watch out." The same phrase the man who ruined Nagito had said last night.

Another voice followed his, repeating the same phrase. It sounded like his father.

Then his mother, then Chiaki.

Then a cold, low, familiar voice. They all repeated it, like a mantra, as Dream Nagito just stared down at him, cupping his cheek. He looked a lot younger, hair a bit shorter, him looking maybe even just a bit healthier, his arms and legs a lot more 'meaty' than he's ever seen him. The pale boy blinked slowly, and as if that action it self was an order, the voices had suddenly stopped, an echo of the phase filling his ears, repeating on it's own. Nagito walked around Hajime moments after the voices had stopped, standing behind him with frail, cold hands placed on either shoulder.

"Watch out." He had whispered once again, head lowered down and lips _so_ close to his ear. The nails of his thin fingers were digging into his shoulder blades. 

And then Hajime was falling. That's all he could recall.

Did the dream mean anything? Of course, he didn't believe in wacky spiritual stuff like dreams being a reflection of the future or anything, but he could only ponder it so much as it slipped away from his mind's grasp. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair, eyes glancing down at Nagito beside him. He seemed fast asleep, laid on his side and snuggling a bit of the blanket bunched up with his back facing Hajime. His hair was as messy as usual, pure white and...pretty. The pale boy before him was  _so_ damn pretty, and he was realizing this only just now. His white eyelashes were long, skin so light and gentle in the sunlight. His felt his heart throb and do some crazy somersault shit in his chest, signaling himself to back away before he'd go mad with affection for the boy who slept before him. He'd been so caught up with the heat of the past few days he hadn't gotten a moment to sit down and think about this. Sure, maybe he was not straight, but he also couldn't find his father accepting that  _ever_ , making him shunning his feelings off and staying as emotionless as possible. It wasn't like it was that easy, though. He wanted someone to love him that he could love back too, but every bit of him knew that love would just get in the way of his studying, and his father would never accept that. Nor would he accept that love interest being male.

The buzz of a vibration interrupted his thoughts. He shifted towards the sound, realizing it was coming from Nagito's jeans on the ground. He shifted through the pockets, pulling the pale boy's phone out and answering the call once reading the name displayed on the screen.

"Hi-"

 _"Nagito! Where are you, it's like, 10 and your shift started, like, two fucking hours ago!"_ The voice on the other end wasn't Chiaki, but Hiyoko, likely calling off of Chiaki's phone. He heard a muffled, gentle voice, likely Chiaki telling Hiyoko to chill the fuck out.

"Hey, no, this is Hajime. Nagito's asleep."

Hiyoko was quiet on the other end, making Hajime anxious. Was is really 10? Surely he should have seen this coming, but didn't.  _"Ugh...so, where's Nagito then, hmm?"_ Hiyoko said quietly, a bit of a smug tone in her voice.

"He's with me, just asleep."

_"Where?"_

He knew exactly what she was trying to get out of him. Hiyoko always did this with everyone, based on what Chiaki's told him. It was...endearing, in a way, but god could it irritate the living hell out of him. "A bed."

_"Who's bed?"_

"A person's bed."

_"WHAT PERSON'S BED, HAJIME?!"_

He pulled the phone away at her screaming, wincing at the sharp sound hurting his ears. "My bed, god, you're loud," he huffed, rolling his eyes at her giggles.

 _The girl burst into a fit of mischievous giggling. "Did you fu-...no, Chiaki, it's-...fine."_ Hiyoko huffed on her end, the sound of the microphone being tapped on the device as it was passed to Chiaki.  
_"Nagito, hi-"_

"Hajime."

Chiaki was quiet for a moment, before speaking up again. _"Oh, right, you guys were together last night. Is he asleep?"_

Hajime hummed in reply, then going over the previous night to Chiaki. "-and then, he came back panicking, so I brought him to my place so I can watch over him."

_"So he saw Izuru..."_

"W-who?" he stammered, the name sounding incredibly familiar to him. He couldn't quite place his finger on why. Does he know this man? And if so, why on earth would he?

_"Huh? Oh, never mind. Anyway, I see he had a bad night... let him know he has today off, okay?"_

"Oh, uh, sure-"

_"And spend the day with him."_

"W-what? I mean-..." Chiaki hung up before he had a chance to refute even if he wanted to, leaving Hajime to think. He'd forgotten  to let her know what this Izuru guy had said, but he was sure he'd be able to let her know later, if Nagito wouldn't have already. Either way, he knew Chiaki would be mad if he didn't spend his day with the poor boy, but he also had to study...well, another day of fun wouldn't kill him, right?

He put Nagito's phone on his bedside table next to his. Coincidentally, they had the same kinda phone, so he plugged Nagito's in to charge and picked up his own phone, turning on the screen that read 10:04. Surely Nagito wouldn't wake up for a while longer, so he picked up the pale boy's clothes (except his shoes), taking his keys, wallet, cigarette pack and lighter out of the pockets of his jeans to leave on the table. Quietly, he placed the clothes in a laundry basket by his mirror, before putting on grey sweats to match his flimsy white t-shirt, and sliding his phone in the pockets of his sweats.

Picking up the laundry basket, he exit the room, heading for the little laundry room in his apartment to put the clothes to wash. Once they were in and being washed, he headed to his washroom to get on with his morning routine. It wasn't long until he'd finished brushing his teeth and washing up, heading to the kitchen to start on breakfast.

He pondered what Nagito would want to eat, eventually settling on making pancakes. He thought over the previous night again as he collected ingredients, stomach turning as he recalled the pale boy's panic attack.

As if on cue, Nagito peeked past the entrance, eyes droopy and cheeks tinted pink. "Good morning, Hajime," he mumbled, yawning into a frail hand. "Where's my clothes?"

Hajime glanced up at the boy, feeling his heart jump at the sight of him. He looked so soft and sleepy, and his dark circles were a lot less darker than usual. The black shirt he'd lent him was long, covering most of his barely covered, lingerie crotch, making things probably a lot more easier for Hajime. "They're in the washer," he replied in a quiet mumble.

"Did you sleep well?" He watched Nagito stretch, the shirt lifting and revealing lingerie and his milky stomach. In an instant, his face heated up so he glanced away, clearing his throat as he began to get out a pan.

"I-...did...did you?"

He placed a pan on the stove before looking back at the pale boy questionably at his hesitation. "I slept okay, I think. Your clothes are being washed right now, so don't worry about that. Chiaki also called, told me to let you know you have the day off."

Nagito involuntarily groaned, rolling his eyes to himself as he leaned against the entrance frame. "Well, I'll leave when my clothes are clean, so you don't have to deal with me."

The response surprised him, as well as irritated him slightly. "Hey, shut up, no, I'm not _dealing_ with you, I'm enjoying your company, so don't...say stuff like that." He smiled gently to assure him he meant nothing harshly, although Nagito still looked equally as shocked as he was momentarily at the blatant reply.

"Hajime..." he mumbled, gaze falling to the ground. His smile was evident, but it was clear he was trying to hide some negative emotions. "You're so nice! I can't believe someone like you would tolerate me all this time!" He looked back up, smiling widely. There was something off about his expression, though. It was unsettling, in a way. He threw it off as him overlooking it.

"It's only normal. Now, unless you want to help, go sit at the table over there." He pointed a finger out the other doorway.

Nagito insisted on helping him, so together, they made breakfast. They were having a hard time doing so, with so little room in the kitchen for two people, and their constant playful teasing of each other. It was a sweet, endearing time, considering the previous night. All Hajime wanted to do was stay like this for awhile; happy and not thinking about all his worries and such. Nagito was such a sweetheart to him, and he couldn't help but feel more than just grateful for it.

Finishing their cooking, they sat and ate at the small table out by the kitchen parallel from the other.

"What do you study, Hajime?"

The question was sudden. It took the brunette by surprise, as he wasn't exactly expecting to be asked anything. It made sense that he was curious, though. He knew quite a bit about Nagito, but he knew very little about Hajime. "Just medical-sciency stuff."

"So you want to be a doctor?"

"Sorta."

He could tell that response confused the pale boy, as he put down the glass of water he was about to sip on, soft lips pursing. "Well, what kind of doctor?"

"Cardiologist, I guess? Heart stuff and whatever."

"Oh, that's a good one! Why'd you decide on that one?" He raised his glass to his lips slowly, taking small sips. He watched his adam's apple bob.

"Well, my mother died with some heart disease, so now I just...felt like I should become a doctor."

The room was quiet for a bit before Nagito replied.

"What was your mother like?" he smiled, before putting his fork with pancake on it in his mouth and chewing.

"She was...she was sweet, dependent. Always worried about me, always insisted I follow my dreams and not do what others told me to do-" 

"Did someone tell you to become a doctor?" He interrupted after swallowing.

The tension was getting increasingly uncomfortable. "Well, I mean...my father insisted I became one because my mother would have-"

"So your father guilt tripped you into becoming a doctor?" He placed his fork down on the plate, pancake barely finished. 

"W-what?"

"You said your mother insisted you follow your dreams and not what others wanted you to do, correct?"

Hajime went quiet, noticing how dry his mouth was and how hard his chest was beating.

"Chiaki told me you study a lot, but she always seemed... unhappy at mentioning that. Like she wasn't proud or happy with what you were doing." He stood up, the sound of the chair being pushed back grinding against his eardrums. He picked his glass of water up, drinking the last bit of it. "You don't have anything to say back, do you, Hajime?"

He swallowed a dry lump in his throat, taking a deep breath. He hated that Nagito was right, without a doubt. "I don't, so lets talk about this another time once I've thought about it. Are you done eating?"

Nagito nodded, walking over to the sink to wash the cup. They cleaned up together, the room quiet and tension still discomforting. Having never thought about it much himself, it hurt realizing he's doing exactly what his mother wouldn't have wanted him to do, by following a dream set for him by his father of all people. It was no surprise he let guilt get the best of him, but quitting while he was ahead would only make him feel selfish.

"What was high school like for you, Hajime?" Nagito asked, leaning against a counter as Hajime was placing plates up in a cupboard. "I've heard stories from Chiaki but mostly the weird things that happened. I haven't heard too much about you, all Chiaki's told me is her closest friend was quiet and didn't leave the house much due to studying, who I now presume she was talking about you?"

"Aha, yep, that's me," he chuckled under his breath, guiding Nagito to the couch. They sat next to each other, him leaning back with his feet on the floor while Nagito sat cross legged and facing him. "It was boring, I guess. I didn't do much besides keep up with my classes. Chiaki tried to drag me along to events like the fairs, or a couple of friends club things, but I never really found much fun in them, especially after my mother passed. What about you?"

Nagito hummed softly, running a hand through his messy white hair. "I had a ridiculous emo phase."

"Nagito, you came to our date in black ripped skinny jeans. I think 'had' isn't the word you're looking for."

"Hey, it was  _bad_ in school, really! You can't make fun of me until you've see me with black eyeliner and a cut up band tee."

"Don't you still wear cut up band tees?"

"And listen to unnecessarily loud punk music? Yes, Hajime."

"What about that indie-grunge type of stuff?"

"Of course, what emo would I be without it?"

They both laughed, the discomforting tension being thankfully lifted.

Nagito sighed gently, stretching his arms up briefly and groaning. "How's your hand, by the way?" he asked, arms falling back down in his lap.

"Huh?"

"You know, your bandaged hand. I realized the bandage was there yesterday, then gone at night, but I didn't want to ask about it. Is it okay? What happened to it?"

Hajime's mind went blank before he began to softly laugh, bringing the hand up between the two. The knuckles were still scabbed and bruised but not too badly. "I got angry with myself that night at the casino and punched a wall, it's no big deal-"

"It's no big deal?! Hajime, you shouldn't do stuff like that! You could seriously-" Hajime's laughing interrupted him. "Hey, what's so funny? Come on, Hajime..."

Taking a deep breath, he gently poked Nagito's nose, sitting up cross legged and facing him as well. "Do you remember anything we talked about last night?"

"At dinner?"

"Yes."

"No...should I be worried?"

He stifled a laugh, dropping his head down to make sure Nagito wouldn't notice. 

But he did. "H-hey, Hajime, don't laugh, what did I talk about?!"

Looking back up, he struggled not to grin. "Hey, do you, like, have any kinks?" He said in a teasing tone, finger-quotating the entire question.

His face went deadpan as he glared at him, shaking his head slightly and sighing. "I ask only the important questions, Hajime."

They both broke into giggles, Nagito softly pawing at Hajime's face. The brunette did the same, until they were pawing at each other like children, giggling and shoving until Hajime was on his back with Nagito sitting atop his abdomen, forcing his arms down and laughing with him. He stopped laughing in an instant, eyes wide and lips parted in awe as he stared at the giggling boy on top of him. He looked so happy and full of life, so much more different compared to the previous night. The sunlight peeking through his balcony made his skin look pristine, his face looked so soft and jaw sharp. His hair was so messy, but such a gentle white shade to match with his fair, pale skin, and his eyelashes were so unbelievably long and pretty. He was so pretty, so beautiful, so...

"Perfect."

Nagito stopped laughing, his eyes widening and grip on Hajime's wrists loosening. A blush on his cheeks was evident. "W-what?"

Hajime stuttered, his cheeks heating up as he realized what he had said. "I-I was just, uh...thinking out loud? Wait, no, I-!"

The pale boy started laughing again, releasing Hajime's hands and sitting up on him, and covering his mouth. "Hajime, I think you need to get your eyes checked, if I'm in anyway attractive to you. I think perfect is way beyond-"

"Shush, no, stop. You're beautiful, pretty, breathtaking even, so don't-" he stopped himself before he could spill anymore, covering his face with his hands and cursing at himself for speaking. 

Nagito snickered as he shifted his ass back a bit before leaning over to lay, resting his head on Hajime's chest and softly sighing. "Your heart's racing."

"S-so is yours." he muttered, slightly muffled into his hands.

The pretty boy giggled. "I know."

He looked at Nagito through spread fingers, admiring his fluffy hair. Without second thought, he brought a hand to his hair, running his fingers through it and rubbing his head, holding his breath nervously. The pale boy only nuzzled his cheek against Hajime's chest, breathing softly and quietly with his arms resting at either side of the brunette.

"I like you, Hajime."

Hajime froze. He couldn't reply, his voice was caught in his throat.

"And I know that's rash and I haven't known you for long, but..." He looked up, wrapping his thin fingers around the wrist of the hand that detached from his head. His fluster was deep, but the smile plastered on his face was clear. "I really, really like you, and I understand if you don't feel the same, but I had to tell you."

He felt stuck, confused and frustrated and excited all at the same time at all the feelings and emotions that came flooding in. His heart raced, stomach fluttered, face hotter than ever. As he was about to open his mouth, Nagito interrupted him, quietly muttering, "You don't have to reply, it's okay. Do you mind if we lay here for a bit?" He laid his head back down, letting go of Hajime's wrist. 

They laid in comforting silence, until Hajime fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might have little parts where drv3 characters come in tbh??... my fav is ouma tbh but that's probably not a surprise, i love the condescending little lying shit types  
> rantarou is like, 2nd fav but...well, i cant say  
> kaede is a cute protag  
> tenko is a lil extra and i can't look at her the same after that futa!tenko x saihara doujin  
> saihara is a cute little baby though i just love him, ouma and rantarou  
> also kiibo is a sweetheart  
> i'll stop blabbling  
> also sorry this chapter is super shitty  
> feedback and comments would be appreciated!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More bad news and involuntary insanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update so soon?!?!? i know. i'm just as shocked as you are, but I want to put as much out as i can before school and i spent 2 hours plotting out izurus past w people.  
> which btw, i want to clarify stuff i don't know if i'll end up saying during story.  
> -this is currently taking place early june. 1st chapter takes place on like june 14th? this chapter, it's currently like, june 16th oops they've known each other for 2 days and they've already kissed twice (hey they/ko were/was drunk and im not good at steady plot build up)  
> -nagito, hajime, and all others from sdr2 cast are 20-21, EXCEPT izuru, who is 26. dr1 kids are 19-20 (with the exception of junko being like, 25?), drv3 kids who may appear, are 18-19. i'll try to interpret birthdays? like, main sdr2 cast in this are 21 because it's passed their birthdays. any relevant and upcoming birthdays will be interpreted to the best of my ability and memory  
> -nagito went to the same high school as any drv3 kiddos i include! so he will know them (with exceptions, like hajime in this next point)  
> -not everyone knows each other from their classes! example being akane and hajime not knowing each other at the date thing.  
> -celestia knows sonia, so she knows of most of hajime's friends. she is only acquainted with sonia tho, so knows briefly of others based on things she's been told.  
> -also junko isn't obsessed with despair, just likes making people suffer in some cases. in conclusion, shes actually a decent friend when necessary (still a bitch though). also LOVES giving people annoying nicknames sorry shes the most ooc one here but normal junko would kick the plot RIGHT outta its path  
> -also izuru is SUPER antagonist here but like...i love him so dw i don't hate him at all  
> -legal drinking age is 20 in japan but i'm canadian so oops, we're pretending it's 18 for all alcohol related situations (not that it's any big deal tbh)  
> -sooner or later, after a bit of drama, i promise i'll tell the back story of izuru and nagito, and then interpret why izuru is relevant to hajime :)))  
> hope that clears up anything you're wondering  
> enjoy this (shorter) chapter and tysm for comments on the prev one ahh...

Once Hajime fell asleep, he left. He didn't know why he let himself leave, and no part of him wanted to, but he did. He quietly finished laundry, got changed (although "forgot" to take his shirt and kept Hajime's on), got his things and left. He opened the door quietly, taking one long last look at the sleeping brunette before leaving, his stomach feeling empty. Walking down the hall and to the elevator, he took his phone out and dialed Chiaki. She didn't answer. 

He cussed to himself, entering an empty elevator and pressing the button to the main floor hesitantly. He wanted to go back to Hajime, to cuddle up with him and enjoy his affection...but he didn't deserve it, especially from someone as generous and accepting as Hajime. Once getting to the bottom floor, he exit the elevator, a weird feeling pulling at the back of his mind. Was he forgetting something? Maybe it was just him thinking about his shirt.

The buzzing of his phone as he stood in the lobby caught his attention, swiftly picking it out from his cardigan pocket and involuntarily hissing a quiet 'fuck' at the name that appeared on the screen to himself before answering.

"What is it, Junko?"

_"Geez, the tone on you is rude. I'm calling to let you know there's some...stuff, or whatever, so don't bother coming in tonight."_

"Okay, bye-"

_"Hey, you're going nowhere just yet. Are you at your dumb kiddy café job? I'm coming to see you, we need to...talk."_

He did  _not_ like the tone in her voice. He pushed through the lobby doors, exiting the building as he sighed. "I'm not there right now, but I will be there momentarily, once I figure out my way there..."

Junko was quiet for a second, before speaking up again and saying,  _"Hey, wait, is that you? Stop moving-"_ he stopped on her command, eyes darting around.  _"Aha! That is you! Here I'll drive up to your blind ass, give me a second."_

He heard a car start up across the street, rolling his eyes as the irritable owner pulled up in front of him in her black Ferrari, rolling the window down and laughing. "Hey Nagi, what are you doin' here, huh? Hey, wait, that shirt is HUGE on you...is that yours? No way, that is _not_ yours, did you get dicked?"

"N-no! Shut up, Junko, please, oh my god." His words were hissed out and full of venom as he leaned over, rolling his eyes at the older woman. Her strawberry blonde hair was down, messy and wavy, splayed out over her shoulders and chest.  Her outfit consisted of rather ripped up high waisted faded-blue jean shorts, a red sleeveless turtle neck crop top, and black stiletto boots laced up to her knees. Typical outfit for her, really. "Why are  _you_ here?"

"Oh, pft, I was dropping off a friend, not getting cock in my ass, unlike you. Now get in the car before I change my mind."

Rolling his eyes once again, he circled around the front of the vehicle, then hopping into the seat next to her and stuffing his hands into the pockets of his cardigan, body slouching down in his seat. "So what did you want to talk about?"

Junko tapped her long, red nails against the wheel. "Last night, I think around, like...2? I dunno, some time like that-"

A loud honking interrupted her, startling the two. Junko involuntarily groaned, yelling a quick 'fuck off' out the window as she noticed she hadn't moved the car from the exit of the complex loop. Quickly, she drove out of the section, deciding to cruise for the time being. "Anyway, until I got RUDELY INTERRUPTED, ugh, can you believe people these fucking days? But anyways, it was like, 2am, whatever, this SUPER like, edgy emo edgelord guy is at the bar, and he keeps asking Rantarou something, and of course little avocado-lookin' kid doesn't have a fuckin idea what he's talking about, and edgelord got like, pissed or whatever, had Rantarou by the collar, so I came out and took him to my office to talk."

Junko wasn't necessarily good at story telling, but he could tell from the tone of her voice and the forceful lightheartedness of the subject that he was not going to like this end of this story. His mind already could piece together just who this 'edgelord' she was talking about was, and his stomach twisted as he prayed he wasn't right. 

"So like, we're sitting there, and I'm asking him, like, what's his deal, and you know what he asked me?" She stopped at a red light, her gaze immediately turning to the pale boy slouched in his seat.

He looked back at her, swallowing a hard lump in his throat as he sat up in his seat, left hand's nails digging into the wrist of his right arm. He didn't want to hear it, but he knew he had to, and he knew she'd tell him regardless of what he wants. "Wh-what?"

Her eyes returned to the road once the light turned green, sighing heavily to herself as she pressed down on the gas pedal. "He asked me where Komaeda Nagito was."

Despair. Yeah, that's probably a good word to describe just how he felt in that very moment. His lungs and heart stopped and felt like they collapsed right down to his stomach, body threatening to vomit the pancakes he and Hajime had earlier that morning.

"I told him I didn't know, and I asked who he was." Another red light, and unwanted eyes on him. "Nagi, who's...Kamukura Izuru?"

He slouched back down, hands immediately covering his mouth. "P-pull over-" he muttered through clammy fingers, body threatening to vomit then and there. Everything was adding up the exact way he didn't want it to. Izuru was back, and he was after him.

"W-what? Okay, just give me a sec! Don't you _dare_ vomit in my car." In an instant, Junko pulled into the parking lot of a fast food restaurant, watching Nagito frantically force the door beside him open and then vomit as he leaned out of the seat, all contents of his stomach forcing their way out and onto the pavement. The blonde unbuckled herself and leaned over to gently pat his back, swallowing dryly and mumbling words under her breath as she turned up the radio to block out the noise of his vomiting.

No amount of music could clear the ringing in his ears. Once finished, he closed the door, and all he wanted to do was cry. His body was cold and shaking as he brought his knees up to his chest, hugging his legs and hiding his face with his forehead pressed against his knees. Junko turned down the music, rolling up her window and sighing. "Do you want me to drive you home? Or to Usami's, you look like you need a bit of Chiaki's coddling."

Nagito didn't reply, body curled up on the seat. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe. Junko took the silence as an answer, buckling herself back up and getting on the road. 

* * *

The drive to the café was quiet, giving the pale boy sometime to recollect himself. He took a cigarette out at some point (Junko didn't mind, she also smokes) considering he hadn't had one all day, to help clear his thoughts and set them straight. Izuru was back. Kamukura Izuru, whom took advantage of Nagito and used him for dirty work, was back. No matter how many times he said it to himself, it wouldn't sink it. How was he allowed back into the city? What did he want this time around? To use him for murder again? To beat him senseless again?

To kill him, as revenge for his sentence?

Thinking about it only made his stomach turn and heart sink.

He felt the car come to a stop, the light rumble of the engine filling his ears until Junko spoke up.

"Do you want me to go get Chiaki, or are you gonna stay in there for awhile?"

He took a deep breath, flicking the cigarette butt out the window as he weakly sat up, legs stretching out and feet meeting with the bottom surface of the car. Without answering her, he pushed the door open, trudging out and shutting the door weakly behind him. The sunlight hurt his eyes. He heard Junko yell at him in the distance, but he couldn't be bothered to care. Before he could press a frail hand against the door, Chiaki shoved past it, her body crashing into Nagito's as she immediately wrapped her arms around him. 

She didn't say anything. She didn't need to.

They stood in silence, Chiaki wrapped around his thin torso as his arms stayed limp by his sides. Out of all the past months of constant guilt and self-destructive behavior, this was the worst he's ever felt. Weak, empty, tired. He felt...

Despair. But that's probably exactly what Izuru wanted, wasn't it? 

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. 

What could come out? What could he possibly say in that very moment that wasn't heartbreaking?

Chiaki pulled away, grabbing Nagito's hand and turning around to enter the café without a single word coming out of her. She walked past Hiyoko who yelled at Nagito, dragging the boy into the employee room where she urged him to sit down on a couch by gently pushing against him with her arm.

When she finally opened her mouth, all she said was, "Why?" It sounded broken, weak, helpless. She knew, just as much as Nagito did, what this situation was doing to him, slowly dragging him into a mindset where nothing mattered but him suffering. She knew exactly where this situation was going, and no part of her was ready to take initiative to help him. "Why is he back?!" She spoke up, voice cracking through the words. "Wh-what does he...want from you? Why?!"

Nagito didn't reply, head hung low as he stared at the cold, tile ground. He didn't have the answers himself. He felt like his sanity was going to split.

Well, in that moment, it sorta did. He began chuckling, raising his head up to the ceiling, and then he was  _laughing._

Chiaki's eyes widened as she began to pant, trembling as the pale boy before her fell apart. "N-Nagito, why are you laughing?!" she choked out.

He wrapped his arms around himself, nails digging into his shoulders. "He's going to kill me!" He barely focused on the girl in front of him who's tears dared to pour from her eyes, mind too focused on countless thoughts of possibilities and scenarios. "He's going to find me, and capture me, and torture me, and-"

"Calm down! Nagito, hey, listen to me, okay, I am right here!" She cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look at her. Once he was focused on her, she pressed her forehead against his and took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "I'm not letting that happen. You can get through this, I-"

"I can't."

Chiaki's eyes blinked open, pulling away momentarily. "Thinking like that won't help-"

"Ch-Chiaki, I can't. I just can't." His eyes welled up with tears, head hanging low once again. Chiaki pulled him close, letting him rest his head against her chest as she stood in front of him. "I couldn't even stay with Hajime, I told him I really fucking liked him then left once he fell asleep. I can't put myself in someone else's hands again, I just can't-"

"Yes, you-"

"What's he going to think of me when he knows everything, Chiaki? H-he's never going to want to see me again, he'll hate me and call me insane just like he did-"

"Hajime's not-"

"He didn't even say anything to me when I confessed! He doesn't even like me! How-"

"NAGITO!" Chiaki pushed his head away, glaring down at the pale boy once he looked up at her through tears that clouded his widened eyes in shock. "L-listen to yourself! You're just going to throw away this potential opportunity?! You have Hajime actually thinking about himself and where he's going in his life! You know who else did that? His dead mother! He's so obviously into you and figuring himself out, all with your help, so if you're going to just-"

She was cut off by the employee room door being opened rather forcefully, causing both their heads to turn towards the source of the loud sound. It was Hiyoko, who was grumbling as she stomped in, arms folded over her chest. "When you two are done screaming, some...girl is here to see Nagito or whatever."

They looked back at each other nervously as Hiyoko left, the door still swung open. Swallowing back dry saliva, Nagito stood up and walked out with Chiaki, being waved at from Celestia across the room at a table. Her pigtail drill extensions were off, body clad in a tight, black sleeveless dress that ended a few inches above her knees, complimented with fishnet stockings and black stiletto heels that added a solid few inches to her height.

"I'll be at the counter if you need me, okay?" Chiaki said quietly, softly holding Nagito's hand and smiling at him gently before letting it go to join Hiyoko to work.

He walked over to Celestia, focusing on collecting his thoughts as he approached her.

"My, you look sickly pale today, Komaeda-san. Did anything bad occur?"

He sat across from her shakily, watching as she lifted a cup of tea to her lips. Her makeup was so meticulously done, it never failed to amaze the pale boy how hard she tried to perfect it. "Sort of, but we can talk about it some other time. Did you go to Monokuma's last night?"

Celestia placed the cup down on a coaster, bringing a hand up to her chin as she pondered for a moment. "Briefly, yes, but I had some important matters to attend to the moment I had arrived. I presume you weren't present regardless?"

He hummed, nodding his head slightly. Looking at Celestia had him a little conscious of his own appearance, based on how unsightly his pale skin was, and how messy his hair must be. As though she read his mind, Celestia slipped a hair tie off her wrist, placing it down on the table between them before bringing her tea back to her lips, eyes glancing out the window they sat by. "No, I wasn't. Ah, but I  _was_ on a date."

He picked up the hair tie, sliding it onto his wrist and running fingers through his hair, bunching as much of it together in the back before tying it up.

Her sipping paused, a slight smile becoming noticeable against the side of the cup. "Is that so?" She asked, lips pursed as the corners curved. "Let me guess, Hinata-san?"

Just the mention of his name had Nagito smiling, his lips drawing into a happy, bright smile apart from his previous straight line. He told her as much of the night as he could recollect, and tried to ignore the negative thoughts of Izuru once mentioning him. Celestia knew briefly of his past relationship with Izuru, but nothing of the extreme bits; just the typical most common abusive aspects of it that she wouldn't think he was crazy for. 

"-and then, he let me borrow a shirt, and SLEPT with me, can you believe such an amazing person like Hajime would sleep next to a peasant like me? I haven't even taken the shirt off, I'm wearing it as we speak!" Nagito was ecstatic to share and Celestia was happy as she listened to him ramble. "This morning, he washed my clothes too, and we made breakfast, and then we play fought-we fucking play fought like kids!-which turned into me laying on top of him on his couch and confessing my ever undying love for him, and then he fell asleep-!"

"My, he must have you wrapped around his finger, like a ribbon perhaps. Is he gay?"

"I mean, all parts of me thinks there's no way he is, at least for me, but it's  _so_ painfully obvious to both me, him, and everyone else associated with him, so I think he most definitely is on the gay spectrum, if not bi." 

The black haired girl paused, picking her teacup up and tilting it over, sighing at the empty content of the cup. "I do believe regardless you will find your way into his heart, if you haven't already. I have been told he is rather lost in others wants for him. How sad." Placing the cup back down on the coaster, she pushed her chair back, standing up. "Are you occupied tonight?"

Nagito paused, pondering his schedule mentally...which was entirely empty, as usual when work wasn't occupying him. "Never, my dear edgelord."

Celestia involuntarily made a gagging imitation at the name, leaning down to pick up her purse. She immediately placed it on the table, hand shifting through the bag until she pulled her phone out, tapping her long fingers against it until Nagito felt a slight buzz from his pocket. "Ouma Kokichi, rich supreme leader of some claimed evil organization. You recall?"

How could he not recall such an oddball? "Of course I do. He's hard to forget."

The girl broke into another brief smile, fingers of a free hand pressed to her mouth. "He is having a party to celebrate the early coming of his nineteenth birthday. That pretty boy Rantarou said to invite you because you 'seem like you'll need the break.' I'm going, so if you choose to come, I will drop by around 10 this evening to pick you up. Is that alright with you?" She slid her phone back into her purse, letting it dangle against her hip as the strap wrapped over her shoulder. 

He nodded. He hadn't been at a party in months, not to mention an Ouma party. The boy himself was already a graduate whom was old enough to own his own house and buy his own alcohol; the party was only expected to be larger than his spontaneous high school parties. He saw Celestia off for the afternoon, joining up with Chiaki to help her for lunchtime customers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this emotionally drained me just by typing it out im sorry koma i love u with all my heart but this story isnt very pretty for u  
> also title and summary of this fic is soo misleading (i might just...leave it that way...the tags kinda explain a bit tho tbh o well)  
> i hope u enjoyed this shorter chapter, even tho it was a complete 180 from last chapter and also just Shit  
> feedback/comments & kudos are cool and make my fuckin day dudes  
> love u all  
> also here's the link to an image where celestia doesnt have her pigtail drills: http://puu.sh/4BaCF.jpg  
> now good fucking night holy fuck it's 8:30am and i am tired i'll edit if necessarily (most likely necessary) when i wake up


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Partying and eavesdropping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you believe i've gotten 10 chapters out all in a month!???!! who knew i was gonna commit myself to this bc i sure as hell didn't think i was going to  
> hope my interpretations of included drv3 kiddos are okay; i've rlly only got rantarou down bc he's basic also ouma is a good boy and i hope kaito burns  
> sorta kinda maybe oumasai and oumami just sayin! they aint the main focus tho so it's easy to just surpass and dismiss if ya don't ship it, sorry guys i couldn't help myself i love oumasai and oumami and oumamisai? whats the name  
> shoutout to me for accidentally deleting the tab halfway through this chapter coolcool literally just finished hajime's part sorry hajimes part went from okay to complete shit after that and i;m too lazy to type it on something else then transfer it and whaever Sue Me also i should stop typing these at 6am?  
> uhh drug warning sorta? they're mentioned but ko aint poppin molly or something. all ko doing is drinking then blazing  
> also nsfw warning ;)  
> and an apology for what looks like me romanticizing smoking? i promise im not, i just struggled to portray it in a more 'hes pretty no matter what hes doing' way I AM NOT GOOD AT WRITING sue me

He couldn't tell how long he'd been asleep. All he could tell was that the weight of the pale boy was no longer resting on his chest, an unfamiliar feeling of uncertainty tugging at his heart. His eyes blinked open to a bright hue of reddish-orange shining through his open balcony, the colour resting on the walls and ceiling. It was a pleasant colour to wake up to. Once his eyes adjusted to the brightness, Hajime sat up, his legs dangling off the couch and feet pressed against the soft carpet beneath him. Glancing around, there was no sign of Nagito in the living room, that same uncertainty sinking back in. 

He remembered their time cooking together, eating together, cleaning together, their childish roughhousing, and how stupidly gorgeous Nagito looked in the clear daylight that shined through the balcony. He could only imagine how perfect he'd look through this pretty sunset.

 _"I like you, Hajime,"_ the words repeated in his head, almost echoing in the back of his mind until it faded away. He felt so torn. It's not like he was bothered by the words or anything. The only thing that bothered him were the words that went unspoken, unable to escape his throat when they should have.   


His head hung low, fingers kneading through hair and gripping a handful of it. The light scent of cigarettes lingered on his clothes from when Nagito had laid on him. He always smelt like cigarette smoke, regardless of whether he's recently smoked a dart or not. The smell was usually sickening to Hajime, but at this moment, it only made his heartbeat quicken and face flush at thoughts of the pale boy, and just how pretty he looked with white smoke pouring out of his lips the way he let it. He was not about romanticizing smoking, but just thinking about the smoke in his pale, gentle eyes, made him so mushy inside; the boy was so pretty in so many ways. Without much acknowledgement, his heart was pounding at this point. Such little connections and recollections of the pale boy made him such a fuzzy mess.

"He likes me..." he mumbled to himself, fingers rubbing against his scalp nervously. Taking a deep breath, he said, "I-...I like you too, Nagito, I really do-" He didn't know why he spoke to a boy who wasn't present to hear, but it was loud enough for himself to hear, and that was all he needed for now. His fingers found their way out of messy brown hair, lungs filling with air that came out shaky and empty. "But I shouldn't..." Hajime stood up, stumbling over to the balcony without much thinking. The direct touch of sunlight against his clothing-clad body was warm and welcoming as he walked past the glass door frame, flinching at the cold concrete of the balcony against his bare feet.

He laid his arms against the railing, chin resting on top of them. "Love's just going to get in the way," he muttered, trying to convince himself the best he could. He knew it didn't just work like that. "I don't like Nagito." Saying those words hurt more than any physical abuse he'd received from his dad. His eyes stung as they welled up with tears.

"I-I don't...like N-Nagito..." he choked the words out, body sliding down against the railing until he was kneeling down, forehead pressed against cold bars. No matter how many times he denied it, he knew in his weak heart that he, regardless of what he wanted, liked Nagito. Swallowing a hard lump in his throat, he closed his eyes, feeling hot tears streaming down his cheeks.  "Love isn't worth the pain."

He knew he was lying.

"Love's pointless."

Not every lie becomes the truth once told enough.

He couldn't help but think of every possibility that went against his hearts desires. 

Deep breath after deep breath, he helped himself up, making his way to his bedroom.

Nagito's shoes no longer rested on the floor beside his bed, chest slightly aching and  _longing_  for him with this closure that he had left. Without much thought, he sat down on the edge of his bed, smiling at the faint scent of cigarettes once again. It wasn't like him being a smoker was a plus or anything, he actually really wanted to help him out of it. It was just the familiarity of it, and how it's become a scent he connects to Nagito regardless of what it is and it's affects on him. He smiled because it reminded him of him, not because his coping method of negative emotions was binge smoking.

Glancing at the bedside table, he read the time to be 7:53pm, involuntarily cussing under his breath for sleeping in this late. Disregarding the clock, atop the table was also a key. Picking it up, he read the numbers inscribed into the metal, '8-808', his curved lips breaking into a large grin. Of course Nagito forgot his keys. Sliding it into his pocket, he made mental note to call him as soon as possible. He also made another mental note to figure out other excuses to call him. It was so immediate that his negative thoughts were replaced with happy, fluffy thoughts of the peculiar fluffy pale boy.

The sound of a gentle knocking filling the silence of his apartment interrupted his thoughts, forcing him to leave his mental happy place to open the door. On the bright side, it was Chiaki, standing outside the door in pajamas with a Gameboy in her hands.

"Hajime, we need to talk." Not so bright side anymore.

Nervously, he sat with her at the kitchen table, trying to study her unreadable expression.

"Be honest with me," she spoke up, placing the small system on the table. "How do you feel about Nagito?" Her expression was forcibly serious, just about anyone could tell that much. 

He was expecting this particular talk at some point, but not so suddenly and not this early. Swallowing back dryly, he placed his arms on the table and rested his chin on top of it like he did at the balcony. "I mean, in the span of two days, he's made my heart skip a weeks worth of beats, he's had me consider where I'm going in my life, he kissed me and then I kissed him, I slept next to him- oh, and he's made me hard as a-"

Chiaki choked on her breath, glaring at Hajime. “Besides that-"

"Twice." He said loudly and slowly, smiling as she rolled her eyes.

Her lips curved up as well, eyes staring down at the black table. "Well then, if you like him, I can probably worry a lot less. Are you going to the party?"   


Funny Chiaki would ask him that, considering how frequently he avoided parties throughout their years in high school. "Oh yeah, I'm gonna get real 'lit', Chiaki."

The girl groaned at his usage of the word, standing and picking her Gameboy up. "I'm going to game on your couch then."

"What party, though?"

"Kokichi kid's birthday- ah wait, you wouldn't know him..." He watched her immediately trot towards the couch, plopping down on her stomach and continuing to play on the little system. He had so many things he wanted to ask her, to talk about Nagito, Izuru, what Izuru did- but he decided it'd be a lot more rewarding to be told from Nagito himself. Sighing, he sat down next to her with whatever space left, letting her lift her head to rest against his thigh for the time being.

"Do you have other plans?" Chiaki spoke up through the sound of her button-mashing.

"I was supposed to call Nagito, now that you mention it. He forgot his keys in my bedroom."

"Ah yeah, his apartment was left unlocked anyway, and he's not home right now, so don't worry about it. Maybe drop it off later or something, he didn't even consider the possibility of leaving them at your place."

He pondered for a moment. A night time walk to deliver the keys later wouldn't be so bad. He doubted Nagito would be home later on anyway, likely attending the party, so it would be enough time to leave the keys for him to see once he returns.

“I’ll leave later, but for now, just sit with me, okay?” Chiaki whispered, moving the Gameboy out of her face to smile at Hajime. He smiled back, watching the girl bring the device back up to her face.

“You haven’t changed one bit.”

“I know.”

They exchanged lighthearted giggles.    


* * *

 

The evening breeze was cold against Nagito’s frail body, a thin hoodie over his bare torso not at all making up for the lack of heat as he waited outside his apartment complex for Celestia, whom he called up as he got ready to pick him up earlier than planned for. He was thankful his dumbass forgot to lock his apartment the previous night, considering he couldn't find his keys, completely disregarding the risk of things being stolen (although he wondered who would steal from a peasant like him.) He was more thankful he got to change out of Hajime's shirt, afraid of wearing out the faint scent of the boy on it. He smelt like old books and cologne; not that what the scent was mattered as much as the fact that it was his scent.

A lit cigarette fit snug between soft, cold lips as he waited, shivering teeth biting down against the filter of it. His mouth still tasted sweet from an apple Chiaki made him eat on the way to his apartment complex, somehow watching his crunching and the road all simultaneously. "Fuck," he breathed out, along with smoke, pulling the dart away and tapping his feet down on the pavement. Every part of him was ready to just drink and party and forget as much as could of the last twenty-fours hours regarding Izuru. Partially regarding Hajime as well, based on the response of silence to his loose thoughtless confession.  Sighing out more smoke, he wondered if he maybe even left his keys at Hajime's. Probably not, as the brunette hadn't texted him or anything yet, and there was no way he wasn't up by now to do so if that were the case. 

The sunset was barely peering out anymore, the sky growing darker with every passing minute. What was taking Celestia so long? 

As if on cue for his impatient ass, her old, black and glossy notchback sedan pulled into the pickup loop. Her head peeked out through the rolled down window, hair still free of pigtail extensions. Nagito stood up, taking one last long drag of his cigarette before dropping it onto the cement and crushing it under his shoe. 

"My deepest apologies for taking so long, Rantarou had asked me to pick him up as well." 

Upon approaching the vehicle, he saw the pretty green-haired boy sitting next to her, waving at Nagito with a gentle smile on his face. He was certainly a whole different level of angelic; his jade-green eyes and gorgeously long eyelashes were enticing, a row of piercings on his right ear, one on his left, and one on his right eyebrow making him too appealing for his own good. If Nagito didn't have indescribable amounts of hots for Hajime and trauma to top it off, he would have been on his knees for the green-haired boy the second he had the chance...maybe. Swinging open the backseat door, he shifted in, immediately laying over the seats once he slammed the door shut and moaning in relief at the warmth of the vehicle. 

Celestia glanced back, a giggle stifling through thin fingers. Her outfit was the same as earlier, but with a light silky cardigan draped over her shoulders. Rantarou turned his gaze to the pale boy as well, chuckling to himself. "Make sure you buckle up, 'kay?" Leave it to Rantarou to be the big brother of the group. Once Celestia had started driving, the green haired boy consistently looked back, very aware of how unsafe Nagito was being. Decidedly, he sat up, seat belt being buckled in place along with Rantarou flashing him a smile of approval. "Make sure you greet Ouma when we arrive, okay,  _Nagi_?" 

He rolled his eyes at the nickname and teasing tone, seeing as he must have picked it up from Junko. "Don't worry, I will. It's his birthday party, after all."

"And make sure you don't drink too much."

"Mmhm."

"And if you need any condoms, I-"

"Wh-what-?!"

Celestia laughed, glancing briefly at the boys. "Is Hinata-san going to be there?"

Nagito hadn't thought of the possibility at all, stomach fuzzy at the idea of seeing him there- both with uncertainty and excitement. "I'm not too sure."

"Ah, what a shame. I hope he is, it would be nice to set you guys together."

Rantarou chuckled. "Yeah, hey, good thing I brought-"

"Yourself, so you could help her 'set us up', you dick." Nagito sighed through his smile, rolling his eyes dismissively. The rest of the ride consisted of Rantarou shifting through radio stations until an aux cord was offered, graciously accepting it to play some chill beats- something Nagito could imagine him blazing to.

The sky was dark by now, time nearly 10. Ouma's place was very out into a more rich and far off area of the city; Nagito questioned why he went to a public school with all the cash that his family had. Wouldn't it be so much more better to just go to a private school or something? He wondered if the boy ever managed to hook up with Shuuichi yet, judging by how obviously head-over-heels in love he was with the shy kid. He could see why Ouma felt as such for the boy, Shuuichi was honestly adorable and gorgeous. Why was nearly every boy from their high school unbelievably gorgeous and hot shit? He'd never be able to tell, likely more concerned about why he wasn't one of those boys (he totally is though, Hajime's got a few words to say that'd contradict his thoughts.)

He thought about Chiaki's memories from high school that she shared, pondering all the ones Hajime was mentioned in, which wasn't exactly many. She had stories of their ecstatic teacher, their loud students, but nothing specific enough about the brunette that stuck out at all. It made it seem like he was boring, but he was anything beyond that, without a doubt. Nagito felt himself yawn. What if Hajime really was at this party? Would they avoid each other, or get down and dirty on levels even more than explicit for him? Probably not the latter, since he already deduced that Hajime didn't like him.

He wondered how many people were going to be at this party, how many he'd know, who he knew that would have gone to the party, stuff like that. This is the first Ouma party since his graduation a year ago, and his parties always made the best memories and hours of clean up for his maids, so it's gotta be a huge party, right? He wondered if it'd get shut down before it'd even start. 

"Alright!" Celestia chimed, parking her car in a close by parking lot, made for families visiting a park a few minutes away. She pulled her keys out of ignition, letting out a deep breath and unbuckling her seat belt. Him and Rantarou did the same thing, the three opening and exiting the vehicle together. "Follow me." Celestia's heels clicked against the cement sidewalk, that constant sound being the only thing distracting the pale boy from thinking. 

Rantarou kept flashing him small smiles, the action tugging a fluster out of him no matter what he wanted. The green-haired boy was so pretty to levels that were unfair to not just him, but literally everyone. "We're very close to Ouma's," he assured Nagito.

The rest of the walk was short, the sound of booming party music growing louder with each step. He could feel adrenaline rushing through his arms and legs as they approached the door. Rantarou politely opened the door upon arriving for the two, leading them in. A strong stench of whiskey and weed filled his nose.

The shorter purple-haired boy was seen across the large living room, chatting with Kaede Akamatsu, a former classmate of his and Rantarou's. The sound of the door being open caught his attention, his head glancing back and eyes lighting up at the sight of Rantarou. His cheeks were flushed pink from alcohol, his outfit already very messy and tousled, especially his hair. "Amami-chaaan, come here, lift me!" He called out, arms raised above his head as he stumbled to the green-haired teen. 

Rantarou chuckled at him, patting his head once his cheek collided with his chest, the short boy nuzzling against him and humming to himself pleasantly. "Hey, how much have you drank? You smell like you bathed in vodka."

Ouma looked up, face blank as he thought. "I think, like, a lot, but like, look, look!" He chirped childishly, tugging the collar of his shirt harshly to the side and revealing large hickeys along his collarbones. They were deep and dark purple, looking practically fresh. Nagito and Celestia both stared in amazement and shock while Rantarou just shook his head. 

"At least tell me it was Shuuichi."

All Ouma did was giggle and wink with his tongue stuck out, not-so graciously stumbling away to the kitchen. Rantarou followed after him without exchanging words.

"It appears Kokichi-san may have his little infatuation with Shuuichi under control," Celestia mused, hands on her hips as she glanced around. "Do you see Hinata-san?"

As soon as she mentioned it, Nagito was off and into the crowd, eyes darting around for the brunette while the black-haired girl followed behind him. People he knew and people he didn't were all around the living room, people taking bong rips and snorting lines of coke and shotgunning alcohol and everything. Not like this wasn't a normal sight at the parties Ouma held. If anything, he was shocked no one’s thrown up yet. That shock was gone the second he walked by the open bathroom and witnessed a girl vomiting over the toilet while her friend behind her popped some pill in her mouth. That's a friendship waiting to falter.

Celestia stopped Nagito at a table displayed with different bottles of different types of alcohol, carefully examining every bottle as she leaned down. "Mh...how does tequila sound?" She spoke up, eyes darting to the pale boy. Nagito nodded, not too worried about what he was drinking, as long as it’d get him drunk. He watched her pick up two disposable shot glasses at the side of the table, opening the bottle then pouring them their shots. They both drank it down together simultaneously, taking another and just for the sake of it, a third one, disregarding the fact that they should slowly ease their selves into being drunk, as well as Nagito ignoring how beyond lightweight he was. His throat and stomach burned pleasantly, following after Celestia into a crowd of messy, dancing people over blaring party music. 

It wasn't long until his mind was fuzzy, and he realize he lost the girl, left alone and already drunk. Perfect way to start a party. 

He paced through the main floor, eyes darting all around as discomfort sunk in. There was nothing he hated more than being alone at a party full of people he barely knew. So little room to walk and people grinding and jumping and hands brushing against his body, it was jarring. Returning to the little druggie area, he heard loud cheering, convincing himself to peer through a crowd of cheering kids, to the sight of Rantarou taking a huge bong rip with Ouma accompanying him. The short birthday boy was cheering louder than anyone, his fists in the air and hair somehow more tousled than before. Once sucking in the smoke, he let it pour gracefully from his lips, the crowd cheering louder than he thought possible. Rantarou blew the rest out once his eyes caught sight of Nagito through the crowd.

"Heyy, Nagi, you want a joint?" he called out, a thin hand raising up to wave at him. All eyes turned to the pale boy.

His mind went blank, unable to open his mouth from the pressure of being on the spot. Did Rantarou really just ask him that? Of fucking course he'd want a joint- this party was too messy to just be drunk, and besides, he could regret this decision later when he’s sober. Before he could reply, Rantarou handed the bong to Ouma, gently ruffling his purple hair before making his way out of the crowd, guiding Nagito with a hand wrapped gently around his wrist to the spaciously and more empty backyard of this damn mansion. He shifted through his pant pockets, pulling out a bag full of joints. He must really have bagged them well, since Nagito recalled not smelling a single hint of weed in Celestia's car. Rantarou pulled two out, handing one to Nagito and lighting it up for him as it was between his lips.

Taking a deep breathe of smoke, he exhaled heavily, the old taste of weed tainting his mouth.

"Ouma scored," Rantarou spoke up after lighting his joint and exhaling smoke, eyes focused on the cloudy night sky. He noticed a faint smile on his lips through the moonlight, but something about it seemed awfully forced.

"I don't think any other phrase would explain those hickeys well enough," Nagito teased, fingers running through his messy hair. His head felt weird getting high after having 'quit' the habit, although he kept smoking regardless in the silence. 

“So I presume Junko told you?” Rantarou cut in, glancing at boy beside him. Nagito noticed how much more mysterious he looked in the dim light of the moon, taking mental note of how he himself just looked like a pasty ghost in this lighting. 

“Yeah, sorry you got handled the way you did.”

“Ah, no, it’s okay, I was more worried about why he wanted to see you so bad. I mean, I’m glad I didn’t say anything, it would have eaten me up on the inside if I did.” 

Nagito hummed in reply, their conversation coming to an end. Rantarou finished his joint a lot sooner than Nagito, dismissing himself politely as he left to return to watching Ouma.

After two years of having hidden feelings, Ouma finally got with Shuuichi. He wondered if he'd ever get with Hajime.

Hajime.

Now he's thinking about Hajime, feeling the alcohol and weed really get to him. It was overwhelming; he just wanted to be home where he could think about Hajime and how sweet and cute he is, and how nice his lips feel against his, in peace. Without any conscious thoughts and another puff of the joint, he dialed Chiaki, immediately begging her to pick him up once she picked up.

Her only reply was a grumbled 'fine', followed by the sound of her car door shutting. It's like she _knew_ ahead of time Nagito was going to call her. He giggled into the phone, Chiaki immediately hanging up after he told her to drive safe. She definitely knew exactly where he was without needing to ask; the spontaneous begging and giggling was an answer enough for her.

Standing up, he felt his head rush, making him stumble over and giggle at himself. The night air was cool, a lot more gentle than earlier. He finished the joint quietly with his back leaning against the wall of the house, constantly smiling and laughing to himself as he thought some more about Hajime. He loved his dumb, messy brown hair, especially the one stubborn piece that stuck up. He loved how gentle he was with him, and how his arms feel wrapped around his back, and how stupidly hard he was when he sat on him in the maid outfit-

Alright, well, maybe thinking about that part wasn't such a good idea, because it only sprouted lewder thoughts he couldn't dismiss that forwarded agonizing jolts of pleasure to his loins. Would he even have time or space to deal with the result of thinking such things?

The backdoor being opened startled him, eyes darting to Rantarou peeking out past the wooden frame. "Hey, Nagi, Chiaki's out at front." 

"O-okay, thank you, Rantarou..."

That just about answered his question.

"No problem."

Once the green-haired teen left, he slapped his hands on his cheeks, snapping himself out of his thoughts before making his way back into the house. The music seemed louder as people all around him were drunkenly swaying and grinding amongst each other, making it difficult to force his way through the crowd. In the corner of his eye, he swear he caught sight of Ouma giving Rantarou a fucking  _lap dance_ , but threw it off as the alcohol messing with his brain. 

He heard a low voice call his name through the crowd, but he couldn't risk anyone noticing his more than obvious throbbing boner pressed against the tight material of his jeans. He shoved past more people, forcing the door open and stopping to catch his breathe the second he was back outside. Chiaki was parked a bit away, the girl waving at him through her open window. He practically skipped to Chiaki once noticing it was her, arms stretching through the window to hug her tightly.

"Ah, Chiaki, I can't believe you have come to acquire me! You are so sweet, I am far too undeserving-"

"Did you get high?" Her voice was sharp, arms staying at her sides. "You smell like weed, Nagito."

He was quiet for a moment, his emotions doing a whole 180 as he formulated a response in his head. The sound of the booming music from the house behind him rung in his ears. "No, no, I was sticking around by Rantarou because I lost Celestia, and he was getting high with Ouma," he lied, stomach turning on him for it. He never lied to Chiaki, and doing so now was no exception. The air felt a lot colder than before on his frame as guilt settled in, arms withdrawing and face peering down at the pink-haired girl.

She sighed in relief, lips parting to speak. "Good, I was afraid you did. I mean, you quit for a reason."

Nagito just forced a chuckle in response as he circled around the vehicle to the other side, opening the door and hopping into the seat next to her. His legs were crossed as he slouched down, keeping hidden the bulge of his arousal the best he could. They had small talk, distracting him poorly from lewd thoughts of grinding on Hajime with their lips locked, and the brunette desperately gasping out breathy moans-

Home. The car stopped, and he was finally almost in his warm bed where he could give himself the desired friction and release. He thanked Chiaki quickly for the ride before stumbling out the door, finding himself almost running into the complex and up to his apartment. 

He shut the door behind him, too distracted by the heightened feeling of his member throbbing to lock it, and then stumbling to his bedroom, not even bothering to shut the door, and greeted by his bed where Hajime's shirt was practically displayed. Cussing under his breath, he desperately tugged off his jeans, shirt, everything but boxers, sweating with anticipation. Yeah, he'd been horny before, but this was some next level bullshit; he'd never been this absolutely desperate for someone, nor has he really been this desperate to get off in weeks. His forehead was beaded with sweat, limbs trembling with desperation until he finally plopped his back onto the mattress and had a hand against his swollen crotch, gently palming himself and letting loose gasps spill from flushed, pink lips. A free hand grabbed for Hajime's shirt, his face flustering even more as he fucking smelt the material. 

Old books and cologne was definitely the scent that lingered on it. 

* * *

"This is his apartment complex, right?" He asked himself out loud.

Hajime stood before the entrance, eyes straining through the dim light to read the entrance ways text, uncertain if this was the complex Nagito resided in. Upon entering, it sure looked familiar, so his uncertainty settled, allowing him to calmly make his way to the elevator and up to floor 8. No one else was seen around, which he was almost thankful for.

_'808...where the hell was that again?'_

He scratched the back of his head, exiting the elevator and glancing down either hallway. He recalled Nagito's apartment being down the right hall, much further down the hall than most of the other rooms. Upon reaching the door, he twisted the doorknob and pressed his body against the door, a little relieved that it slid open with ease. That'd only mean Nagito wasn't home, right?

Or so he thought.

Entering quietly, the sound of groaning caught his attention, head perking up as he gently shut the door behind him. Was that Nagito, and is he okay? His thoughts clouded over with worry, instinctively sliding his sneakers off and allowing his legs to carry him quickly down the hall to Nagito's bedroom. The closer he got, the louder the groaning was, not to mention noticeable panting. As he was about to turn the corner, right into the open bedroom, a breathy whimper stopped him in his tracks, followed by the most strained and raw moan of his fucking _name_. No other name, nope, just the lewdest cry of his name, Hajime's name, desperately pouring out of the voice that was none other than Nagito's. 

His mind went blank for a solid moment, ears burning and being filled with the precious, sweet moans and pants that came from the pretty pale boy's lips without a single pause. There was no mistaking just what was causing those groans, and he realized that almost instantly. He hadn't even become aware of the pleasure pooling in his stomach until he heard his name being gasped out once again, driving him crazy. It wouldn't hurt to stick around for a bit, right?

Quietly, Hajime slid down with his back against the wall, legs splayed out before him and dick throbbing painfully. He didn't make a single move to touch it, thoughts too focused on every sound Nagito made. If this wasn't enough for him to come to terms with his sexuality, there was almost nothing else he thought would.

Visualizations of the pale boy sprawled out and desperately pumping his arousal only made matters worse for Hajime, face flushed red and cock undeniably hard and prodding against the material of his sweats, making the bulge obvious. He couldn't take the lack of friction any longer, allowing his hand to slowly trace down to his crotch. With his head lulled back, his palm pressed against the swollen flesh, his breathing hitching at the feeling of needed friction. 

The concept of the situation was driving him mad- Nagito was getting off to him, and could catch him at any minute. The excitement made him tremble and shake as he palmed himself more thoroughly. He was too lost in the heat of it all, eyes closed and thoughts focused on the sound of Nagito's whimpering that peaked loudly, voice loosening to quiet panting. Not a single part of him bothered to recall his issues.

 _'Fuck, he's so pretty, I just want to mess him up, please-'_ His thoughts were messy and jumbled, his hips bucking against his palm desperately. Keeping his voice down was the hardest part, especially when Nagito got quiet.

_'Wait, why did he get quiet?'_

His eyes fluttered open, darting immediately towards the doorway where he was greeted with the sight of a flustered, messy-haired Nagito peeking out at him past the corner of the wall. The eye contact made his heart stop.

"H-Ha...Hajime?"

He swallowed dryly, voice caught in his throat and dick probing through his sweats, the bulge practically on display. He couldn't bring himself to move or even blink.

 _"Fuck,"_ was the only thought he could conjure up.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha take that fuckin cliffhanger.  
> i'll take a vote tho  
> ASSUMING nagito will get hajime off, should it be like  
> a) a totally gentle and sweet process  
> OR  
> b) super condescending and DISGUSTINGLY FILTHY  
> yall comment what u prefer, this won't affect too much of the plot considering this is more of a breaking point for hajime where hes like 'fuck i really want this angel in my LIFE please'. besides, there will be plenty of...lewd...so no need to worry and i dont plan on bailing on this fic  
> also sorry if it's rushed i mean it's hard writing when im tired


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blowjobs and well...blowjobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey fuckers this chapter is so fuckin late bc i've gone through a lot and school started up and everything is just Badbut once i get used to things i'm sure it won't take me 2 weeks to get chapters out, i'm so sorry  
> sorry this isn't as filthy as i intended for it to be? im really tired and can't be bothered. i promise filth in the future though  
> also imagine every nagito quote in bryce's voice. "Do you want me to make you feel good....HHAajimmay?"
> 
> NSFW WARNINGGGG but that's prob what ur here for  
> dubcon warning sorta? nagito is sorta drunk and high but not enough for it to be noncon yenno?  
> also as if u couldn't tell, nagito is bottom as fuck (at least rn, i dont mind hajime being bottom but just based off of character personality, that gay ass is the one gettin FUCKED  
> TYPO, GRAMMAR EVERYTHING WARNING I HAVE NOT SLEPT FOR THE LAST 20 HOURS GOOD FUCKING NIGHT I'LL FIX SHIT TOMORROW AFTER MY LOVELY TIME AT SCHOOL i'm sorry i'm a mess xoxo  
> i am sorry my writing is bad im tired school is fucking OBLITERATING ME

He wasn't mad or anything. It was hard to be when he was coming down from being drunk and high and still on Planet Orgasm. Besides, no part of him could argue that having the still-in-questioning brunette before him, whom was getting off to the mere sounds of his desperate moaning so naturally, was hot and cute and precious on levels he couldn't even begin to describe. Still then, he was shocked. He was together enough to piece together how Hajime had gotten in, but why did he come to begin with? 

His eyes were affixed to the orbs that stared right back, although he'd be lying if he said he wasn't focused on the bulge that stood pridefully in the corner of his eye. Beads of sweat glistened on his forehead past the dim white lighting of the bedroom that filled the hall, his messy brown hair barely visible. He watched how he swallowed dryly, how his wide eyes refused to blink and lips fail to let words out. The silence was straining and headache inducing; his ears were almost ringing. 

Pulling himself together, he took a quiet deep breath. "Hajime." His voice came out modulated and sweet, despite the fact that substance still buzzed in his head. The boy before him flinched at the sound of his name spilling from his lips, his eyelids slowly shutting before peeling back up, uncertain hazel-green eyes still peering up at him. He was definitely a sight to behold; the rosy shade of red dusted on his fairly tanned cheeks, still bright and obvious through the dim lighting. The bulge that begged for friction peeking past a frozen hand that refused to move was beyond tantalizing, regardless of whether he was just drunk or not. "You seem to be struggling out here, is everything alright? Your cheeks are blazing red." 

Hajime just sat still, lips struggling to form words that stuck in the back of his throat. He hesitantly stretched out the arm closest to his bulge, desperately attempting to cover it up as if Nagito hadn't already seen it. He brought his legs closer together, facial expression becoming almost uncomfortable. "A-are you alright?" He nearly choked out, tone harsh and almost mocking him. "You were, um, groaning and stuff, and I just got here to return your keys, like just got here-" 

It took every ounce of self control to not pounce on him or giggle at how hard he tried to keep his story straight, which nonetheless was as straight as Hajime. His lips curved into a smirk that'd only be best described as sinful, the words spilling out of it throaty and heavy. "Yes, I'm quite fine now, actually. You don't seem to be, though." A lazy, awkward arm stuck out, shot towards the brunette's lower abdomen with a thin finger protruding out. The boy before him only flustered up some more, eye contact finally breaking as his head turned away to face forward. "Would you like some help, Hajime?" 

Eyes darted back immediately, widened and wavering. "W-what?" The word came out breathy and tight, nervousness evident.  

Taking a step forward, he involuntarily smiled when their eye contact was broken due to Hajime's gaze finding itself on his now-visible lower half, his body nearly nude as only grey plaid boxers hugged his hips, the tasteful dip of his v-line making the brunette shudder. Despite being tipsy, he still had self-conscious thoughts of the scars along his pale skin tug at the back of his mind, but chose not to address it for the both of them. This was his one chance at intimacy with Hajime, and he wasn’t about to fuck it up all because he was worried about something the brunette never pointed out, nor showed any sort of disgust to. "You seem to be a bit frustrated, and I'd be more than happy to help, Hajime..." He knelt down next to him, knees pressed against the harsh cold ground. He rested his thin hands flat against his thighs, eyes locked with the male before him once again. His smile was soft yet enticing. 

Hajime's nose scrunched up for a second, his head tilting questionably. "Are you drunk? You smell like alcohol."  

Nagito's smile faltered for a second before lifting back up, a hand lovingly being placed on the brunette's thigh. The gesture made him jump slightly, arm being shifted against himself. "I was drinking, but now I think it's wearing off." His smile became more of a devious smirk. "Don’t worry about that, Hajime. You wouldn’t be taking advantage of me."

His breath hitched before the arm was hesitantly retracted, dryly swallowing a hard lump in his throat as Nagito watched the arm move, eyes then tracing down to the evident erection. Hajime’s never been in a situation like this before, and being the sober one of the two was only so much more excruciatingly awkward.  

"Although I’d much prefer if you did take advantage of me. Do whatever you’d like to me…" Nagito leaned over, tongue lapping over his own lips and eyelids drooping slightly. He could smell the hint of faint cologne on him, making his legs feel weak. "Would you like that, Hajime? Would you like to use me as you so please?"

Without exchanging words, Hajime pressed his lips against Nagito’s, and allowed the pale boy to force his tongue between soft lips. They stayed like this long enough to allow Nagito to shift himself onto Hajime’s lap, the kiss only growing sloppier.  

The white-haired male felt Hajime buck his hips against him, the bulge of his erection grinding against the flesh of his skinny ass. Pulling away from the kiss, he barely stifled a snicker, a hand gripping the collar of his shirt. Hajime's face was completely flushed, lips swollen and wet from this kiss. "Someone seems a little desperate, don’t you think?" He rolled his hips down against the hard flesh, feeling his own member pulsate at the grunt Hajime made in response to the action. Despite having finished so little ago, it seemed his dick had no issue getting back up again.  

"I-it’s not my fault you’re too fucking gorgeous for your own good."

The reply made his heart stop, eyes widening in shock. Of all the responses he was expecting, it wasn’t this one. Being called anything that wasn't useless filth was completely new to him. The snap of Hajime's voice along with the cuss only made him excited on top of it all; he couldn’t help but wonder how lovely it’d be to edge him until his voice would become threateningly loud and harsh. “What do you mean by that, Hajime?” He tugged on the collar, smirk not faltering as he desperately kept up this in-control facade.  

Hajime bit down on his bottom lip, hands still resting limp at his sides. He couldn’t think straight, being sexually frustrated and all, and no part of him was ready to take any control of the situation. “I mean you’re just-“ another roll of hips against his crotch made him gasp, head tilting up slightly. Through half-lidded eyes, he could see the tasteful smirk on Nagito’s face and light fluster. He examined how so much more messier his hair was, and how pretty it was as it clashed well with his ghostly pale skin. “Have you ever looked at yourself? Y-you’re so fucking pretty, I can’t begin to describe how quickly you get my heart going with something as small as a glance.”  

Flustering up, Nagito’s eyes snapped open again, overcome once again with shock. "W-what? No way, I'm disgusting, Hajime!" he chimed with a smile, suddenly aware of his nude body once again. His grip on Hajime's collar loosened as he swallowed dryly, keeping negative trailing thoughts to himself. "I can't begin to describe how lucky I am to be touching a precious being such as yourself...I'm truly lucky, Hajime. It's a shame I don't deserve this opportunity to make you feel good..."

Somewhere between his words, Nagito's gaze averted to the wall above the brunette, not yet noticing the unreadable facial expression plastered on Hajime's face. Not that Nagito's expression was any more readable. He opened his mouth to speak, but was very soon interrupted by Nagito's honeyed words and eyes returning to his own.

"But no one else deserves to touch Hajime, right?" He rolled his hips down again, the fingers wrapped up in the shirt collar tightening once again. Their lips were just barely touching as he leaned in, barely brushing their lips together as he spoke. "After all, I've already put you in such a frustrating state of desire before, haven't I?" His free hand trailed a thin finger along his collarbone and up his neck, resting at the chin he gently tilted up. "I know it must be sickening for trash like me to lay as much as a finger on you, but it'd only be fair if I make up for things properly, right?"

For the first time during their little moment, Hajime finally brought his hands up, arms finding their way around his neck and fingers into his messy, white hair, forcing his lips against the soft pair before him. Nagito wasn't sure if it was just the drunk and high buzz that was making things so fucking pleasant, but every touch with the brunette felt like pure bliss to him. He was filled with indescribable emotions, every bit overflowing into the kiss and how desperately he practically suckled on the boy's tongue. He could almost cry at the foreign feelings he was being overwhelmed by. Never has he been able to recall feeling so needed, regardless of what everything was going to lead up to.

How long has he known Hajime? How can someone fall so deeply for someone so quickly?

Gasping out, Nagito pulled away from the kiss, the hand gripping the collar harshly shoving the brunette against the wall. "G-geez, Hajime, you're impatient, aren't you?" He shifted his ass back slightly, Hajime's arms being forced off of him as he began grinding himself against the erection to get the exact reaction that he wanted; a strangled hiss of his name past swollen, red lips. He continued to roll himself against it, hand still pressed against his chest and keeping his back pressed against the wall.  "I suppose I can't be angry, I did suggest you take advantage of me."

Hajime took a deep breath, a hand grabbing the wrist of the hand that pressed against his chest. The action caught Nagito off guard, his grinding coming to a halt. "Why don't we take this to your bed?"

* * *

Upon entering the bedroom, Hajime found himself shutting and pressing Nagito against the door in an instant, lips locked in a messy and passionate kiss as his hands ran along his milky skin. Nagito was desperately tugging at the material of Hajime's shirt, finding himself pulling away to slip the shirt off and immediately lock lips with the flesh of his neck. He didn't need to think twice about it to know that Nagito was suckling and biting at the skin, the slightly taller pale boy forcing Hajime against the door by now. He was gonna have a time picking outfits out for the next few days.

They soon stumbled towards the bed once Nagito was satisfied with the hickeys that dotted his neck and collar, the two nearly tripping over clothing and random novels sprawled across the floor. Nagito had the brunette's back faced against the mattress before his fingers hooked around the hem of his sweats, tugging down slightly.

"Hajime," he spoke out, words breathy and thick. He managed to tug the clothing down past his v-line, revealing the hem of his boxers. He hastily fell to his knees, thin legs thumping against the floor while Hajime stood, frozen with shock. 

He could feel his heart pounding with adrenaline, body trembling at the mental visualization of what was soon to happen. The pale boy before him looked up at him through half-lidded eyes, his frail hands resting against the sides of Hajime's hips where his fingers were hooked around the hem of his sweats. "Nagito," he replied quietly. He watched him tug at it ever so slightly, the time being taken far more excruciatingly than he expected it to be, and although he'd love to quicken up the process, he also didn't want to risk putting off the pale boy. 

"Do you want me to make you feel good, Hajime?"

The question only made his cock throb a lot more desperately than he needed it to.  Nagito pinched the hem of Hajime's boxers, tugging it down and finally releasing the erection of it's clothed prison. It wasn't huge or anything, above average at least. He wondered how his father would react to the situation. He also wondered how red his face could possibly be; blood red, maybe?

Nagito was quiet for a bit, eyes examining the hard, swollen flesh with half-lidded eyes before wrapping dainty fingers around the base, staring up at Hajime and smiling once he sucked in a quick breath past teeth. "You're leaking so much precum, Hajime," he muttered softly, pressing his lips to the tip and planting a soft kiss, eyes returning to the member.  It took every ounce of self control to not buck his hips against his lips, insides knotting with desperation as Nagito simply teased him. Being in this situation was a lot more intense than he anticipated it to be. He couldn't even bring himself to look down at the boy.

"I don't know how you're ever going to fit this in me, Hajime."

_ 'The mouth on that boy.' _

"I'm sure you'd love too, though, wouldn't you, Hajime?" Seconds after speaking, he lapped his tongue against the tip.

_ 'The fucking mouth on that boy.' _

Nagito's tongue was soft and hot, lapping at the precum that refuses to quit leaking. Each pant and moan and sudden jerk that was so skillfully pulled out of Hajime resulted in another lap of his tongue, white hot pleasure pooling in the pit of the brunettes stomach. He leaned back against the edge of the bed, hands pressed against the mattress behind him. He felt like his face was resting over fire with how flushed he was, eyes nearly tearing up as his fingernails dug into the sheets behind him.

Without warning, Nagito widened his mouth and took the swollen cock in, suckling and moaning against the flesh. The suckling along with the vibrations of his moaning pulled inexplicably strangled whimpers out of him, giving in to the desperate need to buck his hips deeper into the small mouth, groaning as he felt more warmth surround his throbbing cock. Nagito showed no signs of complaint, his frail hand removing from the base of the cock to palm his own erection, continuing to stifle his moans with the hot member filling his throat that spasmed around it. Was he...choking, on Hajime's dick? Yep, that much was deductible, only fueling the anticipating adrenaline in him further more.  

He knew it himself he's never been this hard his entire fucking life. He's never really had much sexual pleasure either (especially not from anyone else), as his life till now consisted of hours of studying. The realization that he was an inexperienced virgin filled him with unexpected humiliation, his mind suddenly becoming very self conscious of his actions. Is this how normal people react to pure, hot stimulation, or was he overdoing it, like some immature teenager? As if Nagito read his mind, he pulled away and gasped out frantic breaths, a free hand gripping the base to pump the hot flesh. 

"Y-you're so precious, Hajime," he breathed out, placing soft kisses to the underside of the shaft. "You're throbbing so much!"

He still couldn't bring himself to formulate words or even so much as glance down at Nagito, who returned to stuffing his mouth with the mound, eventually pulling his own member out to stroke. After some thoughtful consideration that this may be the first and last time he'd ever see the pale boy like this, he finally lowered his head down and opened his eyes, being greeted with the sight of a flustered, lewd Nagito against his abdomen just as he had swallowed down all the hot flesh, his eyes tearing up at the corners and arm frantically pumping his own cock. 

His mind went blank, the only thing he managed to do was desperately cry out the name of the pale boy before him. The sight triggered an intense peak inside of him, his stomach bubbling with hot pleasure as his cock throbbed, thick spurts of cum filling Nagito's small mouth, who immediately pulled away to gently suckle at the tip and practically milk him for every bit of cum he could offer. Somewhere through the suckling, he gasped out a sloppy moan against the member, fingers curling and stroking the head of his own cock as he came, the tears that collected at the corners of his eyes finally streaming down his cheeks. 

He just came inside Nagito's mouth. His cum, in his mouth. Hajime cum, in Nagito mouth. No matter how many times he thought it over, it still felt like a ridiculous wet dream. Either way, it'd be a dream he wouldn't forget for a second, even if he wanted to. Spoiler, he doesn't want to.

The sound of Nagito's gulping caught his attention, overcome with sudden worry. Despite trembling, he stepped out if his boxers and sweats that managed to get sullied during Nagito's orgasm, immediately leaning himself down and carefully lifting Nagito up in his arms, who barely nuzzled against the brunette. He could feel his body trembling as well, breathing still quiet and a frantic pant. "You shouldn't have...uh, deep...throated it...?" Playing off the events were a lot harder than he thought it would be.

Despite the lack of energy, Nagito let out a breathy chuckle, fingers playfully clawing at his chest. "I wanted...to ruin you, youuu...know?"

"You sat in my lap and ground down against my dick, that ruined me well enough."

He giggled again, head lulling back and eyes closing. "Put me in bed...sleep with me, I'm tired."

Hastily, he turned around to place Nagito in the bed, helping him out of his slightly damp, from precum, boxers. Glancing around at the clothes strewn about on the floor, he huffed quietly. "You sure are messy for someone who claims he likes beautiful things."

Nagito rolled over onto his stomach, yawning loudly with his legs dangling up in the air above him. "Depression is one hell of a downer, Hajime."

He silently pondered the reply for a moment, regretting what he said before strutting over to his dresser, shifting through them until he found the boxer drawer. He pulled out a pair of plain black ones for the pale boy, turning around to join him in bed before noticing the sudden change of clothing. The black shirt he had lent him was being pulled over his head, the black material loose and long on him. He walked over and handed him the boxers, a smirk on his face evident.

"You know, I noticed something was off when I found a black blouse too small to be mine in my laundry bin."

Slipping on the undergarment, Nagito smiled. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself-"

"Don't apologize, you can always borrow shirts if you want. You look cute in it."

Flushing at the reply, he shook his head, fingers fumbling in his lap as he smiled up at the brunette. "I-I'm wearing it because it's yours, and it smells like you, Hajime. I could care less about how I look in it."

Hajime quietly picked his sweats and boxers off the ground, folding them up and leaning down to place them on the ground at the side of the bed. After quickly turning off the lights, he shifted onto the bed, immediately sinking into the mattress beside the white-haired boy. "You still look cute in it." he finally replied, head snuggling against the pillow. 

Nagito laid down after him, quickly nuzzling his face against the brunettes chest. "I would bother to disagree but I think I'm far too happy to press it right now."

Snuggling up, they soon dozed off peacefully, comfortable in each others arms. Not even a week and they were like a happily married couple. It's really unfortunate things won't stay that way for too long, isn't it? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u enjoyed u fucks!!! even tho i got lazy around the end, if i can, i'll add stuff tmrw for those who don't read it by then also i think i'm gonna update and edit prev chapters bc their development is lacking. not rereading isnt gonna change anything, this is mostly for new readers and my own self indulgence. feel free to reread tho? i'll tweet out after editing a chapter (bounsweetx on twitter) (shameless self promo please be my friend i have very little dr friends who like komahina religiously)  
> THIS LOOKS SO SHORT TO ME TOO UH IT'S LIKE 3.5K WORDS THIS CHAPTER BUT STILL FUCK ME  
> next chapter is backstory behind nagito and izuru are you ready?!?!?!  
> ALSO I WAS WONDERING what do y'all think hajime's past with izuru is? i'm curious what u guys think it may be and comments make my day bc i love interacting w yall so i think this is a good way to do it  
> sorry if ya wanted them to fuck, that's way too soon  
> i love you all, make sure you're getting sleep, doing your homework, eating 3 meals a day and keeping yourself hydrated, and if you work, do your best at your job! make them dolla bills baby  
> GOODNIGH FUCK SCHOOOL


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chilling flashbacks of Izuru Kamukura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nhhheeeyy sorry it's been...so.....long.....school sucks and i've been putting this chapter together slowly  
> see the end notes for a lotta me talkin bout shit. also fyi i typed this chapter out to a 5 hour long game grumps compilation.
> 
> italics is present thoughts? sorry backstory messy as HELL 
> 
> drug warning, sorta nsfw 
> 
> THIS IS ALL BACKSTORY NOT PRESENT SORRY IM NOT GOOD AT INTERPRETING IT INTO THE STORY AND IM SORRY THIS IS JARRING AND BAD IM TIRED GOODN
> 
> i'll edit this tmrw after school

That day...how could he ever forget it? How many times did it play out in his head? How many nights did he lay restless, unable to forget? That damned day, three years ago, that he wish he could go back and erase. 

His nose hurt, the weird after-taste of something bitter in the back of his throat. His black eyeliner was smudged under his eyes. What day was it back then? How many nights in a row had he been high on weed and blow? No one could say for sure, but it was definitely a lot more than was healthy for him. His mind felt like it was in a constant state of euphoria when he wasn't relapsing over the lack of substances in his system. The chilly autumn wind would usually be cold on his thin frame, but the warm sensation of his high made it all more bearable and maybe even unnoticed as he strolled through the bright city, at a time way past midnight. The streets felt a lot more empty than they usually did, but it made sense considering it was far too late to be out on this cold Thursday. He paid it no mind, far too bouncy and high spirited as he pranced sluggishly on his way back apartment complex.     
   
Nagito only ever felt alive when drunk or high. He hated that about himself, but what else could he do? Bad habits are hard to quit, especially when they make you feel so much more human than any normal antidepressant did. 

The rustling of trees and sound of cars passing by kept his alertness up, aiding the anxiety and paranoia churning at his stomach. The light ambiance of the chilly night allowed him to ease up a bit more, although he wasn't very focused on where he was going as his eyes were glued to the pavement, making sure to avoid stepping on cracks as a little fun game on his way. He paid no mind to the bright lights and barely looked up when he was crossing the street, too occupied with the skipping of cracks on the cement to bother. It wasn't until he found himself bumping shoulders against a tall figure that he finally looked up, unable to adjust to his body that had now fallen down to the same pavement he was focused on. 

"Are you alright?" The figure before him asked, his voice low and dull. He was a slim, tall man, body clad in a black suit and hair black like charcoal. It draped over his neck and shoulders, the length of it just past his collarbones. His eyes were sharp and red, gaze glued to the pale boy who sat on the ground. Waves of euphoria filled his mind at the sight of the male, his heart rate multiplying greatly. They both were frozen, light eyes staring back into intense ones.  

"I-I'm fine, I'm so sorry-!" 

The man stuck his hand out, his gaze never faltering. Hesitantly, Nagito accepted the hand, being tugged up from the cold ground. "Your eyes are very dilated..." He said, letting go of the frail hand. His eyes still stayed glued to his. 

He couldn't manage to formulate a reply to such a specific and questionable statement, his thoughts all too jumbled and messy for him to say anything. Staring at the being before him made his heart tug in his chest. He seemed so...gorgeous, almost unearthly and angelic. More in a fallen angel type of way, though. Like a godly being who had been tampered with by the devil ever so slightly...what a weird way to describe someone to himself. Not that he expected any less than that, being high and all. 

"Are you lost?" 

Immediately, his voice squeaked, "Yes!" He wasn't exactly lost, he just wanted an excuse to be around this man a little while longer. He wanted to know everything he could...why? "I, uh...got in a fight with my roommate, and he kicked me out, yeah... so now I'm out for a walk but I seem to have gone a little farther than I intended to..." 

The story was quite frankly all bullshit, but it pulled no certain reaction out of the man. Without any words or glances being exchanged, he stepped past the pale boy, eyes returning to the street ahead of him. 

Nagito glanced back, heart tugging and telling him to call the man back. Why was he so interested him? Was it the drugs running in his system. "W-wait!" He turned around and called out, taking a step forward. He could feel his heart pounding against his chest. 

The man stopped in his tracks, head turning around and examining the boy. "What?" he muttered coldly, the rest of his body stepping around to face him. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his pants.  

"Do you know the way back to Central Area?" 

Sighing, he strut towards Nagito, pulling a hand out of his pocket to grip the collar of Nagito's red and grey stripped sweatshirt. He tugged him harshly towards himself, eyes glaring down at the boy. "Do you not have a phone?" 

Something about being handled the way he was had his stomach pool with warmth. "N-no," Nagito muttered, arms limp at his sides. Staring up at those sharp red eyes intimidated him, his body trembling from anxiety and the high that lingered in his system. "Y-you don't have to help a pathetic bug like me, it's alright!"  

The man let go of the collar, his dull expression never faltering. "I don't have one either." He brought the hand that held the boy to his own face, a fist pressed against his chin in thought. "My place is a few blocks away if you would like to stay for the night, but that is all I am wiling to offer. I want to see you gone by morning." Without hearing a reply, the man turned away and began sauntering off, forcing Nagito to follow quickly behind him.  

The walk was quiet, giving the pale boy time to collect himself. He couldn't do this, being high as he was. It should have worn out by then, and he was surprised he wasn't fatigued and nauseous by now, considering being high off of weed and cocaine would often do that to him. Deciding to pay it no mind, he chose to think about other things. Like the man that stood before him. He was the human embodiment of mystery, and Nagito was more than determined to figure him out, at least at the moment, given his extremely elevated mood. As he was about to speak, he saw the man stop, and walk towards a large gate door. Where were they? The area looked like the wealthy side of the neighbourhood. 

Pulling out a key, the man before him opened the gate making his way to the house door, with Nagito behind him. Upon unlocking and opening it, Nagito was greeted with sweetest and softest scent of lavender, the lavish doorway stunning him with amazement.  _Why did he remember everything so clearly?_  The pure white walls, the gorgeous glowing chandelier above them...was a chandelier really necessary for a door way? Peering past the man before him, he noticed a painting on a wall, and a hall just past it. Being as high as he was, this place would be much like a maze if he didn't have this stranger to guide him.

Right, he's a stranger. Why was he sticking around with him again? Why was he so willingly invited over too?

"Are you going to take off your shoes?" The stranger suddenly snapped, slipping off his suit jacket and hanging it on a hook rack attached to the wall next to them. Despite just being a hook rack, it looked to be made of dark wood with intricate carvings, making it a piece of artwork of it's own. Leaning against the wall, Nagito slipped his shoes off one by one and placed them in the corner by the man's shoes. He watched his hair sway to the side as he turned, long legs making their way towards the hall by the painting. Nagito's thin legs followed after him, his body being weighed down by his high slowly running off.

They passed by more large and likely expensive artwork until meeting with a door that was slowly opened to a large, welcoming bedroom. The walls were black, another large and crystallized chandelier hung above them. There was more artwork, another door across the room, the man told him it was a bathroom, a large dresser, wardrobe, and closet door, and the largest most expensive bed Nagito could swear he had ever seen. There were tons of pillows, the blanket splayed over top neatly was black and looked as soft as a blanket could be. He was told that this bed was the stranger's himself, and that Nagito could sleep in it for the night. He originally declined the offer, but a simple glare and dismissive wave of his hand was enough to shut him up.

Sitting down on the mattress carefully, Nagito watched the tall man slowly fold his shirt sleeves up, fingers running through thick hair. In the last half hour, he's learn that this man is very straight forward and difficult to get through to. He's also rich as all hell, and  _very_  attractive. He wondered how old he was, whether he was married, or had a girlfriend...maybe even a boyfriend. Of course, he didn't yet know, since he had never asked...

"Are you listening to me?"

The harsh snap of his cold voice brought Nagito back to his senses, his heart thumping against his chest in realization of what was going on around him. The black haired male was now shirtless, his hands placed sternly on his hips as he glared at the pale boy from a distance. "I-I'm sorry, I wasn't, what was it you-"

"What are you on?"

"...what?"

Approaching him, he sighed, his finger tilting Nagito's head up to stare into his eyes. He looked like he was examining him, the way his eyebrows slightly furrowed and fingers almost gripping his chin. "Your pupils were very dilated earlier, and you smelt like fresh pot. You also appeared to be very distant and your nose constantly furrowed, as well as the little things like skipping and wearing so little layers in the cold of the night. You still smell like pot..." his hand jerked away, back turning towards him hastily. "Disgusting."

For a moment, the comment hurt, but he knew that was just the post-high depression sinking in. He always felt relatively down once getting off his high, and to be fair, it was a decent enough punishment for his actions. "I, uh, was at a party before running into you, and just got a bit high-"

"That does not explain the dilation of your pupils, pot does not dilate eyes that severely; they shouldn't be that small. And what about your nose? Why have you furrowed it so much?" 

He couldn't tell if this was some form of sympathizing or chastising.  _How he wished now that he could tell the difference._  "I only-"

"You did not."

The interruption cut through him a bit too harshly, his heart throbbing painfully at the situation and himself. Yeah, his drug habits were bad, but they made him feel better, so they weren't that bad, right? Hesitantly, he chose to speak up, "How would you come to that conclusion?"

The man turned his head back, dark hair splayed over his face making it difficult to read his cold expression. "I've had my share of clients as a psychologist to be able to tell."

Letting out a breathy chuckle, Nagito leaned back with his hands against the bed. The blanket felt soft under his palms. "Psychologist, huh?"

Sighing, he sauntered off to his wardrobe to take out a black t-shirt, heading into the washroom to change. Once he shut the door, Nagito felt the throb of his head and ache in his chest throw him off, all negative emotions settling in. This was no place for him to comfortably curl up and cry in, and it only made matters worse. He had no idea how to get home in this darkness, and besides, he was lonely...maybe all he needed was some company? 

Raising his head up, he stared at the door to the bathroom the man was in. It was painted black, much like the walls, and the knob had a golden sheen to it. He wondered what time it was, he wondered how long the man had been in the bathroom. Time felt weird to him, given his current state. Things always felt either too slow or too fast, and right now, it was very slow. 

The bathroom door was soon opened, and the stranger was holding a toothbrush while another one was in his mouth. He pointed it slightly at Nagito, flicking it in a 'come here' motion. Immediately, he headed over, joining with the man in the bathroom. He took the toothbrush he was offered, put some toothpaste on the bristles, and began to brush his teeth. The texture and taste of the mint felt disgusting on his mouth, but he tried to pay it no mind. He watched the man next to him through the mirror; how he swiftly brushed his teeth, the way he continuously brushed pieces of hair out of his face before bunching it up in the back and tying it into a messy little bun. Some pieces refused to stay in, but he didn't bother to do anything about it, far too busy brushing his teeth. Moments after, they both spit out the toothpaste, washed their brushes, rinsed their mouths, and flossed next to one another. It felt oddly warming, but not warming enough to clear the negativity clouding over him.

Pulling the floss away, the man stared back at Nagito through the mirror. "You look troubled."

Nagito glanced away embarrassingly, eyes darting to the sink before them. He noticed it was made of marble in a variety of dark blue shades. "Just feel a little down, happens when I'm coming down from a high."

"Cocaine."

"What?"

The black haired male leaned over to a trash can to throw out the floss. "Don't bother refuting, I've said it before and I'll say it again; I've had my experience with people as my occupation to tell." He stared intently as Nagito threw his floss out before washing the smudged black of eyeliner off, drying his face, and then joining him outside the bedroom where he began to take off his dress pants. Paying it no mind as his cheeks heated up, Nagito returned to the bed where he splayed over the mattress on his stomach, huffing to himself. His nose nuzzled against the soft cover, his thoughts and emotions clouded over with negativity. 

"Move over."

Glancing up at the man, he sat up, inching over to the headboard and mass of pillows that he laid against. He watched the stranger sit on the edge of the bed, eventually turning to face him through a deep breath. "Do you want to talk about what's troubling you?" He asked. Despite how low and cold his voice was, and how his emotionless expression failed to falter, the question was warming. Nagito felt his stomach bubble up with warmth as he grabbed a small pillow next to him, curling up and clutching it against his stomach.

And he did. He told him about his dead dog and dead parents, about dropping out of high school, his development of drug habits, how his best friend refused to talk to him until he dropped the drugs. He told him about how hard he tries to fit in, how hard he tries to keep his sexuality a secret due to the fear of judgement, how he was broke and financially struggling and absolutely nothing was working out for Nagito Komaeda. The stranger listened. He didn't interrupt, he got tissues when necessary, let Nagito throw pillows out of anger or scream into the sheets. He stayed as patient as a normal psychologist would, and listened. It was a lot for him to take it, and it wasn't like Nagito was the first person to have issues as such; they were actually pretty common. It wasn't until he started talking about why he dropped out of high school.

He didn't drop it because the work was too difficult, or because of his drug habits, but more because of the people. He was well known as the crazy kid; the kid who was most likely to shoot up the damn school, to put it simply. His views on the world and people as a whole was distorted. He had an obsession with the concept of hope that no one could understand. Even after explaining his life all in one messy, long sitting, he ended it with a simply put, "but these are all just building up to a hope that will suffice for it all, I'm sure."

The room was silent for some time once he finished spilling. Nagito was rested up against the side of the man next to him in the bed, clutching a different pillow to his chest. "Thank you for letting me talk... I don't normally allow myself to talk about my issues-"

"It's alright." the man interrupted. He sat up, eyes darting to the pale boy next to him. Examining his face, his cheeks were dusted a light pink, his eyes puffy and hair splayed all over. There were dark circles around his puffy eyes, not to mention the bit of smudged eyeliner he failed to properly wash off... without much thought, he brought a hand to his cheek, a light brush of his thumb rubbing away as some smudged eyeliner remains.

Nagito flushed up at this immediately, the corners of his lips curling up. "A-aha, you shouldn't touch filth like me..." He grabbed the wrist of the man's hand, staying frozen in the moment. It felt oddly intimate, and intimacy is surely something he'd never experienced before. 

Moments passed of thick tension. Neither of them made a move, simply staring into the eyes of one another. It wasn't until the stranger spoke up that the silence was then broken.

"Are you going to sleep in those clothes?"

Nagito's smile faltered into a bit of a surprised expression, unaware of the man's hand no longer in contact with his cheek. He watched him reach for the zipper of his pants with no hesitation, popping open the button without asking. "W-what are you doing?!" He squeaked, body jerking slightly. The man glanced back at him, and he could have sworn those lips curved into something that could only be best described as a smirk. He looked away as his zipper was pulled down at an agonizingly slow pace, his member just barely throbbing at the situation. He couldn't possible get hard in a situation like this; what good would it do him?

It seemed that throb was anything than barely, and the previous unresolved tension only gave him an unresolved semi-erection. He didn't know what he regretted most; being gay, or everything.

The night turned into a messy heated one from that point on, one with lots of scratching and biting. One that he thought solved all his troubles that night, and surely every other night that point on.

He woke up that morning, alone and sore in the strangers bed. His collarbones and neck and chest and stomach were all dotted with hickeys and bite marks. He was soon greeted by the stranger, who aided him in a bath, helped him brush his teeth, made him breakfast...yet, after all this time, Nagito still knew nothing of this stranger.

The stranger walked him home later that morning. The walk was just as quiet as their walk the previous night had been. The streets were bright and loud, as well as cold. Nagito was offered the stranger's coat numerous times but insisted he kept it himself. Did things go the way he would have wanted them to?

Upon reaching his apartment complex, he waved a simple goodbye to the stranger, back turning on him and heading for the lobby door. His thin fingers gripped the cold handle, tugging slightly until the muffled sound of a low voice through wind pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Have this."

He turned around, the stranger stood behind him with an arm stretched out, being offered something. There was a card in his fingers, so hesitantly, Nagito accepted it, watching the man turn his back on him and walk off before he could say anything. Looking down at the card, the image of a branding logo and it's company named was scripted into the card, an address, all along with...

'Dr. Izuru Kamukura'

Izuru Kamukura. Izuru. Kamukura.

He repeated the name to himself in his head a bit, before reading it out loud. That must be the name of this mysterious man, right? He could feel his heart thump wildly in his chest as he stuffed the card into his jeans pocket, pulling open the door with the most amount of strength he's had in months. He felt excited, overwhelmed, overjoyed, vulnerable... he was so vulnerable.

Why did he go to that address later on that day? Why did he ask for Dr. Izuru Kamukura? Why did he wait for nearly three hours for him to finish with appointments? Why did he let him take him home that night, why did he let his vulnerable self fall for his consistent manipulation for days and weeks and months and two  _fucking_ years.

Why?

Their relationship continued the same way for a long time, until a genuine relationship was set in place. He learnt about Izuru little by little, and loved every little bit of the  _fucking lies_ that came from his  _manipulative_ mouth. He soon dropped his bad drug habits after being pestered with Izuru's disappointment, eventually learning about his views on how people as an equal are useless and mere test subjects for one another. It was a weird and complex concept, but Nagito took in every honeyed word like a drug itself.

"How would you feel about killing someone?"

The question striked up more than it should have. Izuru asked it every so often, until having the answer he wanted.

"I would love to experience that with you, Kamukura-kun!"

They murdered a person that night. It was someone who had done much harm to one of Izuru's clients, so surely it wasn't bad, right? That's what Nagito thought.

Izuru took photos, taking in each and every detail cynically.

It wasn't long until they claimed their next victim. Nagito didn't mind, as long as Izuru was happy, and if these were the people who caused Izuru's clients to be the way they are, then this must be a good deed, right?

It was long until they were finally out of "people who deserved it", as Izuru put it. He became very possessive over time, forcing Nagito to cut contact with male friends and also females friend. He paid the boy's bills, took him out for dinner, bought him lots of clothes and such. He also studied obscure things in his free time when he wasn't skillfully pulling the strings that are Nagito Komaeda and his fragile mind. 

Sooner or later, he convinced him to kill out of pure cold blood. It was his own want, his own need, but something about having this pretty pale boy do the dirty work for him really worked him up. He made him murder some poor teenage boy out of pure cold  _fucking_ blood, then proceeded to insist Nagito were fucked up for it. His wordplay was no longer just natural dirty talk, but vivid descriptions of torture that aroused Nagito regardless. He made him cut himself for his pure pleasure before the fresh corpse, insisting it was punishment to make up for the murder. They fucked next to the corpse moments after.

He had Nagito wrapped around him just the way he wanted him back then, and there was no one there to get Nagito out of the situation. No one but himself.

_How many times did he need to relive the memory of his time with Izuru?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to dump a hell of a lotta shit in the end notes because heyy why not. i don't think any of you actually read these but i feel like it's a cool way to sort of interact and i love interacting 
> 
> SCHOOL SUCKSSSSS okay actually it's probably not that bad, i just REFUSE to get into the habit of things because i'm too busy being in my little mindset of escapism with fictional shit and it's really sad? all i do is doodle on my paper, think of ideas for this and other potential works, and when i'm not in class, i'm usually trying to get into the habit of drawing or doing other things related to fiction (just danganronpa rn but that's bc i usually stick to one obsession for a very long time) 
> 
> can't remember if i said this before but sorry prev chapter wasn't as filthy as i intended for it to be? shit was just messy and i'm still super rusty with smut. i've been trying to improve on writing during the days i'm not updating and i think i'm doing okay? 
> 
> ALSO reading back to my prev chapters, i can see the slight improvement and would just like to say, assuming i'm gonna be stuck in dangan hell for quite sometime, i will likely either a) gradually edit chapters and tweet a quick notice, or mention it in a future note, if i have! or b) edit it as a whole once i finish the fic (who knows when that will be and if i end up doing this for that long) and reupload it 
> 
> i started on this chapter like, last weekend, but soon gave up due to self deprecating issues and now here i am, a week later, AND I HAVE FINISHED IT although i had to restart it because i managed to lose my word doc of it lol don't ask me how i literally hate myself 
> 
> drv3 is out soo fuckin soon and i'm so excited and i really want to contribute to it and maybe get a fic outta my ass for it bc rn i don't know the characters very well. im really excited to learn about everyone, especially kokichi-kun...ahh...and saihara! i'm mostly excited for the omake(?) mode (bonus thingy where everyone interacts amongst each other!!!! pretty sure it's an au setting too where despair never took over? not too sure) i've been avoiding spoiling it for myself too much although i've seen some of the komahina conversation and izuru & chiaki and it made me cry??? i hope chiaki is like dr3 chiaki in it and not ai chiaki bc then things would be really confusing..even tho i think i like ai chiaki better (only cause dr3 chiaki was so forced to be relevant to me? maybe i just need to rewatch it again) 
> 
> i hope i managed to put in backstory in a good enough way that wasn't jarring and wasn't yet revealed to hajime...felt like we needed some insight and i've also just been SO PERSONALLY HYPED to adapt the backstory bc i've thought so much about it like i have 3 memos of notes for it on my phone 
> 
> i think that's all i have to say for now! i hope you're all doing well with school and life and health and mental health!! i love you all tysm for sticking with me? even though i am the living embodiment of trash?


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Impulsive snooping and sorta breakups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy sorry this is rlly...late....uhh...i've just been super unmotivated and feel like i should give up? but i dont want to yenno...i just think this whole thing is shit and i hate myself and my writing and i feel like im not at all in character and i wish i was better at all of it rip  
> prob gonna replay sdr2 just so i can refresh myself of character...although i still need to play more of v3! i still havent seen the 1st death bc i've been laying in bed everyday and sleeping...
> 
> this is kinda rllly rushed uh i hate myself k i rlly should just give up lmfaooo
> 
> hope this chapter is okay, it was gonna be a boring filler but i had ideas and so here u go
> 
> i'll blabble at the end notes

Upon waking up, the bed was a lot more spacious than it had been the night prior. Hajime groaned as he sat up, shifting until his back pressed against the headboard behind him. Dim sunlight flooded in through a breezy window, and welcoming sounds of distant cars humming as they drove by and wind filled his ears. He rubbed his eyes gently, opening them to the sight of a much cleaner bedroom.    

 _'_ _Wha_ _-…?'_  he thought to himself, glancing around the bedroom. It looked spotless; clothes no longer piled along the floor, desk cleared so crumpled pages of looseleaf were no longer piled on the surface and floor around it, dresser arranged neatly with clothes no longer piled atop it. His closet was closed and he could easily speculate that it was a lot more decent and organized inside than it originally had been. Guilt churned in his stomach. Did Nagito clean up because of his comment the night prior? He could only ponder the thought.     

At the edge of the bed, his sweats and boxers were folded neatly, making him suddenly aware of how bare he was. Flustering up slightly at the realization of his state, he leaned forward to gather the items. They smelt fresh, like lavender almost, making it clear Nagito had washed them. Smiling to himself, he stepped off the bed to swiftly slip into the clean garments.     

He retrieved his phone from the little table next to the bed, flashing his phone on briefly. Paying no mind to the sting of the bright screen straining his eyes, he read the time being 9:52AM, as well as noticing several text notifications from Nagito, instinctively swiping his finger on the notification to open it.     

 _'_ _ahh_ _hajime_ _sorry to leave you to wake up alone but_ _i_ _didn't want to be late_ _towrko_ _'_    
_'to_ _wokr_ _*'_    
_'to work***'_    
_'_ _sorrry_ _i_ _hate myself'_    
_'alright just never mind, help yourself to whatever in my kitchen and don't worry about my groceries again!'_    
_'als_ _o,_ _yuor_ _keys are on the kitchen counter_ _i_ _think'_    
 

The grin on his face was hard to wipe off.     

He found himself sinking back into the mattress and repetitively rereading the texts, unaware of the ache in his jaw from the grin that refused to set straight. This feeling was none other than an unfamiliar glow of wholesome happiness- he couldn't recall a time he had felt so...full.    

Did he like this boy? Yep.    

Was  _like_  an understatement? You bet your ass it was.    

He couldn't describe the feeling of finally accepting his own feelings, never mind Nagito's. It was like...passing a class you felt like you'd fail because you were bad at it, or even winning the damn lottery, at least for him.    

He wanted nothing more than to make Nagito happy; to help him move on and forget his trauma, to learn all about him and his quirks and his likes, dislikes, his past. Who "Izuru" was to him...just the name crept chills up his spine.     

He clutched his phone to his chest, eyes closing as he snuggled up with his knees close to his chest. He remembered when they first met, how they went on that tour that wasn't really a tour, how they shared their first kiss together very messily, their first date, first time sleeping next to one another, when Nagito-    

Oh, right. The blowjob.    

There was a reason he was avoiding that memory. Sitting up in an instant, he ignored the knotting in his abdomen, irritated with how easily he reacted to the thought barely brushing up in his mind. Deciding to keep his self control intact, he hopped off the bed and off to the kitchen, where he got a glass of water. The kitchen looked clean and brand new, almost to a point where it looked unused. Glancing around, he noticed what he presumed to be his keys, lifting it up by the silver ring to read the numbers etched into the metal: 8-808.    

He paused for a moment.  _‘I'm not…on that floor, or room numbe_ _r for that_ _matter._ _’_ It was just his luck that Nagito left Hajime's keys elsewhere, without his own next to it. Sighing, he chugged down the rest of his water, placing the cup on the counter to wash once he found his keys. Returning to the bedroom, he involuntarily rolled his eyes with his hands placed on his hips, staring down at the dresser that had anything  _but_  keys on it. Moving things around and briefly peeking into drawers, his annoyance grew quickly.  _'He better_ _have_ _not lost them, I swear,'_  he thought to himself, legs making their way to the bed. He fluffed through the pillows, blankets, tearing the bed apart, until there was just the mattress. He groaned as he neatly made the bed. He checked the bathroom, the laundry room, living room, practically everywhere.    

He shouted an angry 'fuck', a hand slapping down on his thigh as he sat down on the bed. The sting of the hit didn't bother him; he was more annoyed by the lack of knowledge on where his keys were.   

 _'Should I call him?'_  he wondered to himself. He knew he was working, and it was Thursday's maid event, so he must be too busy to get to his phone, and he didn't want him to spare work time for him anymore. Standing up once again, he searched the bedroom once more. It wasn't in the closet, the dresser drawers, the bedside table drawers, under the bed, nowhere. There was only one place he knew he hadn't search; the desk. Sighing, he leaned down, staring at the drawers on the side of the desk until he pulled open the top one. It was full of writing utensils and such, so he deducted his keys wouldn't be there. The second one contained, to his surprise, three pocket knives and lots of different types of bandages. He could feel his stomach bubble with uncertainty and anxiety at the sight, his mind racing for reasons why he needed  _three_  pocket knives and this many types of bandages. Shutting his eyes, he recalled the scars that were tainted all along the pale boys arms and legs, brushing it off as his bad self-destructive habits, as well as probably for self defense from his teenage years... rethinking it, he felt a bit better. They probably were just from his teenage years, although the self-destructive part left a tinge of sickness in him.    

 _'Isn't this wrong? Shouldn't I_ _just call_ _Nagito_ _and figure it out like that?'_    

Despite thinking that to himself, it didn't stop the fact that he was pulling open the last drawer.   

Inside, there was a small cardboard box labeled in familiar writing, 'you'. He stared blankly for a moment, eyes constantly blinking as he processed the written word before him. Who was this from? What was inside of it?  

Despite knowing it was wrong, he plopped down on the ground, legs crossed as he pulled the box out from the drawer, shutting it before placing it down before him. Swallowing back dryly, he opened the box, eyes greeted with pile of envelopes, a ring box, and a small bag...  

He could feel his stomach churn and heart throb painfully.  

"What the hell is all this?" He said out loud, fingers grabbing a handful of the envelopes. He pushed the box aside to put down the pile of notes, grabbing the rest out of it and letting them all sit on the carpet before him. He could feel his arms weaken as he grabbed the first one he noticed.   

On the envelope, the writing was very fancy and clean, much different from what he's seen of Nagito's writing. Not to mention it literally had 'to my dear Komaeda' written on it. He felt sick, so sick. He shouldn't have gone this far, snooping like this. Despite thinking as such, he still proceeded to open the envelope, pulling the note out slowly. Along with it came a polaroid photo slowly fluttering to the ground, the image staring up at him past the letter. 

If he had anything in his stomach, he would have thrown up by now. 

Slowly, he put down the letter and picked up the image, his heart pounding excruciatingly fast and hard in his chest. 

The image was all types of fucked up. It was Nagito himself, laid on the ground of what looked like a basement, open cuts all over his legs and stomach, as well as what he presumed to be none other than cum on his face.  

"What the fuck?" He croaked out, voice lost with shock. Was this an image from his relationship Izuru? Why did he keep the image? He didn't know what to think, but his blood was boiling, all thought process gone. Glancing down at the letter, he skimmed his eyes through the sweet nothings written down, his gaze stuck to the name that signed it at the bottom. 

 _'_ _Kamukura_ _'_  

"Kamu...kura?" Why was it familiar? Was this... Izuru's last name? Why did he feel like he knew him? 

And then it hit him. He began to fumble through the envelopes, looking for more pictures. He needed to see this mans' face, he needed that confirmation that- 

 _Bzzzt_ _!_    
 

He jumped, the vibration startling him against his thigh. 

 _Bzzzt_ _!_    
 

His phone. 

Despite shaking so much, he hastily reached into his pocket, pulling his phone out and immediately cussing under his breath at the name that popped on his screen, calling him. 

 _'_ _Nagito_ _Komaeda_ _'_    
 

He let it ring for sometime, still stuck in a state of shock and confusion. Should he pick up? Should he ask him about the letters and that image and Kamukura? Regardless, he hesitantly accepted the call, swallowing back dryly as he pressed the phone to his ear. 

 _"Ah, Hajime! It took you awhile to pick up, are you busy? Should I leave you alone? I'm truly sorry for-"_    
 

"What is it?" Hajime snapped, disregarding Nagito's words and how harsh his own sounded.  

The boy on the other end was quiet for a moment, likely pondering why the response was so snappy.  _"I, uh, noticed I accidentally brought your keys with me...are you alright? Did I do anything?"_  

"No." 

Things got silent. The tension was unbearable for both ends. Soon enough, Nagito cleared his throat, his breath evidently shaky.  _"Um...if you don't mind, can you bring my keys to the café, so I can give you yours?"_  

"Sure, I'll, uh, let you know when I'm leaving." He hung up before Nagito could reply, impulsively chucking his phone to the side and returning to snooping through the letters.  

* * *

 

"Nagito?" 

The sweet voice interrupted his thoughts as the phone was still held to his ear, body feeling weak as his stomach turned. He glanced to the source of the sound, flashing a forced smile to Chiaki who stood next to him in the distance, past the storage room door. It wasn't good enough to fool her. 

Frowning, she walked over to him, her maid dress swaying to her footsteps. "What happened? Is everything okay? 

His arm lowered, stuffing his phone in the front pocket of his apron. "Nothing, nothing! Just had to let Hajime know I accidentally took his keys with me. I'm gonna go for a quick smoke, so if you need me-" 

Chiaki grabbed his hand as he just started walking past her through the doorway, her expression slightly off. "Why do you have Hajime's keys?" 

He looked back at her, his hand being let go so Chiaki could fold her arms together and pout. "I, uh... he came to return my keys because apparently he had them, and he ended up sleeping over, and this morning i took his keys instead of mine." 

Her pout was quickly replaced with a soft smile, arms falling limp at her sides. "That's nice, I'm glad you got your keys back. Is he still at your place?" 

"Mhm! I cleaned up the place and everything because it was far too filthy for such an amazing person such as himself...he pointed out the mess after we-..." he immediately stopped speaking, head darting away from the pink-haired girl to hide the blush on his cheeks. 

Unfortunately for him, Chiaki could read him like a book. 

"Whaat? After you guys what?" she jumped up, face close to his. 

"Nothing!" 

"Tell me! 

"No-" 

"CHIAKI, IF YOU DON'T GET BACK HERE I WILL SQUISH YOU LIKE AN ANT!!" An annoyed Hiyoko screamed. 

They both grew quiet at Hiyoko's shouting before breaking out into a fit of giggles, Chiaki gently punching Nagito's arm before walking away.  

He made his way out back once getting a dart and his lighter from the employee room where his clothes were, leaning against the wall as he lit the dart, sucking in the smoke through the filter. Exhaling the smoke out heavily, he thought over and over about Hajime's suspicious attitude; why would be be acting like that, to Nagito of all people? Maybe he was just grumpy because he couldn't find his keys is all, or maybe he had a bad time waking up? Yeah, he stuck with those assumptions.  

Finishing up his dart and tossing it to the side, he stared at it until it burnt out, lightly sighing before he returned back inside, slowly sauntering back to the counter. Quietly, he opened the door, immediately freezing once catching the sound of a low and cold voice, all too familiar. 

"Excuse me, miss-" he heard him say, the door staying cracked open slightly to eavesdrop in on what was being spoken between his employee and Izuru. He pondered which of his lovely employees was unfortunate enough to have to deal with this guy, all while his body trembled. 

"Hi, are you ready to order?" He heard Hiyoko say, her voice sounding evidently annoyed.  

"No, I was here to ask you a question." 

It was silent for a while before Hiyoko impatiently insisted he go on. He felt sicker and sicker with every passing second he could hear his voice, but the question he asked only made things worse, especially considering it wasn't him he was asking for. 

"Do you know where I could find a young man named Hajime Hinata? Has he come in recently?" 

He wanted to die on the spot, or murder Izuru himself. He wanted to strangle him, wring his neck until his he was gasping for air and begging for forgiveness- no one touches Hajime, especially not Izuru Kamukura. Instinctively without even thinking about it, he pushed past the door, throwing all his anxiety to the side and walking with as much confidence he could conjure up; which really wasn't a lot. He could feel Izuru's eyes on him, watching him as he pushed past the door and out the counter to attend to customers sitting down, snatching a small clipboard on the way. It was beyond intimidating and emotionally crushing; he wanted to curl up and die. Hiyoko hadn't any idea who the guy was, but the second Chiaki returned from getting extra coffee from the storage room, she nearly dropped the boxes in fright.  

Running up to the pale boy who was chatting with a customer, she tripped over her feet, stumbling into Nagito. Her face was almost as pale as his, and her eyes were full with concern as they looked up at him. The customer was startled, but Chiaki pulled Nagito aside regardless of them, snapping out a quick apology before running off with him outside the front.  

"What is he doing here? Are you okay?" She gasped out, eyes wide as she stared up at Nagito.  

His face looked almost blue, his entire body trembling as he struggled to force this façade. He knew he couldn't keep bailing on work because he was unstable, but the man who  _ruined his life_  was trying to do it again, not to mention he was forcing Hajime to get involved when the last person he wanted to get hurt was the boy he knew he adored with every fragment of his being.  

"Go home, Nagito, I don't care about work right now, you look like you're-" 

"I'm fine!" He lied, smiling down at the girl. Her eyebrows furrowed angrily at him, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back inside, all the way to the staff room. She hastily grabbed his clothes, forced them in his arms, and stormed off, returning to aiding Hiyoko with the customers. 

He felt like such a burden. He should just get over being scared, right? 

God he wanted to die.  

Chucking his clothes back into his little locker, he left the employee room, a bit relieved to see Izuru was nowhere to be seen around the café, and according to Hiyoko, he left long enough to be far gone by now. 

He needed another dart. Maybe even two. 

Disappearing out back once again, he pulled out two cigarettes, tucking the second one atop his right ear. He lit up the first one, more than thankful for his unhealthy coping methods pulling through for him. Not as much as he wishes they could, though. Sighing out smoke, he pulled his phone out, wondering when Hajime was going to bring his keys. Wondering when he will be able to see his sweet face and adorable smile once again, hear that charming laughter and- 

"Komaeda." 

No.  

No no no no no. 

He couldn't bring himself to look at the source of sound. He'd heard that voice enough to tell who it belonged to. 

"Komaeda." 

He didn't need this. Not now, not ever. He felt like his chest was going to burst with how quickly his heart raced, his head pounding and fingers trembling with the cigarette that fit snug between his index and middle finger. Why did he try to be all self-empowering earlier? He should have stayed hidden, so Izuru would never have known he was here. Why did he give in to revealing where he worked like it wasn't going to be an issue? Why- 

"Komaeda." He could hear footsteps against the pavement of the alleyway getting closer. He wanted to die. He wanted to throw the cigarette at him and run, but he knew it wouldn't work. 

"You're so weak, did you really think..." 

He froze as the gentle feeling of a finger against his arm startled him. The cigarette from his fingers was dropped. Was he breathing anymore? Is his heart going to jump out of his chest? 

He could hear his sigh. "Why do you intrigue me, Komaeda?" Izuru's hand clamped around Nagito's wrist, swiftly turning his body around and forcing his front against the wall.  

Why couldn't he move? Why was he letting this happen? 

"You're disgusting." 

He knew that already. 

"You're filthy." 

He knows. 

"You murderer." 

He...knows. He knows all this, he knows it all, he wants it to stop, he wants everything to stop- 

A different hand gripped his waist in an ever so slightly familiar way. Think, move, do anything, Komaeda...but he didn't. He stayed frozen with shock, far too traumatized with the situation to allow anything to register in his mind. Why was Izuru back? Why did he want to see him? Why did- 

His head started pounding more. That's right, Izuru came here asking for Hajime, not Nagito. A surge of anger overpowered the regret and trauma, his arm forcing itself back against Izuru's chest, startling him. "What do you want Hajime for?" 

The grip on his waist loosened, Izuru taking a step back. His expression stayed dull and bored, never once showing emotions that weren't forced and faked to manipulate Nagito. 

"You don't know?" 

What does he even say to that? He doesn't know anything anymore. 

"Before you, I was-" 

"What the fuck?" 

Both of them darted at the voice, Nagito feeling an indescribable concoction of emotions. Hajime stood at the doorway, face pale and anger obvious. 

"Hajime, I-!" 

"Don't call me that, what the fuck is going on?" 

Izuru stepped forward, staring deep into the eyes of Hajime. Watching him, he saw the expression on the brunette change, immediately aware of what was going on. Hajime knows Izuru, doesn't he? 

"It's been forever, hasn't it? I see you and my-" 

"Shut up, just shut up, Kamukura, do not fucking start." He spat the words like venom at him, his gaze returning to Nagito. He wasn't sure if he wanted his attention at this very moment anymore. "You." 

"M-me?" 

Hajime stomped down from the door, shoving Nagito's keys against his chest before turning around immediately. ' _Were those...tears?_  '  
"Hajime-" 

"What point of don't call me that don't you get?" 

Hajime angrily left, pushing past Izuru and slamming the door shut behind him. Thousands of thoughts filled his mind. Did Hajime think he was cheating on him? They weren't officially together yet, and surely Hajime knew he was the only one he wanted, right?  

He wanted to die. Everything was going wrong, and he didn't know to fix it. Why did Hajime act like this instead of trying to defend Nagito, or help him? Not to mention he seemed to know Izuru, and even called him by that name, which Nagito had never called him by to him. Perhaps Chiaki had? 

That didn't matter, though. Now he was left alone, emotionally vulnerable, for a manipulative, emotionally abusive Izuru, who already had done more damage than necessary, to toy with him.  

"Let me walk you home, Komaeda." 

He didn't reply. He wanted to go where no one was, so he could rot and die for everything he ever did. He wanted Izuru to leave him alone, he wanted to kill him with his own hands. Pull his teeth out, split his lip, stab his eyes, carve x's into his stupid, perfect skin because he is fucking terrible and he ruined Nagito's life enough. 

"Let me walk you home, now, Komaeda." 

He stayed silent. 

"Do not just sit there and act as if you can't hear me." 

"Why can't you spare me just this once?" He croaked out, head hung low against his knees. He wanted to die. This was too much.  

Everything was messy. What's going on anymore? 

He heard no vocal reply, but the sound of fading footsteps was enough to ease him just barely.  

He needed to talk to Hajime and  _fast_. He needed answers, he needed to know why he was acting like this, and how to fix it. He can't lose the one shot of love he's found, even if it's such early judgement. Plucking the dart from his ear, he stayed curled up on the ground, lighting it up swiftly and basking once against in unhealthy coping methods. 

He wondered if a one-time night with Rantarou and some coke would do him any good, or hotboxing Ouma's bedroom like they did in high school. Maybe excessive drinking with Celestia, or even with Junko, of all people. 

He just wanted something to help forget, even if it's just for a bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello gomen again for taking forever to get this out...  
> school sucks and i hate myself and this is super shitty nhefenifnef i literally just keep getting worse Uh
> 
> kinda sorta wanna take a hiatus but every hiatus i take ends up being permanent so helllll no
> 
> im gonna slowly try and edit each chapter over time
> 
> also does anyone like fire emblem please let me know
> 
> ALSO top hinata x bottom koma or the opposite? thx babes
> 
> goodnight


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coping methods and crazy (high) ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey see end notes for me being Fuckign annoying
> 
> also oumamisai is Good.
> 
> also minimal dialogue because...zz.......
> 
> i'll edit this in the morning when i wake up im really tired it's 4:30ish am

Nagito ended up spending the rest of his shift in silence, physically and emotionally drained from the previous events. Chiaki consistently asked if he was alright or if he wanted to be driven home, to which he kindly dismissed her, presuming that he was alright and didn't need the coddling. She knew he wasn't alright, though. 

It was a weird type of sad. He felt emotions that he felt he couldn't convey, driving him to bottle them up until he could. He knew bottling them up wouldn't help. 

Finishing up his shift while no customers were around, the peachy hues of the sun setting dimmed in through windows, only complicating how he felt. He wanted to be able to enjoy its beauty happily, to take in all the pink and orange glows with a genuine, happy smile, but he couldn't. Everything he did felt forced. 

Chiaki listened to him as he tried to explain what happened, concerned as to why he hadn't broken out into tears. Ending up more confused by the situation as a whole, she promised him she'd talk to Hajime as soon as she could and let him know, in hopes of assuring him things would be alright. 

"Why do you think he reacted like that?" She asked once they were in her car, her small hand on steering wheel and eyes focused on the road ahead of them. He didn't reply. He couldn't comprehend what could have caused that reaction. What was he missing? Why did Hajime know Izuru? 

It wouldn't have bothered him that much if he called Izuru by his first name. He hadn't spoken a breath of his last name, so why did Hajime know it? 

Chiaki claimed she hadn't talked to him about Izuru at all, so all hopes of her being the reasoning were out of the question. 

Why did he feel this way? Why couldn't he rely on the hope he had his entire life? Why was this situation draining him more than the fact that Izuru was back? 

He spent the night reading or trying to write down his emotions onto paper, each attempt resulting in books being chucked across the room and paper being frustratingly scribbled on until he gave in to crumpling it and tossing it aside. He smoked the rest of his pack of cigarettes while staring down at his phone, his text conversation with Hajime opened and more than tempting to give in to. Sooner or later, he found himself passed out on the desk with his cheek against the cold, hard surface, phone sat down next to him. 

He woke up near noon the next day, trudging out of his apartment to buy more cigarettes. He bought two packs this time, and smoked a few darts on his walk to Usami's. Chiaki told him he had no shifts today but he worked until evening anyway. Junko picked him up after and took him out to drink til midnight. He told her about what happened, breaking out into messy tears and ugly drunken sobbing. She dropped him off at Chiaki's once he finished throwing up in the girls' washroom.  

She took him in calmly, made him some tea and a quick snack. The only thing he could hear was faint 8-bit music from Chiaki's bedroom buzzing in his ear, as well as her frequently asking if he was alright or needed anything. He ended up throwing up again, apologizing over and over again for ruining Chiaki's night. He apologized for just about anything he thought he should be sorry for. She insisted there was nothing wrong. He insisted everything was wrong. 

Once calming him down, Chiaki brought him to bed with her. They snuggled sweetly, Nagito getting constant reminders that she was there with brief nuzzling every so often. It assured him a lot, making him feel more comfortable and safe _._ They mumbled soft 'I love you's before falling asleep. 

He woke up from a bittersweet dream about Hajime, to a variety of breakfast foods in bed, Chiaki insisting he eat something. He softly dismissed her, smiling up at the pink haired girl who only pouted in reply. 

"You threw up everything you probably ate in the last few days last night, Nagito." She complained, digging through her closet. 

"Did I?" He asked, head light and throat feeling raw.

Chiaki sighed, pulling out a large towel. She placed it on her dresser, as well as a toothbrush. "You still smell like alcohol and throw up, so make sure you shower after you eat, and also brush your teeth. You can go out back for a smoke if you need to, I'll leave you a little tray on the patio to ash in." Her cheeks puffed up as she stared at him, her hands on her hips. 

She left him so he could eat and get out of bed to shower. He never ended up eating, but showered and brushed his teeth thoroughly. They played competitive Nintendo games after he smoked for awhile to keep his mind off of things, Chiaki winning each game. He didn't mind; he was just glad the girl was having fun playing games with him. She talked off about the intricacies of fighting games and how they're more than just button mashing madness. It was endearing to hear and enough for him to put his worries aside for just a bit.

He asked if she talked to Hajime. She said he never picked up the phone. 

Eventually he went home where he cleaned around to distract himself, washing every dish thoroughly, rearranging items in his cabinets and fridge. He changed his bed sheets, reorganized desk and dresser drawers, did laundry, did anything he thought he needed to do until there was nothing left to do but smoke on the balcony.

He got a phone call from Junko, who asked if he was alright. He said he was, so she and him discussed the renovations of the casino. Once settling that it'd be closed for sometime, she hung up, leaving him to smoke in silence again. 

He was lost in thought, alone and empty again. Why didn't he just try calling Hajime? Why didn't he try talking it out with him?

Probably because he was afraid. Afraid of the reason he cut him off, afraid of hearing anything he didn't want to hear. He couldn't blame Hajime, though. He'd cut himself off too. But why did he cut him off? What possible reason did he have?

Who was Izuru to him?

The buzzing of his phone made him jump, his fingers nearly dropping his lit cigarette on himself. His free hand scrambled through his pocket for his phone, frowning at the unknown number displayed on his screen. 

"Hello?" He answered, leaning back against the glass of his balcony door.

_"Ah! Hi, hi, this is your hitman speaking, I was- no, Saihara-chan, shut up-"  
"H-hello, it's- Ouma-kun, cut it-"_

The line cut off after the sound of Ouma's giggling, and he didn't know whether to roll his eyes or chuckle. He did both. The same unknown contact appeared once again, and this time, he picked up to Rantarou's voice.

 _"Hey, sorry, those two are ridiculous."_ Rantarou sounded exhausted on the other end, likely tired of dealing with Ouma and his childish hijinks. The distant sounds of Saihara and Ouma playfully arguing were as loud as could be, and he'd be lying if he said he was surprised.

"No, no, it's okay! Did you need anything?" Nagito chimed sweetly.

Rantarou explained that Junko had texted him telling him to invite Nagito to his and the other two boys' little get together to cheer him up 'or else', to which Nagito briefly explained why he needed cheering up in reply. Rantarou told him he'd be out in front of his apartment to pick him up in twenty minutes tops, so Nagito took that time to change into something more comfortable for whatever drug-oriented session they were going to have. 

* * *

Arriving at Ouma's mansion, they all sat together in a circle in the purple-haired boy's bedroom, passing around a bong. Nagito was a bit shocked that Saihara was in on the smoke session, but decided not to press the question. It was unbelievable how much grape Panta Ouma was chugging down, and how much smoke Rantarou and Saihara could take in. 

They all exchanged drug related stories- Ouma and Rantarou talking about the time they tried to make shroom tea with Panta because Ouma had the crazy idea and Rantarou ended up taking Ouma to the hospital because he was tripping out that much; Saihara talking about the first time he got high with his best friend, Kaede Akamatsu, and how he ended up crying over Pokemon because 'Pikachu knew the truth about pokeballs and how he wasn't going to force his claustrophobic ass into that tiny thing.'

The room was hazy with smoke, the heavy scent of weed barely noticeable to them. At some point, Ouma brought out some vodka, which they all passed around taking shots and babbling about the first thing that came to their minds. They're all giggling and beaming together happily, all sense of time and the world out of their minds. Rantarou puts on some music to occupy them, and soon enough, Ouma and Saihara are making a fool of their selves, swaying hips against one another in sync with the beat, which was surprising considering they were both drunk and high. Nagito and Rantarou recorded the two, both laughing as they leaned against one another to keep any sense of balance. It was nice, feeling this way around good people who he felt he could trust. Though he found Ouma ridiculously annoying, he kept that to himself because the boy did have potential to be tolerable and actually kind of cute. Not to mention he always had good weed, and was probably the most fun person to be high and/or drunk with. 

"Hey, wait, Nagi, listen dude, Chiaki told me you, like, quit smoking weed or something, right?" Rantarou asked, his face ridiculously close to his. Neither of them really processed it, as the space was hard to identify to begin with. "She, like, asked me if you smoked at the party yesterday and I told her 'no way!' because I thought she was asking because you don't or something, but like...you do? Do you? Why did I ask- no, wait, why did she...ask, yeah, why did she ask?"

Nagito blinked as he processed Rantarou's slurred words, his mind struggling to figure them out. "She asked...you...if I smoked at the party- wait, weed?"

"Yeah, like, weed. Dank, the greens."

He blinked again. The sounds of Ouma knocking into something and yelping in a weird way caught his attention, but his eyes didn't follow the sound. "Weird," he mumbled, leaning back against his arms that were propping his back up. "I told her I quit, but like...life...bad...sucks...no tell."

All the green-haired boy did was nod in reply and sluggishly stand up, walking over to where Ouma had fallen. He watched him peer his head past the doorway of Ouma's bedroom's bathroom, frozen in place at what was going on inside.

"What?" Nagito asked, struggling to get up and stumbling towards Rantarou. Inside of the bathroom, Ouma and Saihara were messily making out, Saihara sat atop of the purple-haired boy. Their breathy moans were more clear now that he processed the scene before them.

Ouma mumbled something about them watching, but Saihara paid it no mind, only having Ouma calling Saihara a 'filthy voyeur' as he started biting his neck in reply. Rantarou kindly closed the door, taking Nagito back to the bedroom where they sat in the bed and turned up the music a bit more to block out the sounds of the two boys in the bathroom.

"Are you okay?" Nagito spoke up, staring at Rantarou. The man looked somewhat upset, and he couldn't help but feel bad. Rantarou explained that he found himself in a situation where he had feelings for both Ouma and Saihara and how he was just a third wheel to them. He told it all with a smile, but Nagito still found himself gently patting his back in sympathy, letting him go on and on about how he felt. They both spilled to one another about the one thing bothering them the most, offering each other slurred advice and dumb back-pats in an attempt to cheer each other up. To be fair, Nagito found it sweet and funny, so they kept it up, giggling and chuckling after every back-pat.

"So he, like...called him his last name?" Rantarou asked, his fingers twiddling against each other. Nagito nodded in reply, watching how the green-haired male's eyebrows furrowed. "And it wasn't because Chiaki called him that before?" He nodded once again. "I have an idea." He said, so Nagito watched Rantarou hop off the bed, picking the bong up and opening the grinder still full of weed. He packed a large bowl, stuffing a hand into his pocket and pulling out a lighter. He flashed a suggestive smile and a nod to Nagito, who immediately smiled back as he joined him on the bed. They passed it back and forth, each taking a rip and subtly but briefly shotgunning the smoke to one another past barely touching lips, Rantarou clearly hyping up whatever crazy idea he refused to say just yet. 

Once sucking up the last of the bowl's smoke from Nagito's mouth, he breathed it out in his face, receiving a chirpy giggle in response. "Alright, okay, listen, I have an idea."

The pale boy laughed, handing the bong back to Rantarou who placed it aside. "It better be good if you made me shotgun with _you_ ," he teased playfully, head spinning and fingers numbing.

Rantarou shifted off the bed, his hands on his hips as his smile grew into a large grin. "Lets go to Hajime's apartment and talk to him," he suggested.

Nagito laughed again, mind far too gone to realize it was a terrible idea. It sounded great to him; talking to Hajime when he was most confident and certainly the most high would work out just...fine... He jumped off the bed, stumbling to a high Rantarou who was looking through Ouma's closet. He pulled out a small but loose, ripped up black shirt, handing it to Nagito and insisting he put it on. He struggled to get his hoodie off, sliding the small shirt on and receiving a whistle from the younger male. 

"Hajime would need to be either blind or stupid to not want you on his dick, I'm just saying."

They laughed loudly together, unable to compose their selves as they just grew louder, no longer laughing at what Rantarou had said but rather just the fact that they were laughing was enough to cause more laughter. Rantarou scribbled a messy note for the two boys in the washroom to read when they were done, the note briefly explaining that they were off to go visit 'Nagito's sexy ~~masn~~ mans'. 

Exiting the house, Rantarou knew it'd be best if he didn't drive, so they walked and talked, frequently taking breaks to catch their breath from laughing so hard. Nagito told him about how he and Hajime had a moment awhile ago and how he sucked him off, to which Rantarou congratulated him as he carelessly pulled out a joint. They shared it as they walked, Rantarou enjoying it while Nagito's paranoia of cops picked at the back of his mind. He couldn't recall a time where he's ever been this high out of his mind before. How much weed had he smoked in the last hour or two? More than he could ever recall smoking before.

Rantarou told him about how Ouma gave him a messy lap dance at the party, which Nagito briefly recalled but threw off as him imagining things. He was just as shocked as Rantarou seemed to be, but he was happy for him in a way. It was bittersweet at best.

Once reaching Hajime's apartment complex, they entered and made their way up to Hajime's floor, pondering how to get in without entering the door so they could surprise him. As if he came prepared, Rantarou pulled out a bobby pin and began lock picking the neighbours' door next to Hajime's, explaining that it'd be 'very smart' to sneak in from the balcony and surprise him. Komaeda went with it, because he was just as high as Rantarou was. Maybe even higher, being an extreme lightweight and all.

After fidgeting with the lock, he got it open, opening the door in a way that he thought was quiet and whispered 'go' to Nagito in the least whisper-like voice. He went in anyway, stumbling towards where the balcony was. The apartment looked very clean and decorative with vintage-looking furniture and curtains and such. Choosing to not pay it much mind with the risk of distracting himself, he opened the glass balcony door, the breeze of the outdoors making his fluffy hair fly in his face.

"Okay," he mumbled to himself, shutting the door behind him and crawling over the balcony railing with little hesitation. Sober Nagito would have never considered something so dangerous, but being as high as he was, he had little issue doing such a thing. He gripped the railing tightly, eyes studying how to get around the block of wall separating the two apartment rooms. Slowly, he inched closer, arm reaching out to hug around the corner tightly.

"You got this, Nagi!" Rantarou screamed from below as he inched closer, a free arm grabbing the railing of Hajime's balcony. He wondered how Rantarou got down so quickly, and whether he locked the strangers' door before leaving. He was beaming brightly at how swiftly he was accomplishing this, barely registering the sound of Hajime's balcony door sliding open.

"Yeah, I got this, Ran-!"

"Komaeda, what the _fuck_ are you doing?" A voice that was none other than Hinata's rang in his ears.

His heart stopped, and surely, his grip loosened, all sense of footing and balance completely off the chart. Was he falling? Yep.

His fingers slipped off, stumbling back as he couldn't grab anything to keep himself up. The last thing he could recall seeing before pummeling to the ground was Hajime reaching out to save him. Or maybe to push him. He didn't care.

He was falling off the love of his lifes' 6th floor balcony. What else could he be worrying about?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i edited the fuck out of chapter 1 and im going to w the rest but if you want to reread 1 go ahead, theres not a big difference i just... added somethings but nothing big enough to change literally anything. idk why im talking about this, this fic aint even good enough for me to be acting the way i do w it
> 
> KOMANAMIIIIII platonic tho i dont mess w that het romantic shit...im kidding but fr tho there is no implications of romance between the two! 
> 
> sccchoool suckssss i've gotten high 5-7 days like a week ago because GOD it's been rough. trying to avoid drv3 until another long weekend but it's hardddd i love my boys so much. kokichi is so much more better than i originally anticipated and saihara is so pretty and such an important baby i really!!!! wanna have them come up in this fic frequently. speaking of which--
> 
> i hope my interpretations of the 3 drv3 boys (of my heart) isnt bad.....i think for my first proper time and given the fact that im 2 chapters in and only talk to kokichi, his is as spot on as i will get. also im pretty sure in omake mode, nagito doesn't like kokichi so i tried my best to fit that in? my au wise tho, they've had good times for sure but he just....gets annoyed by him easily??? nagito is far too respectful in this tho to give him a hard time so sorry im 'shsl out of character writer'
> 
> also modern au = drugs man i cant not include drugs i love?? weed ...i know this sorta thing isnt for everyone but hey! take it as it is if it's ur cup of tea
> 
> will i ever stick only to last names or first names? only time will tell
> 
> man i am doing izuru REAL DIRTY IN THIS i actually like...love him...but i just..he fit the role best considering nagito is Gay
> 
> anyway i hope this wasn't too bad, sorry i take so long to get these out. i love all u little shits and i have no words for how appreciative i am for over 2k hits.......i honestly expected this to have maybe less than 500.....i truly truly hope this isn't as bad as i feel it is owhfnionfoenfo i want to be! good! i want people to actually like my fic, i want it to be able to be one of those fics people think about like i do with so many other plot fics it just fucks me up to think that might happen w me but my lack of confidence immediately tells me i'll never be one of those people
> 
> sorry im so self degrading  
> sorry im not 100% in character  
> to be fair, i think anyone writing an au fic should be allowed to be just a bit ooc, given not everyone's personality stays the exact same when being through different things if you know what i mean... like nagito is definitely very off from original nagito, but ONLY because theres very little for him to be him to i guess? there are no shsls and i try to keep the hope obsession lowkey because that was a very "used to" kinda thing i guess? izuru crushed it pretty much, but it has some cameos in his most desperate times where he's trying to convince himself everything will be okay yenno...im just trying to make myself feel better about being ooc 
> 
> none of this makes sense sorry im tired
> 
> sorry about komamami shotgunning??? i was inspired and shotgunning is hot? theyre high as balls they wont see it as anything but getting high dw..no komamami fcking here. although they would? be hot 
> 
> also kinda regret never having chapter names? dunno why but i feel like they make things better  
> o well


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fake or just complicated?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enddd notes also enjoy

He couldn't recall ever sprinting as fast as he was in that very moment before. He hadn't even bothered to put on shoes or anything, running out of his apartment just in his boxers, and down the hall to the elevator as quickly as he could.  

“Come on, come on!” he shouted at the elevator, smashing the button with his fist repetitively. His patience was wearing thin.  

As he wasn't patient enough, Hajime gave in to his worry, running towards the stairs without thinking twice about it. Bashing himself against the door to open it, he almost tripped over his feet before skipping steps and quickly running down staircase after staircase. He was panting, breathless by the time he reached the bottom, but he kept running, until he was out to where Rantarou stood outside, trying to help Nagito's unconscious body out of the blue garbage crate before him.  

He ran up to him without saying anything, stepping onto a part of the metal that protruded out to reach in and pull Nagito out quickly. He fell back as soon as the force of his weight hit him, his body giving out and bare back falling against the concrete ground behind him. He could feel it scrape at the skin of his shoulder blades, grunting as he held onto Nagito tightly.

“Fuck, are you okay?” Rantarou gasped out, helping Hajime lay Nagito next to them. The unconscious boy had scrapes all over his arms, with bruises that were already evidently forming on them as well. His stomach was no exception to the damage either.

He didn't know how to feel. He wanted to be furious with Nagito, doing what he did, but no part of him let him. That didn't mean he wasn't going to take it out on the next person in on it.  

“What the fuck was he doing?” he barely yelled, panting profusely for air. He sat up, a hand immediately pressing against Nagito's neck to check his pulse. He sighed in relief once feeling it before he pressed his ear to his chest, continuing to breathe while listening to the comfort of his heartbeat. His chest rose every so often, making it clear he was still breathing.  

“I- he, well, wanted to see you, since you’ve been ignoring him for whatever reason," Rantarou sounded slightly angry, but his face failed to show it. He was too pale and shaky, eyes focused down on Nagito who lay unconscious and still.  

“I have a  _door_ , okay? He could have knocked-“  

“He wanted to surprise you-“  

“Well not the best way to do it, okay?!”  

Rantarou breathed out a shaky sigh, helping himself up. “Look, it's my fault, okay? Maybe you're too concerned about your issue with him right now to care, but I feel guilty whether you believe that or not.”  

Hajime looked up at him, his glare evident. His breathing was fairly normal by now, and breathing with his nose only made him realize a distinct scent. He leaned down, nuzzling his nose against his shoulder and wincing at the scent of weed.   

“Was he fucking  _high_?” he said loudly, glancing back up at Rantarou who flinched, an arm grabbing the other as his gaze awkwardly drifted to the ground next to him.  

“Well-“  

“How did he even get into the balcony next to me?! And really, the balcony of all places? This is ridiculous, I'm taking him to the hospital-“  

“No, no, do _not_.”  

“What do you mean, no? Why not?! He just fell from my fucking balcony, are you serious right now?”  

Rantarou paced towards the garbage crate, hopping up and staring inside before hopping back down and returning to Hajime who was more angry than he could probably show. “Trash bin is full of like, old furniture, and the fall didn't sound fatal-“  

“Do I need to remind you he fell from the 6th fucking floor?” Hajime sighed, sitting up and dipping his arms under Nagito's back and legs to lift him up. "That alone is enough to be worried about, and if you're worried as much as I am, the least you could do is encourage I take him to the fucking hospital."  

“Hajime, no, give him to me.”  

Hajime ignored him, helping himself and walking past the green haired boy.  

“Seriously, don't take him to the hospital. If they find drugs in his system he'll be in a lot of shit, okay?”  

“Just go, I’m keeping him in my  _drug-free_  apartment,” he practically hissed at him, attitude intended. Rantarou watched him walk away, unable to do anything about it.

Carrying Nagito wasn't really an issue, as the pale boy was extremely light for his age. He stared down at the scrapes and bruises and old scars on his stomach, pondering regretfully as to why he's bringing him up with him. Why did he want to look after him so bad? He knew what he's done by now, having snooped around so much. Why was he letting this happen? He tried to cut ties with him once and he was probably going to do it twice after this. 

Did he really want to? 

Shaking his head, he stepped into the elevator as the doors slid open, elbowing the 6th floor button and leaning against the wall as he waited. Returning to his apartment moments later, he carefully placed Nagito on his bed before sliding a shirt on and getting his medical kit. 

"Alright, Komaeda, surely this is a lesson," he mumbled to him, opening up the kit and pulling out cotton pads and rubbing alcohol. He began slowly cleaning the scrapes and cuts, barely focusing on what he was doing and looking more at his face. His dark circles looked worse than he could remember, making his stomach churn with unintentional guilt. He was still pretty, regardless of the dark circles and scars and past. Surely he could put aside the whole murderer thing, right? Nagito was still so sweet, and it's not like he was over him. 

He dropped the bottle of rubbing alcohol as he was lost in thought, hissing out a cuss before jumping up and grabbing it quickly. He stumbled to his dresser to place the nearly empty bottle down, swiftly turning around.

"H-Haj-...Hi...nata...?" 

His heart stopped, both their eyes glued to one another's eyes. 

Nagito flinched trying to sit up, wincing slightly as he leaned against his elbows. He finally broke eye contact to look down at his body, his emotions unreadable. 

Hajime didn't know what to say, at a complete loss for words. He felt flushed up and nauseous at the same time, unable to comprehend anything.  

The pale boy laid back down, hands pressing against his mouth to muffle what Hajime could figure out to be obvious giggling. 

 _'He's still high, isn't he?'_  he thought to himself, eyes rolling dismissively. Walking over to Nagito, he fished out bandages from the kit and slowly placed them over each cut and scrape, desperately trying to ignore his face. 

He knew Nagito was watching him, admiring him with the same heart eyes he always had when he stared at him. He was done with Nagito and that was final to him; he wasn't going to let that manipulative adoration get to him. 

Was he just overthinking it? Was it truly just Izuru? He wish he could say so, but based on those photos... 

He paused as he was opening a bandage, not by his thoughts but the cold, thin hand that wrapped around his wrist. 

 _"Hinata-_ _kun_..." his words were slow and honeyed. 

He was going to lose his mind. 

Nagito tugged on the arm, his smile soft yet wide once...  _Hinata_  finally looked back at him, and  _Komaeda_  wasn't doing anything to aid this anxious feeling.  

"K-...Komaeda, let go." Hinata felt like he was going to throw up, frozen in place. His heart was pounding against his chest, and Komaeda had no issue figuring that out as his fingers were pressed against the pulse point of his wrist. 

Why did he take him in to begin with? Was he actually worried about  _him_  or the things he was capable of? Surely thinking about it was just a waste of time, right? 

"You look scary right now, Hinata-kun. Your face is pale, and your heart is racing." 

"Shut up!" He retaliated, jerking his arm away and standing up. He gathered the items that belonged in the medical kit, closing it up and placing it on the bedside table. He brought out a towel to place on the spilled remains of the rubbing alcohol on the bed to soak it up, sighing to himself as he looked at Komaeda. 

"Are you thinking of doing something to me?" He suggested, an arm over his eyes to block out the bright light. His gaze never failed to disconnect with his own. "If so, I do not mind. I haven't been with you in forever, Hinata-kun-" 

"Komaeda, just...sleep. You're still high out of your mind and I'm not going to do anything to you, so just sleep. I'm leaving." 

Without listening to a thing Komaeda had to say in reply, he exit the bedroom hastily, shutting the lights off and leaving the door open by a slight crack, just in case he were to get up and do something reckless. Surely Hinata would hear. 

He spent the next few hours working on medical documents before falling asleep on the couch. 

* * *

Komaeda was still asleep when Hinata woke up early, so he decided to go do a bit of grocery shopping. Returning with grocery bags, he placed them on the counter of his kitchen, sighing to himself heavily. He called out for Komaeda, peeved that he wasn't up yet. He organized his groceries into their proper places impatiently, prolonging the inevitable result where he goes and checks on the pale boy. Deciding to muster up confidence, despite being more than just unsure he wouldn't get stabbed, Hinata stomped off and up to his bedroom door, where once peeking inside, a tired Komaeda lay curled up. 

"Komaeda, are you seriously still asleep?" He grumbled, loud enough for the both of them to hear. Upon walking in and up to him, Komaeda's eyes opened, glancing up at Hinata hesitantly. His eyes looked puffy...was he crying, Hinata wondered? 

"I-...Hinata-kun, I...I'm sorry a pesky bug like me not only ruined your night, but also took over your-" 

"How do you feel?" Hinata interrupted, swallowing back dryly. He could feel his fingers tense up and palms get clammy as he stood before the pale boy, stomach riddled with nauseous turning. "Do you remember what happened last night?" 

Komaeda's head barely twitched before he winced, eyebrows immediately furrowing. "I do, and I think every bone in my body is shattered. I suppose that's what I get when I foolishly try to force my way back into your life." 

Ignoring the second part of the reply, Hinata inched towards his desk, leaning down and looking through the drawers. Having his back turned on Komaeda made him nervous but hoping he wasn't messing around about being pained, he continued anyways. "I have some strong painkiller stuff somewhere, so just be still and try not to force any pressure on yourself." Swiftly digging a hand past paper files, he pulled the small orange prescription bottle out, placing it on his desk as well as getting a glass of water. It was the least he could try to do to help Komaeda. 

Then again, everything he's done in the past few hours was  _not_  his least.  

"I'm gonna bring you breakfast to eat before you take that," Hinata muttered, placing the glass of water on his desk next to the prescription bottle.  

"Hinata-kun."

He could hear Komaeda grunt as he turned his body to face Hinata, the brunette's throat tightening as he swallowed dryly. "What, Komaeda?" He turned to face him, immediately regretting asking.

"What happened?" Komaeda asked, propping himself up on his elbows. He winced painfully, shifting until his back pressed against the headboard behind him.

Hinata couldn't bring himself to speak, staring at the pale boy in awe. He didn't see a reason in talking about it. Wasn't the reason obvious? Did Komaeda really care about what they had that much? 

Taking a deep breath and collecting himself, Hinata left the bedroom calmly to make Komaeda breakfast, leaving both of them hanging in thought. He felt guilty doing so, but he couldn't bring himself to face the situation head on. He already spent so much time having meltdowns in the last few days over everything. He thought he had been doing good enough, cutting ties with Komaeda and all, but as much as he didn't want to admit it, he knew he really truly fell for the pale boy, and wanted to be with him. He wondered whether it was better to have never found out the truth about the things he had done to begin with.

Returning to the room with soup and bread, he helped Komaeda sit up properly, placing the large plate on top of his lap.

Komaeda chuckled, a soft smile curling on his lips. "Hinata-kun, I don't think I'll be able to feed myself like this..."

Thinking about it, Hinata realized his arms were one of the most injured parts of his body, rolling his eyes at himself. He wasn't just going to give in to what Komaeda clearly wanted; he'd feel better hearing him ask, truthfully. "Your point?"

His facial expression showed a tinge of confusion before the smile crept back up, wider and a lot more flirtatious, in a way. Hinata could feel his cheeks flush. "Mh, Hinata-kun, would it be alright if a disgrace such as myself asked you a favour?" 

Hinata's staring and crossed arms were a good enough reply for him, as if he had personally told him to go on himself.

"Would you be alright with feeding me?"

He had to force down the celebratory smile that dared to crack his poker face, forcing an irritated sigh. "Fine, but don't do anything stupid." Sitting himself onto the bed, he inched himself close to Komaeda, picking the plate off of his lap and placing it in his own. He started to spoon feed the soup to him, caught up in endearment for him. He couldn't even think about all the wrong things for a split second, captivated in the moment.

Chewing on the bread that was fed to him, Komaeda pushed away the rest of it, shaking his head slightly. Swallowing down, he muttered that he was full and apologized for 'wasting his food'. Hinata placed the plate on the desk, pondering how he could be full by so little.

"Is it alright if I give you the painkiller now?" Hinata asked, opening the orange bottle and taking out the pill.

"Why do you have them?" he asked, running a hand through his fluffy hair.

Hinata couldn't help but admire the action, briefly remembering how soft the white hair was. "Back when I was in high school, I got into some car accident and was on these for awhile. It wasn't too big of a deal, so in the end they just made me feel really high. My dad insisted I preserve them for important times and this seems like an important time, so I'm glad I have them."

As Komaeda nodded, he handed him the pill and the cup of water, watching him as he swallowed it down. Hinata insisted he slept for a bit, leaving the bedroom so he could do so. 

He unknowingly fell asleep while looking at bills.

* * *

 

Waking up, Hinata groaned loudly to himself, irritated that he couldn't keep up when not distracted by Komaeda. He had slept so much over the past few days, yet still consistently felt tired.

The past few days indefinitely sucked. Constantly questioning with himself whether Komaeda was genuinely complicated or just fake to him. Would he kill people to spite him, or get his attention?

Why couldn't his mind come to a conclusion?

Sighing, he closed his eyes once again, remembering each and every note and picture. They all pointed the finger to Komaeda; that he was always the culprit for every documented murderer and Kamukura had nothing to do with it. Was that really blackmail or just the truth? He wanted to believe Komaeda was good, that he's just overthinking it and there was nothing to worry about, but the amount of bodies documented were, to put it plainly, sick. Why did Komaeda still have them, too? Nothing added up, and only frustrated him further.

Opening his eyes, he got up, walking to the bedroom to silently check on Komaeda.

He seemed asleep. Keyword, seemed. Hinata could hear muffled whimpering, momentarily cussing at himself and the way his junk reacted by throbbing against his will. He silently yelled at it, before walking in and finding himself shocked. Those sounds became a lot more clear to be not good whimpers, not to mention the pale boy was trembling and sweating in his sleep. He felt guilty for originally finding the sound sexy.

He called out Komaeda's name, his stomach turning at the sounds and lack of reaction.  
He called out again, startled when Komaeda's body jerked up before he grunted painfully, immediately laying back down.

"I'm not crazy!" Komaeda choked out, his body curling up under the sheets. "I-I'm...n-not-"

"Komaeda-"

"I-I...I can't...it wasn't..."

" _Komaeda_ , listen to me, hey-" The chucking of a pillow caught him off guard, the cushion bumping against his chest. "Komaeda," he said again, approaching him slowly. He was just a lump in the sheets now.

"It wasn't-"

"Hey, hey, Komaeda-" placing his hand on the lump carefully, it was immediately slapped away by a hand that leaped out of the sheets. 

"Don't t-"

He grabbed the thin hand with his own, waiting for a response. He got nothing. "Komaeda, calm down, you were just having a nightmare, okay?" He spoke softly, lacing their fingers together to assure him. It was like all his previous concerns about Komaeda were gone, and he felt comfortable the way he was. At least, until Komaeda spoke again.

"Tell me."

"T-...tell you what, exactly?"

The sheet was pulled down, Komaeda's expression blank as he stared up at Hinata. "Why did you abandon me, Hinata-kun? Whatever did I do to deserve such treatment? I know I'm as useless and annoying as a bug, but even I deserve clarification."

Now he was thinking about it again, and he struggled to not spill it all out. Komaeda had a right to know, without a doubt, but he feared the reaction. Would Komaeda kill him for snooping around, or maybe so no one would have a chance to be with him the way he had every again? Maybe Komaeda really wasn't that crazy, and he was truly just overthinking the entire thing, or maybe-

"Hinata-kun."

Komaeda was impatient, Hinata had to answer. His voice felt caught in his throat, but he forced it out anyways. It was now or never, he told himself, but the advice for him, from him, didn't help in the slightest.

"I-I guess I was scared? I don't fucking know, Komaeda, you're a  _murderer._ " He didn't dare stare at Komaeda as he spoke. "I just wanted my fucking keys, but then I find notes and...pictures, of you and Kamukura's crimes and I can't fucking forget-"

"Hinata-kun-"

"Not to fucking mention Kamukura was my  _therapist_ , for crying out loud! He had me tell him all the shit that bothered me after my mother died, and because out contract was cut off just as we got close, he left the fucking city. He couldn't use  _me_ , so he went on ahead and used  _you_ , and to me, based on the things I saw with you still having literally everything related to him and you being with him back in that fucking alley, who fucking knows, maybe you two are plotting my death and this is all just some stupid fucking-"

The soft press of cracked but gentle lips to his hand cut him off, becoming aware of the tears that flooded his eyes. His fingers were still laced with Komaeda, and he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by it all. 

"Hinata-kun," Komaeda whispered against the knuckle, lips pressing against it once more. "I understand if you no longer want to be anything to me, I wouldn't either-"

"That's...not what I want," he barely choked out, voice hoarse and quiet. Tears streamed down his cheeks, mind flooded with ideas of every possible scenario. He wanted Komaeda, he knew that, but he couldn't bring himself to trust him either.

Komaeda stared up at Hinata lovingly, allowing him to cry and collect himself before speaking once more. "But I can promise you, I was once what I was, I will not deny that to you. I'm sorry you found out that way." He pressed a kiss to his thumb. "But he manipulated me, Hinata-kun. You don't have to believe me, but I want you to hear me out. You don't need to stay with me at all, but I don't want to part on a bad note." He gently pecked a kiss to his index finger, then middle finger. "I know, seeing all that really made things hard for you, Hinata-kun, but I want you to understand I'm very ill-minded and easy to manipulate. That's just what Izuru does; he manipulates clients who are the most weak, ill-minded, and I happened to be the perfect candidate! I know, my words mean not much, but I truly wish we do not part on a bad-"

"Sh-shut up..."

Komaeda blinked. "What?"

Hinata jerked his hand away, leaning down with his hands on his hips. "I-I said...shut up." He wiped tears away hastily, arms crossing as he stood straight and turned away. "Stop saying shit like...ohh, 'I don't want to part' blah blah blah, we aren't parting, stupid. I don't know your side of the story so why would I just leave you like that?"

"Well, you kind of-"

"Nnuh-uh, don't say it! And get this sheet off you, you're gonna make my bed gross from all the sweating you did. Arms up, you're bathing with me."

Komaeda had no words for the sudden change of mood as he was lifted out of the bed. Hinata just wanted to put everything aside again, and figure it out when both of them weren't feeling messed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friday comic con was FUN i have a komaeda and mioda keychain im in love.... im going again tmrw so im forcing this out beforehand
> 
> THE NAMES R DIFFERENT SEEE I SAID IT HAS TO DO W DEVELOPMENT KINDA NVM
> 
> i rushed most of it bc pacing it would be even more jarring to read
> 
> will edit when i have time tmrw! gn fucks ily all


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward bath discussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOOO THIS UPDATE IS DEDICATED TO RAV FOR BEING THE SWEETEST EVER U INSPIRED ME TO FINISH THIS SO HERE I AM !!
> 
> end notes if u wanna read my bs...no one does i think but idc
> 
> nsfw warning hello !!

After being carried carefully to the bathroom, Hinata helped him undress down to his boxers, both of them becoming extremely hesitant and fidgety with the awkward tension of only Komaeda being as bare as he was. 

"Hinata-kun," he called out, sitting on the closed lid of the toilet. He leaned forward to stare at the brunette as he fiddled with the bath, figuring out decent temperature for them to bathe in. "Could you get me a painkiller? I'm truly sorry to ask this of you but if I were to get it myself, I'd likely faint or break something.

Hinata raised his head once he finished plugging the tub, looking back at Komaeda briefly before glancing away, pondering why he thought bathing  _with_  him was a good idea compared to bathing him. "Y-yeah huh, I'll get it..."

He watched him walk past him, face flush a soft shade of pink. Komaeda couldn't help but smile at the sight, bringing his feet up onto the seat and resting his chin between his knees as his arms hugged his legs. His body felt like it he'd been asleep for days, and his track of time was as lost as he felt. Maybe he shouldn't have explained to Hinata what his relationship with Kamukura used to be like. He knew being affiliated with him would just weigh him down and make his life hard. Looking down at his arms, he wasn't sure if he felt self-conscious due to being exposed physically or mentally. Was he mad that Hinata snooped around? Was he mad at Hinata or himself, for keeping all those letters and pictures of his time with Kamukura? He thought about burning them when he goes home.

"Here, I brought you some water and the painkiller."

Looking at the door where Hinata's voice came from, his throat closed and stopped him from coughing at the sight of Hinata in nothing but swimsuit shorts. Hesitantly, he accepted both of the things being offered to him, unaware of how to react. He likely wore them for bathing...

"What about me?" He muttered before taking down the pill and placing the empty cup on the sink counter beside him. "I only have my boxers here, and I can't get those wet."

Patting down his shorts, Hinata laughed nervously, eyes avoiding Komaeda's gaze. "Well...you can probably borrow a pair of mine... wait, no, you're likely too small..."

"Dick wise or hip wise?"

Glaring at him, Hinata gently tapped a playful flick to his head, rolling his eyes as he stepped past him to the bath. "Anyways, your hips are a lot more smaller than mine, so I don't think you can borrow any from me..."

He stretched his legs out, placing his feet flat on the ground and standing up with support of the wall. Hinata glanced back and winced, but Komaeda stood still anyways, arm against the wall to balance himself. "I suppose then I should take these off," he mumbled mostly to himself, his free arm tugging down the end of boxer leg. Hinata glanced back, about to question him with a simple 'what?' but was distracted by what he saw, his eyes widening and arm slipping off the cold water handle, almost falling into the tub. 

"W-wait, give me a second, Komaeda!" He squeaked, struggling to stand back up without glancing back. The sound of clothing sliding down his leg was awfully distracting, and the idea of seeing Komaeda naked was not making anything easier. Clearing his mind of any potential thoughts, he finished up filling the bathtub, coughing lightly to get Komaeda's attention. "You...get in the tub, and I'll be right back," he voiced, waiting for Komaeda to move. Once he realized he hadn't, he knew exactly why, and thus the regret of ever suggesting a bath together sunk in.

"Can you help me in?" Komaeda said, chuckling at the end of his sentence. "I would get in it myself if I could, but a useless person like me would likely slip and crack my head open. I can't make mess like that, or else you'll need to clean it, Hinata-kun." His boxers laid on the ground, still rested on his feet. He lifted his legs up briefly to shake it off, kicking it to the side in the meantime. Much to his surprise, Hinata turned around, eyebrows furrowed and face blushed red. He watched him closely as he walked up to him, eyes never making contact as his arms wrapped under him and moved him into the tub, more focused on the floor than, well, him. Komaeda thanked him before he left momentarily, stretching his legs out and leaning against the end of the tub.

The water was soothing and warm, comfortable enough for him to ignore his body aching just for a bit. He brought his knees up, curling up as comfortably as he could to hide everything he was self-conscious of, that he could. Also because him being completely bare was more than distracting for Hinata. As if on cue with his thoughts, the brunette returned with a lighter, and a pack of cigarettes, to which Komaeda presumed were his, as well as a circle tin tray that he assumed was for him to ash in.

Taking one out, Hinata handed it to Komaeda as well as the lighter, before taking another one out, placing the pack on the sink, and getting into the tub. The shock and confusion had him speechless, although he knew he could put two and two together and figure out why he took  _two_  out. He asked anyways.

"Do you smoke now, Hinata-kun?" he asked calmly, dart between his lips as he lit it up. Hinata took the lighter from him, placing his cigarette between his lips and also lighting his, answering his question pretty clearly. He felt guilty and disappointed; grieved with how he likely influenced him into getting into the habit. "Since when?"

"I missed you," he replied quietly, breathing out the smoke and smiling gently. "The smell of cigarettes reminded me of you, so I went out of my way to get some the day I last saw you, and well, here we are."

"They're bad for you, you know."

"Says you, but I know."

Shifting in the tub slightly, Komaeda sighed out smoke and leaned his head back, tempted to stretch his legs out as Hinata did. He felt cramped up and stiff, but the idea of being as exposed as he was, was discomforting. "Do you have bubble soap?" He asked out loud as the thought popped into his head, leaning over to ash into the ash tray. He wasn't surprised at how quickly Hinata said yes and immediately got out of the tub to get some out of the cupboards under the sink. Pulling out a bottle of the soap, he poured it into the water, to which Komaeda immediately began to swish his free hand in to cause it to bubble up. Hinata helped, the clearness of the water being covered by the bubbles that surfaced. Getting back in, Hinata stretched his legs out around Komaeda once again, and without thinking twice, he did the same, feeling much more comfortable.

"Are you comfortable, Hinata-kun?" asked Komaeda, his knees bending and poking up a bit in guilt of taking up too much room. Hinata nodded and smiled, so he smiled in return, not too sure how he should be feeling at the moment. Relieved? Depressed? To be fair, he felt both ways.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Without needing to ask, he knew what Hinata meant. "It's a lot."

"That's okay, you don't need to tell me if you're not comfortable."

He knew that wouldn't simply work. Hinata would still be scared of him.

So he told him. He told him how they met, how Kamukura and his relationship were both client-based and romantic. He told him how Kamukura spent time figuring Komaeda out, getting into his head, and using him. How he knew he was mentally ill way beyond the point of unhealthy, and used it to his advantage. How he was fascinated by his reliance on hope, how he broke that down, how he used his one wish of only wanting someone's love against him as a weakness. How those images were all taken as evidence and blackmail to be used against him, and so on. Hinata listened carefully, letting him take his time and paying no mind to the times where he'd laugh at the things he'd be saying, despite finding it discomforting. In a way, he understood, though. 

Komaeda knew Hinata would need time, and to be fair, so did he. How was he to get Hinata to trust him, especially after what he did the previous night? He wondered if Hinata believed anything he was telling him.

"Can I be honest with you?" Hinata spoke once he finished talking, pressing the butt of his dart against the ash tray and putting it out. Komaeda waited patiently for him to talk, still slowly smoking his dart. His lungs felt too heavy and dead to be smoking at his normal pace.  
"I spent some time thinking." Hinata leaned over, grabbing Komaeda's hands and tugging him closer to him, being careful not to hurt him. Despite this thin knees being in the way, Hinata had no problem bringing him close enough to press foreheads against one another, his face flushed red and heart pounding as he phrased what to say in his head. "And I've come to an agreement with myself."

Swallowing dryly and leaving his dart butt in the ash tray, Komaeda mumbled a quiet, "what was it?"

Did he want to say it?

He definitely did.

Taking a deep breath, he felt pressure against his inner thighs snapping him out of his thoughts, soon realizing it was hard for Komaeda to be curled up so close to him with his knees up. As much as he would have loved to ignore it, he couldn't, but regardless, Komaeda didn't look bothered and the tension had been built up anyways.

"Hinata-" He was cut off by the pressing of Hinata's lips against his own, stomach pooling up with emotions and heart skipping a weeks worth of beats. It was both a soft yet rough kiss; one that felt passionate yet loving. A rare type of kiss he hadn't experienced with anyone else. It was bittersweet to think about, but he was just happy it was Hinata this kiss was being shared with. As they pulled away, a soft peck was placed on his forehead, making his heart skip another solid beat.

"I like you." Hinata announced.

"What?" Komaeda's voice broke, eyes stung from the impact of emotions almost instantly. He felt sick and overwhelmed instantly, not sure if he had the right to feel happy.

Pressing his lips to Komaeda's forehead once again, Hinata repeated his words. "I like you. I like you...a lot. More than I thought I would, and I need to not only confront myself with that, but you as well."

His back hurt being slouched over the way he was, but Komaeda endured it to feel Hinata's lips against his forehead for as long as he could. Hinata, though, noticed the pain he must be in from being stuck in such a stiff position, and urged that he sat with his back against Hinata, laying against him. He helped him turn carefully, pulling him back against him and being thankful he couldn't see just how flustered he was.

"Do you still like me?"

God, did he. Fumbling with his fingers under the water, he tried to relax as his heart was about to leap out of his throat. "Hinata-kun," he spoke up, arguing with himself in his mind on what he wanted to say. Maybe it was too soon. Besides, he couldn't put that pressure on him. He knew he shouldn't have been there to begin with; Hinata surely would have been better off without him.

Why did he fall so fast?

"Yeah?" Hinata replied calmly, arms resting against Komaeda's thighs. His fingers wrapped over the skin, barely aware of it due to the bubbles that hid everything before him. 

Just tell him, surely it won't be hard. Komaeda felt like drowning himself then and there. Just say it, confess. He knows he loves him so much more than he's able to show, so why's he letting everything else get to him?

"It won't work," he spoke his thoughts out loud, throat closing up on him. He cursed himself for speaking, for being there, for existing, really. Why did he say it? 

"It...won't work?" Hinata repeated, his fingers rubbing against Komaeda's thighs. The words hurt, yeah, but he wasn't about to just give up that easily. Hinata was better than that. "You mean us?"

Leaning his head back, Komaeda shifted nervously, his nails digging into the palms of his hands. This was his chance to get Hinata out of trouble and away from him, to save him from the mess ahead of him that he'd go through being with him. "Y-yeah, us. We won't work."

His heart jumped at the shifting, ears burning as his face went red again. Komaeda was far too close to be shifting against him so carelessly, and although the situation proved to be serious, he knew just how easily Komaeda could distract him.

"I mean, you saw those pictures. I'm a murderer. You don't want to be with a murderer."

He was a murderer, but Hinata still wanted to be with him. To understand him the same way Kamukura did, but learn to help him work around it, not take advantage of it. Komaeda shifted again, body leaning down against Hinata's abdomen. He hesitated to speak, interrupted as he was about to open his mouth.

"I'll surely just bring you trouble. Kamukura will try and ruin you, Hinata-kun. You don't want that."

"But," he spoke up, taking a deep breath. "I do want you, so lets just stop-"

"You should get with Chiaki. You two would be perfect for each other."

Those words probably stung the most. Being suggested someone who he saw a better candidate for his affection...holding back how quickly his blood boiled, Hinata sighed against Komaeda's neck, dipping down to place a soft kiss against the pale skin of the nape of his neck. "If you're trying to convince me to leave, I can promise you, it won't work."

Komaeda didn't reply.

"I like you," Hinata repeated. No reply again. A soft kiss to the side of his neck, whispering the words against the skin once more. No vocal reply, but the raising of his chin and head leaning to the side to give Hinata full access of his neck seemed like enough to answer him. Pressing his lips to the pale skin, he dotted it with little pecks, pleased with how much more relaxed Komaeda seemed compared to their conversation mere seconds ago.

"I like you," he told him again, before nibbling against the skin and suckling, pleased with the sudden gasp that came from Komaeda's mouth. He felt his frail hands wrap around his wrists, holding them tightly as his lips did their work.

Komaeda arched his back slightly, his bottom shifting back against Hinata as the hickey was being made, unaware of how to feel. He felt both lost and free, pondering what would come of this. Also pondering how little kisses were arousing him so simply. Possibly because the deliverer of said kisses was Hinata Hajime himself, the most infatuating person he's ever felt for. Letting go of his wrists, Komaeda stretched his arms back and around Hinata's neck, tugging him closer.

Pulling his lips away, Hinata let out a hot breath against Komaeda's collar, pleased with the trembling he received in reply. 

"I'm no good, Hinata-kun," Komaeda let the words fall from his lips lazily, gasping out gently at the next suckling of his skin. His fingers found themselves running through Hinata's hair, his mind feeling heavy and foggy. He bucked his hips upon impulse and desperation, the warm pooling of arousal in his stomach working him up. Hinata became more than aware of this, his fingers brushing against the skin of his inner thighs.

Komaeda went off on a tangent of self-deprecation, each word receiving a gentle peck to his neck and a simple 'no you're not' being whispered against the skin, his shoulder trembling every time. He took a hand and brought his down to his own stomach, fingers rubbing his abdomen gently while his other hand stayed knotted up in Hinata's hair. His desperation became more and more obvious with every little twitch, but Hinata wasn't about to give him that satisfaction yet.

Disconnecting his lips from the upper area of his neck, he admired his work, loving every little mark left on the pale skin. It was beautiful in a way; a petty part of him wanted Kamukura to see them and realize he's never getting Komaeda back the way Hinata has him. He brushed his hands past Komaeda's member, a faint swipe of his finger making the hard arousal obvious. 

"Can I touch you?" Hinata asked, which wasn't exactly the approach he was going for. Who was he to touch him without asking, though? 

"M-me? Trash like...me?" replied Komaeda, to which Hinata rolled his eyes dismissively. His free hand traced his own skin towards Hinata's right hand, guiding it to his throbbing member.  Hinata wrapped his fingers around him, pleased with the feeling of the hot, pulsing flesh in his fingers. Komaeda's hand was still pressed against the upside of his hand, feeling his knuckles tighten with each pump. It occurred to him that he's never done anything to Komaeda, so without hesitation, he proceeded to slowly jerk him off, his lips delving into the other side of his neck. Komaeda took his hand away to hold Hinata's free hand lovingly, their fingers laced delicately, making the moment of it all so much more endearing that it normally would be.

It felt like a dream, for both of them. In the midst of pumping, Hinata pondered how the water was still warm, choosing to pay it no more mind as soon as the thought was considered. Komaeda was a moaning mess, his hips consistently bucking and back arching. Hinata worried for his back, and how careless he seemed to the pain of it.

"I'm g-gonna cum, H-Hinata...kun..." mumbled Komaeda, words dazed. His head was thrown back over Hinata's shoulder, offering the entirety of his neck to suckle on. It was just an issue to be worried about later.

"Komaeda," he spoke sweetly and softly, teeth nibbling against his shoulder. The pale boy was just getting louder and squeakier, his hand holding Hinata's a lot tighter than he originally was.

"You're so pretty," Hinata swooned, a genuine kiss placed against his shoulder blade. "I'm so lucky to have you-"

"Th-that's...not true-"

"I like you more than words can describe, Komaeda."

Those words were enough to throw him off the edge, his mouth falling open to make out one faint phrase:

"I-I love... you, Hinata-k-kun-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need to finish drv3 i still havent touched trial 2..lit
> 
> this chapter is a little boring but that is ok! they have made up mostly and that is Good i love my boys even tho i am bad at writing them..i dont even know whos pov this chapter is at this point wtf lit
> 
> idk why i suddenly make this nsfw it originally wasnt gonna be but Nvm i hope that is okay
> 
> i will edit after sleep i am tired it is very early/late i have not slept in 23 hours goodnighthtreuurfn


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward interruptions and thorough understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh i dont got much to say but im depressed and felt like writing this chapter so sorry if it's bad im too depressed so care rn zzzzz i'll fix it up after i asleep but for now, have this trashy filler with my Boys
> 
> uhhhh idk whos pov this is? it was gonna be hinatas but it just seems like both
> 
> big thanks to rav tho i love u lots and thinking about u motivated me to write this!! i also finished it after talking to u before u left so aaAAHH<33

At this point, it'd be the second time they've stumbled into a bedroom, lips messily colliding together. Hinata held Komaeda up in his arms, his chest pressed against the thin male's stomach who's semi-erect member pressed against his own stomach. Despite the struggling, he had no issues getting into the bedroom and pressing Komaeda against the door the moment he closed it, his eyes shut and lips connected to his. He made sure to prevent him from being in any further pain, the both of them overwhelmed by the tension and emotion. He didn't expect Komaeda would so suddenly confess something so strong, despite all the things in his head that told him not to. Hinata had a responsibility he quickly became self aware of- He needed to make Komaeda comfortable and happy, and even though he was uncertain about him in so many ways, he chose to be brave and stick through it.

Komaeda isn't bad. Komaeda isn't a murderer. Everything can be left in the past, with time and patience. They just had to give each other the time and patience necessary to move on, all without abandoning each other all together. They could do it, they knew they could. Well, at least, Hinata did.

Despite the passionate making out against the wall, despite the hickeys and the confessions, despite finally getting the fill of Hinata that he so desperately longer, Komaeda felt torn. He didn't voice it, but he felt undeserving of any attention Hinata could give him, including negative attention. He felt as though he was better off disregarded by Hinata, forgotten about and never forgiven. He felt like he manipulated him with what he told him, explaining his past situation and all. He shouldn't be forgiven; he was no better than Kamukura in his eyes.

"Are you sure about this?" Komaeda mumbled as Hinata pulled his lips away, admiring Komaeda in all his flushed glory.

He kept an arm wrapped around his back, the pale male's protruding spine pressed against his wrist. The words threw him off, but he kept his act together. "Sure about what?" Hinata asked, carrying Komaeda to the bed where he sprawled him down to kiss his neck again. Despite never having any experience before Komaeda, he felt confident in letting his emotions take control of what he did, far too overwhelmed to think about his actions. 

Komaeda's legs hugged the sides of Hinata's waist, his hips bucking as the male before him bit into his collar. He couldn't begin to imagine how his skin looked at that point, likely covered entirely in hickeys. "Doing this with trash like me. Are you sure you want to lose it to me?"

"Lose... what?" Hinata replied against his collar, before wincing at the realization of the soaked swim shorts restricting his hard on.

"You know, your virginity. You _are_ a virgin, correct?"

Pulling himself away, Hinata felt himself fluster, irritated with the words spoken. He knew it was nothing to be ashamed of, but he still felt uncomfortable admitting it to Komaeda's face. "Is it that obvious?" He muttered, looking down at the damp swim shorts that clung to his legs.

Komaeda watched as he struggled to tug them off, eyes wandering from the shorts to what was hidden under the shorts almost instantly. "Not at all, Hinata-kun. For a prude, you're very skilled in how you've been handling me."

Ignoring the prude comment, Hinata found himself just standing and staring at the bare Komaeda that lay before him, his heart pounding. Was this really even okay, he wondered? His eyes stuck more to Komaeda's face than anything, taken aback by the blush and his parted lips, the drool that barely seeped out of the corner of his mouth, how his eyes remained half-lidded and full of restricted lust. "I want you," he spoke his thoughts aloud without hesitating, mind lost and body doing things it's own way. He leaned over to nuzzle his face against Komaeda's chest, placing small pecks on his soft skin and listening to his soft gasps. A free hand rubbed his inner thigh, pleased with the uncontrollable bucking of Komaeda's hips. 

"You probably...shouldn't-" Komaeda whispered, struggling to focus on his thoughts. The teasing was driving him crazy, and he couldn't recall a time where he'd felt more conflicted than this. Soon enough, he felt Hinata's lips brush against one of his nipples, the volume of his gasp increasing. 

Pausing for a moment, Hinata flicked his tongue briefly, receiving the same reaction in response. "You...like that, don't you?" he voiced in a quiet, honeyed voice, his lips wrapping around the bud and suckling. Komaeda's voice broke out into a messy moan, a hand gripping Hinata's arm tightly. He took it as a cue to continue, enjoying every sound he pulled out of the male before him.

Without expecting it, Komaeda's knee pressed against his hard cock, rubbing against it far too skillfully considering it was just his knee. He bit down on his nipple unintentionally, groaning against him. Pulling his mouth away, he noticed the smile and look in Komaeda's eyes, instantly realizing how he was enjoying this competitive build-up.

"You're so hard, Hinata-kun! Who knew an innocent little study bug like you was hiding such a big one, hm?" He pressed forward against the shaft, chuckling at the grunt in response. "Being so inexperienced and all...do I need to teach you what to do with it?"

What was with the sudden change of Komaeda's attitude? And why was it turning him on as much as it was?

"I-I...yes-...please," he stuttered, nervous for his next move.

He watched as Komaeda pointed a finger toward his mouth, assuming he wanted it  _in_ his mouth. Dutifully, he did as implied and took the thin finger into his mouth, suckling it and wetting it with his saliva. Komaeda only seemed more aroused by this, his eyes never leaving sight of how obediently and sweetly Hinata sucked the finger. When Hinata opened his mouth and Komaeda pulled away, he pressed his knee against him to push him away slightly, glad he got the message and briefly backed up. 

"Do you think you'll fit, Hinata-kun?" Komaeda hummed, his wet finger soon probing his entrance. Hinata watched curiously and desperately as the finger slid it, shocked at how simply he managed to do it. Not to mention the long yet quiet squeal only heightened the experience. "Do you?"

He knew that's how sex with another male worked, yet remained intimidated by the smile that spread across Komaeda's face the moment his lips fell open in awe. Was he really about to lose it to Komaeda? The male before him arched his back, a breathy moan filling the silence. Hinata felt frozen, unable to do anything but watch. It hadn't occurred to him till that moment, what situation he was in. Fully exposed to the male he was afraid and unsure of mere hours ago, soon to be losing his virginity to him. Would he have been able to predict this outcome the day he first met Komaeda? Definitely not.

"A-are you enjoying watching...trash like me, do this, Hinata-kun?" Komaeda spoke quietly, removing his finger and sighing. He shifted himself closer to the edge of the bed, his legs wrapping around Hinata's hips and pulling him close. "Do you want to be inside me?"

He leaned down and kissed him in reply, the only way he thought he could reply in this daze of his. He found himself grinding his dick against Komaeda's, both of them moaning against the others' mouth. They became too distracted of their surroundings, far too lost in each other and their desire. They were most certainly distracted enough to not hear the door open the moment Hinata probed the tip of his member against Komaeda's entrance.

"Hi, hi! Am I interrupting something?" 

Komaeda was less aware than Hinata was, so he was immediately startled at the jumping of the brunette's body. Hinata instantly draped a blanket over him, using enough of it to cover up his own erection. 

"Wh-...who are you, and-?!"

"Ah, Ouma-kun!" Komaeda chimed, sticking an arm out to wave at the short boy that stood in the doorway.

"O-Ouma-kun?!" Hinata shouted.

"Ouma-kun!" Ouma cheered.

"Ouma-kun, what are you doing?!" The voice that followed after them was female, a blonde haired girl soon entering the bedroom and gasping, her body jerking around and covering her eyes. "Aahh, I'm sorry, I saw nothing!"

"Ah, Akamatsu-chan, see, I  _told_ you this was the one!"

"Okay, but maybe knocking is important?!"

"Me? Politely knocking? Nishishi, never-!"

"Who are you people!?" Hinata shouted over their banter, his face beet red.

Komaeda was a lot more calm than him, even a smile was spread across his lips. "That's Kokichi Ouma-kun, and-"

"I-I'm Kaede!" The blonde, flushed girl squealed.

Hinata groaned, a hand slapping against his face. "And how did you get in?!" 

Ouma giggled. "I got in through the balcony, like Komaeda-"

"Ouma-kun!" Kaede hissed.

"Or maybe I lock picked? Maybe I've been here the whooole time, you know?"

"Your door was unlocked, don't listen to him," Kaede sighed, her arms crossing and breath huffing. "Rantarou told Ouma he was worried about Komaeda, and Ouma wanted to make sure for him-"

"Not for my beloved Amami-kun! He-" Ouma pointed a finger at Komaeda. "-has my shirt!"

"R-...right, the _shirt_ \- anyways, I'm sorry for interrupting, we'll leave-"

"No, not yet!"

"Ouma-kun, I have a date to attend to, okay?!"

"Maki can wait, or you can leave without me. Besides, she hates me anyway!-"

"Can we  _please_ keep the voices down?!" Hinata shouted once again, his annoyance evident. "Can we talk after we put some clothes on, please?"

Ouma giggled, bouncing back on his heels. "Yeah, yeah, just don't be loud."

"What do you mean-"

The door was shut. Hinata huffed, irritated with the interruption of their moment. Komaeda looked guilty as he helped himself up, his back leaning against the wall behind him.

"I'm sorry," he muttered out, hugging his knees and sighing. "It sure is unlucky that this would happen."

Hinata got dressed before he fetched Komaeda's boxers, letting him borrow clothing that ended up loose on him since Hinata's build was a lot more bigger than his. He didn't complain, though. 

Ouma was invited back in, who explained that Kaede had left him for her date. Despite Hinata being annoyed, Ouma was decent enough to tolerate, not to mention all his attention was being spent on Komaeda who he sat on the bed with.

"So Maki and Kaede are...?" Komaeda asked, his legs crossed. Ouma sat across from him, switching his sitting position every few seconds.

"Married!"

"Really? That's amazing!"

"I'm just kidding! They're going on a date right now, and I would ruin it but I already ruined your guys' fucking." Ouma giggled, his head turning towards Hinata. "I won't be sticking around for long, I just need to discuss a thing or two with Komaeda-kun." He giggled.

It took a moment before Hinata took the hint, exiting the room grumpily.

Ouma stood up on the bed, only to fall back and giggle once hitting the mattress. "Hey, so, did Amami-chan say anything to you at our get together?"

"Anything being...what?"

"About me."

Pausing, Komaeda pondered. Rantarou probably wouldn't appreciate being outed of his secret crush... "No, not really."

"He told me you guys fucked."

"W-what?! M-me and-"

"Just kidding!" Ouma chimed, his arms helping himself up. He sat up on his bottom, giggling at the red in Komaeda's face.  His voice lowered, "He only told me about the shotgunning, but I'm not one to judge...or one to tell your  _boyfriend_ -"

"He's...not my boyfriend. Not yet, at least."

"Oh? He seems very boyfriendy right now...I'm sure he's seething at the thought of me being in here, with you-" Ouma leaned over, placing a finger on Komaeda's thigh. "-alone."

Komaeda rolled his eyes, laughing before he playfully slapped the hand away. "Hinata-kun is very mature- he wouldn't think like that, I think... no, maybe he would. But what about Saihara?"

"Aah...Saihara, yes, about that..." Ouma's laugh had never sounded this forced. "I asked you about Amami-chan because I was wondering if he...you know...felt anything, after the lap dance- wait, did I mention I gave him a lap dance? My poor, beloved Amami-chan was so red, I could practically hear the blood rushing to his dick-"

"Why are we talking about this?"

"Ooh, right, sorry, my dick was doing the thinking for a moment there! Anyways, I just wanted to know if you knew if he had any feelings for me, but if he didn't talk to you, then I'll be off!" Ouma hopped off the bed, his body turning towards the door before Komaeda called out for him, his head turning back around. "What?"

"What about Saihara...?"

"Saihara..." he hands fell to his hips, the curve of his lips falling. "I don't think he really likes me."

"What-"

"Anyways, bye bye, Komaeda-chan! Make sure that boyfriend of yours doesn't pop every blood vessel on your neck!" Ouma bounced off his heels, swinging the door open and running out like a child before Komaeda could get any answers out of him. Hinata returned seconds after, his head peering past the entrance.

Hinata sat next to him on the bed, having him briefly explain what Ouma wanted. He listened patiently, his mind going on tangents along the way. He recalled all the things Komaeda told him in the bath. Things about Kamukura, how he loves him.

"H-hey, Komaeda, can I ask you some questions about-"

"Kamukura?" he interrupted, lips slightly parted open as he stared back at Hinata.

"W-well, no, but I guess there are somethings I wanted to ask about him. I have a different question, though."

Komaeda fiddled with the blanket in front of him, body curled up against the wall. He felt cozy in Hinata's clothes, in Hinata's bed, breathing the same air as Hinata...he couldn't imagine why he was still technically with the brunette. He was certain that the only thing to do with him was kick him out and cut off all contact, but Hinata wasn't doing that at all. "Go on."

Instead of speaking up, Hinata stayed quiet, his mind pondering whether or not to ask him. It made sense to ask, but part of him wasn't sure if he was ready to ask. Was the love Komaeda felt for him always going to be healthy, he wondered? Or did his mind cling to the same type of love Kamukura gave him? 

"Hinata-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"You zoned out...what did you want to ask me?"

Hinata blinked, collecting his thoughts. "Oh, uh...I can't really remember, aha...! I have a different question, though." Komaeda nodded, so he spoke his thought out loud. "What split you and Kamukura?"

"You mean...why we broke up?" he muttered, head tilting questionably.

"Yeah, like...how did he leave, exactly?"

Piecing it back together in his own mind, Komaeda nodded to himself, his fingers running through this fluffy, messy hair. "Well... a few weeks before we ended, I was coming to the realization of the situation he put me in. That, you know, I was a murderer, and I couldn't live with that. At first he tried to comfort me, tried to tell me it's okay because I made him happy, but..." Komaeda stuck a hand out, his fingers stretching out. "Eventually he got angry. Angry that I didn't do what he wanted me to do, angry that I refused to talk to him about it."

Hinata took in the words, his eyes focused on Komaeda's face. He struggled to read his emotions, unaware of how he felt talking about this. Without a doubt, it was hard to say, hard to remember and describe, and part of Hinata felt guilty, but he kept his mouth shut.

"I locked myself in my room for a pretty long time. Didn't do anything besides lay in my bed and let myself feel like trash. Soon enough, Kamukura forced himself in, and we got into a really...violent argument. Soon enough, a neighbour called the cops, and he was arrested for extreme domestic violence-"

"How bad did he hurt you?" Hinata interrupted.

Komaeda smiled, head tilting back. "Bad, but that's not important. We talk about me too much."

"Never too much."

Rolling his eyes dismissively, Komaeda laid down, his arms stretching above him. "He fucked something up in my back, and I was just all around bruised and beaten, I suppose. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal compared to others-"

"Don't do that. Don't compare yourself to others situations, Komaeda. I...I'm sorry."

"I was in the hospital for sometime, and while I was being fixed up, he was getting sent out of the city. Anyway, I met Chiaki a bit after that, too. We became hospital buddies."

"Why was Chiaki in the hospital?" Hinata asked.

"Chiaki wasn't. Her dad was. She was just there to visit him every day."

Hinata was slowly realizing just how much he didn't know about each of his friends over the course of time. Although he wouldn't exactly say Komaeda was a friend...

Komaeda found himself yawning, his hand clouded over his mouth. "Anyways, after I got out of the hospital, Chiaki and I didn't talk for weeks. The next time she saw me, I was trying to kill myself, so she made me go home with here and now here we are."

Making a mental note to ask Chiaki some things later, Hinata laid down, his body facing Komaeda's. They stared at each other momentarily, the pale boys' expression blank despite Hinata's comforting smile. "Chiaki loves you, I hope you know that."

Nodding, Komaeda rolled onto his back, staring up at the white ceiling. "I know. She helped me through a lot these past years."

"I'm glad she's able to help you."

Komaeda placed a free hand on one of Hinata's that lay next to him, his fingers lacing over the underside of his palm. "Do you have anywhere to be?" He asked, eyes closing shut as his fingers tighten around his hand.

Hinata smiled softly, his body shifting closer to the male next to him. He felt warm inside, like a part of him was experiencing a rare, inexplicable happiness. To be fair, he certainly felt like he was, being close and together with Komaeda. "Never for you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments would be cool i love them
> 
> ignore typos and just mistakes in general, it's late and i'll fix em up asap after i sleep


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncertainty and alcoholic dependency.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end notes for my bs
> 
> also sorry this is short and the same day as the prev chapter  
> uhhh lowkey trigger warning? komaeda talks about envisioning his suicide sorta  
> also he drinks a lot.....depression sux kids!!!

"How many more times will I fall asleep?" Komaeda asked himself out loud as he stretched his arms above him, his mouth widening as a yawn took over. The bed felt uncomfortably empty to him. He placed a hand flat on his stomach, his other free arm shielding his eyes from the bright lighting of the hall that seeped in past the cracked open doorway. Eyes darting to the window, he noticed the faint hue of orange that dimmed into the room, giving it a warm vibe. He presumed the time to be the evening as he forced himself to sit up, his body leaning forward to stretch out his back.

Despite wincing from the pain of his back, he turned his body around to shift off the side of the bed, struggling to stand straight on the cold ground beneath his feet. Pondering where Hinata had went, he followed the light out into the hallway, his body easing up at the smell of gentle spices. "Hinata-kun," he called out quietly, his hand trailing the wall next to him as he paced down the hallway slowly. Glancing past the edge of the wall, his heart thumped harshly at the sight of the brunette stood out on his balcony. The sunset's colours became more vivid to him; pinks into peachy shades of orange, to the orange that brightened up the bedroom, glowing past his lovers' body and casting a silhouette shadow of his figure.

Without speaking, he allowed himself to follow after the hues and the body behind the glass, slowly sliding open the door and smiling at the male who stood before him. Hinata gave no sign of acknowledging the gentle squeak of the door sliding, his arms pressed down against the railing and body leaning forward. Normally, Komaeda would have spoken, having wanted Hinata's attention since he first woke up, but standing there behind him, he felt...lovely. He felt warm and fuzzy, his mind racing for words to speak as his heart did him no better. The strong scent of cigarettes was becoming more and more clear to his sense of scent.

Hinata looked ethereal in the sunset, and no one could doubt that. Even despite his messy hair, his lazy attire, the bags under his eyes, not a single person could say he wasn't ethereal in that moment, at least not without Komaeda refuting.

"It's pretty," Komaeda finally spoke up, his eyes more focused on Hinata than the sunset. He didn't know why he spoke, because the moment Hinata's head turned to look back at him, he wasn't sure he'd be able to find his breath. 

They stayed in eye contact for awhile, neither of them able to find the words in the moment. His mouth open in awe, Hinata wasn't sure what to focus more on. The fact that Komaeda was standing, or the fact that his pale skin looked pristine with the sunset hues. Clearing his throat, he turned his head away, afraid of being teased for the gentle flush on his cheeks. "Yeah...should you be standing right now?"

Humming a simple 'hmm', Komaeda inched closer and rested his arms against the railing, eyes focused on the sunset ahead of them. "You didn't sleep, did you?"

Hinata didn't reply to his question, his elbow playfully knocking against Komaeda's bicep. "I'm making dinner, so I hope you don't mind sushi," he humbly announced, body turning around to walk back into the living room of the apartment.

Komaeda watched as he left his side, his eyes glancing around the balcony. He took a cigarette from the pack that sat on a chair next to where Hinata stood, borrowing the lighter that laid next to it momentarily to light up the dart. Exhaling blissfully, he hopped his bottom onto the ground, his thin legs fitting between the railing bars and dangling before him. He pictured what would happen if he were to jump off the balcony; the vague imagery of his dead body on the ground almost seeming real as he stared down. Would Hinata be upset? Is Hinata really into him?

Smoking gets him thinking. Thinking gets him depressed, so in the meantime, he was really doing wonders for his mental state. He wondered, what were he and Hinata? Was that something he should even be asking now, of all times, or was the situation obvious to anyone and everyone, but him? He ashed out off the edge of the balcony, sighing and pressing his forehead between two railing bars. They felt cold against his warm forehead, heightening the oncoming headache about to make things worse for him. As if thinking wasn't enough...

"Hey, Komaeda, isn't that-"

The sudden sensation of burning on his thigh caught his attention, his throat struggling to yelp as he slapped away the lit cigarette that landed on him and burnt into the pale skin of his thigh. He shifted his legs close to him, staring down at the burn marks' gash and sighing heavily. As if a bunch of ragged switchblade scars didn't make him feel ugly enough.

Hinata was handing him a bandage and a cold cloth before he could even register it in his mind, feeling vulnerable and weak compared to him. Being so exposed, not only for being clumsy and just plain old stupid, but all of the marks reminding him of his regretful past on pure display for the brunette who probably thought they were disgusting. Probably thought he was disgusting. Even though he constantly over thinks Hinata's feeling, he really did look up to the brunette; he was amazing in every aspect. Physically, mentally, absolutely and genuinely amazing. Taking the bandage, Hinata pressed the cold cloth to the burn before Komaeda could do it himself, triggering a fluster and nervous chuckling. 

"I apologize for distracting you from your cooking, I truly am a nuisance, how-"

Hinata cut the pale boy off with the press of his lips to his, his free hand trailing against the side of his jaw. Once pulling away, he forced past the embarrassment and smiled wide for Komaeda. "You're not a nuisance, don't...say things like that," he murmured, the hand against Komaeda's jaw being removed. They sat in silence as Hinata held the cold cloth to the burn, his eyes focused down on where his hand stayed.

Komaeda watched Hinata, admiring the sunset hues on his fair skin. He studied his lashes, his eyebrows, the pointed shape of his nose, the gentle shade of pink on his cheeks that he couldn't determine whether it were a fluster or the sunset was just that prominent on him. "It's okay now, Hinata-kun," he spoke quietly, voice caught in his throat. The hand was hesitantly removed, Hinata leaving the cloth on his leg before standing back up.

"Dinner will be ready soon, so you fix yourself up while I set the table, okay?"

"Can I help?" Komaeda spoke up before Hinata stepped out, swallowing dryly at the lack of immediate response or footsteps disappearing. 

Hinata's deep breath resonated in his ears. "I would say yes, but I'm still worried about your back, so don't worry, I got it. I can give you some painkillers after you eat, and then we can do anything you want, okay?"

The empty sound of Hinata walking away almost stung the back of his eyes. There was an unnecessarily familiarity of the sound, and he really didn't want to relive his past experiences with Hinata. Not that he thought he would, but anyone would be just a bit worried.

Tearing open the bandage and carefully covering up the burn on his thigh, he pulled himself up with support of the railing, kicking out each leg to briefly stretch them. When was the last time he had a genuine dinner where nothing went wrong, he wondered? Not to mention  _with_ someone. Sighing at himself and all of his over dramatic thoughts, he walked through the open glass door, sliding it closed behind him. Breathing in through his nose, he was pleased with the smells that filled him. Rice, fresh fish, and...something sweet. He couldn't pinpoint just what it was. Before being able to walk toward the kitchen entrance, Hinata walked out with plates and eating utensils, a smile curled on his lips sweetly.

"I was wondering," he spoke, placing the objects on the table and arranging them for the both of them. "Do you ever do anything with your hair?" His tone was playful.

Pulling out a chair, Komaeda sat down as a small 'pft' left his lips. He crossed his legs and leaned back, half-lidded eyes staring up at the brunette. "Well, I used to try and do things with it, but it'd refuse to stay put so I stick with this...gross bedhead. I think it works with the bags under my eyes and my borderline anorexic body."

Hinata's smile kept up until the last remark, his smile automatically falling into a frown. "I'm gonna make sure you eat more regularly. You are far too light for an adult man."

"Are you going to make me exercise too?" Komaeda teased.

To Hinata, it was more a question. "Of course I am! You need to build at least  _some_ muscle. There's a reason I'm the one on top in this relationship."

Sputtering out air, Komaeda leaned forward as he caught his breath. "Y-you? Topping? In  _this_ relationship? I do not-"

"You are  _not_ a top, Komaeda, come on."

"You don't know that!"

Hinata leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to his flushed cheek, only flustering him more. A devilish smile crawled on his lips as he stood back up, returning to the kitchen without a word being spoken. He returned momentarily with different dishes, each being placed on the table along with wine glasses. 

"Is red wine okay? I haven't had a reason to drink it since I came so..."

Humming deep in his throat, Komaeda nodded, smiling softly. Hinata returned with the wine and proceeded to pour it into their glasses before settling it down on the table and sitting in the seat across from Komaeda. They both ate slowly after piling sushi on their plates, Hinata eating a lot more than Komaeda did. He became aware of this, watching as he stared down at his barely touched food.

"Is my cooking bad?" He asked, nervously laughing. He caught the attention of the pale male, watching as his cheeks heated up.

"A-ah, nono, of course not. You are a great cook Hinata-kun, this is far superior to anything I could cook up. I was just...thinking."

"Thinking about...?" He replied, stuffing sushi into his mouth. 

"You know, wine isn't typically drunk with sushi. Most commonly, rice wine compliments sushi well."

Hinata furrowed his eyebrows, placing down his chopsticks and picking up his wine glass. "Is that...all? You've barely touched your wine, too..."

Komaeda swallowed dryly, chuckling quietly. "Sorry, sorry. I say stupid things to avoid thinking." He leaned over to pick up his own wine glass, tilting it back and drinking it all in one, large gulp.

"Why is that?"

Placing the cup down, Hinata did it at the same time, the clinking of their glasses against the wooden table causing them to connect their eye contact. "I just...think. A lot. Doesn't everyone typically think a lot? In most cases, always unintentionally do we find ourselves thinking and imagining possibilities, of, for example, a date! How would it result? Would one go home empty and unaware of where they stand in the date's heart? Would they find their self tangling limbs together, heart empty and longing for more than a meaningless one night stand? What would possibly blossom after this? So many scenarios, each contradicting that result of hope or despair in your heart. What would you prefer, Hinata?"

His mind was blank having listening to Komaeda questionably ramble for so long. He stayed at a pause for sometime, before opening his mouth to speak. "Wouldn't anyone want hope?"

Pouring himself another glass full of wine, Komaeda placed it down and sat back, glass in hand and full of the substance. His cheeks were dusted pink, the buzz of the wine getting to his lightweight body. "Typically, that is what the average, normal human would want. Just about anyone would want that warm, full feeling of hope in their heart. But think of things from a different perspective-" he chugged down the wine again, placing the cup on the table before he leaned back once again. "Despair wouldn't always be despair, would it?"

Hinata couldn't reply with words. He didn't understand what was going on in Komaeda's head, and based on recalling the notes from Kamukura, this wasn't a rare thing from Komaeda. He just pondered what would come of it.

"Despair will always blossom a hope much brighter than having it handed to you, don't you think? Say, for example, do you feel more attached to me after having lost me for awhile?"

"I-I guess," Hinata muttered.

Komaeda was pouring himself another glass. Hinata was getting concerned. Sighing out, Komaeda took a long sip from his cup, placing it down once again and smiling. He couldn't place his own thoughts together. His mind was going off on a tangent he couldn't find himself able to control as he used to do, and no one was telling him to stop. Who was he to stop if no one was telling him to anyway? Surely Hinata was enjoying this, right? A look inside his mind.

Or just the desperate part of his mind that wanted that sense of escapism and freedom, built on one mindset.

"Things wouldn't have been that way without our moment of despair. You would never have come to the realization of how you feel for me when you're feeling your most desperate for me. Despair can be a truly wonderful thing, can't it? Hope blossoms over and always overcomes, don't you agree?"

The sound of Hinata swallowing dryly filled his ears, and he lost his train of thought.

"Are you okay, Komaeda? You should lay off the wine for now, okay?" Hinata leaned over to grab the bottle and his wine glass, but before he could, Komaeda grabbed the glass and held it close. There was still some remains of the liquid left in it, and he didn't want to risk getting the boy any more buzzed than he already was.

"Hinata-kun," he muttered, his knees being brought up and feet flat on the seat. He leaned back, curled up against the back of the chair. His thin fingers traced the edge of the cup, his long nails tapping against it meticulously. "What are we?"

The silence was discomforting and heart wrenching for both of the boys. Komaeda refused to raise his head, and Hinata couldn't open his mouth to formulate the words needed.

It's not like he knew what to say. What were they?

"I knew it," Komaeda muttered to himself, swallowing down the remains of his wine and leaving the glass on the table. He stumbled away, thinking that surely Hinata wanted to be alone. He could feel his heart pumping against his chest at the same slow pace that he took his steps. He thought he could hear Hinata call after him, but the ringing in his ears made it harder to notice. Tripping past the bedroom door, he fell to his knees before reaching the bed.

Why were things happening so quickly? Normally, he would have been patient. Would have talked it out, waited for Hinata to make up his mind, but his mind was racing and his body was numbing from the numerous cups of wine. He couldn't even feel his knees against the floor beneath him, nor could he feel it on his forehead as he leaned forward and thought. He thought. Thought about what to do, thought about what was wrong with him, thought about leaving and never speaking to Hinata again because all he could ever do was make a stupid  _fucking_ scene because he's a stupid alcoholic depressed-

"Komaeda..."

He could hear Hinata's voice this time, and the feeling of his firm hand against his back brought him ease.

"You need to help me, here. I don't...I don't understand you."

To be fair, Komaeda didn't understand himself either.

"But I want to. If...he...could understand you, then I can too. Maybe not in the same perspective, but a better one."

He listened dutifully.

"I can't decide what we are for the both of us, because you're drunk and we're better off talking about this sober."

He swallowed dryly, focusing on the rubbing of his back.

"But to me, you already feel like...you know..."

Hinata's nervous chuckle made his heart jump. His face was feeling warm, and his stomach was pooling with gentle emotions.

"You feel like a...boyfriend, you know? It...it takes a lot to say that, and I'm not saying we're dating, but I'm just...saying. I don't want you to think I'm using you." His deep breath was comforting. "I would never do that."

Hinata _would_ never do that. The floor was growing to be comfortable, but only with the sound of Hinata's soft voice filling his ears.

"We're sleeping together tonight, okay? We can talk everything out tomorrow when we both have time, and are sober."

Komaeda pressed his arms down to help himself up, his body immediately falling into Hinata's grasp. He felt warm. Hinata felt warm...  
Hinata's tears felt hot, too.

"Why is Hinata-kun crying?" Komaeda croaked, his voice resonating with evident slurring and an almost childish tone to it. His arms loosely wrapped around the brunette's body. He felt fingers nestling in his hair, as well as the soft press of lips to his head.

Hinata sniffled, his legs stretching out and crossing so Komaeda sat on his lap, Hinata now nuzzling against his neck. "I really don't know."

"You don't?"

They kissed. Komaeda tasted like pure wine. Hinata tasted like the sushi. 

They both wondered how long the complications of their relationship would go on.

But just as hope-crazed Komaeda had said; Hope blossoms and overcomes hopeless despair. Maybe that was just what their relationship was going to be; built on blossoming hope from hopeless despair.

It was a thought to leave for later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3k hits?!?! 200 kudos!?!? yall widlin get a better fic to read fuckers this is a NO GOOD FIC ZONE HELLO...so many..words too wht am i doing does anyone even like this am i wasting my time!??!?!?!? yes i am. stg might delete this upon impulse 
> 
> sorry im incorporating saioumami? i really couldnt help myself. they are side story i may develop around komaeda, and updates about them will always be discussed with him. i have yet to finish drv3 but..like...still.
> 
> i apologize for this being so shitty...im bored and part of me updated because i felt obligated to, but i also didnt...complicated
> 
> WHY AM I NOT EDITING THE PREV CHAPTERS ASK ME WHY TF MY ASS SO INCOMPETENT AND LAZY AF!
> 
> im officially failing nearly all my classes so uh...ask me why the fuck im updating instead of making my ass study
> 
> please lmk if you read these im so lonely
> 
> thinsg i hate about my fic:  
> -im never in fucking character holy shit it is not that fucing hard noah u stupid piece of shit  
> -STOP BEING SO REPETITIVE WITH YOUR ACTIONS AND WORDS I HHATE U NOAH  
> -cringey grosss gros gross fic gross yuck delete this pleASE  
> -dumb bitch why did u choose to antagonize izuru?!?!?!!?! cuz ur dumb, stupid headass...I love u sexy snacc mans izuru..  
> -DEVELOPMENT IS TERRIBLE I WISH I WERE GOOD
> 
> goodnight it's 2am and i have 2 tests tmrw i think? cool cool sorry if there's mistakes im posting this without reading through it thoroughly. i am tired. goodnint also i love rav


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annoyance and assistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end notes

The sudden beeping of his phone startled Hinata awake, his body shooting up and heart stopping. He could barely remember where he put his phone, panicking as his stomach dropped. Not to mention that significant ringtone was set for only one person: his father. Jumping out of bed, his eyes darted around the room desperately, whispering repetitive 'fuck's under his breath. It was far too early to be looking for his phone, not to mention being dazed from waking up so suddenly. Sticking his hand under the sheets, he pulled his phone out, sighing in relief and pondering how Komaeda hadn't woken up to all that. 

Answering the phone, he was barely able to speak before his father's voice boomed angrily, complaining about just how long it took him to answer. Hinata wondered if he should refute, but decided he didn't exactly want to be disowned over a phone call.

"H-hey, yeah, sorry, I was uh...studying, father-"

A deep, agitated sigh interrupted him. Hinata's patience was wearing thinner, and his mood was only getting worse. 

_"I would hope you are not lying to me?"_

"...No, I'm not..."

_"Mh, sure, anyways..."_

His father went on to explain how he's sent a "couple thousands" to Hinata's card for the time he is gone. He told him he was expected that it'd all be spent on food and clothing, adding that he'd likely have enough to purchase a car if he would so choose to. Hinata pondered it instead of listening to his father ramble on about his potential university life, mumbling quiet 'mhm's every pause of his words. A car would be convenient for him, considering how exhausting it is to walk in the awfully hot weather of the city.

_"Hajime?"_

"Huh? Oh, sorry, what did you say?"

_"I do trust you're focusing on your studies, like your mother would have wanted, yes?"_

Thinking about the words spoken made his stomach twist. "Y-yeah...of course, father-"

_"And don't even think about getting together with a girl-"_

"I won't-"

 _"And_ especially _not a boy. Do not even think about it, I won't accept it for a second."_

"...right, father, I wouldn't-"

 _"Who are you with right now?_ "

Hinata's heart stopped. "W-what do you mean, I'm not with-"

_"You're lying."_

"Father, I'm not-!"

Without any explanation, his father hung up, leaving him angry and upset. He couldn't remember the last time his own father told him he loved him or genuinely encouraged he did his best. Everything he was doing was in hopes of receiving that validation and affection from the only parental figure he's left with, but even so, working for it was far too hard and he didn't think he could go as far as to throw his life away to work and disregard his friends and, of all people, Komaeda.

His mind repeated his father's words, how he wouldn't want him getting with anyone,  _especially_  a boy. It made his blood boil and heart race to think about it, and unconsciously, he chucked his phone at his laundry hamper angrily, clenching his fists tightly and gritting his teeth-

"Hinata-kun...?" The soft, loving voice of Komaeda brought him back to his thoughts, taking a deep breath and counting up to ten to help calm down and collect himself. Once feeling content, he turned around to face the pale boy sprawled on the bed, his legs wrapped around the blanket and arms tucked under the pillow. His eyes looked puffy and tired, but all of him looked so gentle and sweet. "Who was that?" He mumbled, lips stretching open as he yawned quietly. 

Hinata didn't answer immediately, watching patiently as Komaeda yawned. He could even feel his cheeks warm up at the sight of it, finding everything about it endearing. He chuckled nervously, a hand reaching back and scratching the nape of his neck. "Don't worry about it, just some banking stuff-"

"I don't think you would call your banker  _father_ , Hinata-kun...talk to me, what happened?"

Hinata sighed gently, sitting on the bed and laying on his side. His body faced away from Komaeda, but that only gave the pale male a reason to wrap his leg over Hinata's legs, an arm over his torso and his face resting against his shoulder. "Well," Hinata breathed out, a free hand lacing fingers with Komaeda's. "He's just...I don't know. He called me to tell me he sent me some cash for whatever, that I don't really need, then goes on to guilt trip me about my mom and then make some stupid remarks about how he'd be soo mad if I romantically got with anyone, _especially_ a boy, I just don't-"

He wasn't even aware of his voice raising until Komaeda gently kissed the back of his neck, his nose nuzzling against him before kissing once again. He shushed him quietly, the air being felt on the back of his neck sending shivers down his spine. "Hinata-kun, breathe, okay? It will be alright. I don't mind if you leave me because of your-"

"What? No, I'm not going to leave you just because my father's an asshole. I just get angry over him and end up doing or saying things without even noticing." He squeezed Komaeda's hand, smiling slightly when his hand was also squeezed back. 

"What do you usually do with your anger?"

"I don't know, be angry?"

He heard Komaeda hum curiously behind him, pondering what was going on in his mind. He wondered if Komaeda's thought process was the same as any other person, considering everything he talked about the previous night...he made a mental note to ask him later, in a less offensive sounding way. 

"Ah, you can take your anger out on me!"

He wasn't sure if his heart sunk more at the offer or the enthusiasm. "K-Komaeda, what are you talking about?"

Komaeda sat up, his body looming over Hinata. His smile was almost glowing with cheerfulness. "You know, like, if you need sex or like-"

"Komaeda, do not continue speaking." He spoke strictly, his eyes looking up to him almost fearfully. "Why on earth would you even think of something like that? I'm not capable of hurting  _anyone_ , and that includes you. Especially not...like that."

Komaeda looked just as confused as he was. "But it helped Kamukura-"

Hinata propped himself up, sitting in front of Komaeda with his jaw dropped in awe. "C-can I...ask you something?" he muttered, the nausea from before returning in a much larger affect than previously. Once receiving the nod in response, Hinata swallowed dryly, struggling to make eye contact with the male before him. "You do know Kamukura was abusive, right?"

Komaeda nodded.

"And you understand that if I were to use you to get anger out with sex-"

"Or hitting-"

"W-what?!"

Komaeda paused, his head tilting curiously. "I'm sorry Hinata-kun but I've spent a lot of my life alone so I don't know much from right or wrong, but I do know that this is how Kamukura would unwind his anger and stress. He said he did it because he trusted and loved me, so I went through with it and surely the next day he'd have made it up to me..."

Hinata couldn't bring himself to speak. Every time they discussed Kamukura, he learns something new and nearly haunting about their wrong relationship, and becomes torn on what to say, do, think... Taking a deep breath, Hinata shifted his back against the headboard and guided Komaeda onto his lap.

"Is Hinata-kun mad at me?"

"What? No, why-"

"I'm sorry."

"Komaeda-"

"I will be better, I promise! I won't do anything that will upset you, Hinata-kun, I'll make sure you always are happy with me, even if it means I need to die!"

Looking up at Komaeda who sat on his lap only made his words increasingly terrifying. Was this the emotional result of what Kamukura did to him? Almost instantly, he saw his eyes glistening with potential tears, a significant expression of fear on his face becoming all too familiar. It was the smile to top it off that set him uneasy... Komaeda's made this exact expression before.

"Komaeda, you just...need to stop saying these things, okay? I know, you don't understand normal, healthy concepts too well, so I'll help you learn them throughout our relationship. Are you hungover at all?"

Once receiving a shake of his head and response, their eyes stayed in contact, staring deep into one another. The tension felt thick and the air felt cold, Hinata's arms tensing up around Komaeda's thin body. No matter how long they stared, neither of them could look away.

"Hinata-kun..." Komaeda mumbled, his hips shifting slightly. Hinata took in a sharp breath at this, turning away and breaking the intense eye contact in embarrassment of the fluster dusted on his cheeks. Before he could reply, Komaeda lifted his chin back up to him with the tip of his finger, his eyes examining the details of his face. "I like you- no, I love you, for trying to understand me. I know it's hard, but it really means a lot more to me than I'm able to say, so please, Hinata-kun...don't get sick of me yet..."

Swallowing back what he could have easily mistaken for his heart, Hinata tugged Komaeda down and locked his lips with his, the pale boys' response to the kiss being immediate. Hinata's lips felt uncomfortably dry, but he couldn't understand how Komaeda's lips were so soft and plump. He couldn't recall ever seeing his lips chapped before, but to be fair, he didn't see a point in letting it bother him. After all, he wasn't complaining.

Komaeda let out a muffled moan from the back of his throat, his lips parting and allowing Hinata's tongue to tentatively taste him. For Hinata, he could just taste the faint wine and weird morning mouth taste. He didn't let it bother him. After all, he was kissing _Komaeda_.

Letting him pull away, Komaeda's cheeks were completely red, his eyes avoiding contact with the brunette. Opening his mouth to ask him if he were alright, Hinata instantly became aware of the protruding bulge against the material of the pants Komaeda was wearing.

Did he have time for a bit of morning fun? Yeah, he thought, why not.

"Komaeda, we just kissed," he teased, turning him over and laying him down onto the bed. Hinata smiled down at him, his hands wrapping around his hips to pull him closer as his cheek rested against one of his propped up legs. "Look at you, you're-"

They were torn away from their playful act because of the vibrations of a phone by their legs, Komaeda's arm immediately grabbing the device and nearly jolting up.

"W-what?"

Komaeda pressed a finger to his lips in a 'shh' motion, answering the phone instantly and holding it to his ear.

Hinata sat quietly as he was on the phone, ignoring the warm desire pooled up in his stomach. He wondered who was on the other end as he watched him hop off the bed and begin pace around, nibbling his bottom lip. He started apologizing and being self-deprecating for a moment, before explaining what had happened between the two. The more he listened, the more who he was speaking with became obvious.

"Yes, yes, I will be there as soon as possible. Yes, I love you too, I'll see you soon!" Komaeda huffed out a sigh, glancing around the room.

"Chiaki?" Hinata asked, helping himself onto the edge of the bed. Komaeda nodded in reply, placing a hand to his forehead and frowning. 

Placing his phone on the bed, Komaeda fell to his knees and peeked under the bed, sticking a hand under and waving it around. Another huff was heard from him as he sat back up, his expression looking frustrated and confused as he glanced up at Hinata. "Do you know where my keys are?"

Standing up, Hinata briefly glanced around the bedroom, before muttering, "I don't know," in response. He rummaged through his bedroom, looking through his desk and wardrobe dresser before beginning to huff in annoyance himself. "Where do you last remember them being?" He asked, sliding his closet open and peeking inside. He took his phone out to use the flash as a torch, his eyebrows furrowing irritably at the lack of knowledge of where his keys were. His hand blindly stuffed into a pile of clothing at the left end of the closet, grumbling when he felt nothing. Taking a step closer, he felt himself step on something hard and pointed, a concerning squeal of fear and pain coming from his throat as he jumped back. Flashing the light of his phone down, he felt both relieved and angry that what he stepped on happened to be Komaeda's keys. 

"I found them!" Hinata called out, stepping out of the closet and smiling.

"My keys or your homoerotic desires?"

"My _what_?"

"Well, you know, because you like, walked out of the closet and like...never mind. Can I have my keys?"

Handing them over while also frowning in confusion, the joke hit him unexpectedly and his elongated 'ohh' got a laugh and a smile out of Komaeda. He couldn't help but smile in return, an uncontrollable blush fluttering on his cheeks. Komaeda stuffed the keys into the pocket of his pants, running his fingers through his hair to tie most of it back. "Is it okay if I return your clothes later this week? I already still have your shirt at home, and I would feel awful if I held on to so many of your clothes because pathetic little me is so irresponsible..."

Hinata chose to ignore the self-deprecation, admiring Komaeda with his hair tied back. He still had loose, fluffy strands sticking out on the top of his head and pieces floating in front of his face, but Komaeda didn't appear to be bothered by it. "How are you getting to Usami's?"

"I'm walking, of course." Komaeda smile was gentle before he walked towards the bedrooms' door, swinging it open and walking out into the hall. Hinata followed after him, soon seeing him sliding his shoes on.

Hinata knew he couldn't leave Komaeda to walk on his own, so he quickly snatched his necessities before sliding his own shoes on, insisting he'd walk him just out of concern. Komaeda refuted, but Hinata ignored it, shoving him out the door to lock it behind him and follow Komaeda down to the elevator. They both walked and talked, smoking along the way and admiring the beauty of summer around them. Komaeda went on about how he spent the last few days without Hinata. Not because he wanted to, but because Hinata insisted he did out of concern for him. 

"-and then I went to spend the night with Rantarou, Ouma, and Saihara-"

"And got _way_ too high?" 

Komaeda's chuckle was slightly nervous due to Hinata's tone, but he played it off and told him the rest. Hinata freaked out when he said that he got to his balcony through the neighbours' balcony, but they both couldn't help but laugh at the situation, continuing to laugh even as they walked into the café. 

Being greeted by Chiaki in her maid dress was nearly shocking to Hinata until he realized his perception of time was terrible and the day was Tuesday. He sat down at a table before the sights of a tall, green haired boy in a white butler suit in the distance caught his eye. He squinted as he tried to make out whether he knew them, and just as he'd been staring at his face, the male turned around and looked back at him.

"A-ah, Hajime, hi," Rantarou called out. His smile looked force as guilt was still obvious in his expression, but he approached him anyway. tightening the pink tie on his suit. "What would you like?"

"Do you work here now?" Hinata asked, leaning back with an arm against the chair. He looked around the café, realizing Hiyoko wasn't anywhere to be seen.

Rantarou smiled, taking the pen that sat on top of his ear out. "Yeah, sort of. There's just a bit of a rush today, and I owed Chiaki a favour anyway."

"What for?"

Clicking the pen, Rantarou clicked his tongue and gently shook his head. "Hajime, there are a lot of customers I need to attend to, so if you would please..."

Hinata bit down on his lip, insisting he didn't want anything and watching the tall male walk off to another customer. He stood up from his seat, pacing towards the staff room and pushing past the door, despite the fact that he wasn't staff.

Komaeda was talking with Chiaki while she tied the bow on the back of his dress, the both of them pausing and turning their heads to the door opening. 

"Hi, Hajime..." Chiaki mumbled quietly, a yawn interrupting her. She tugged on the bow and stepped back, her hands on her hips as she admired her work. "Okay, you're good to go."

Hinata quietly snickered to himself at the fluster on Komaeda's face. "Hey, so, Rantarou is working with you?" Chiaki nodded in response, so Hinata continued to speak. "Where'd he get the butler outfit from?"

Chiaki tilted her head as Komaeda nearly glared at the short girl, likely out of annoyance that a butler outfit was made for him but not the original male worker of the café. She explained that Hiyoko made a couple extra outfits for new employees while also gently shoving Komaeda out of the room to go work. 

"Where's Hiyoko anyway?"

"She's going to be gone for awhile because of her dance stuff, so I'm low on workers..."

He recalled briefly about Komaeda talking about Hiyoko's traditional dancing as her main occupation, considering how she's become nearly known nationally for it. He wondered if she'd ever get to the point where quitting work at Usami's would be necessary just to protect her from crazed fans in her daily life. So with Hiyoko not around, Rantarou was filling in?

"Hey, is there any other butler outfits?"

"...Yes, why?"

"I'm gonna help too."

Chiaki's cheeks puffed up, the way they do when she's not happy with things said. "No, no-"

"Come on, it'll be a favour! Just this once, please?"

Frowning, the short girl patted down her apron before searching for all the butler outfits. "There are different sizes and stuff, as well as shoes...Hiyoko went super all out! She said something about how I will definitely be using them, and even though I don't know what that means, I'm really grateful for my friends. For her, for you, for Nagito...I need to go, but take your time with changing... I'll leave you an order notepad on the counter so you can take orders and stuff, okay?"

Chiaki left before he could reply, but the sudden affection and appreciation from her made him smile. He was ready and excited to help his friend, so he began looking through the sizes and pulling out the one he thought he'd fit best. He entered the bathroom to change in the largest stall pleased with the sizing and not so mad about how he looked in the suit. Pulling on the pink vest and tightening the pink tie, he slid on the white dress shoes and let out a deep sigh, exiting the stall with his clothes all in his arms. Returning to the room, he tucked his clothes away into an empty locker and stuffed only is phone in his pocket. Taking a deep breath, he left the room.

On the counter, his notepad sat, so he grabbed it before catching eyes with Komaeda on the other side of the counter.

"Ah, Hinata-kun, you look great!" Komaeda chimed with a smile. 

Hinata felt embarrassed but played it off, insisting he looked better. They all patiently worked together for the next few hours, enjoying the friendly customers and all the compliments the staff would get. Chiaki looked overwhelmed with the amount of love she was getting, being the manager at all. Hinata worried if she'd need a nap to recharge from talking with so many customers. 

"Today's super busy, huh?" Hinata said to Komaeda as he handed him a ripped out order. Their hands gently brushed against one another, and even then, Komaeda still flustered up.

"Y-yes...are you and Rantarou having any troubles?"

Shaking his head, Hinata smiled before tucking his pen behind his ear. The rush of orders was dying out, and another employee was coming in for their shift. Chiaki was heard yawning as she inched herself against Komaeda, waving a hand at Hinata.

"You can leave if you have anything you need to do..."

Thinking about it, Hinata  _did_ have something he needed to get. "I do, actually." He looked back to Komaeda, leaning in close to him. "I'll pick you up later when you're done working, alright?"

Komaeda nodded, getting a soft kiss to his forehead before Hinata excused himself to go change and then leave the bunch soon after. He wondered just what Hinata may be up to for the rest of his shift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate this chapter i got lazy near the end sorry sorry..but do not fret i will try to make sure the next chapter isn't boring because i got plans for my boys
> 
> sorry if there's any mistakes i type these so late and even fell asleep mid writing


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Concern and conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not posting last weekend i was high and depressed 90% of the time UH

"You and Hajime are okay now, right?" Chiaki's voice brought him out of his tired daze, his hand barely wiping the table before him. The red sunset light of the evening glowed against his skin, his eyes squinting in an attempt to block out the light. It'd been quite awhile since Hinata had left... He turned towards the girl behind him, stifling back a yawn as his free hand rubbed his eyes. 

"I believe that's the case. It's a shame he's willing to waste so much time on trash like me. Either way, we have plenty left to discuss, so maybe he'll realize how truly terrible I am and leave."

Chiaki pulled a chair out from under a table, plopping herself down on it and yawning. "Do you want him to leave you?"

"Of course not," Komaeda muttered, returning to wiping clean the table. Once finished, he inched to the next table, spraying the disinfectant liquid onto the table before beginning to wipe it clean. "I just believe he's wasting his time on me. After all, I've only brought him trouble."

"That doesn't matter to Hajime, probably," she mumbled, the faint hum the café's generic coffeehouse music filled the silence, anticipating their replies. 

Komaeda finished wiping, then continued onto the next table. He let himself think of a response, unaware of how to approach the conversation. He carefully picked out his words in his head, allowing himself to breathe deeply before letting the worlds spill from his lips. "I genuinely love Hinata-kun, a lot more than I originally thought I did. It makes my heart race in a weird way that it never did for Kamukura." He stopped wiping the table, his body standing up straight and fingers releasing the cloth. The scent of chemicals was making him fairly lightheaded, and the strain on his back was finally catching up to him. "I love him so much that I want to die. Does that make sense?"

She anxiously began tapping her nails on the table in front of her. Chiaki's body soon turned towards him, her expression unreadable for any emotions besides exhaustion. "When's the last time you saw your doctor?" she asked.

Taken aback by the question, he tilted his head. "Are you suggesting this is a health related feeling?"

"Not necessarily physical health...mental health, I think."

Komaeda didn't reply, but Chiaki didn't need him to.

"You have a codependency problem. When you're not with Hinata, you're smoking or drinking. Besides, I know you got high this weekend to cope with missing him, and then still ended up trying to break into Hinata's apartment..." Chiaki kept a straight poker face despite Komaeda's evident shock. She didn't need to ask to know how anxious he felt. "I'm not getting mad, I just need you to make sure you're doing alright. A lot of people care about you, I think." She rubbed at her eyes and yawned again, sighing softly.

Komaeda dismissively sighed and returned to cleaning the tables, no longer wanting to talk about his mental health and coping problems. He asked who had told her, and without hesitating, she admitted it to be Rantarou. This didn't come as a surprise to him, considering how he was working for Chiaki morning till evening, and what better way to make up for the guilt than help those who could have been affected if things went fatally wrong? He recalled how the male was taken away by Ouma nearly moments prior to them cleaning up the shop, receiving a brief but subtle wink and smile from the shorter boy. He could only imagine what the brat was up to.

"You will check in with your doctor, right?" Chiaki asked, her head tilting up to stare up as him as he stood by. 

"Chiaki, I'm fine, really! I'm sure it'll just take a bit of getting used to, and I'll be fine!"

Before she could reply, the soft jiggle of the bell from the café door being opened interrupted her, and Chihiro Fujisaki, one of the employees who worked the night shifts, entered and was immediately startled by the two. Chiaki dismissed her, saying they'll be a moment and watching as she skittered to the staff room quickly. 

"Just please don't get too dependent on him."

"I won't! I know I'm worthlessly helpless, but I can take care of myself, you know..." 

"No, you can't."

"Yes I can."

Following him to the rooms out back as he put away cleaning supplies, they continued their playful argument, their voices getting louder each time they replied. They found themselves continuing this argument even as they left the cleaning supplies closet, the shorter girl following Komaeda into the staff room and even standing by the door of his stall to continue arguing. Walking out of the stall with his fingers knotted in his hair, struggling to tie it back, a gentle huff was heard from Chiaki, despite the smile on her face contradicting her attitude.

"Being independent is the one thing I  _can_  do, you know," Komaeda managed to tie his hair into a small bun, not too worried about the other pieces that stuck out of place.

"That doesn't mean you're good at it," Chiaki said as he was folding his maid outfit, grinning at the roll of his eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted again by the staff room door being opened, the voice of Hinata called out for Komaeda. She couldn't recall a time his eyes had ever sparkled so quickly and brightly, his legs nearly tripping over themselves as he peered past the change room doors. 

"A-ah, Hinata-kun, you really came for me...I never imagined someone like you would be so considerate of trash like me." Komaeda began stuffing his maid outfit into his assigned lock-less locker, his eyes barely focused on how messily he did so. He knew his codependency was bright and out there for Chiaki to critique, but that was the least of his worries in the heat of the moment.

Stifling an awkward laugh, Hinata pulled out a ring with several keys hanging off of it. His fingers grabbed a specific one that resembled what looked like a car key. "Are you ready to go? I have something to show you."

Nodding in reply, Komaeda said his goodbyes to Chiaki, as did Hinata, before following him out of the café with his fingers laced with his. He felt like he could hold Hinata's warm, firm hand forever. He examined the details of his messy hair, his loose collar, each edge of his prominent bones that protruded pridefully against his skin. It hadn't even been a month since he's met him, but without a doubt, he knew he was in love with him.

He knew it wasn't impossible to fall in love with someone that simply. To be fair, he fell instantly for Kamukura no differently, but as for Hinata, his feelings felt so much more determinable and understandable. Still, it overwhelmed him, this love he has for Hinata. He didn't know what to do with it. There are times where he wants to softly snuggle him, times where he wants Hinata to treat him like scum of the earth and use him. Even though his feelings for Hinata are more understandable, there are times where he's overwhelmed beyond a point of comprehending it, and at those times, he can barely make out his own breathing. He'd think that maybe this is normal and it's just what true love really must feel like, but in reality, he knew there was something wrong with it. He knew it'd be impossible to convince himself that it's normal. Besides, there's a difference between being in love with someone and adoring them, and wanting to essentially crawl inside someone because you just can't get enough of them. He really couldn't get enough of Hinata, and even though he knew it was wrong, he really,  _really_ , knew all his emotions would be determined by him. Codependency has a habit of doing that to him, doesn't it? Then again, he wonders if codependency was really the one to blame.

Komaeda really is twisted, isn't he?

The dim light of the nearly set sun burned into his eyes as he readjusted his views, staring at the vehicle stood before him. It was a nice blue colour, just a generic 5 seat car.

"Nice, isn't it?" Hinata chimed, pressing the unlock button of the keys and smiling at the pale male. Komaeda nodded in response. "Go on, go sit inside." He looped around the car to hop into the driver's seat next to Komaeda and put the keys into the ignition. "I thought a car would be convenient for us, so I hope you don't mind being driven to work by me daily," Hinata teased, his eyes glued to the rear view mirror as he briefly struggled to exit his parking spot. 

"Not at all. Being driven to work by Hinata-kun would only encourage me," Komaeda chuckled, and soon enough, they were cruising in the dimness of the rising moon. The white noise of the radio was easily ignored as they began to chatter amongst one another, talking about their working experiences. Komaeda mentioned how Rantarou told Chiaki about the incident they had, and thankfully, Hinata no longer seemed bothered by it. His laughter only grew, and Komaeda's heart just beat quicker.

Komaeda asked about his time purchasing the vehicle, and Hinata went on to tell him about how after he'd gotten his license and his mom passed away, he inherited the ownership of her car and often used it to get places. He mentioned how expensive it was, but he couldn't care less about how he spent the money his father sent him.

"So where are we going, Hinata-kun?" Komaeda asked, fingers twiddling in his lap. His eyes were glued to the angel that is Hinata, watching his every movement. He couldn't help himself. His intentions weren't at all sick or creepy, they were genuinely sweet and wholesome. He just struggled with conveying that properly.

"Well, its getting late, so I thought a bit of cruising around wouldn't hurt. Is...that okay?"

"Of course it is, Hinata-kun. Anything's alright if it's okay with you," he replied.

"We would have gone out for dinner or something if it weren't this late, but maybe next time." Hinata smile was wide, his eyes still focused intensely on the road. "Oh, so, I wanted to take this opportunity to ask you about last night," he spoke out loud, the smile on his lips straightening into a focused expression. The night before was almost entirely blurry to him, but Komaeda could still recall himself being...well, a freak. 

"What about it?" He asked, instantly realizing how dumb he sounded. He truly felt like worthless trash in the moment.

Hinata pulled into the parking lot of a fast food restaurant, clearing his throat as he parked smoothly. Taking a deep breath, he turned down the radio until there was no sound and turned his keys in the ignition, shutting off the car and leaning back in his seat, sighing. "Do you remember anything from it?"

"Well," he muttered, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling of the car, which in the moment, he realized the car had a top window. "I remember getting drunk from wine, of all things, which in itself is bad enough."

Hinata couldn't help but quietly snicker at his response, reaching an arm out to grab his fiddling hands. He could feel them quiver, and the more he stared, the more he noticed how anxious Komaeda looked. "Is that all you remember?"

"I remember talking about hope and despair, which I really tried not to do because I knew it'd freak you out but-"

"But you were drunk, I understand, sorta." It was quiet for a bit, the sound of Komaeda's shaky breathing being the only think either of them could focus on. Hinata gently took one of Komaeda's hands and squeezed it in his own. "You didn't freak me out, okay? I was more scared for you, than anything. I know there's a lot going on in your head that I don't understand, but I want to understand it, so I'll always listen."

"But the more you listen, the more you'll realize how terrible and disgusting I am, Hinata-kun. I truly don't understand why you're still with me. Soon enough, I'll be too much. Codependency works in weird ways and I already know I rely on you emotionally more than I truly intend to, and I'm just...too much."

"You're not-"

"Now. I'm not too much now, maybe even slightly, but I guarantee by the end of this month you'll want me dead. You'll want to crush whatever stability I have and ruin it to make up for the amount of shit I'll put you through-"

"Komaeda." Hinata's voice was loud and clear, almost forceful. His fingers let go of Komaeda's thin hand, his hand clouded over his body as it trailed up to his chin. Turning his head towards him, he leaned in and gently pressed his lips to his for a brief moment, fingers tracing down and around to the nape of his neck. "You really aren't terrible, and I know you're just going to say that's because I haven't been with you for long at all, but I love and care about you, and that's enough to make up for anything you think you'll put me through-...why are you crying?"

It wasn't until the tears were pointed out that he noticed them, his heart and thoughts overwhelmed as that single phrase stuck in his head, repeating consistently like a persistent metronome that just won't stop beating. "You...love...me?"

Hinata blinked blankly before flustering up, his body jerking back and hand covering his face as he looked away. "W-what? Did I...say that?" He muttered, swallowing dryly out of embarrassment. The tension was soon cut by Komaeda's laughter, his fingers rubbing away his tears. "Stop laughing, it's not like I meant it or anything!"

"Mh, you can keep telling yourself that, tsun-tsun Hinata-kun."

"What are you on about?!" 

Komaeda was laughing again, and Hinata couldn't have smiled any wider without probably breaking his jaw.

"Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?" Komaeda asked, his grin making it harder to speak. He watched as Hinata removed his hand, sitting with his back against his seat to avoid looking at Komaeda with his blushed up face.

"I also wanted to remind you to avoid drinking for awhile. Not as a command or anything, but as encouragement."

"What happens if I do drink?" Komaeda asked curiously. He wondered if Hinata would get mad and punish him, but based on the facial expression the brunette made in response, it didn't seem like that was the case.

"Well, I'll be disappointed, I guess? What else would happen?"

Studying his expression, Komaeda thought out his words carefully. "I was just assuming perhaps you had a punishment in plan for if I did not as told-"

"Komaeda, you're my...well, just, you're not a dog or something, there is no punishment." Hinata eyebrows continued to furrow even more in confusion, his head tilted as he barely processed what Komaeda was hinting at.

Nodding, Komaeda pondered his reply. Not the part about no punishment, but the hesitance of just what he was to Hinata. The brunette began to turn his key in the ignition, the sound of the engine humming filling his ears. 

Hinata spoke up every so often as they drove, but Komaeda was quiet and lost in thought. He forgot about the state of what they were to each other until Hinata managed to bring it up. It picked at his mind for the next while as Hinata drove, their chatting soon coming to silence. Soon enough, Hinata was pulling into Komaeda's apartment loop, stopping at the front of the entrance.

"Komaeda, are you okay?" He muttered, head turning towards him. 

"Hm, what?" He mumbled, head jerking towards Hinata. His mind was blank for a moment before he laughed nervously, unbuckling his seat belt. "Thank you for driving me, Hinata-kun, this truly was an honor-"

"Are you okay?"

That time, Hinata sounded a lot more forceful than he may have intended. Komaeda swallowed dryly, thinking of anything to say that'd make up for why he was quiet. He knew he should probably be honest about what's bothering him, but that didn't mean he didn't think Hinata wouldn't get annoyed with him being so hung up on the same thing he'd been since the night prior. "I was just spacing out, don't worry, Hinata-kun."

Despite his expression being blank, Hinata nodded slowly, glancing around the dark environment. "I'll walk you to your room, okay?" He said, unbuckling his seat belt before taking his keys out and pushing his door open. 

Komaeda hopped out of the car as well, following Hinata inside. "Isn't it kinda bad to leave your car right there? What if someone needs to drive past?"

They reached the elevator and entered it together, Hinata pressing the button for the 8th floor before Komaeda could even consider it. "It's late, I'm sure no one will be coming in at this time."

Nodding, they soon got up to the floor, and Komaeda was walked to his room painfully. He didn't want to sleep on his own that night, but he knew that was just the codependency itching at his mind. Taking his keys out and opening the door of his apartment, he swallowed dryly as he glanced back at Hinata. "You'll pick me up tomorrow morning, right?"

Hinata huffed out a laugh and nodded, his cheeks flushing up. "Yes, yes, as long as you don't make me wait too long for you."

"Ouch, would you leave me if I did?" Komaeda teased, arms wrapping around Hinata's neck as his head tilted. His smile felt like it was anything but pure.

"Guess you'll find out."

"And I guess I'll try not to."

They stared into each others eyes before sharing a soft, passionate kiss, barely able to part. Komaeda refused to let Hinata leave, and soon enough, he found himself swung over Hinata's shoulder and forcefully put in bed. 

"You're so mean, Hinata-kun," he told him, his arms pinned down to the bed as pressed a kiss to his forehead, and then his lips once again.

"I'm truly the worst, I know," he teased, forcing a blanket onto Komaeda and kissing him once again before backing up. "Sleep well, okay? I'll come and pick you up around 8, so don't sleep in."

Komaeda mumbled a forced 'I won't' as Hinata blew him a kiss, calling out to him to lock the door before falling asleep. He felt like his stomach was bubbling up out of happiness, his heart melting and body feeling light. He really, really,  _really_ loved Hajime Hinata, and each time he realized it, it was more and more ridiculously clear.

Hinata couldn't deny he felt the same way, even if he tried to. He was practically swooning as he stood on the empty elevator, almost regretting leaving Komaeda to sleep on his own. He knew he could have stayed, but Komaeda had to grow accustom to independence, and there was no other way to do it than force him to. Exiting the elevator, Hinata was quick as he remembered how he left his car, exhaling out in relief at how it was in the same condition as he left it. Taking his keys out and unlocking his car at the press of a button as he pushed open the entrance doors, the quiet sound of footsteps caught his attention, sounding like they were nearly inches away. It would have just been an ordinary occurrence, given people walk by others all the time. The sound of footsteps are normal.

What wasn't normal was how they spoke directly towards him, and how the voice of this person was cold and...familiar. The words they spoke filled his ears and twisted his stomach further than the voice itself originally did- "Have a good night, Hinata."

Any other voice would have been fine, as long as you disregarded the name part. Maybe if he didn't say his name, he would have been able to ignore it. Maybe if this wasn't Komaeda's apartment complex, he would have had absolutely nothing to worry about.

His head jerking in the voice's direction, he could feel his melted and warm heart drop into his already sickened stomach, eyes wide and barely registering as Kamukura stood before him.

He voiced no reply before turning on his heel and nearly sprinting for the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh calling chihiro by female pronouns just because that's what is given in game and i, in no way, want to offend anyone.. and it doesn't matter lots bc chihiro just so happened to enter in this scene. the likelihood of me bringing them up frequently is little to nothing
> 
> uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it's 2am and i have school tomorrow but i wanna post this so oops sorry if there's mistakes i tried not to be bad and im tired also 20 CHAPTERS COOOL shit also big love for rav LOVE YA BABY ! thanks for inspiring me to finish this i hope this makes up for the fact that you were woken up so early today maybe sorta idk.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A promise and confrontations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhh winter break soon i promise i'll get out as many chapters as possible at that point

It hadn't occurred to him just how slow the elevator was until he was anticipating the urge to sprint out of the doors as he awaited his arrival to the 8th floor. Hinata continuously bounced on his heels impatiently, feeling his legs stretch out immediately once the ding of the elevator caught his ear. He didn't even think about what he'd say to Komaeda as to why he's dragging him off last minute. Saying it were because of Kamukura would be the worst option, but it's not like that was his worry at the moment. His worry was him being in the building with him, not having him know he's there.

Approaching the door, the faint sound of a beeping got louder and louder, before he practically slammed himself into the door, entering to the ringing sound of a smoke alarm.

Calling out Komaeda's name, he could hear what he assumed to be his laughter as he approached the bedroom fearfully, his heart racing and pounding as loud as the alarm rang. Forcing the bedroom door open, the smell of burning paper's and cigarettes filled his scent, the laughter of Komaeda coming to an end as he jerked his head back, eyes red and wide in shock.

"H-Hinata-kun, what-?!"

"What are you doing?!" In front of Komaeda sat what looked like a bucket-like container, the rising smoke and sparks of flames catching his eyes. Komaeda was instantly blowing out the fire the best he could, nearly burning his hair in the process. Without hesitation, Hinata grabbed the nearest towel, shoving past Komaeda to pick up the hot bucket. Carrying it to the washroom, he instantly placed it in the bathtub and began running cold water over it, his eyes puffy and watery from the smoke burning right into them.

Komaeda's footsteps could be heard approaching him. "You shocked me, Hinata-kun!" He chimed, leaning over and staring down at the bucket. He reached over to the cold handle, turning it off and exhaling.

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" He growled, eyebrows furrowing angrily. His exasperated sigh followed his words as he reached a hand into the bucket, pulling out the first thing he picked up. Examining it, he could immediately recognize the small remainder of one of the many pictures burnt into his memory. Komaeda had no reply as he tossed it back in, a gentle sigh leaving his lips before looking back at him. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

Komaeda shrugged, his hands stuffing into the pockets of his pants. "Why are you here, Hinata-kun? I thought you were going home."

His expression went blank as he stuttered, struggling to find a reason that wasn't relating to exactly why he sprinted back up. "I, uh, realized maybe being here alone would trigger something?" He mumbled questionably, glancing back at the bucket. "Um... I was worried about you, and it seems my feeling was right."

Humming, Komaeda knelt behind Hinata, wrapping his arms around him and breathing against his neck. "Is that all then, Hinata-kun?"

He was not feeling the tone in his voice at all. "N-no, I was gonna ask if you'd like to sleep over, if that's okay...Just so I can watch you, you know?"

"Watch me sleep?"

"Not like that!"

Komaeda laughed, pulling Hinata closer and nuzzling against the side of his neck. "Can you give me a moment to pack some things?" He asked, placing a feathered kiss to his neck.

Hinata nodded, mumbling a quiet 'yeah' as Komaeda pulled away, sighing out in relief at his cooperation. His eyes returned to the bucket where he stared down at the burnt, damp remains of Komaeda's past. Was this his way of moving on?

Standing back up, he cleaned out the bucket and threw the images away before exiting the bathroom where he found himself inside Komaeda's room as the boy was rummaging around inside his closet. The box of past things sat on the floor by his desk, all remaining in it being the ring box.

"Hey, what's that?" Hinata asked out loud, leaning down to pick up the box. He opened it as Komaeda looked back, the brunette's eyes widening in awe at how pretty the ring was once the box was opened. It was easily determinable as high quality and expensive, but he hadn't thought of broke Komaeda having such a thing. Being approached by Komaeda made him anxious, but his laugh was just unsettling.

"It was a promise ring-" Komaeda muttered, taking the ring box and placing it on the desk before slipping on a green jacket with a jagged-cut tail and red drawstrings. The design was fairly ridiculous, but Hinata could admit it suited him. Maybe not with sweats and a tank top, though.

"A promise for what?"

Taking the ring away, Komaeda tucked it into his sweaters' pocket, pressing a finger to his lips and smiling, a wordless exchange for him to ask no more. He dismissed the reply, sighing softly and helping Komaeda put his clothes into a bag. Once they were ready to leave, Hinata carried the bag on his back while Komaeda carried nothing. Not by choice of course, but because Hinata insisted he shouldn't have to carry anything.

Swinging the door open, Hinata awkwardly peeked out in direction of the elevators for Kamukura, relieved to see nothing that even resembled him. Once Komaeda locked his door and slipped on weird brown shoes (with two zippers, for some god forsaken reason), Hinata glanced back in direction of the elevator jumped at the body that followed the ding of it.

"Hinata-kun?"

"U-uh, fuck the elevator, am I right?!" He hastily muttered, gently bumping Komaeda in the direction of the staircase. "Stairs are soo much more better, a good workout for your legs, you know? Come on, go!"

Despite hesitating, Komaeda went along and followed him down the stairs, his pace a lot more slower than Hinata, who was practically trying to jog down the stairs. 

Glancing around hesitantly once reaching the bottom, Hinata snatched Komaeda's hand and dragged him out and to his car, his lungs letting him take a pleasant, deep breath as they entered the vehicle. Komaeda looked confused and unhappy with the lack of context, but he preferred to have him annoyed with him rather than panicking in the familiarity of his bedroom.

As he started up the car, Komaeda rummaged in his bag, his huffing catching Hinata’s attention. “What's wrong?” he asked, sitting back and frowning. He watched as his gaze darted all around the car, checking under his legs and checking the inside of his bag once again.

“My phone…it's not here. I think I left it in my room…” Komaeda stuffed his hands in his pockets, his eyebrows furrowing, pulling his room key out. “I'll be right back, let me just-“

“W-what? No, no, I can get it, okay? Here-“ Hinata took the key out of Komaeda's hand, jerking it away and smiling nervously as he stared back almost angrily.

“No, Hinata-kun, just-“

Hinata instantly opened the door and jumped out before Komaeda could lecture him, impatiently rushing back into the complex. He willingly ran up the stairs, making his way up despite growing tired. Reaching the 8th floor, he was pleased with the lack of Kamukura, so he quietly opened Komaeda's room and went in, locking the door behind him just in case. Walking into Komaeda's room, he immediately noticed his phone on the table next to his bed, picking it up and turning it on. He stared at the notifications, an unpleasant twisting in his stomach rising at what was displayed: 3 missed calls and a text from Chiaki. Nervously, he slid his finger on the text notification, viewing it and swallowing dryly at what she had said.

‘I got a phone call from kamukura asking for hajime just now, call me asap'

He could feel his skin crawl. The fact that she sent this minutes after he saw the male made it even more discomforting.

Sighing, Hinata put the device in his pocket before leaving the bedroom, shutting all the lights off and leaving the room, closing the door and locking it quietly behind him. He made his way towards the stairs, pushing past the door, ready to sprint-

"Hinata."

He froze, eyes meeting with Kamukura at the top of the stairs to the next floor. He swallowed, tucking Komaeda's key into his back pocket.

"Can I help you?" He mumbled, glaring up at him. "I'm not gonna stand here and listen to you-"

"You don't get a choice in the matter."

Glaring, Hinata shook his head, stepping towards the staircase down before feeling the grip of a hand wrapped around his arm instantly, his head jerking back to the older male grabbing him. "Let me go!" He said loudly, jerking his arm away as hard as he could. It was no use, as Kamukura was a lot more strong than him.

His red eyes were sharp as they stared into his. His lips stayed in a straight line every moment he's ever been with him. Hinata wondered if Komaeda ever got him to smile.

"Ask him about the promise ring."

"What?"

Kamukura's grip on his arm wouldn't loosen, his eyes staring the brunette up and down. His messy hair covered a fair portion of his face, making his expression harder to read. He wondered if this was what he looked like when Komaeda fell for him. He looked like he suited the boy, and that thought alone made him feel extremely self conscious the more he stared at Kamukura.

"Hinata-kun? Is that you?"

Hinata's eyes widened at Komaeda's voice calling out for him, head turning towards the source of the sound before returning to Kamukura. "Let me go," he barely whispered, breathing hitched. 

Komaeda spoke again. "If that's you, I'm coming up-" 

"No, no, I'm coming, I just-...dropped my key, don't worry!" Hinata called out, jerking his arm away. Kamukura refused to let go.

"No, I'm coming up, Hinata-kun, cut it out..."

Kamukura's grip wouldn't loosen, and Hinata could barely breathe. He didn't want Komaeda to know who was here; he knew how quickly he'd panic.

"Ask him about it," Kamukura muttered coldly.

Clenching his fists, Hinata jerked again, hissing slightly. "Fine, I will!" He whispered harshly. The moment his arm was released for agreeing, he struggled to not punch the man before stumbling down the stairs, forcing a nervous laugh. "I found my keys!" He called out to Komaeda, glancing back to where Kamukura had been. He had disappeared within the few seconds Hinata looked away.

"Hinata-kun, what's going on?" Komaeda voiced the moment Hinata was in his view, standing on the staircase before him. He hugged himself with one of his arms, the hand grabbing his arm and awkwardly rubbing it. "Who was that?"

Freezing in place, he found himself frowning at Komaeda's sad expression. He took slow steps down the staircase, stopping a step above him so he were taller than him. "I think it was the, uh, landlord. Someone told me to get out or whatever and I got a bit angry but it's good now, I'm here!" He pressed his forehead to his, wrapping his arms around Komaeda's neck and smiling. "Who did you think it was?"

"Hinata-kun..." he muttered, gaze glued to the ground. "The landlord's a woman. Are you...lying to me?"

Now wasn't the time to freeze up; Hinata knew this, but he still did, pulling away and staring down at Komaeda with concern. He didn't know what to say. "Well, I said I thought, I-I don't know-"

"Are you...with someone else?"

He paused, his eyebrows scrunching together. "Wait, what?"

Komaeda turned his head away to the side, his hair covering his eyes. "Am I that terrible, Hinata-kun?"

"What? No, no, Komaeda, I'm not-"

"Am I really that unlikable?"

"Komaeda-"

"I should have known. Of course someone as amazing as you would be sick of me already-"

"Komaeda!"

Looking back up, his gaze was dark and empty. He had a discomforting smile spread across his face, giving Hinata a strange sense of fear. 

"You've got the wrong idea, okay? You're the first person I've ever been...in love with, and I  _really_ don't want to fuck it up. You're all I think about, so...you don't need to worry about something like that, okay? Can we go now?"

Komaeda's expression became more surprised, and before he could reply, Hinata gently kissed him before lacing their hands together and taking him down the stairs with him. They didn't speak as they walked back to the car together, giving Hinata a moment to process everything that had just happened.

The promise ring. What had the promise been, and why did Kamukura feel the need to freak him out over it? He wondered if the man was now living in the building, and felt even more fear for Komaeda's position and the possible contact he could get into with him. Is that why Kamukura asked Chiaki of his whereabouts? Maybe moving cities was a bad idea. All it's brought him was stress and drama, and now he isn't even focusing on his studies anymore. Everything he's done since he moved was pointless.

Almost everything.

He looked at Komaeda the moment they got back into the car, admiring him in the moment. The moonlight against his skin made his heart race, and he really wasn't sure what he'd do if he never met him that day. He made mental note to thank Chiaki for introducing them, and also spend more time with her when she's actually feeling up to it. 

Komaeda glanced back at him, his cheeks flustering up almost instantly upon realizing the heart-eyes Hinata had been giving him. "H-Hinata-kun, stop staring at me," he whined, his gaze falling to his lap. "You're so embarrassing."

He smiled, fiddling in his pockets for Komaeda's key and phone and handing it to him. "That's fine." 

Buckling himself in, he finally began to pull out of the complex loop, driving out in the dimness of the night. Komaeda seemed sleepy, constantly yawning and stretching every so often. He wondered if this was a good time to ask about the ring.

"What's with that jacket?" he asked instead, cursing himself for bailing out on it.

"Hm? What about it?"

"Just curious. Interesting design, you know? And why the 55 on the back?"

Komaeda hummed, flashing his phone screen on and pausing. Hinata suddenly realized the text Chiaki had left him, but he could tell Komaeda was pretending he hadn't seen it to avoid being questioned. "Um... not sure. I wore it a lot in my teen years.."

"Didn't you have uniforms in high school?"

"Yeah, but I got suspended for a lot of it, so I hadn't had the chance to wear it much!"

Hinata smiled, shaking his head as he did. Komaeda went on to tell him about how he got suspended for 6 months at a time for being "blamed" for a bombing (of course, he did do the bombing, but he wasn't about to confess that to Hinata.) He told him how he spent his suspension sneaking on a plane that ended up crashing, him being the only survivor. The sad part was that Hinata could recall hearing this on the news years before, voicing that to the boy. He just giggled at him.

Komaeda took a cigarette out at some point, sharing it with Hinata by allowing him to take occasional drags.

"I shouldn't be supporting your smoking habits," Komaeda spoke as smoke was blown out.

"It's fine, I'm sure sooner or later I'll drop it. It was just a temporary coping mechanism to make up for the lack of cigarette scent from you."

Huffing and rolling his eyes, Komaeda finished the dart and tossed it out the window, yawning loudly. "Are we there yet?"

"Mhm, I'm going into the basement to park so just wait a bit more, okay?"

Humming in response, Komaeda sat back in his seat patiently as Hinata drove down into the parking section, taking his phone out and tapping against the screen. He assumed he was texting, listening to the taps of his nail against the glass and he parked. They exit the vehicle together, Hinata carrying Komaeda's bag with him despite how much he refused to let him. Hinata led them inside to the elevator, riding it up to his floor. Finally entering his own apartment, he sighed out in relief at the familiarity of it, watching Komaeda walk off to his room. He followed him moments after taking his shoes off, entering the room to the male all curled up in his bed.

Hinata chuckled, placing his bag on the floor next to the bed and sitting next to him. Komaeda sat up to take the jacket he wore off, handing it to Hinata and quietly asking if he could hang it somewhere. Hinata nodded, fishing his hands through the pockets for anything that shouldn't be in it, but paused once feeling the ring. He forgot he brought it.

Taking it out, he held it up to the dim light of the moon through the window, admiring the shine of the gold and it's diamonds. He recalled what Kamukura had told him, afraid of what his intentions were. What kind of promise did they make, and why did Kamukura feel he needed Hinata to know it? "What was the promise?"

"What?" Komaeda asked, stirring back awake from his half-asleep slumber. He rubbed his eyes, squinting at Hinata and the ring. "It's not important, Hinata-kun...just come sleep with me..."

Hinata continued to stare at it, his arm lowering along with his gaze.

"Hinata-kun?"

Standing up, he placed Komaeda's jacket on his dresser along with the ring next to it. He didn't think pressing the matter would work, and would rather try and ignore it, at least for now. Besides, it was probably just a trick set up by Kamukura. There wasn't any promise he could think of that'd be relevant to him. Crawling into bed with Komaeda, he nuzzled his face against him, breathing in his familiar scent and sighing. "I love you," he muttered without thinking, eyes feeling heavy. 

He could hear Komaeda's faint laugh, his breathing against his neck. "You won't for long," he muttered in reply, pecking a soft kiss against his skin. "But I love you too, Hinata-kun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuuccckkkk i have a good idea for the next chapter and it has to do with why im a disgustingly cheesy for them in their game outfits.
> 
> sorry this sucks ihhhuhhhhhhh i will edit it tmrw i just want it out bc it's the weekend how can i not..... also i love u izuru baby sorry i made u bad i would have used junko but in this house we agree that komaeda's gay! also i have more character ideas for everyone like mikan is totally the main nurse assigned to komaeda and chiaki's dad (will i ever talk about her dad!?!?!?? who knows. also we r not sticking to ai nanami canon bc chihiro is not her dad Uh)  
> i miss hiyoko shes gonna come back not small and bitchier than ever


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deciphering behaviors and phone sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i didnt update earlier i got super sick on saturday also this shit gay...hell yeah. its a bad chapter i actually had something else entirely planned damn 
> 
> also mistakes and stuff sorry im...tired it's 7am ive been writing since 2am

Waking up next to Hinata was still overwhelming to him. They've slept with one another plenty of times by now, enough times for Hinata to get used to it at least, but Komaeda still found himself struggling to come to terms with it. He'd mutter some nonsense along the lines of 'I don't deserve this' as he usually does while they got ready, Hinata disagreeing with him without hesitation. Finishing with morning routines, Komaeda returned to the bedroom, making the bed before pulling out his clothes for the day and placing them on the made bed before him. Slipping his shirt and bottoms off, he found his eyes boring into his reflection with a grimace. He wasn't sure why he kept doing this to himself, staring at his body in disgust every time he found himself by a mirror. His gaze drifted to his protruding hips, studying the curve of the structure that stood out so prominently. He felt like he could just snap it off...

Lost in the thought, his fingers trailed down from his hair to his hip, thin fingers pinching it weakly. If he tried hard enough, maybe he could snap it off? He tugged down almost slightly, his mind barely thinking about it as his nails dug in and fingers continue to put the pressure. His shirt and pants that were in his other hand were dropped without his acknowledgement, all his muscles focused on this wonder. Deducting it were impossible, he let his hand move to the other side willingly, trying the same thing but harder. What was he even doing again? Defeat was found quick enough, and before his mind could return to reality itself, the sudden blanketing of white over his face startled him.

"Komaeda," Hinata spoke softly and reassuringly, sliding a shirt over his head and helping him in directing each arm into their appropriate sleeves patiently. He tugged the shirt, slipping the hem down his waist before allowing his arms to hug around his stomach. A gentle breath was felt against the nape of his neck as Hinata rested his chin on the sharp shoulder. "What were you doing?" He asked, checking Komaeda out in the mirror. He studied the shirt, subtly questioning the peculiar red swirl-like image on the front. He admired him regardless before allowing his nose to nuzzle against the side of his neck, placing a gentle kiss.

Swallowing forcefully, he let his hands rest on the arms that hugged him, overwhelmed with how on display he felt. He truly couldn't understand how Hinata wasn't disgusted with him, or just didn't blatantly show it. "I...don't know," he muttered, focusing on the view of his hips in the mirror. What was he thinking, trying to snap them off? Of course that wouldn't be possible.

Hinata pulled his head away. "Do you not like them?"

Turning his head, Komaeda blinked, his lips slightly parted as he stared back at Hinata. "Them?"

"Your hips," he replied instantly, body swaying slightly. Komaeda looked away, his eyes drifting to the ground beneath them as Hinata proceeded to speak. "I-I think they're nice. I mean I know you disagree but-...I like them, so I hope that helps someway."

Smilingly slightly to himself, he opened his mouth to reply but the poorly timed ringing of his phone cut him off instantly. His waist felt cold the moment Hinata took his arms away and Komaeda watched the expression in his face turn sour. A gentle wave of his hand was his method of dismissing the male, his stomach sinking slightly as he was left alone as fast as he was accompanied. Komaeda sighed as he forced himself to look away from the mirror, returning to the bed where his clothes laid displayed for him. He slipped on the black jeans, ignoring the neglected wallet chain with no wallet connected to it, and pulling his dark-green jacket over his frame. He took a quick glance around the room before exiting, joining Hinata for breakfast.

"Who called you?" Komaeda asked as he sipped his coffee. They both had toast and eggs before them, along with Komaeda having a cup of coffee and Hinata having orange juice. He watched as he took quiet sip from his glass, the clinking of the cup knocking against the table as he placed it down slightly startling the brunette.

"It, uh, was just my dad," Hinata muttered hesitantly, stuffing his mouth with more of his toast. He seemed awfully hungry on that morning, much different compared to Komaeda who took small bites slowly and infrequently. "He just asked if I spent the money or whatever..."

He nodded slowly, standing up and pushing his chair back. Hinata seemed uncomfortable when he talked about the phone call, and based on it being related to his dad, Komaeda let it pass. He barely could let the previous night pass, though. He wasn't sure why Hinata had been so off yesterday. Thinking about it made it hard to focus as he brought his barely empty dish to the kitchen, quietly tossing what he hadn't eaten and washing his dishes. 

"I'll be ready to drive you to work in a bit, okay?" Hinata spoke up as he stood up, taking his dishes to the kitchen. He placed them next to the sink, taking a quick glance at Komaeda before he walked off to go change. He couldn't help but wonder what had set Hinata off as he began washing the plate he placed next to him, his gaze empty as he stared down in the sink. Hinata seemed happy with him, and surely he wasn't seeing anybody else, so there was nothing to worry about, right?

Komaeda carefully put the plates away after drying them, his arms shaking as he did. Hinata was stood behind him soon enough, his gentle voice letting him know he was ready. Turning around to stare back at him, he observed his outfit and let out a playful 'pft', gently pawing at his chest and walking past him.

"What?" Hinata chuckled as he spoke, following behind Komaeda as he opened the door. Locking it behind him, Komaeda stood before him with a smile that barely cracked from his want to laugh. "Come on, Komaeda, what?"

Pressing the tip of his pointer finger against Hinata's chest, Komaeda let himself huffed out a quiet laugh, his body turning to the hall towards the elevator. "A muscle shirt, Hinata-kun?" He asked as the brunette followed behind him. "And what's the bag for?"

Slouched over Hinata's shoulder was the extended strap of a duffel bag, his hand wrapped around the front side of the strap sturdily. "Well, after I drop you off at the shop I'm going to go to the gym."

Komaeda nearly choked as he pressed the elevator button to the parking lot basement, his cheeks reddening at the thought of Hinata working out. Looking at him now, Hinata did have some muscle on his arms...definitely a lot more compared to his lanky self. "W-what for?"

"What do you mean,  _what for_? It's just healthy, and I haven't worked out much since I moved so-"

"You worked out regularly?"

Hinata blinked, his eyebrows knitted together as he stared back at Komaeda. "You don't believe me?" He asked, his head tilting only slightly. 

"It's not that I don't, Hinata-kun, but you're just such a softy, I can hardly believe you're actually so tough and strong!" Komaeda's smile was only a little twisted as he stared back at Hinata, his arms crossed in his chest. Studying the face of the brunette, he watched the little twitches accommodate his thoughts as the elevator came to a stop.

"You can't believe it?"

"I said  _hardly_ , Hinata-kun-" 

As if Komaeda had cued it the moment he put his arms down, Hinata's smile grew wide before his body dashed towards Komaeda. Without thinking twice, he scooped him up in his arms like a bride and pridefully laughed at how Komaeda immediately latched on to him, squeaking suddenly.

"H-Hinata-kun, put me down!" Komaeda shouted, his voice echoing throughout the lot. Cars were everywhere but it was at the time of day where all the work people had left earlier and no one else was really up yet, so it was just the two of them. The two of them playfully fighting as Hinata proudly carried Komaeda through the lot, the pale male squirming in his arms despite holding him so tightly.

"This is fine, you're not heavy," he replied, enjoying him nuzzled up against his shoulder in fear. Holding Komaeda wasn't hard, after all the man was light, although him being taller by just a bit made carrying him somewhat complicated. He paid it no mind as he approached his car, opening Komaeda's door and placing him inside. 

Buckling himself, Komaeda glared at Hinata once he entered beside him, his frown cracking the moment the man before him glanced back at him. Hinata's smile was wide and bright; Komaeda pondered if his smile could cure sicknesses. 

Hinata buckled himself in before sitting back and relaxing, his breathing coming in as half-pants. "You seemed upset this morning so I just wanted to cheer you up before work," he admitted to him, his head turning back towards Komaeda. "I'm sorry if I scared you or something like that."

Komaeda just sighed and shook his head, but it was enough for Hinata to get that he didn't do anything to upset Komaeda furthermore. He wouldn't show it, but the fluster and smile on his face stayed the entire drive to the café.

* * *

"Rantarou?"

Entering the café and seeing the male wasn't bad, but just unexpected. At least, only because he was wearing the uniform apron. He was stood behind the counter, fingers working at the register with focus expression plastered on his face.

"Ah, Nagito, good morning!" He walked around the counter, his apron fitted on him neatly over his turtleneck shirt. His face had a slight flush to it, his hair fairly tousled the way it usually was. "Chiaki's not here today, said she needed to see someone at the hospital."

Komaeda nodded while Hinata frowned, his head darting around the room briefly. "Hey, I'm gonna go now, okay Komaeda?"

Turning his head to the brunette, Komaeda smiled and turned the rest of his body to him, his arms wrapping around his neck and forehead pressing against him. "I'll miss you," he mumbled, the distant sound of Rantarou returning to the counter being heard. He felt Hinata's arms wrap around his waist, pulling him close and startling him. He pulled his head away, eyes opening to stare back at the brunette. His fluster was obvious as they stared back at one another. "Hinata-kun?" He chimed in question.

Without a word, his hand was grabbed and he was being lead to the staff room, his time to breathe being brief due to how instantly Hinata pressed Komaeda against the nearest wall, his hands placed firmly on his hips. They didn't stare at each other for long before pressing their lips together, the privacy being welcoming. His arms wrapped around his neck once again, pulling him closer if it were possible, relishing the kiss while he could. The pressure of his lips and his hands wrapped around him so tightly made Komaeda's insides knot, and he wanted nothing more than to bask himself in the glory of the moment forever, but he had to work and they both knew that. Was Hinata really going to miss him that much? Was he really needy and clingy enough to enjoy him only in the privacy of the two of them? Thinking about it as their tongues collided, kissing like this in front of customers would be unappealing, and awkward none the less. Although, the idea of publicly being known as somewhat together made his heart throb. Would that be possible some day, he thought? He wanted to be with Hinata. He wanted to tell the entire world that it was him who was being kissed by Hinata right now, and even though no one (but Chiaki) would care, he'd still do it. He yell to the entire universe, to an unknown species that may be out there, that he loves Hinata if he could. He'd do a lot, really, to have it be known how truly infatuated with the brunette he was.

Much to his disappointment, Hinata pulled away, the sounds of both their panting filling his ears. Hinata's face was flushed red, his lips swollen with drool seeping from the side of his lip. He pulled his hands away from Komaeda's hips, but the male refused to unhook his arms around Hinata's neck, his lips placing their self against his jaw and kissing. Hinata lifted his chin slightly, as if to give him more space to move lower and kiss the side of his neck. Curiously, he let himself gently bite onto the flesh, and the sharp sucking in of Hinata's breath make his dick jump.

"K-Komaeda, that's enough, okay? I got carried away, but-"

Carelessly, Komaeda softly suckled against the flesh, pleased with how Hinata's hands gripped his shoulder.

"H-hah, Komaeda...you need to work, and I need to go..." his thighs rubbed together as he awaited Komaeda to finish, his dick hard despite how hard he tried to avoid that. Not to mention the suckling was no help. Curiously, Hinata lifted his knee between Komaeda's legs, huffing at the hardness between them. "Komaeda, work," he whined, forcibly grinding his leg against him.

Komaeda pulled away with a slight jump, his eyes lighting up at the sight of the hickey tainted on his skin. "It suits you," he teased, his arms returning to his own side. Given he had work, Komaeda ignored the throbbing erections they both had and retrieved his apron, smiling softly at the frowning Hinata. "What?" He asked.

"Don't play dumb, Komaeda," Hinata sighed, running a hand through his own hair and frowning at him. His gaze went down to the bulge of his own painful erection, swallowing dryly at the annoyance of it. 

"It's okay," the male spoke in a quiet, honeyed voice as he approached Hinata, a hand pressing against his chest. Hinata's eyes glanced back up at Komaeda's, and in that brief moment, he let his hand trail down at a slow, tantalizing pace, only to give the bulge of his erection a gentle, playful squeeze. "You have a car, don't you Hinata-kun? That, and porn, so-"

Hinata rolled his eyes, pushing Komaeda away lightly. He tried to hide his smile, but he wasn't doing so good at it. "I don't need porn, that itself was good enough," he muttered under his breath, following Komaeda out of the room. He joined him at the counter to share a quick and soft kiss goodbye, getting more than just that. He expected that much, though.

"You'll take care of that, right, Hinata-kun?" Komaeda whispered against his cheek. To any stranger, it'd look like he were placing a kiss against his cheek, but they both were well aware of his antics. Hinata answered a quiet, muttered 'yes', receiving a breathy laugh. "I'll make it up to you later, okay? Don't think too hard about me when you're working out."

Hinata opened his mouth to insist he would try his best not to, but the moment he did, Komaeda interrupted. "Don't think too hard about how easy it'll be to fuck me with all that muscle, Hinata-kun. Holding me by my hips so tightly...it won't be hard at all, will it?" As Hinata swallowed dryly and his dick throbbed painfully, Komaeda just giggled as if he hadn't said anything, placing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Goodbye, Hinata-kun! I'll see you after work."

Komaeda watched as Hinata left momentarily, joining Rantarou briefly. He was still tampering with the register curiously, his fingers hesitating with every press of a button. He assisted him in how to use it, teaching him the basics of the register but adding that he wouldn't need to make it his responsibility. Rantarou listened patiently, but even so, he looked fairly distressed, and his face was glowing a constant fluster. Observing him, Komaeda did notice the turtleneck shirt he'd been wearing...

"Ah, are you hot, Rantarou?"

Pausing as he opened the register on his own, Rantarou turned his head towards Komaeda and softly laughed. "What makes you think that? I'm fine, actually-"

"You're red," he interrupted. Rantarou groaned softly.

"Well, there's no hiding it, I guess... I mean, you just let your boyfriend leave with a hickey and a boner so-" Bringing his hands up to his neck, Rantarou tugged the folded up collar down, revealing dark purple splotches along his neck. Komaeda didn't even need to ask to understand where they came from. "He's...a biter."

They were interrupted by the sound of customer, and as Komaeda was about to take care of them, Rantarou insisted he let him have it, pulling the collar back up to hide the hickeys. He willingly gave in to him, letting him know he'd be in the staff washroom for a bit. He didn't say it was because of the pulsing erection in his pants or anything, but it was definitely because of that. It was in the stall as he pulled out his member that he found himself thankful for the first time that they shop wasn't brimming with employees. He didn't think twice about calling Hinata as his phone was already in his hand, ringing the brunette, and the moment he answered, he knew exactly what he was doing.

"I-I can't believe I'm jerking off in a fucking car, Komaeda," Hinata hissed into the phone, his fingers pumping the flesh quickly. Komaeda's chuckle on the other end made his fingers move faster for a brief moment, his back arching and breath hitching.

"And I can't believe I'm touching myself in a bathroom stall like some little high school boy. Something new for the both of us, Hinata-kun!"

Swallowing back dryly, Hinata gave up on holding his phone in his free hand, pressing the speaker on and placing his phone in one of the cup holders. "W-why aren't you working?" He asked, eyes closed as his head lulled back. His embarrassment of the situation was heightened, knowing here he was, jerking off in his car while Komaeda was practically here to listen. Not necessarily  _here_ , but here. There. Listening to him.

"H-Hinata-kun, I can hear your hand pumping your cock, hah...you're going so quick," he teased, his own breathing hitching as he listened carefully to the brunette. He couldn't even answer the question, his mind disregarding it so quickly. "Don't stop, okay, Hinata-kun? I want to hear you come undone, Hinata-kun..."

His breathy voice speaking his name so sweetly couldn't possible get any other reaction out of Hinata other than the unintentional whimper, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip. He never thought he'd be doing something like this with anyone, but he also never thought he'd need to do something like this over Komaeda, so in the end, what did it matter anymore? He knew himself and his body enough to know that trying to push the urge aside wasn't going to work, or maybe that only applied when Komaeda was the source of the problem. Regardless, he let himself continue, fingers wrapped tighter around his cock as Komaeda's breathing became messy and heavy. 

"I-I want...to hear you too...you'll let me, right, Komaeda? You'll let me hear you cum...right?" He tried to keep his speaking together, forcing his voice to be as firm and understandable as possible, and based on the whispered cuss from Komaeda's breath, he was doing just fine.

"S-say that again and I'll leave work, Hinata-kun...it'll be all your fault. I'll get in trouble, and it'll be your fault for making me like this."

Did he have anything left in his throat to swallow back at that point, he wondered? Hinata truly felt lost in the situation.

Taking a deep breath, he carefully thought out his words. He wasn't good at this, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try his best. After all, he'd never done this before, so... "K-Komaeda?" He barely croaked out. He receiving a sweet hum in reply, his heart lumped up in his chest, thumping wildly. "Y-you're not going fast enough, don't you think? If I were there, I would definitely be stroking your cock a lot faster than that." Hinata could practically hear his heart throbbing against his chest in his ears, his hand moving a lot more swiftly than he remembered. For someone who nearly never masturbated weeks ago, he couldn't believe he was out here with his car parked in the most barren and dark part of the area just so he could get off like some meek little horny high schooler.

Komaeda let out a sound that was best described as an incoherent moan between a cry and a sob, his breath heightening rapidly. Hinata could hear the slap of skin at that point, his mind at a loss of thoughts. Listening to Komaeda get off in such a humiliating place just because of him made him unbelievably hot, although part of him felt guilty at the same time. 

"J-just like that, Komaeda, don't stop-"

"H-Hinata-kun, I love y-you, okay?" Komaeda gasped out into the phone, the light bumping of his head against the stall door being heard. "I-I love you so much, and I don't...I don't know what I'd do without you, and-"

Before Hinata knew it, he felt his stomach pooling with warmth as his cock twitched. His body was practically jolting as he approached his orgasm, his breathing loud and heavy. He couldn't form any words as Komaeda went on and on, each word of his becoming more and more breathy. 

"Hinata-kun, I'm gonna c-cum," Komaeda muttered into the phone before he could, his voice light and shaky. Hinata couldn't even formulate a reply with words, his only reply being a hummed out whimper.

Before he knew it, he was groaning and spurting cum on the steering wheel of his car, his body coated in beads of sweat and fingers cramping up from gripping his dick so tightly. Komaeda, on the other hand, managed to keep quiet as he finished, his voice muffled and breaths heavy. 

Right, so he just did that, he thought to himself. "We just did that," he voiced over the phone, sitting up in disbelief and breathing in deeply. "We...that."

Komaeda's laugh on the other end was breathy and heartwarming, the sound of the toilet flushing briefly following after. "I need to go but I'll text you during my break, okay? I love you, Hinata-kun!" He hung up in a rush, the sound of a kiss over the phone being the last thing he heard him say. He frowned at his lack of time to say goodbye back.

Hinata took napkins out from the glove box as soon as possible, cleaning up the mess on his steering wheel in disgust. Despite having done something so publicly gross, he felt pretty good about himself, not to mention he thinks Komaeda enjoyed it too. Glancing at the bag in the seat next to him, the idea of going to the gym seem increasingly unpleasant the more he thought about it. Thinking about it though, he  _was_ concerned about why Chiaki was going to the hospital...

Buckling himself up, he decided finding that mystery out would be the next courageous thing he's done today. 

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hospital visits and thoughtful talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i've been dead uh depression sucks
> 
> also take that fuckin platonic hinanami take it it's sogood u kno what i mean!!!! dr3 sucks but the hinanami moments were still ok i dont like them romantically though....but i have nothing against it i just prefer chiaki w girls and hinata w ko uhhhhhh
> 
> also nanamiki...how many more side plot ships will i have!?!?!?!? who knows....will any of them ever be straight? nope. (besides sonia/tanaka but i don't focus on them...i also don't even like sondam that much???? i like sonianami and soniakane but heyyyy too late for that)  
> gn now tho uhhh i have school back up tmrw....sorry this is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a bit shorter than most chapters (my min is 3k words [and i usually aim for 3.5kish] but this is 100 words off from that) and late and probably full of mistakes that i cant be bothered to change rn i am been depressed and have to sleep or at least tryyyyhfiifwwe goodnight

For someone who was pretty confident in himself to begin with, that confidence was easily shattered the moment he was lost downtown, his sense of direction completely off balance with all the new scenery. The city was pretty and all, but not knowing where you were in the midst of it was stressful. Hinata couldn't help but give in to using his phone to help locate the hospital, soon arriving to his destination. 

Despite the struggle to get there, he was glad to arrive regardless, pondering what to do next. He slipped a hoodie on before exiting the vehicle. Does he call Chiaki to meet up with her? Taking out his phone, he contemplated it, his legs continuing forward into the hospital lobby. He didn't like the ambiance of hospitals. They always reminded him of the reality of the place, that it was full of ill people struggling to get better. It brought his mind back to his mother, which was never pleasant for him to think over. It reminded him of loneliness, fear, sadness-

He wasn't here for himself. He told himself that, and continued to focus on what he came for. Besides, what was Chiaki there for specifically? Would he be able to find her without calling her number? He stared down at her contact information, reading it over as his finger was a tap away from calling her. The moment he brought his finger down, gently tapping on the call button, the force of a body against his side startled him, a loud squeaking and a thud being the center of attention. His body turned to the source of sound instantly, his voice loud as he asked if she were okay. She didn't look okay, her eye glossy with large tears the moment he caught a glimpse of her purple eyes.

"I-I'm sorry!" She squealed out in a panic. Papers were scattered all around her that she began to frantically pick up, clenching them close to her chest. Based on her outfit, Hinata could tell she was a nurse, although he subtly questioned her poorly cut hair and choppy bangs. He felt like he's seen her before, but instead of letting his mind think of reasons why, Hinata knelt next to her, aiding her in gathering the loose sheets spread around her. Once they found no more left on the ground, he handed them to her before helping her up. She apologized in her panicked squeaky voice once again before walking to the front desk, handing the sheets to whatever receptionist sat there.

Hinata sighed heavily in relief, flashing his phone on and cussing involuntarily at what it displayed. He'd been on a phone call with Chiaki for the past three minutes, yet hadn't spoken a word. She was probably wondering why, worrying about him as she usually did.

_"Hajime?"_ she said.  


"Chiaki, hey, sorry," he spoke into the phone, eyes unconsciously staring off into the distance. He glanced back at the nurse before heading towards a seat, sitting in seat away from any other accompanied seat."Where are you?"

After a long pause, Chiaki spoke,  _"I'm just on my way to the hospital, why?"_  

"Okay, well, I'm..." As his reply was being worded in his head and spoken out loud, his mind got distracted as he soon became aware of the same purple-haired nurse glancing back at him frequently. She almost immediately jerked her head in the opposite direction once he noticed, her face scrunched up nervously. Hinata pondered this, the sound of Chiaki repeating his name soon catching his attention. 

 _"Hajime, what's wrong?_ " she asked, the whistling of the wind blowing against the speaker of her phone. He could heard cars during the brief moments where she wasn't speaking.   


"N-nothing, just..." She was staring again. This time, she walked off to the corner of a wall, her head and fingers very obviously peeking past the wall. Chiaki was calling his name on the phone worriedly again. "Hi, yes, sorry Chiaki-..." The nurse's eyes widened briefly, but the moment Hinata's eyes darted back at her, she squeaked and hid behind the corner. 

Chiaki yawned over the line, but the sound was barely audible past the receptionist calling a patient over the speaker.  _"I have to go, but I'll call you after, probably."_

As he spoke up, the line was cut and Hinata nearly dialed back until he saw the pink haired girl enter the lobby. His body jerked up instantly, readily walking over to her but hesitating the moment she was seen hugging the nurse from before. He recalled her reaction to him saying her name, and it sort of added up to him. Chiaki knew her, but that didn't explain the weird staring he got before. As he walked over slowly, he watched them as they talked, but the moment he was close, a finger was directed at him by the nurse, and his body froze in an instant. Chiaki was slow in realizing she was to turn around, her hand rubbing her eyes as she did.

"Oh, hi Hajime. What are you doing here?" she asked, the hand on her face falling to her side. The nurse girl's finger dropped hesitantly, a fluster spread across her cheeks. He watched as she leaned in to Chiaki's ear to whisper something, but all Chiaki did in reply was continue to stare at Hinata.

He swallowed dryly, a hand scratching the back of his neck nervously. "Rantarou said you were seeing someone at the hospital, so I thought I'd come check in..." he muttered, eyes gazing past the girls and at the floor behind them. 

Chiaki hummed quietly, glancing back at the nurse. "Mikan, I'm gonna walk with Hajime for a bit, but I'll call you after, okay?"

The nurse named Mikan nodded in reply, embracing her in a gentle but hesitant hug. Hinata and Chiaki both watched as she carefully walked away.

"Mikan?" Hinata voiced out loud, staring down at Chiaki. She looked back at him with a soft smile, a gentle blush evident on her cheeks. "Is she...?"

Chiaki observed the room, her body pausing in a direction. She glanced back, her hand grabbing Hinata's and walking forwards in the direction she stood, her fingers loosely wrapped around his hand. "She's in the process of becoming a nurse," she spoke out loud, her hand letting go of Hinata's once entering the hall Chiaki wanted to. They walked side by side, striding down the hall of patience slowly.

"Well yeah, but-...never mind, how do you know her?"

"She actually went to the same school as us for a year, but she moved here for the good schooling stuff, I think."

They both paused in front of an elevator, where Chiaki stood and stared at it for a moment. He let her take her time in pressing the button to call it, her mouth falling open in a large yawn.

"Who are you here to see?" Hinata asked as they walked into the elevator. They rode it up in silence, mostly just because Chiaki was yawning once again. He wondered if that girl ever chose sleep over video games.

As the elevator dinged and they walked out as the doors split open, Chiaki waved and smiled at passing nurses and doctors. Every moment he spent with Chiaki, the more he wondered what he didn't know about her. Despite her being his childhood best friend and all, there was so much she hadn't said or he hadn't asked, just because she wasn't that type of person. Chiaki didn't talk about her problems as much as she encouraged her friends too, and she rarely ever expressed negative emotions for the sake of others. 

"I'm here to see my dad," she replied, her body stopping in front of a patient door. Her fist raised to knock against it gently, but the moment her first was out, the door opened, startling both her and the nurse inside.

Hinata excused himself for them to talk, overcome with worry for Chiaki's father. He knew her parents were divorced and Chiaki moved out with her father after graduation, but he didn't know she moved here. He also didn't know he was hospitalized until just then, and a large part of him felt guilty about it. He barely kept in contact with her back then, despite them being each others' best friend. He knew he couldn't blame his father; keeping in contact with people wasn't _that_ hard, was it?

Returning his focus to Chiaki, he watched her nod at the nurse before the lady excused herself past her, the door behind her being shut. Turning around, the frown on her face was evident, but she made no effort to address it.

"He just has some memory problems, I think," she muttered, her eyes dazing off back to the door. Hinata felt empathetic, but showing it was the hard part. "They said to leave him alone for a bit though..."

Taking a deep breath, he leaned in to grab Chiaki's hand, holding it tightly in his. She glanced back in awe, but all he did was smile. "Do you want to go for lunch? It's on me!" he asked. Chiaki voiced no reply, but a soft smile and a nod was enough of an answer for him. 

* * *

They chose to eat at a basic fast food restaurant, indulging in the gross but strangely good food. It was fairly empty despite the time of day, but it made eating a lot more pleasant than it would be when full.

Hinata watched Chiaki as she stuffed her face with food slowly, before sipping on her drink. Her cheeks were puffed up as she drank, and he couldn't help but smile widely at her. It'd been awhile since he'd spent time with her alone, so he thought now was better than ever to ask about her life. "How did you meet Mikan?" He asked, the girl perking up at the question.

"She started her training by observing the nurse who took care of my dad. For awhile, she just stood by to watch, but eventually she was given her own responsibility."

"What was it?" Hinata asked.

Chiaki sipped her drink again, shaking it slightly as she pulled away from the straw. "Well, Komaeda got hospitalized at the time. Mikan wanted to look after him as part of her training, so they placed him on the other side of the same room as my dad, which is how I met Komaeda."

Nodding, Hinata pushed his food tray to the side, his body slouched over and arms pressed to the table. There was so much about Chiaki and Komaeda he didn't know, and he wanted to ask as many things as he could, although he knew that most subjects were touchy and not the best things to bring up. He was pretty bad with people in general, but he knew well enough how to not be an asshole. 

"My dad sometimes forget who I am," Chiaki muttered, pushing her tray aside as well. Hinata couldn't bring himself to reply, awaiting for her to speak up, and she did. "There's something wrong with his brain but I believe they can fix it, probably."

She stood up, picking up both of their trays and exiting the booth. She placed them at the tray disposal, returning to her seat immediately after. "Even though he doesn't remember me sometimes, he still talks to me and makes me feel like a daughter. It's nice."

Hinata couldn't help but frown, a pit in his stomach being formed with the guilt of having not been there for her. "I'm sorry I haven't-"

"Don't be," Chiaki interrupted, her eyes gazing back up at him. She reached a hand out, placing it over his arm and squeezing gently. "You're here now, and that's all that matters to me."

Chiaki pulled her arm away, her smile comforting despite the guilt in him. Hinata nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, I guess so."

"My dad misses my mom a lot, even though they didn't get along a lot. He keeps talking about valuing who you love and making moments matter, so I've been trying hard to use that advice, you know?"

Hinata's phone vibrated against him, his head glancing down at his sweater pocket. Chiaki insisted he checked it, but pulling it out, he felt his stomach sink further than it already was. An unknown number was calling... _again._

Earlier that morning, Hinata got away with insisting it were his father to Komaeda, but he lied. He regretted lying, but for the sake of them both, he had no option other than to keep Kamukura bothering him a secret. He didn't know how Komaeda would react, but he wasn't about to take any risks.

"Hajime?"

Flinching, he shoved the phone in his pocket, head jerking back up. "Y-yeah?"

Chiaki just stared, her head tilted and eyebrows furrowed curiously. The worry in her eyes was clear to him, and he recalled the texts Chiaki had sent Komaeda the previous day. "What is it?"

Swallowing dryly, he laughed nervously, arms pressing down against the table once again. "I-it was just my dad, don't worry."

He knew Chiaki saw through his lie, but she didn't bother to address it. She stood up, checking her own phone and yawning. "Can you drive me back to the hospital? I promised Mikan I'd spend time with her when she gets on her break soon."

Hinata nodded, so the two of them left the restaurant, entering his car. Buckling up, Chiaki kept glancing at Hinata curiously.

"Can I ask you something?" Chiaki murmured quietly as Hinata started the car. His head turned to her, eyes examining her expression. He had a feeling he knew what she was about to ask. "Have you seen Kamukura at all, since you and Komaeda's fall out?"

Hinata froze up, his fingers gripping the steering wheel. He had to answer, he knew he seemed suspicious, but...

"Hajime-"

"W-well..." he started, eyes gazing up to the rear view mirror. "Komaeda asked me the same thing," he lied. He thought maybe that would clear some suspicion, but Chiaki was still just as worried as before. "I haven't seen him since, why do you ask?"

"Just worried, I think."

He voiced no reply as he backed out, and they drove in silence for most of the ride. Chiaki soon went on to talk about Mikan and how they've spent lots of time together, playing games and napping together. She talked about some of the things Mikan went through, and how she's helped her overcome fears and such in the past few years.

And then she mentioned feelings.

Hinata was shocked in a way, but the more he thought about it, what was there to be shocked about? It was only typical that anyone would develop feelings for someone they've gotten close with. Not that it always happens to just anybody with anyone, but Chiaki  _was_ evidently attracted to girls (at least to him), and what better candidate than a cute nurse who'd been helping take care of two important people in her life? It's only normal that she'd grow someone attached to her.

"So she likes you?" He asked, eyes glancing at her every few moments.

"I think so. She said something like that but I'm not good with emotions."

"Do you like her back?"

Chiaki was quiet, her head leaned back and chin raised. She stared out the top of the roof window. "I think so...probably. I've been trying to spend time with her a lot, and I think we're both hesitating a lot to do anything. My dad says that I should go for it and ask her out, but I'm afraid of it not working out, you know?"

She watched as Hinata nodded.

"I think I'm going to take her out or something this weekend...we're scared to make moves but my dad's inspired me a lot, so..." he heard her take a deep breath. "She means a lot to me, and I've learnt a lot about myself through her, so I think I should stop worrying, probably."

Pulling into the hospital parking lot, he drove through and stopped at the front door's loop, sitting back and sighing out in relief. "Are you going to ask her out?"

Chiaki unbuckled her seat belt, sitting up and yawning. Her small fist rubbed her eyes. "Maybe...I think putting your all into someone is hard, but it's worth it, you know?" She opened the car door, her body scooting out slowly. 

"Yeah, I know," Hinata replied.

"Hey, Hajime," Chiaki chimed, a smile plastered on her face. "Don't let others and doubt hold you down, okay? It's worth the risk, and if you really love someone, you wouldn't regret it. For you and him."

Hinata paused, his lips parted and face still in awe. He barely registered the door being shut before slouching back, her words repeating in his head. He'd never talked about Komaeda to Chiaki, but he knows he's done so with him to her, so of course Chiaki would know best. He didn't know what he'd do without her, and still constantly felt guilty about growing so close to Komaeda rather than hanging with her. 

"...for you and him..." he mumbled, sitting back up and taking a long, deep breath. The time was still around noon, so he had plenty of time for the planning he was about to do. Lots of time to plan this elaborate date for Komaeda and him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this sucks


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contemplative dates and unanswered questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeyyy FUCKERSSSSSsss...i am Back and not better than ever but back regardless
> 
> end notes if u want my life update also this is shit fyi im very rusty at writing and i am Warning you

Normally, Komaeda  _loved_ his friends. He'd tolerate them no matter what, feed to their ego, do as they say, but this one time, he'd never wanted to politely rip off Ouma's head more. He could tell Rantarou felt the same way, but in a more loving way. And by loving, he means he constantly whispers things in his ear that made the short gremlin fluster ever so slightly. The light patter of rain outside was softly heard in the shop, but of course muffled intensely by the sounds of Ouma and his childish foolery.

Rantarou called Ouma over to his general direction, and once lifting his head, he watched them stuff themselves in the staff room with little to no exchange of words. Had he judged, Komaeda would feel guilty, so he let them be and continued quietly doing his job. Considering the rain and the time hitting approximate supper time, they rarely had any customers coming in, as most would go through the drive through. Besides, hearing the rain patter gently without Ouma around to block out the noise was calming, and they hadn't had rain in what felt like forever.

Taking his phone out, his eyes glaring into the large display of time on the screen. He couldn't help but sigh out of impatience with the two hours of work he had left. Rantarou and Ouma were gone long enough for him to presume the things they were doing weren't exactly for him to see, so he let them be until the faint and distant jingle of a bell caught his attention.

His head darted up from the bright screen, his eyes processing the tuft of dark blue hair and pale skin. Shuuichi timidly pushed past the door, a hand to his chest as he glanced around curiously. Being the only one there besides Komaeda, he sighed in slight relief with his hand clenching the fabric of his shirt. A folded up wet umbrella was in the other hand, dripping rain droplets from the tip facing downwards. 

They made eye contact, and Shuuichi waved briefly before gazing around the room once again. Komaeda became more aware of the two in the staff room than he originally was, and began to ponder why Shuuichi was here.

"What happened between you and Ouma-kun?" he asked out loud without thinking twice about it. He didn't know if that was socially acceptable, as Chiaki weren't there to aid him but he went along with it, his hands propped down flat against the counter. Shuuichi was taken aback by the question, his body flinching slightly. His fingers fiddled with the drawstrings of his hoodie, approaching the counter and pulling out the closest chair to the employee.

"There was just a lot going on with him, I think," he replied hesitantly, sitting down and sighing heavily. Being closer, Komaeda examined the faint rain droplet markings on his hoodie, the slight darkness under his eyes and the long lashes that gracefully curled upwards. "W-why did you ask? How did you know?" he stuttered, fingers fiddling with the strap he wrapped around his umbrella. 

Blinking, Komaeda couldn't figure out how to answer, his mind at a loss. "He just asked me if I've talked to you about him!" he replied, a cheerful tone evident in his voice. He watched Shuuichi nod gently in response, his hand taking his phone out of his hood pocket and sighing softly.

"He, uh, told me to pick him up from here because he needed to talk to me about us or something, I don't know entirely, he wasn't very specific and he likes to lie a lot, but-" standing up, his fingers clenched the handle of his umbrella. Expression unreadable, he continued, "it looks like he isn't here anymore...sorry for bothering you." 

It took a moment before Komaeda spoke once again, calling out the younger boy's name the same moment a thud was heard in the staff room. Both their gazes darted towards the door, before returning to each other.

"W-what-"

"Ouma-kun is, um, using the washroom in there!" Komaeda cut in, a smile wide on his face. Shuuichi was observant enough to be well aware of the nervousness in him from the crook of his eyebrows and the forced smile, but awkwardly smiled in return, walking towards the staff door. Feeling his heart leap into his throat, the anxiety of Shuuichi catching Ouma and Rantarou easily dissipating as the handle refused to turn.

"Do you have a key, Komaeda-san?"

He shook his head in reply, apologizing abruptly before taking his phone out to text Ouma. 

It wasn't long until the awkward silence between Shuuichi and Komaeda was cut short by a tussle-haired Ouma shoving past the staff room door, his fingers lacing around the wrist of Shuuichi before dragging him out without sharing a single word or glance at Komaeda. He watched as he flashed a hesitant glimpse in the direction of the staff door, causing Komaeda to cock his eyebrow and tilt his head questionably. Thinking about it, it added up in his mind, and he only felt like he was getting to know Ouma awfully less than he ever originally did.

It wasn't long before Rantarou exit the staff room, his hair messier than before. Komaeda couldn't judge of course, his ears hot as he reminded himself of what he did earlier in the day. Clearing the thoughts, he stuffed his phone into the pocket of his apron, watching as the taller male ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"Y'know, by popular study done by psychologists, people tend to look up to their right when they're telling a lie," he voiced, hopping himself up onto the counter and sliding his body around, allowing his legs to dangle off the counter in the direction of Komaeda. They both stared blankly for a moment, before Komaeda let himself speak up.

"I've never heard of that before," he replied, a smile strewn on his face. He always smiled, though, so Rantarou took no certainty from it. "Any reason you bring this up?"

His hands gripped the edge of the counter, knuckles almost white as his gaze kept to the ground. "Ouma's a compulsive liar, we know that, but only sometimes does he look up to the right, you know? And sometimes he does it when he say's he's lying, and it's weird, y'know?"

Komaeda took out a warm, damp cloth, wiping down the counter and machines around them as Rantarou spoke, going on about examples of Ouma's lying and the times where he does and doesn't do the  _thing_ he was talking about. By the tone of his voice, Komaeda could tell he was distressed about it, and he felt bad, but being social wasn't his strong suit, regardless of whether Rantarou was familiar with that or not.

"-and as he was leaving, he told me Kaede came to pick him up to drive him to some doctors appointment, but he did the  _thing_ , y'know? He said he'd text me all about it after, so I'm worried...do you think there's something wrong with him, like, health-wise?" 

Staring into the eyes of the man made him guilty. He knew it wasn't his place to reveal him and Shuuichi's meet up, but it also wasn't his place to keep it from Rantarou. After all, he were closer to him over the course of time than any of the other boys, and the genuine concern in his expression was hard to stare at without getting a tinge of pain in your own heart. Rantarou was too sweet for his own good to the people who didn't deserve it, and refused to ever hurt or betray anyone, but by the looks of it, Ouma was doing everything to him that he swore never to do to anyone, especially not to Ouma...at least from an unclear perspective. It was hard to tell when he said Kaede was picking him up rather than Shuuichi. Pondering every reason why that may be, most came out not good, but Komaeda came to a clear decision and decided it'd be better to stick with it.

Taking a deep breath, Komaeda regretfully chose to keep quiet, at least until he knew more. "If it were serious, I don't think Ouma-kun would hide it from you, but perhaps it is? I don't know him well enough to say, because he  _is_ a compulsive liar and would possibly lie about something like having cancer, or dying in a week, or-..." a slight glare and tilt of head from Rantarou cut him off, his speech coming to a stop purely out of that knowing glare. He always got that glare from him when he was speaking a  _bit_ too much and a  _bit_ too vividly, so clearing his throat he continued. "In conclusion...I don't think Ouma-kun would lie about important things to you at least."

"Yeah?" Rantarou replied, a smile on his face. The smile only grew when Komaeda nodded, a sigh coming from him as he hopped off the counter. Both their shifts were nearly over and they were to be replaced soon, so together they cleaned up for the next few employees in the gentle hum of coffee shop music.

* * *

"Come on, come on..."

Sighing heavily, Hinata pulled the phone away from his ear, glancing down at the screen and huffing. The sun was about to go down, and he needed to get a hold of Komaeda before it was too late. Sitting in his car, he awaited for the tank of his car to be filled with gas, switching through the radios and listening to each track briefly. Soon enough, the employee circled back around his vehicle, who he handed cash to before being able to leave. He called Komaeda again, putting the phone on speaker and placing it in the cup holder, groaning at a red light as Komaeda picked up.

_"Was that a moan or are you upset, Hinata-kun?"_

Nearly yelping at Komaeda's sudden and loud voice, Hinata groaned louder, in which Komaeda chuckled on the other end. Once collecting himself as the light turned green, he let go of the break and continued driving. "How was your day?" He spoke, squinting for walking people past the windshield wipers that wiped off the water droplets in front of him.

 _"Mmh, it was alright. How was the gym?"_ Instantly, Hinata had already forgotten he told Komaeda he was going to the gym. 

Making a turn carefully, he replied, "I ended up not going, but I'll tell you why in a bit. Is your shift over?" Receiving a hum in reply, Hinata told him to wait for him in the café, as he was on his way to pick him up. Komaeda hung up after being told to, leaving Hinata to carefully drive his way to the cafe.

His heart was thumping loudly in his chest as he replayed his plan in his head. He was going to do this, tonight, and he was determined for things to be perfect, because that's what Komaeda deserved. Chiaki's words still repeated in his head as he parked a bit away from the cafe. He needed to prep himself.

He turned the rear view mirror in his direction, fiddling with his hair and having trouble deciding whether to ditch the green tie or not. He wondered why he wore it to begin with, sighing and patting down the obvious wrinkles around the hem. He checked the weather again, then checked it another time because he needed the rain to stop before exactly 8:42pm, which was the approximate time the sun would set in the most beautiful of colours. According to the weather, the rain was to clear up at 8:13pm, and it was currently 7:58pm, and he was  _definitely_ freaking out over missing what was most likely going to be a gorgeous sunset that would radiate beautifully on his potential lover's gorgeous pale skin and-

What was he thinking? His face was flush as he visualized hues of pink shining gracefully on Komaeda's cute yet handsome face, and it wasn't long before he hit his head against the back of the seat and sighed, staring up out the window on the roof of the car. He was worried, of course he was, it was expected when last minute he decided to plan a date where he'd finally-

A gentle knock against the shotgun seat's window had him jumping, the sight of Komaeda leaning over with a hand against his forehead to block out the rain.

He composed himself as the door was opened, Komaeda opening the door hopping in.

"You know, Hinata-kun, the café is over there, not here," Komaeda said as he buckled himself up, eyes stuck on Hinata's flustered face. He said it entirely seriously with a straight face, and Hinata swore he could die then and there. He sighed, hands gripping the steering wheel as he left the parking spot, driving toward the destination he knew would be clear enough for the sunset, assuming there would be one. Komaeda told him about how work was boring, other than the situation with Ouma, Rantarou and Shuuichi. Hinata wasn't friends with any of them so he just nodded it off, listening briefly and beginning to wonder if Rantarou hated him for how he acted the day Komaeda and him came to 'visit' him. 

Komaeda soon finished talking, and as they drove down the perimeter, he began to ask him about his day, mentioning how he was promised at explanation for not going to the gym. Hinata nervously laughed, glancing in the rear view mirror every so often to get a glimpse of behind them and also curse himself for looking like a dork on this surprise date of theirs.

"Well, I went to go check on Chiaki because I wanted to know if things are alright, and I didn't know she had a girlfriend-"

"They're finally dating?" Komaeda cut in.

"N-no, no, I just...called her that, uh, Mikan, was it? Does she ever come to the café, because I've never seen her and I've been there enough times to maybe catch her once."

As if he said a joke, Komaeda chuckled, staring out the window and slouching back. His seat was a lot lower than his, comfortable yet rather dangerous considering he were driving, but Hinata was an experienced driver so he tried not to let it bother him. "Hiyoko hates Tsumiki-san, and Tsumiki-san is afraid Hiyoko. They've known each other for years now but Hiyoko always bullies her regardless of what she says or does."

Humming briefly in reply, Hinata's driving slowed down as he was nearing his turn. The rain hadn't stopped yet, and it was only making him a lot more nervous than he already was. He wanted this to be perfect, but he already felt like the odds were against him and nothing would go as planned. He plotted his death as the car swerved into their turn. "Hiyoko sounds more like a bitch than I originally remember."

"She's been nice because she doesn't hate you, so I would consider yourself  _very_ lucky, Hinata-kun."

As the car pulled up to their destination, Komaeda sat up, glancing around before glancing back at Hinata questionably. His face was heated with embarrassment from the lack of sunset, and it was already around 8:30 and no rain cloud had even bothered to move. A part of him felt like crying, while the other felt like spontaneously combusting out of embarrassment.

The lake's short was pretty, even without the sunset, but Hinata would give up anything to see this damn sunset with Komaeda, but the more awkward silence with rain pattering that passed, the more it'd continue to rain. Hinata rubbed his eyes, feeling Komaeda's gaze on him.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, but Komaeda softly laughed. It was comforting for a second, but he realize Komaeda was probably laughing  _at_ him, which Komaeda really wasn't doing but Hinata was good at overthinking.

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Komaeda let him know he had nothing to be sorry about, and leaned over to press a soft kiss to his head. "Was it the sunset you wanted to see with me, Hinata-kun?"

Nodding, he felt the light touch of Komaeda's finger tilt his head toward him, and he couldn't help but blush and admire just how cute he was with his messy hair and dumb green jacket that was snug over his stupid emo-looking scoop neck shirt. He didn't even let him start talking, leaning in to kiss him the exact moment his lips parted. He thought back to the morning when they fooled around in the staff room, replaying the kiss that left him vulnerable to Komaeda's touch in his head. He replicated as much of that as he remembered, a hand creeping its way up to scoop under his jawline. No matter how many times he'd kiss Komaeda, he'd always get this prepubescent teenage sense of need and want and practical hunger for his touch and affection, and it embarrassed him beyond belief, but he just couldn't bother to try and act normal or anything right now. He unbuckled his seat belt, pulling away from the kiss to turn his body towards Komaeda's and tug him closer, nibbling on his bottom lip. Komaeda whined, and never had he ever wanted to marry him more. 

It took a moment before he pulled away from the kiss once again, mind hazy as he examined Komaeda's half lidded eyes and pink cheeks. There was some drool seeping from the corner of his lip, and Hinata gently wiped it away with his thumb, a smile on his face as he continued to admire Komaeda in all his glory. 

"I could eat you whole right now," he teased, his thumb pressing against Komaeda's soft lips playfully. He half expected Komaeda to get mad at him for smudging the drool onto his lips, but instead he took Hinata's hand by the wrist, pressing a soft kiss to the thumb.

"If that's what Hinata-kun wants, then I'd be happy to serve him, but I do suggest you don't because I'm far too filthy for someone as great as you..." his words trailed off as the thumb was pressed against his lips again, then his pointer finger, then his middle finger. Instead of continuing to the next finger, Komaeda took his other hand to hold the wrist in place as he took Hinata's middle finger into his mouth, softly suckling on it despite Hinata's reaction. It felt weird and almost discomforting for a moment, but the more he watched, the more heat he felt build up in his abdomen. The way his tongue softly lapped against the digit as his beautiful, half lidded eyes stared up at him, with his ridiculously long eyelashes and that soft fluster of red dusted on his perfectly sculpted face, how-

For the second time that day, a knocking against glass had him jumping, his heart nearly leaping out of his throat. Komaeda hesitantly pulled the finger out of his mouth, holding the hand in one of his and looking away. He glanced behind him to a man leaned over, peering into his window with an umbrella and a _very_ angry expression. He had one of those bright yellow and orange jackets that would have blinded Hinata had he been sitting in the dark. Rolling his window down, the force of the wind hit Hinata's face immediately.

"I'm sorry to bother you...kids, but due to the rain, we're closing the gate, so if you could please leave."

Hesitating, Hinata began to buckle himself up, clearing his throat and just praying the bulge of his erection wasn't obvious. Also hoping this guy didn't see Komaeda suck his finger skillfully as if it _were_ his erection."Y-yes, sorry, we were uh, just about to leave!" he spoke quickly, rolling his window up once the guy backed off. Hinata drove them out as quick as humanly possible, face glowing red the whole way out. To Komaeda, he was unable to have much of a reaction, but he knew that he should be embarrassed for what had just happened. Considering he were a little socially inept, he didn't care much for what the man thought.

"Where are we going now, Hinata-kun?"

He was almost too calm, so now Hinata just felt like he was too worried for nothing. "W-well, we could go to my place and uh, cuddle or something, if that's what you'd like."

A gentle giggle from Komaeda was enough of a reply for him, so they continued driving in the harsh rain together, ignoring painfully hard erections and soon beginning to laugh off the previous events rather than being embarrassed about them.

* * *

After driving for what felt like forever in the dreariness of the rain settling after their previous predicament, they neared the apartment complex, and as Hinata neared the entrance to the underground parking lot, Komaeda asked if they could go into the visitors parking area just around the complex. He didn't verbally question it, but continued to wonder what Komaeda had in mind as he pulled around, entering the lot. Komaeda enthusiastically encouraged he parked in a spot that was facing the balconies, but far away enough from them that they could see them out the roof window if they leaned back enough. 

Komaeda leaned his seat back far enough to see past the window, and Hinata watched curiously in awe as he did it. He did the same with his seat, trying to see what was so fascinating about this to Komaeda, and to be fair, it wasn't necessarily fascinating, but probably a weird way to waste time. He assumed they were watching the stars. but he still didn't exactly understand what they were doing, so turning his body towards Komaeda, he spoke up. "So what are we doing?" 

Komaeda sat up briefly, glancing behind him at the back seat and humming. He positioned himself back in the way he was previously, although leaning against an arm to look back at Hinata comfortably. "I did this with Rantarou a couple of times in high school when he'd steal his parents car in the dead of the night to pick up Ouma and I. It was actually something Ouma-kun came up with, you see-" he gestured an arm towards the window above them. "We'd sit here in lots and watch strangers in their apartments!"

His lips parted in awe as Komaeda spoke, unable to accomplish even a gasp. "W-wait, you guys would  _stalk_ strangers?"

"Well, not  _stalk_ , more like...examine, when very high."

Even though it sounded crazy, Hinata laughed, shaking his head in reply. "You were a weird kid."

"I still am, Hinata-kun," Komaeda teased, bringing his knees up against his chest.

"If I didn't ask, I'd probably assume we were watching the stars."

"We can do that, if you'd like."

"Well-" before Hinata could speak up, he paused as someone entered the balcony of their apartment, his eyes squinting up at them. Based on Hinata freezing as such, Komaeda joined, gazing up and laughing at Hinata's focus. 

"I thought you thought this was weird," Komaeda teased, his hand grasping Hinata's nearest hand softly. Their fingers laced together, the two of them admiring both the stars and strangers doing whatever in their balconies. Within the time they sat there, a dozen kisses had been lovingly placed on Komaeda's hand as Hinata held it, they both witnessed two people getting high, two silhouettes of bodies doing something definitely explicit, and one person who went in and out of their apartment to the balcony so much, they predicted he may be a serial killer. Overtime, less people were doing things and more lights were off. One of the two they had witnessed getting high continued to get high with a couple of friends on their balcony, and luckily they were close enough for the two of them to judge.

Taking out a cigarette and rolling down a bit of his window, Komaeda lit it and sighed out smoke. Hinata had already managed to get rid of his smoking habit, but it was relaxing for when he was tense, so he had one too, taking a dart and lighter from Komaeda's pack. Komaeda said nothing of this, his eyes focused on the strangers getting high.

"The ginger looks like he has piercing like Rantarou," he voiced, ashing the dart outside the window. Hinata nodded in agreement, blowing smoke in the direction of Komaeda to get his attention. He had to do it a second time to really get his attention, leaning in to kiss him softly. Komaeda had smoke in his mouth, making the kiss uncomfortable for a moment before Hinata sucked it out of his mouth, blowing it in the opposite direction and grinning. "We are  _not_ shotgunning cigarette smoke," Komaeda voiced, and despite what he said, his tone made it sound like it was exactly what he wanted.

Softly sucking in the smoke through the filter, Hinata leaned in and pressed his lips to Komaeda's softly. He could feel the smoke leave his lungs as he softly breathed it into Komaeda's mouth, teeth gently clicking against his. Hinata chuckled as it happened, the smoke being blown into his face. Komaeda laughed as well, and they decided that was enough of that. At least, Hinata decided that was enough of that. Komaeda sat up so he could lean in closer, the hand holding the dart carefully turning Hinata's head back in his direction. Their lips hovered over one another as smoke was passed, before Komaeda desperately pressed their lips together. His tongue softly pressed against Hinata's bottom lip, and soon his lips parted, leaving Komaeda to taste the smoke on his tongue as he softly tasted Hinata's tongue itself. He didn't even care about hit cigarette anymore, aware that it was probably burning out to the filter but he just literally couldn't afford to care: all he wanted to do was kiss Hinata, and to be fair, Hinata had no complaints.

Komaeda pulled himself away briefly, watching as Hinata loosened his tie, propping his elbow against the steering wheel. He didn't think anything of it until smoke was caught in his throat from the sound of the car honking, followed by glass shattering right outside.

"WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?" one of the balcony kids screamed. "I'M COMING DOWN THERE YOU BETTER FUCKING PAY FOR MY FUCKING BONG YOU-" the sound of the balcony door slamming practically activated Hinata's mind as he started the car, backing out and exiting the lot immediately. His heart was racing as they exit, and he couldn't even remember what he did with his cigarette, glancing at Komaeda and being more than thankful that it was in his hand. Hinata insisted he tossed it out the window before they got into the lot, so he did so and continued to finish his, his smile still wide despite the kids who were out for them because Hinata scared the bong out of his hands.

Flicking his cigarette out the window as they pulled up to the lot entrance, Komaeda handed Hinata the entry card hidden in the glovebox. "Do you think the ginger was the angry one, or the guy with the wild dreads?" 

Heart still racing, Hinata nervously laughed, carefully turning into his parking spot and exiting the car immediately. "Definitely the ginger, I think," he muttered, locking the car doors once Komaeda exit the vehicle. He glanced around both sides of the vehicle, becoming aware of his license plate. "Do...do you think he got my license plate?"

"Why do you ask?" Komaeda joined him behind the car, hands in his pockets as he examined Hinata's license plate.

"Well, he might remember it, then...never mind, he was high."

Chuckling, Komaeda followed Hinata on the way up silently, the both of them fairly still shaken up. Hinata was still upset about the sunset being ruined, and now he wasn't sure if he even deserved to do what he wanted to do because it didn't feel special enough to him at all. He wanted it to be as special as he could make it, but...

As the two of them entered Hinata's apartment, the atmosphere of his mood practically radiated off of him. Komaeda showed immediate concern, blatantly asking him if he were upset. Hinata insisted he weren't, but Komaeda wasn't dumb, so of course he didn't believe him.

"Did you have fun?" Hinata asked. His voice was low and monotonous, matching the empty feeling in his face. He felt so suddenly struck by disappointment he wasn't sure how to fix it. Everything he wanted to happen, didn't, and he felt like it was all his fault. He felt like things could have been better but he was shit at planning and too much of a coward to do anything. He wanted this to be perfect, because god knows that's what he truly believes Komaeda deserves, but he managed to fuck it up and accomplish nothing but get his finger sucked with some stranger seeing it and getting a kid's bong broken. Maybe he should have planned something more worthy of being called a date, like going for a movie, or going out for dinner, but of all things, he was selfish enough to go with what he wanted to do. What he wanted things to be when he finally asked Komaeda to be his.

As if he were shocked by the words, Komaeda's eyes widened and his lips parted in awe. He stared at Hinata and his blank expression, but it didn't even seem like Hinata was looking back. "Hinata-kun...of course I did, is that why you're upset?" he asked, lips falling into a frown. Hinata's sigh rang in his ears, and he followed him into the bedroom, watching him fall back onto the mattress. Komaeda called out his name, but Hinata didn't answer. Sitting next to him, he called his name again, but not even a flinch came out of him. He presumed he were thinking and sat up on top of him, straddling the brunette's hips.

His eyes opened immediately large and wide in shock. "K-Komaeda-"

"I love you, Hinata-kun." he called out.

They both just stared for awhile, Hinata swallowing dryly before sitting up. Komaeda helped him lean his back against the headboard, but Komaeda refused to get off of his lap, continuing to stare at Hinata.  

"I love you," he said again.

"I know," Hinata mumbled in reply. His fingers trailed Komaeda's arms up to his shoulders, softly massaging circles into them. Komaeda looked pleased with this, nuzzling his nose against Hinata's neck softly. He continued, placing a kiss against his neck. "I love you too, Komaeda, I really do." His voice came out a lot more croaky than he anticipated it too, but so many things were overwhelming him and reminding him of every other thing that had him overwhelmed in the last month. There were so many things he couldn't help but worry about, but Komaeda was such a safe, comfortable haven for him to relax with. He only now ever felt at complete ease with him, and he really couldn't ask for anything better.

He became aware of Komaeda's gentle groaning as his fingers were still massaging into his shoulder blades. He was glad it felt good for him, basking in the glory of how wonderful Komaeda truly was. 

And to think he thought entirely differently of him not too long ago.

He helped Komaeda slip off the jacket over him, his cheek pressed up against his chest as the pale boy struggled to get it off. They shared laughs before managing to toss it to the side of the bed. Returning graciously to the spot in Hinata's lap, he returned to massaging his back, fingers trailing lower and carefully being sure to not harm him. Komaeda's arms wrapped around Hinata's neck, his soft breathing in his ears sending shivers down Hinata's spine. He could feel every hair on his body practically stand up.

Taking in a deep breath, Hinata felt this were a better time than ever.

"I've been thinking," he muttered, lips pressing against Komaeda's neck gently. He planted soft, gentle kisses as his massaging hands gripped Komaeda's hips, his thumbs rubbing circles into the part of his hips above his v-line. "About...you, a lot. Like a lot."

Komaeda hummed a whimpered reply, enjoying the massage maybe a little too much.

What was even going on anymore? 

His hands trailed down to Komaeda's thighs, softly gripping them around the material of his jeans. "Can...you take these off, s-sweetheart?" He could practically feel his face melting. Komaeda inched away to take off the material, his face a lot redder than Hinata expected it to be. It just wasn't like Komaeda to get embarrassed, but every time he did, Hinata knew it was probably the cutest thing humanly possible.

Hinata watched him slip his jeans off letting them slide off the bed and onto the ground. He was about to tell him he could leave it on the bed for Hinata to place neatly later, but found himself distracted by the erection bulging between his legs. If his heart wasn't racing already, Hinata definitely knew it was now. 

Returning to his rightful place in Hinata's lap, he sat diligently and awaited Hinata's next move, surprised when he asked him to lay on the bed for him. Komaeda complied hesitantly, fingers fiddling with his shirt that was soon slipped off by Hinata. 

"Are you going to fuck me?" Komaeda asked blatantly, hands clutching the nearest hand of Hinata's. The question shocked him and only left him dumbfounded before Hinata found it in him to reply.

"I-if that's what you want, then-"

"I want to please you, Hinata-kun, so don't worry about what I want-"

"Komaeda, don't do this with me-"

"-want nothing more than to make Hinata-kun feel-"

"Komaeda."

Silence, for a brief moment. "Go ahead and be selfish, okay?" A soft sigh was heard from Hinata who's free hand was placed on Komaeda's thigh, fingers just barely touching the erection. "You're hardly ever selfish at all..." Komaeda gripped the hand of Hinata's he held, anticipating the friction he knew he needed but refused to accept. Slowly trailing his hand to the hem of his underwear, his fingers crept under it, the feeling of the warm flesh fitting between his fingers was familiar to say the least. Without even moving his hand, Komaeda was already a mess of nervous laughter that peaked into a moan every time he squeezed the flesh. Upon wanting to shut himself up, Komaeda took Hinata's hand and started to suck on his pointer and middle finger. Hinata couldn't help but hitch his breath at this. He tugged down Komaeda's underwear, enough to expose him and delightfully continued jacking him off, enjoying the sounds he made and wincing every time he bit down on his fingers. 

"I know it hasn't been long," Hinata voiced, watching as Komaeda bucked his hips into Hinata's touch. The fingers were only used for biting down on after awhile, but Hinata paid it no mind. It seemed to keep Komaeda from talking down on himself, and that itself was enough for him. He only seemed to be nearing Komaeda's climax, patiently stroking his cock quicker every time he moaned louder or bit harder. "And I know I probably don't deserve it, but..."

Komaeda let go of the hand only to tug Hinata down by his tie, forcing their lips together and melting into the kiss. He kept mumbling 'I love you's into the kiss, also announcing his upcoming climax before forcing his lips back on Hinata. He pondered letting him ride it out, but willingly, he pulled away from the kiss, slowing down the speed of his hand to an almost painfully slow rhythm.

Komaeda choked out Hinata's name. His hips struggled to stay still having been denied of the orgasm he so desperately had, right there, waiting to be released. Hinata only slightly smirked before inching himself before Komaeda rather than beside him, one of his armed curved around Komaeda's waist while the free hand aided him by gripping the cock he so dutifully began lapping at. Having never done this before, he was beyond nervous, but continued regardless, soon bobbing his head over Komaeda's member.

Thinking about it, he really loved when Komaeda would just let loose and lose all sense of self control. He liked when he let himself comfortably be a little selfish, hips bucking slightly one of his legs wrapped around the back of Hinata. 

Pulling away with a pop, his hand continued to pump the flesh, his head hazy. He didn't even have a hand to touch himself with, leaving him to either ignore it or desperately grind against the bed. Regardless of whether he did it intentionally, he still ground against the mattress, moaning as he swallowed down the flesh again.

A couple years ago, he really thought he'd be alone and in university by now, not sucking the cock of the man he's managed to fall in love with within less than a month.

Komaeda sputtered incoherent words as his leg pressed down on his back and hands pushed Hinata's head down on him. He didn't mind, becoming aware of his lack of a gag reflex as the warmth of Komaeda's member and the cum coming from it hit the back of his throat. Looking up through half-lidded eyes, Komaeda's head was thrown back. 

It took awhile before Hinata pulled away, his head light as he swallowed down whatever mess Komaeda made in his mouth. 

"H-hey, so Komaeda, can I finally ask you something?" he spoke out loud, hand rubbing remains of the blowjob off of his lips. Komaeda didn't voice a response, so he gave him a bit but  yet again there was no response. He called his name once more, interrupted by his body turning and eyes comfortably shut.

It was cute.

It was adorable.

Until he realized Komaeda fell asleep on him just when he was about to ask him out.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT WAS EXAMSSSS i am soo sorry i feel soo weird as i publish this bc holy shit it feels like i haven't written in years...i was honestly super tempted to delete this fic entirely but i decided against that and i am here and back and now that exams end soon i want to write so many things...i've had so many ideas jotted down in the last few weeks it's unbelievable... expect me to return to the weekly schedule soon and hopefully not a month later;;
> 
> REGARDING THE BALCONY STALKING THING HDFDH a friend does this w one of their friends and i thought it was so dumb but cute so i decided to implicate that into here bc when am i not self indulgent?
> 
> also idk if i said this before but dart is a cigarette but in weird my city lingo (I was not aware of this before sfbubfiuf)
> 
> this is long also Bad i am srry there r probably mistakes lol im too depressed to care now gn
> 
> also love and feedback on this chapter would be cool im so unmotivated and shit again bc i havent written in a month dfnsfnshd this chapter too a week to finish :)))))))))))
> 
> Also being in character? idk her
> 
> also killing myself after ths bc honestly im so fucking empty inside and i dont think it'd matter much if i did?? ya


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata seeks advice and goes for a ride with an old "friend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone in the hinatitty milk chat is gay especially rav
> 
> i had to watch souda's fte to wrap myself around how to write him and i still cant so bare with it rn bc i dont think he'll be a frequent thing also he's there for a short amount of time bc im lazy and probably fit best for this in terms of purposely not helping hinata so he makes more bad decisions that will spiral into a mess of plans i never had when i first started this shit fic!
> 
> will i ever write in komaeda's pov........unlikely

"Wait, wait, I did  _what_?"

Before him stood Komaeda, himself mid process of tugging his jeans up. His hair was still wet from the shower, evident from the water droplets dripping from his hair that stuck out from under the towel placed on it, onto his collar and white shirt. His shirt hung off the side of his shoulder as he struggled, a soft fluster on his cheeks as he stared down at the sleepy Hinata on the bed. Hinata yawned, his body rolling over onto his stomach and nuzzling his face into the pillow.

"I  _said_ , you came, in my mouth, just to be completely clear, and then fell asleep almost instantly afterwards," he mumbled into the pillow. An arm was rested on the pillow as the other was stuffed under it, sleepily snuggling his cheek against the pillow. It smelt like Komaeda, making him more comfortable. "It's no big deal, Komaeda, I don't know why you're so upset about it."

"So you're saying-" Footsteps were heard approaching him as Komaeda knelt on the bed, the pressure of his knee sinking into the mattress making Hinata groan. "-I came _in_ your mouth, fell asleep, and left you to deal with your own dick yourself? That's beyond selfish of me, I don't quite see how you don't get what there is for me to be upset about. Why aren't you upset?" Komaeda practically whined as he spoke, as if he were mad that Hinata weren't. He used a hand to prop himself up as he struggled to tug his jacket, hesitating upon noticing Hinata was laying over it. He tugged again, receiving a muffled whine from Hinata in response. "Hinata-kun, I know I've done nothing but be a despicable nuisance, but could you move for just a moment? I need my jacket, it'll only be a quick moment."

Sighing, Hinata struggled as he propped himself up, his head light as he forced himself to use all his muscle capacity in that split moment.

"I apologize for being so irritating, I know I'm anything  _but_  tolerable right now. I will leave very soon Hinata-kun, Chiaki is on her way to pick me up." 

Hinata chose to ignore the negative remark.

Once he slipped on the jacket, Komaeda sat on the ground next to the bed with his back leaning against the side of the frame, awaiting Chiaki's arrival while Hinata tried to relax comfortably. He turned his head and body slightly to stare at Komaeda at a point during their silence, admiring how he fiddled with his phone and the soft smile on his face. When was Komaeda not smiling? He always had the uncertain smile spread across his face at all times. Hinata tend to wonder if it was ever genuine, but then again, he knew Komaeda, and knew it probably almost never was.

Soon enough, Komaeda was heard standing up, quiet sounds of him rubbing his head with the towel and humming in correlation with his phone's buzzing as he walked off. He didn't announce he were leaving, but the light clicking of his shoe's footsteps against the floor getting further was enough to make it easy to tell.

Hinata called out Komaeda's name before he reached the door, sitting up and raising an arm over his forehead to block out the faint sunlight bouncing off the wall and onto his eyes. His free hand waved the male over as his hand was still on the bedroom doorknob, and soon enough, Komaeda turned back and approached Hinata, standing next to the bed.

"What is it, Hinata-kun?" He asked him, a faint hand grasping his. Hinata tugged the hand gently, and it took a moment before Komaeda took the hint, leaning down enough for Hinata to meet him face to face.

Abruptly, Hinata pressed his lips to his, not even giving Komaeda a moment to do anything the moment it was done. He was already tossed over and under covers comfortably in the bed. Komaeda couldn't help but softly chuckle at this. 

Leaning down, Komaeda's lips were pressed to the top of Hinata's head, a kiss placed over his hair. "I love you, Hinata-kun," he whispered against him, a soft kiss pressed to his cheek before Komaeda painfully pulled himself away. Hinata mumbled a quiet 'I love you too' in reply into the pillow, his face warm and heart fuzzy as the door closed. He started to recall what he was going to ask Komaeda the previous night, suppressing a groan irritably. He was so tired, but with so many things to do he knew it's best not to. It was a shame Hinata lacked the capacity to care at this point.

Shutting his eyes, he rolled over, trying to get comfortable before the sound of his phone buzzing startled him. He sat up, rubbing at his eyes and squinting in an attempt to read the display of his phone from the distance. A soft sigh left his mouth before he leaned over to pick his phone up, turning the screen on and scanning the text before him.

_"Have you asked him about the ring yet?'"_  


It felt like his heart had climbed up into his throat. He'd so easily forgotten about Kamukura, forgotten about the stupid ring that didn't bother him until it became relevant because of him and his terrorizing dumbass. He slid his thumb over the text, pondering whether to reply or not. Decidedly, he thought it were better to leave it for later, and maybe figure out what to do. He pondered his options, until it suddenly hit him.

Searching for their contact, he slid out of bed as he hit call, ruffling with his hair in the mirror.

 _"Hello?"_    


"Hey, Sonia, do you think you could come over later? I need some advice."

* * *

 

A cold shower. That's what he needed as mental preparation for all the venting he'd do after bottling it up in fear of hurting others. Some simple advice is all he needed, and after all, not only was Sonia knowledgeable on morals, but she was also in a relationship of her own. Surely she would know what to do in such a situation.

But how could he ask for advice about this? How would he explain anything without outing Komaeda as a murderer? No matter how many times he put his name to that label, he wouldn't ever get used to it, but he trusted Komaeda enough to believe he never intended to be that way. He really did trust Komaeda. 

He spent some time after his shower to try and do anything productive to pass the time: cleaning his bedroom, the kitchen, the washroom, putting in laundry. He did as much as he knew he could to distract himself from thinking about it too hard alone, but Sonia was taking an awfully long time. Taking his phone out, he began to dial her number impatiently, his finger hovering over the call button before a light knock was heard at his door. His head peeked up.

Sighing in relief, he was at the doorway in no time, unlocking the door and grasping the doorknob as he turned and pulled.

"Hey, Sonia-...are you fucking kidding me?"

Stood in the doorway awkwardly, was none other than Sonia's  _stalker_ himself, Kazuichi Souda. His arms were crossed as he stared down the hall patiently, and Hinata's eye caught an envelope gripped in his hand. Upon hearing Hinata's voice, his head turned and he perked up. "Hey, Hinata! Miss Sonia-san said she couldn't come, so she sent me! Because she trusts me to be a great counselor of course, oh and here's a letter from her."

Taking the envelope as it was handed it to him, Souda instantly invited himself in, and Hinata suddenly regret ever asking Sonia for help. He smelt like oil as he slipped past him, Hinata noticed. Sighing, he flipped over the envelope, reading her fancy cursive writing and staring at the wax seal, shaking his head gently. Out of all the times he'd needed her help, this was the one time she wasn't available, conveniently for him.

"I'm only here because Miss Sonia-san asked me to be, so...oi, this couch is comfortable, Hinata!" 

Shutting the door with his leg, Hinata carefully opened the envelope, sighing as Sonia explained she was leaving for a trip, and that she hoped Souda would suffice at least a little bit. Hinata could already confirm to her that he wouldn't. They weren't necessarily not friends, but they also weren't close, as Souda spent most of his high school years chasing Sonia and tailing punkasses. He felt as if they were on two opposite ends of the world sometimes. He joined him in the living room, sliding the envelope onto the table before leaning against it. 

"So what's up?" Souda asked, leaning back and getting comfortable. He crossed a leg over the other as his head rested on his arms behind him, his smile wide and almost irritating. Hinata didn't dislike Souda, but he would have much preferred someone who may have any sense of right or wrong in his situation. Or someone who didn't think tailing around a girl because she was simply attractive and nothing less was okay...

But this was all he had, so Hinata decided to try and bare with it.

"So do you remember that night you, Sonia, Tanaka and I went drinking?" He asked, and upon Souda nodding, he continued. "Do you remember the bartender we had?"

Souda's face was blank for a moment, but soon enough he hesitantly nodded. "Didn't you leave with him? He was, uh...that weird guy with the white hair, right? He looked like he's never slept a minute in his life, man, did you leave to help him snort up some coke or somethin'?"

Nodding hesitantly and choosing to ignore his remarks, Hinata pulled a chair out for himself, sitting on it with his chin resting against the back of the chair. "Yeah, sure, um... anyway, so...I don't know how to explain this, but there's something about him regarding his last relationship that I don't know, but apparently I should know."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He cocked his head in Hinata's direction as he looked up.

"Well, you know, like...secrets that I need to know. Like need to."

"Why do you need to you know it?" Souda questioned, an eyebrow arched.

"W-well, because...look, why doesn't matter right now, I just want to know what you think I should do." Hinata really knew he wasn't getting anywhere.

Tilting his head, Souda gently sighed. "If it's related to his ex, I'd drop it. I don't see why you're so worked up over a friend's previous relationship, Hinata...after all, how's a guy like him even gotten a girlfriend when I haven't? Anyway, you just met him so there's no reason for you to be worked up over this-"

"Uh..."

"Like, really, how did he get a girlfriend?! Was she cute? Ohh, are you going after his ex so you think there's something you need to know in order to get her? Or-"

"S-Souda-"

"He's not going to try and go after Sonia-san, right?! I know she calls him pretty all the time, and I already have to deal with her and Tanaka being so buddy-buddy with their stupid occult things and his dumb animals, I don't understand why THAT guy-!"

"Souda! He wouldn't go after Sonia because he's gay!" Hinata shouted, rolling his eyes and suppressing a groan.

Blinking, he gazed down at the ground before looking back up. "Oh, I see it now, he looks like he might be gay. Then are you trying to ask about his ex because it's someone who owes you something maybe? Or-"

The previously suppressed groan was no longer suppressed, cutting Souda off hesitantly. "Souda, I'm also gay," he spoke loudly, eyes glaring daggers into him.

"...Oh...a-aha, I knew that!"

Instantly, Hinata's forehead bumped against his chair irritably while Souda laughed. "I'm sure you did," he mumbled before raising his head. "But seriously, there's something related to his ex that I need to know but I don't know how to ask."

Souda began to stand up, pulling his phone out of his pocket and clicking his tongue. "Well, if it's his ex then it's in the past. You shouldn't be getting so worked up over it, Hinata."

"Yeah, I get that, but-"

"You need to learn to trust him-"

"I  _know_ , but-"

Souda checked his phone again before humming, turning it off and stretching. "Look, man, I've never dated anyone in my life, but I do know that trust is the key to a healthy relationship, but communication is too...at least, that's what Sonia-san says...so try talking to him if it bothers you that much. Anyways, I gotta go, so let me know if things turn out alright, okay?" He flashed him a toothy grin.

Hinata watched as Souda let himself out, overcome with a sense of dread. As expected, he turned out to be mostly useless and Sonia was more than needed over him. Either that, or that wasn't the advice he wanted to hear, and his mind was messing with him too much. Yeah, he wasn't wrong, but the last thing Hinata wanted to do was confront Komaeda about his ex, who not only traumatized him, but also was in the process of harassing Hinata relentlessly, day after day. He reminded himself that he still had yet to reply to that text, so returning to his bedroom, he retrieved his phone to shoot back a text. Much to his surprise, there were various texts, a few from Komaeda, one from Chiaki and another from Kamukura's contact. He had him down as "unknown", not risking Komaeda seeing his name and panicking over it. He chose to see Komaeda's texts first, hoping whatever he had to say could clear up the dread in him.

 _"hi,_ _hinata_ _-kun!_ _♡"_    
_"i_ _hope you're sleeping well, and make sure you eat something when you wake up!"_    
_"i_ _won't be able to come over after work because_ _junko's_ _casino is back up, so_ _i'll_ _see you tomorrow, okay?"_    
_"also something weird is going on with_ _rantarou_ _and the other two..._ _i'll_ _tell you whenever but something spicy is definitely going on with them!"_    
_"anyway,_ _i_ _love you,_ _hinata_ _-kun! make sure you have a good day ♡"_

Hinata had hoped right, as the texts made him briefly forget about Kamukura's texts. He shot him back a quick reply, letting him know he loves him and that he'd love to see him tomorrow. All Chiaki had texted him was her letting him know Komaeda had tomorrow off, leaving the dreaded text last. He sat on his bed as he prepared himself to read it, tapping the notification and waiting for it to load.    


_"4pm, be outside at the front, where you will join me. I will be waiting."_    


Hinata blinked, his mind going blank as he made himself read it again, and again, before realizing 4 was in exactly twenty minutes. He cursed under his breath, switching the phone off and tossing it onto his bed as he headed for his closet. What could Kamukura want with him, and why did he decide they should meet? Picking out an outfit, his heart raced as he pondered what they were meeting up for. What was Kamukura going to do, or say to him? He decided facing him was probably better than avoiding him, so he continued slipping on clothes and glaring into the mirror before snatching his phone and heading out of his apartment and down to the front, where he anxiously waited.

Sitting out on a bench by the entrance, he constantly checked his phone, awaiting for the time to reach 4, waiting for a text from Kamukura or anything. He was already annoyed from Souda being completely not helpful, although he couldn't lie, he did have a point in which Kamukura was an ex and no more than that. He huffed, really letting everything get to him. 

The rumble of a car and tire crunching against the pavement caught his attention, looking up to a black car pulling up in front of him. Upon peering inside, the only person who'd have hair that long would be Kamukura. He never understood how it was that long, or why the man never cut it. After all, it was so much more shorter when they first met.

Approaching the vehicle, Kamukura made no effort to glance back at him, fiddling with the radio for a brief moment before pulling himself away. His red eyes bored into the glowing screen that displayed the time, sending shivers down Hinata spine. His fist knocked against the window, but Kamukura didn't move or seemingly even breath in reaction to the sound. Hinata was getting annoyed. Embracing himself with a deep breath, he opened the door to the seat next to him, swallowing the hard anxious lump in his throat as he hopped in. No eye contact was made as the door was closed, and Kamukura started driving. 

This was no different from entering a strangers car, but it only felt worse. He  _knew_  what Kamukura had been capable of, and willingly going along with this due to unanswered questions and a constant pang of guilt for caring so much felt  _so_  damn weird. He knew he should have stayed home, but it also wasn't like him to be a coward. Buckling himself up, Hinata began to speak.

"So what do you want?" He asked, his voice more serious than he intended it to be. He really hoped this was just a friendly ride and nothing more, but of course, Hinata couldn't help but assume the worst. "Kamukura-"

"You ignored my call yesterday."

"Well yeah, I was  _busy_ -"

"Has he spoken to you about the ring yet?"

Hinata paused, his head in the direction of the man before he turned away. "I'm not going to let you patronize me, or manipulate me, so no, I have not."

Kamukura didn't reply, so Hinata no longer spoke either. He watched out the window, recognizing buildings and streets as he became accustom to the city in such a short period of time. He let himself sigh, leaning back in his seat before checking his phone for any texts, but there was nothing. He really rather would have preferred being tangled up in bed with Komaeda right now, rather than distrusting him over some stupid thing Kamukura claims. 

“Where are we going?” he asked, the area no longer looking familiar. His stomach sunk as panic overcame him, his fist clenched and knuckles white. They pulled into a parking lot, and soon enough, they were parked and Kamukura began unbuckling himself. He glanced at Hinata, who then hesitantly did the same thing.

“Exit the car,” he spoke, his tone demanding but expression empty. Swallowing back the dread, he did as told, watching as Kamukura did the same thing. He studied the man, observing his suit and soon watching him as he bunched up his hair, tying it into a messy ponytail carelessly. They both caught each others eyes, before what seemed like a scoff came from Kamukura and he began walking, Hinata soon following.

The pavement’s gravel crunched against his sneakers, eyes glancing around anxiously in the dim light of the clouded sun. “Where are we?” he asked questionably, in an almost snappy tone. As they continued walking, Kamukura stopped in front of a bar, Hinata pausing mere inches away from him as he noticed.

“Follow me,” in insisted, and Hinata did. He didn't know why he did, but he followed willingly, entering the bar. The heavy scent of beer and cheap, musky cologne was sickening, and didn't exactly fit a man like Kamukura. He carefully followed behind him, glancing around at the men as they drunkenly clunked glasses of beers against one another's and chugged. A familiar looking woman was seen in a short distance serving drinks, his attention short lived as the cold and quiet voice of Kamukura called his name.

Honestly, it was like venom to his ears now. Back when they first met, he was so welcoming, but now, Hinata wanted nothing to do with the man or the situation he was in. What was he doing in some gross country-esque with the least country-esque person literally ever?

"The boss is waitin' for ya," a man behind the counter spoke in a thick almost Jersey-like accent. It was off putting considering exactly where they lived, but Hinata soon realized exactly what he said. Who was this "boss" who's waiting for him? As much as Hinata wanted to run, he also desperately wanted to know who this boss guy was, and what he wanted with Kamukura, and if Hinata was in anyway relevant to this. Without second thoughts, he followed Kamukura who waved off the bartender, entering a door that was for staff only. The air felt thicker in a sense, or maybe that was just Hinata's lungs struggling to keep up with the amount of breathing he was doing to calm his nerves.

"Where are we?" He asked, voice evidently shaky. 

Without warning, Kamukura stopped in his tracks, causing Hinata to bump into his back as he was too focused on his new surroundings. His gaze followed the direction of the taller male's, looming over a large cellar-like door. The most he focused on it, the more he noticed fairly loud conversation behind it. He swallowed dryly as he glanced back up at Kamukura, who was looking directly back at him.

Clearly yet quietly, in the same spine-chilling voice he's always had, he muttered, "The Kuzuryuu's wanted to meet you."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentine's day!! i hope you all had a good valentine's, especially the loml rav<333
> 
> fyi i was gonna make this longer but! im just gonna leave it at a bit of a sorta cliffhanger... will i ever get good at writing? no. will they ever be In Character? absolutely not but hey! this is au and ppl r different based on their experiences! also like...komaeda WILL get more 'komaeda' over time, and that will be certainly address by Someone. cancer included? find out bitches...


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitchy lesbians and potential love affairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a month, depression and school vored me
> 
> also komaeda's not a yandere, that's the tea and i just had to let y'all know with how many yandere!komahina fics that have been out lately rip
> 
> warnings: SHITTY writing that's all (ok but fr uh weed is just mentioned bc saioumami is high af)

Back pressed against the frame and mattress, Komaeda waited. He made sure to keep quiet and not disturb Hinata, doing as much as to almost consciously hold his breath and stay completely still while subconsciously scrolling through his phone inattentively. He had to leave for work, he knew that, and even though he technically could call in sick, he didn't want to come off as clingy to Hinata. That was the last thing he wanted. He wasn't even sure why he let himself get close to Hinata, since he knew it'd bring the brunette no good. Pushing aside a sigh he nearly let out, he helped himself up, rubbing his wet hair with the towel in an attempted to aid it in drying. His phone buzzed as Chiaki texted him to come down, him humming in response before folding up the towel and placing it on the dresser. He began to walk towards the exit as quietly as his shoes would let him, approaching the door.  

"Komaeda," Hinata called out, his voice gentle despite the obvious morning irritation. Komaeda could feel his heart instantly skip a beat upon being called, his body pausing momentarily. He turned almost hesitantly, approaching the bed and standing next to the sleepy male who was now sat up, a hand clouded over his eyes to block out the bright light of the sun bouncing off the wall and shining into his eyes.   

"What is it, Hinata-kun?" he asked, their fingers lacing as they stared into one another's gaze. His hand was being tugged by Hinata softly, and soon enough, he got the hint, leading down close enough for his face to be mere inches away from Hinata.  

Without much hesitation, Hinata leaned into him, his lips softly pressing against Komaeda's, the grasp on his fingers being tightened. Given no time to react, Hinata pulled away about as quick as he immediately tucked himself under the covers once again, his eyes shut and eyebrows furrowing. Komaeda couldn't help but chuckle at him quietly, his face flushing ever so slightly as the sight of him.  

His body shifted close as he dipped down, his head hovering just above the head of Hinata. He placed his lips over top his messy bedhead hair, pressing a soft kiss and suppressing the urge to forget about work and hop into the bed with him. "I love you, Hinata-kun," he whispered against his soft hair, His own hair was still wet and dripping water, so he pulled himself away before water droplets could irritate the male before him. Despite having just woken up, he couldn't help but admire just how soft Hinata looked before him.   

"I love you too," Hinata mumbled into the pillow as Komaeda walked towards the door and away from Hinata, thinking about how soft his hair was in the back of his mind as he fiddled with the door knob, exiting the room and shutting the door as quietly as possible.  

Komaeda exhaled heavily, the palm of his hand pressed gently against his chest as he finally felt like he could breath without annoying someone. Now all he had to do was walk quietly to the door, and make sure the door would also shut quietly. His legs continued forth, unlocking the door and flinching at the loud clicking of the lock being opened, his mind and ears bracing itself for any potential noise the door would make.   

Suddenly, he stopped turning the knob, his fingers frozen in place.  

"If I'm leaving, how do I lock the door..." he muttered to himself, hand pulling away and briskly pushing back hair behind his ear. It felt cold and wet on his neck.   

Taking a peek in the kitchen, he briefly glanced around for any spare keys, frowning at the lack of such. He couldn't afford to leave and risk Hinata potentially getting hurt in his sleep because of an intruder. He'd never be able to forgive himself if any harm dawned upon him defenselessly. For a moment, he considered the balcony, thinking back to when him and Rantarou practically got his back nearly shattered.  

Humming, he checked the distance from the balcony to the ground anyway, pondering whether that was any better...  

His phone began to buzz against his thigh, his body jumping at the sudden feeling. He took it out quickly, walking out of the balcony and taking a deep breath as he answered.  

 _"What's taking so long?"_  Chiaki asked on the other end, the rumbling of her car engine heard over the phone. Komaeda explained that Hinata was trying to sleep, and he wouldn't dare leave with the door unlocked, putting Hinata at a great risk of trouble.   

 _"Well, Hajime's kind of a little dense, so he should have left a spare key somewhere, I think."_   

"I thought that were the case too, but I couldn't find anything without being nosy-"  

 _"Be nosy, maybe."_   

"A-ahah...Chiaki, I-"  

 _"It's fine, he's not capable of hiding anything from anyone, probably."_   

Reentering the kitchen and checking places he hadn't checked before as Chiaki spoke, he couldn't help but feel at least a little bit guilty, even though Hinata's looked through his personal things too. "Probably?" he asked in reply, kneeling down and checking the bottom drawers of a small table beside the couch in his living room, a little shocked to find what presumably was the key so easily. "Oh, I found it!" He announced, quiet sounds of Chiaki quietly cheering for him coming from the phone.   

 _"Okay, now hurry up and come down, we have to get to work soon."_   

Komaeda suppressed a sigh as he hung up on Chiaki and approached the door, opening it up quietly and shutting it behind him. He locked the door and stuffed the key in his pocket, sure that he'd return it as soon as he could. Besides, Hinata's safety was most important. 

* * *

Entering the store, nothing necessarily was different. There never was unless he were apart of the planning. But the atmosphere of mood and trudging customers all leaving in a bunch as he struggled to enter past them was terrifying, none the less. 

Chiaki yawned behind Komaeda, her arms stiffly wrapping around his waist to keep herself from falling behind. Her head against his back was comforting, but he couldn't imagine his jutting spine was in anyway comfortable for her. The atmosphere was discomforting, and before they even had a chance to look around, screaming from out back was loud and clear. Komaeda wasn't going to run after the source of sound, as he'd never thought of running his entire life, but upon glancing back at Chiaki leaning against him, her eyes half lidded and sleepy, he knew he had no choice but to leave the investigation up to himself. 

Taking a slower approach, he found his way behind the counter and through the door out back, steps placed careful and his heart pattered in his chest at what it could be. Muffled sounds of angered groaning was heard past the door to the storage room, and he couldn't lie to himself enough to prepare himself for what was behind the door as he slowly swung it open. 

The first thing he felt was a stack of coffee cups being chucked at him, a shrill scream following before more cups followed. The storage room was pitch black, but upon flickering the switch, the light wouldn't turn on. 

"H-Hiyoko-chan, calm down-" an unfamiliar feminine voice cut through. He could hear Hiyoko's shrill scream reduce to heavy panting, shuffling heard before him. 

"Is everything alright, Hiyoko?" he asked quietly, expecting to get hit with another cup. His fingers tried at the light switch again, subtle annoyance at how clearly dead the light bulb was. The loud sound of something shattering nearby caught him by surprise, his heart pounding harshly in his chest as he gasped in shock. Hiyoko and the other presence hurried past him, them both gasping for air. Hiyoko was heard sniffling behind him, and upon glancing back, a stranger he wasn't sure he's met had her arms wrapped around Hiyoko. Her face was dotted in freckles, hair a bit too dark of a red to call her a ginger, potentially.  

"Don't just stand there!" The girl shouted at him, her eyebrows furrowed angrily as she stared up at Komaeda. He hesitated upon being yelled at, but once realizing the blood smeared on Hiyoko's hand, he took his phone out to use for light, struggling to get to the bandages out back. He felt shards of whatever fell under him as his shoes crunched against the dangerous material, not worried much about his own safety.  

Hand against the shelf, he reached the back of the room, fetching for the box of bandages as swiftly as he could before hearing the red-haired girl shout for him again. He put his phone away struggled to exit carefully, following the light glow from the opened door and recklessly bumping into a box and falling, hands landing flat and directly onto the glass. It took awhile before his mind registered it, the pain coming in as he helped himself up.  

"I got the bandages!" he chimed as he exit the dark room, handing the box of bandages dotted in blood from the glass injuries in his hand. The girl before him took it cautiously, her eyes avoiding contact. Hiyoko wasn't crying anymore, but he noticed a damp cloth over her hand. 

"Here." The other girl took hold of one of Komaeda's hands, taking out a shard of glass protruding from his palm. He half expected Hiyoko to snap, but she stayed quiet, looking down at her covered hand and frowning. 

"Thank you." 

"It's no problem," she spoke quietly, taking the other hand and patiently removing each shard of glass, including the tiny ones. As she finished, she opening the box and taking out a few bandages before hesitating. "Did you get the hydrogen peroxide to disinfect it?"  

Komaeda chuckled softly but nervously, shaking his head in a no response. He could hear Hiyoko scoff as the red-haired girl stood up, sighing softly before entering the dark room to retrieve rubbing alcohol. 

"What happened in there?" Komaeda asked Hiyoko, her head sunken down and cheeks tear stained. She took the wet cloth off her hand, handing it to Komaeda harshly before huffing. 

"The light died while big sister Koizumi and I were looking for stupid coffee beans because stupid constomers were here while you and big sister Chiaki were late, and something fell and I cut my hand," she muttered, lips pouted in a frown. For a moment, he might have seen a softer part of Hiyoko that nearly nobody saw, and before he had a moment to let himself enjoy it, she glanced up at Komaeda. "Well don't just sit there and stare at me, you sick lolicon! You're gonna get blood all over me if you just sit there with your bloody skeleton hand out, oogling at me!" She hissed, uninjured hand helping herself up and huffing as she walked towards the open storage room door and calling out for Koizumi. 

Komaeda partially missed the softer side of her, but he wasn't shocked it didn't last long. He glanced down at the palms of his hands, the blood all too familiar. He wasn't sure why it was an almost comforting sight to him, but thoughts pushed aside, his name was being called by Hiyoko. 

"Don't make us wait, you creep, get over here!" 

Gaze following the sound, he saw them headed towards the door to the counter, following behind hesitantly with the damp hand towel placed over the palms of his hands. 

Taking him to the girls' washroom carelessly (by Hiyoko's demand,) Koizumi dabbed the disinfectant onto the cuts on his palms, hissing between her teeth each time Komaeda flinched. Hiyoko was sat on the counter, her cut bandaged up just fine.

"Does it hurt?" She asked, carefully finishing up with the last cut on his hands. Hiyoko handed her bandages and she hummed questionable. 

"My hands? No, I'm alright!" He insisted, watching her puzzled face as she stared down at the small wrapped bandages in her hands. "Koizumi, was it?" 

Upon her name being said, Koizumi's head perked up, a soft flush of embarrassment painted on her cheeks. "Ah, yeah, I'm Koizumi Mahiru. Sorry I didn't introduce myself before..." 

Komaeda smiled. "I'm Komaeda Nagito. I do apologize for causing you much trouble, I know I'm quite awful and not to mention how I'm wasting your time-" 

"Komaeda, I will step on your neck if you-" Hiyoko started to threaten, causing Koizumi to clear her throat in an attempt to overshadow Hiyoko's words.  

"It's nice to meet you, Komaeda." Koizumi smiled awkwardly, opening a bandaged and contemplating how to put it over his palms properly. "Ah, the bandages are kind of small..."

Komaeda watched carefully as she was covered the few cuts carefully, hoping to not get any under the sticky part of it. Once finished, she huffed out of relief, Hiyoko cheering her on for doing a good job. He listened and nodded as Koizumi lectured him on being more careful and made sure he agreed to wash the cuts and bandage them again with proper wrapping bandage before he went to bed, and with that, they all exit the washroom together. 

Hiyoko got her apron on and left instantly to help Chiaki, Komaeda joining them momentarily.

They worked together throughout the day, Hiyoko taking any opportunity to pick on Komaeda or shove her duties onto him. He always agreed too, but upon being in a position where he was too busy to, he got an earful of Koizumi telling him he should have control of the job because he were a man. In the back of his head, he refuted the statement with something among the lines of 'I'm gay' but realized that wasn't exactly an answer that made sense or an answer at all.

Sometime past lunch while he was wiping down table, a trio of boys entered. He couldn't make them out past his hair that fell into his eyes from him bending down to wipe tables, but as he stood up and brushed fluffed up strands back, he was struck with a sense of confusion. All together stood Rantarou, Ouma and Shuuichi, smiling together as they sat down at a table. 

Chiaki called Komaeda over to take care of the register while she went to the washroom. It wasn't long before Rantarou was at the register, ordering coffees for him and the other two. He ordered completely normally, not making conversation yet smiling the whole time. He ordered, paid, and as Komaeda handed him his drinks, he couldn't help but ask.

"Are you okay?" 

It took a moment before Rantarou heard the words, his head lifting and eyes blinking several times. "Yes," he answered straight forwardly, taking straws and slowly putting one into each drink. He missed several times, and Komaeda didn't even have to ask to recognize what was up with him.

"Are you high?" He asked, taking the straws away from him and putting them in himself. The leaned against the palms of his hands on the counter, giving Rantarou time to recollect his thoughts.

"Can you pinch me so I know this isn't a dream?"

"Rantarou, you never feel pain when you're high."

"I smoked like maybe three blunts and four bong rips, Komaeda, I think I smoked myself into the fucking afterlife."

Nearly snorting under his breath, Komaeda helped Rantarou take the drinks to the boys who very clearly were about as high as Rantarou was, excusing the potheaded man for him and dragging him into the staff room as Chiaki returned from her break.

"So what's up with you, Ouma-kun and Saihara-kun?"

Rantarou's expression was blank, pupils of his eyes huge as he stumbled back to sit on a chair. Komaeda ran a hand through his own hair before placing his hands on Rantarou's shoulders, shaking him gently. "Did you hear me?"

"W-Wha?" he mumbled, laughing at himself after.

"You, Ouma and Saihara?"

"Oh...them?"

"Yes."

"Oh..."

It was quiet for a moment before Rantarou began to laugh. Komaeda held back the urge to groan, standing up straight and asking him once again about the boys. Rantarou's only response was a nod and a smile. He really wanted to nearly strangle him, as high Rantarou was only tolerable when also high.

"Rantarou, do you like Ouma?"

"Mh? Mhm..."

"Do you like Saihara?"

"Mhm..."

"Are you baked and probably not sure what you're saying is true or not?"

Rantarou just let out a laugh. Before Komaeda could let out the groan he'd been trying so hard to hold back, his phone began to buzz. He let Rantarou return to the boys outside the staff room, taking his phone out to be greeted by more things to be annoyed about. Junko telling him the casino was back up and that she expects to see him working his shift the normal time he comes in.

He let her know he'd be there, and she told him to not dress shitty and shower, which was fairly understandable. He pondered whether Celeste would be there, having not seen her in a long time. He texted Hinata, letting him know that he hopes he's sleeping well and that he loves him. He mentioned Rantarou's weird affair and let him know he wouldn't be there at night, as he had work. 

He spent the next few hours dreading the upcoming night, keeping a close eye on Rantarou's table. They soon left when clearly burnt out, and soon enough, his shift ended and he was free to go home.

"Oh, Komaeda, you have tomorrow off," Chiaki called out as he headed for the door.

"Komaeda?" He repeated, noticing the change in her calling him by last name. At first, Chiaki was a bit slow and didn't understand what was wrong, before quietly yawning.

"Ohh, sorry, I caught onto it from Hinata... and I caught onto Hinata from you...probably."

He chuckled at her, letting her know he loved her and that he hoped she'd have a good evening before leaving. 

The walk home was quiet, and it occurred to him just how much less he'd been home due to meeting Hinata. He preferred being around someone over being alone, so it wasn't really a bad change, and Hinata was great. He tried to call him during his walk, but much to his surprise, Hinata didn't pick up.

The voicemail beeped, his voice hesitating to leave a message.

"A-ah, um, I hope your day was nice, Hinata-kun! Uh...text me when you can, oh, and I have tomorrow off, so we can do whatever you'd like! I-uh...I love you! That's all, I think."

He was quiet for a moment before hanging up, his chest heavy and throat tight. Why did he feel so uneasy? Hinata was probably just busy. He continued on his walk, ignoring the unease to help himself mentally prepare for the night ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik this is short and very lazy after midpoint but please validate me i'm 2 more breakdowns away from deleting this fic ah


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tiny angry yakuza and information Hinata really can't handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello late again i know.....depression be gettin to me! 
> 
> psa i learnt how to play pool only for this...bc i didnt know how to originally

As Kamukura's voice sent chills down Hinata's back, he let his words repeat in his head, dissociating as the anxiety of the situation he let himself get into became more and more tightening on his chest as his mind slowly lost its grip on reality. He could feel Kamukura's hand brush against his arm, eyes returning to their focus as the head of the man before him was tilted, almost in concern. He didn't let this false concern convince him, his arm jerking away from the touch and eyebrows furrowing. 

"Who are the Kuzuryuu's?" His body stayed in the position is was when he jerked away, shaking slightly. The dust of the backroom tickled his nose, giving him the sense of a sneeze sneaking up on him but he rubbed his nose slightly, eyes gazing down at the door. "Are they in there?" He asked, pointing a finger towards the cellar door. 

Kamukura kept his eyes on Hinata still as they returned to making eye contact. He didn't hesitate for a moment as attempted to lean down and grip one of the door handles before Hinata's voice stopped him.

"What are you doing?" He nearly yelled. Had it been they weren't in a public bar probably filled with mobsters, he would have lost his mind and screamed at Kamukura by now. Upon a quiet sigh from the man before him, Hinata stepped back, ready to flee and find his way home himself.

That is, if it was even possible to leave. The moment he turned around, he found his voice stuck in his throat as two bulky men stood at the door, as if on guard for some sort of danger. He knew it in his heart that there was no way out of this, and even considered begging for a moment to call his loved ones and say his goodbyes.

A loud creak caught his ears, his head jerking in the direction of the open cellar. Conversation was louder now, and the stench of rich beer was heavy. "Let us go," Kamukura muttered, not a glance shared as he began heading down the stairs. Really, Hinata wondered, just what the hell did he get himself into?

After a questionable stare from the men by the exit, he found himself giving into his only option of joining Kamukura downstairs. He took a deep breath before stepping down the first step, following down subconsciously as he continued to breathe in order to lower the racing of his heart. The air was colder the lower he went, the hairs on his arms standing up as a gentle gust of air from ventilation hit his skin. In his view past Kamukura's hair, many rowdy drunk men stood around a pool table, each in pinstripe suits with cigars between their lips. The room looked similar to the one he saw upon entering the main bar, but a lot more monotoned in terms of colours. 

His lips parted to speak, but he was instantly interrupted by a tall woman greeting Kamukura. Upon first glance, her long hair was grey and eyes a bright red, accompanied by glasses that gave her appearance a more somber demeanor. 

"Young Master's been waiting for you," she spoke, focused on the man next to him entirely. No response was voiced from either as she hastily left, entering past a silk curtaining that acted as a door to another room.

He really didn't know what to make of this.

"Why don't we sit for a bit?" Kamukura suggested. He shared no glance with Hinata as he walked past him towards the bar counter, sliding up on a seat and waiting patiently to be joined.

He'd leave if he could, really. The timing was so perfect but he wasn't sure risking what probably was his life in these circumstances was generally worth it. Joining Kamukura at the counter, he watched him sip water down, the ice cubes clinking against one another. The atmosphere was pleasant really, but a bit unnerving. He always found bars discomforting, given he usually went alone.

"Do you want anything?" Kamukura asked quietly, his eyes gazing off. Hinata turned to him and kept quiet for a moment, studying his cold, straight expression. For someone who had such a past with Komaeda, he seemed almost too bland for it. 

Sighing gently, Hinata politely rejected the offer, but was denied of his rejection. The snap of the man's fingers startled him, his eyes following his as he watched a bartender exit the backroom instantly. They had a sense of fear sprawled over their face, shoulders stiff and smile excruciatingly forced. 

"Get the boy some water, will you?"

Hastily, a glass of water was placed before Hinata, coaster placed and everything. No thanks or anything were exchanged as Hinata was overcome by shock, but he didn't hesitate to call Kamukura out. "I told you I didn't want anything," he muttered, leaning over and resting his head down next to the glass. His head stayed turned towards Kamukura, watching his lack of physical or vocal response. 

What were they even doing here?

"So are we meeting them or what?"

"Them?"

"...the Kuzuryuus? Didn't you say-" 

As he was finishing his sentence, the loud sound of crashing in the other room got the attention of the entire bar, followed by cussing and another loud bang. Upon sitting up, Hinata nearly knocked his water down, all while Kamukura slowly turned his head toward the source of the sound. Was this guy really even human, Hinata wondered.

 Following the sounds was another crash, causing everyone in the bar to distance themselves away from the area near the room, some leaving the basement entirely. Before Hinata could join them, Kamukura had stood up, some of his long hair brushing against Hinata's nose. 

"I suppose that's our cue."

"For what?" He half-whispered, praying they were about to leave the place entirely. It was a good thing he wasn't expecting to, considering Kamukura began to approach the silk curtain, urging Hinata to follow with the signal of a gentle hand motion. 

He hopped off his stool, circling around the pool table to the farthest end. "Are you crazy?!" He whisper-shouted, hands gripping the table. "I'm not about to confront some big buff mobster, you-"

"Just follow me."

Hinata couldn't follow him. Death awaited him in that room, without a doubt. But, sighing to himself, he let himself follow, considering he had no other choice in this room of large drunk bulky men who were without a doubt apart of this organization. 

Allowing Kamukura to go first, he watched him step through the curtain before forcing himself to suck it up and join him. The first thing that greeted his eyes was the source of the original smash: a vase. The next thing in his line of sight being a short blond boy accompanied by the grey-haired woman from earlier. She stood by his side, concern evident in her face as she tended to his hand, a bandage being wrapped around it before either of them even noticed Kamukura and Hinata, separating awkwardly with blush across their cheeks as if it were something they weren't meant to see. 

The room's walls were white and floor black, a desk in the far middle of the room. The atmosphere and tension was sending chills down Hinata's back, and he couldn't help but inch himself behind Kamukura a little bit for some sort of safety.

" _Ah_ , Kamukura," the blond spoke, head turning towards them once the fluster had dissipated. Upon further inspection, Hinata noticed his right eye covered by an eye patch, wondering how someone so tiny would manage to get that, and as well as break and entire vase with little to know hesitation. "Who might your friend be?"

Hinata received a glance from Kamukura, the gentle jut of his chin in the other boy's direction indicating Hinata to introduce himself. He swallowed back the hard lump in his throat anxiously, stepping forward and gathering his pride. "I'm, uh, Hajime Hinata, it's nice to meet you." Sticking his hand out for a handshake, all the male did in response was huff under his breath, stuffing his hands into his own pockets and strolling towards his desk. The grey haired woman slipped past them hastily.

He picked up a name plate, turning it toward Hinata and slamming it down on the table as he leaned back against it.  _'Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu',_ it read, and for a moment, Hinata almost asked if this were a joke. How can a tiny kid like him be a Kuzuryuu?

"So let me get this fucking straight," he spoke loudly, hand stuffing back into his pocket as a leg crossed over the other. Kamukura seated himself on the couch against the wall, urging Hinata to join him. "You and Komaeda, that fucking vile son of a bitch, are together, is this correct?"

Hinata found himself pausing on the way to the seat, the badmouthing of Komaeda triggering a sense of anger in him. "That  _what_ now, sorry?" He nearly hissed, eyebrows furrowing angrily as he stared back at Kuzuryuu. The face on the boy was priceless, really. He truly showed he couldn't care less for what Hinata had to say about his shit talking.

"What's the problem? Never heard a bit of bad words, kid? Get fucking used to it, that's just how it is being a yakuza. Bada bing, bada boom, now sit your fuckin' ass down."

It took a lot of Hinata's willpower to swallow down his anger and seat himself next to Kamukura, legs crossing and elbow propped against the armrest that he irritably leaned against. He had some nerve, considering how small he was, badmouthing like it's no one's business, but based on the looks he were receiving from Kamukura, taking a violent approach to a gangster wouldn't get him anywhere but in a body bag. 

Kuzuryuu cleared his throat before speaking again. "So are you with him or not?"

"More or less," he replied in a quiet, muttered tone. "I don't get the point of this, I know nearly all there is to him and I'm _not_ leaving him, so what does he have to do with this-"

"You fucking moron, he's working for the bitch that did  _this-_ " he pointed a finger to his eyepatch, baring his teeth as he glared down at Hinata with his one eye, "-to me."

"If I may, he does not know Enoshima is generally up to anything," Kamukura butt in, head lulled back and eyes closed. "I know this because I had a chat with her when searching for him."

Hinata swallowed dryly, his elbow slowly retracting so his fingers could twiddle. He let Kamukura's words hang in his mind for a bit, sure to ask him about it later, although he really was growing to become beyond uncomfortable, given the situation he was in. Despite so, he was curious and wanted to listen to what Kuzuryuu had to say. Not only for Komaeda's sake, but because he wanted to find out as much as he could to help him overcome the intense struggle of his emotions for him. He loved him, really, but he can't subject himself to someone who isn't capable of being healthy with him, right?

Thinking about it, Hinata knew being mentally ill didn't make their relationship unhealthy. It also didn't mean Komaeda was crazy, but curiosity was eating at him, and who knows how much more weird it could get until then? 

Yeah, it's just the people around him's fault. God, did he want to leave and ignore the shit he had to deal with, with a gangster, for crying out loud. 

"Hey, are you fucking listening?"

Body snapping up, Hinata was immediately startled by Kuzuryuu being so close and up in his face. He wasn't given a moment to reply before an irritated sigh escaped Kuzuryuu's lips, fingers tapping impatiently against the desk once he approached it.

Hinata was only becoming more and more irritated, as Kuzuryuu's attitude only seemed to prove itself to be just terrible. "Okay...? Are you going to repeat any of that?" He muttered, leaning his elbow against the armrest once again. 

He honestly truly wanted to punch Kamukura for taking him here, and well, for existing.

Kuzuryuu traced the corner of his desk, his eye gazing off in thought before a cocky smile drew across his lips. "Have you ever played pool?" He asked, his finger sliding off the edge. Hinata expected he'd dodge his question carelessly, but not so quick with little to no second thoughts.

"Never, no."

"Well, let's teach you, shall we?"

Kamukura stood up beside him, his red eyes staring into Hinata's and for a moment, he felt like it almost was a warning sign. He didn't know what he was getting into, but he knew he couldn't back out. Not in a bar full of yakuza men and not to mention this tiny blond kid seemed worrisome, given his attitude.

With the help of a hand up from Kamukura, Hinata hadn't had a clue what to do.

* * *

"Since you haven't played before, I've brought you a medium-soft tipped cue stick. Let me if know if it's difficult to use; it's already chalked and everything." 

Handing Hinata the stick after speaking words he'd never heard before in this context, Kuzuryuu was joined by the grey haired woman, her hair now braided into two sections on either side of her shoulders. She seemed to have a strap wrapped over her chest, a large black rectangular casing connected to it. Perhaps it were the cues, Hinata wondered, although he wasn't entirely confident in that guess. Kamukura was seen joining them soon, laying out the pool balls carefully with a triangular shaped frame.

"Now, basically, you're trying to knock all but the cue ball into the holes by hitting the cue ball, which is the white one. But don't hit the 8 ball until the end. Whoever scores the 8 ball when it's the last, essentially wins. Does that make sense?"

Given Hinata zoned out for most of that, it really didn't. "Yeah, I sorta get it," he lied. Lying was sort of worth the smile on Kuzuryuu's face though, instead of a cold, hard glare.

Nodding, he whispered something into the woman's ear briefly before returning his full attention to Hinata. "Once we start though, which ever ball you shoot in first, becomes your ball variation, essentially. There are solid coloured balls, and single stripped ones. Say I end up with solid, and you shoot one of my solids in. That's automatically a point for  _me_ , so be careful, you got that?"

Hinata nodded. In the corner of his eye he noticed the woman whisper into Kamukura's ear, as soon the two of them left the two to join the group of men around the bar.

"Who is she, by the way?" Despite it potentially being a bad question, Kuzuryuu showed no anger and simply flushed up.

"Uh, that's Peko...yama. Pekoyama, she uh...she's been with me all my life. I run the family work but she's honestly more the boss than I am." 

Nodding gently, Hinata twiddled with his cue as Kuzuryuu bent down, retracting his own cue from under the table. He cleared his throat and tugged on his suit collar, a deep breath being taken in through his nose as he circled around the table to the right angle, getting into hand position.

"What's Komaeda like?" He asked, glancing up briefly at Hinata. His fingers were still messing around with the cue, pinching the tip of it and staring intently. Upon hearing Komaeda's name, he automatically snapped out of the trance, joining Kuzuryuu and standing next to him. 

"He's...well, emotionally damaged, but really...really nice."

Kuzuryuu hummed deep in his throat, the tip of his cue tapping lightly against the white ball, causing it to knock into the triangle of balls and causing them all to separate in different directions. He stood up, a quiet huff under his breath. "I can't explain Kamukura's actions, but he's...weird. He treated him like...a mental institution patient. I did the break for you so you go."

Standing before the cue ball, he lined the cue the same way Kuzuryuu did, although he did step in and help him adjust his position. Lightly, with Kuzuryuu grasping his arm, he tapped against the cue ball, watching it knock into a solid 5 ball and fall into one of the holes.

Kuzuryuu gave him a congratulatory pat on the back. "Remember, you can only hit solids with the cue ball now." 

In the distance, he watched the bar clear out, everyone making their way upstairs besides the bartender. Kamukura and Pekoyama looked like they were instructing them to leave, making Hinata's stomach sink subtly. 

"Where are they going?" He asked as he lined up the cue and knocked against the ball. It knocked a few around before sinking into a pocket. 

Kuzuryuu took it out, placing it carefully and lining himself up. "I dunno, probably just wanted to give us some space," he muttered, tapping the ball and sinking another. "You technically scratched, but I don't think it's worth bothering to explain that, so we'll just play till one of us win, yeah?"

Hinata nodded, and continued to watch Kuzuryuu as he skillfully sunk the balls with little to no adjustments.

"So what's it like being yakuza?" he asked as soon as the question came to mind. Upon asking, Kuzuryuu evidently messed up, sinking the cue ball from hesitating. 

Stepping away, he gestured Hinata to retrieve the ball and place it, leaning against the wall next to them. "Well, it's dangerous work. Been taught all types of shit since birth a child shouldn't be taught, you get what I mean?"

Hinata sunk the cue ball again, cussing under his breath and stepping aside for Kuzuryuu. "Like what specifically?"

"Combat, hitmen business. Pekoyama was taught how to use a sword since she was practically an infant, and now she's the greatest swordmaster in the entire city."

"Is that even legal?'

"We're  _yakuza_ , you dumbass."

"Right..."

Kuzuryuu managed to foul, passing on his position to Hinata. "I suppose I should explain my issues with your boyfriend, huh?"

"Well, he's not-"

"Your boyfriend? Mmh, sounds about fuckin' false. You both sound practically married."

"How would you know that?

Lips parting, Kuzuryuu hesitated before clearing his throat momentarily. "Do you know who he killed, and the reasons behind it?"

Hinata knocked the ball off the table in hesitation, the sound of it hitting the ground startling him. Kuzuryuu managed to retrieve it, returning to the table while Hinata stood out.

"No, I don't."

Getting into position and lining his stroke, Kuzuryuu hesitated, pausing entirely and sighing. "Here's...here's what actually happened." Taking a deep breath, Kuzuryuu placed the cue stick down. "Komaeda was broke, and lonely, and really just...fucked up. Kamukura found him, which as a result, is where this really begins. We'd been meeting prior to this, and discussed having a hitman...sorta, with a price. We were under the works of getting rid of Enoshima Junko."

Hinata placed his cue down, his head feeling light. He knew Enoshima wasn't a great person, but supposedly there was more to it than meets the eye. "But why? Isn't she just a casino owner?"

"Oh, fuck no. She took up her business originally as a bar against our Kuzuryuu bar. At the time, we were the only bar most actively in good business, so she took her chances. Then she made it into a casino and got a lot more publicity, but this isn't about fucking...business rivalries. That bitch has an entire team of evil. People she manipulated and willingly took part in mentally breaking down."

"That's fucked, but-"

"They call themselves 'Despair', like really bitch? She's actively attempting to lure in  _my_ clan members and fucking manipulate them? It's fucking bullshit!"

"Yeah it is, but Kuzuryuu-"

His knuckles were becoming white from clenching them, the nails of his fingers digging harshly into his palms. "So I snapped! And Kamukura found someone willing to help us, so he got him with sex and love and money, and he-..."

Kuzuryuu paused, a sense of realization washing over him. Hinata leaned down just a bit, calling his name quietly.

"Hey, Kuzuryuu, can you hear me?"

Raising his head up hesitantly, Kuzuryuu swallowed dryly. "I...fuck dude, I...fuck."

He watched him as he made his way to a table, sitting at it and kneading his fingers through his hair.

"It wasn't my intention to...do that...I mean, Kamukura said it was also on play to test his medical condition and..."

Hinata honestly would have strangled Kuzuryuu the more he thought about it, but giving himself a moment, he knew Kuzuryuu wasn't exactly at fault, especially with Enoshima on the case. That didn't stop his blood from boiling and heart from racing, knowing just how they...used Komaeda and dispensed of him once he was too traumatized to make matters of it.

Although something  _did_ feel off about that sentence, he noticed.

_'It wasn't my intention...Kamukura said it was on play to test his...medical condition?'_

Medical condition.

"Wait, what fucking medical condition?" He blurted upon realization, his eyebrows furrowing as he stared down at the short Kuzuryuu. He looked up in confusion, a disgruntled expression across his face.

"What do you mean, what fucking medical condition? Hasn't Nanami..." Kuzuryuu paused. "Wait...do you not know?"

"Not know what?!" He nearly shouted.

"Fuck, you don't, do you?"

"Kuzuryuu, can you just fucking tell me-"

"Hinata," he spoke up, his intense expression softening as the confusion in Hinata's eyes. It was almost painful to him; to see him so upset and lost over what he didn't know. He almost felt awful for slipping up, but he deserved to know. Kuzuryuu knew that, but he feared the heat he'd soon get from Nanami for this,

"Hinata, have you...have you heard of...frontotemporal dementia?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for so many comments on the prev chapter i hope yall r having/had a good spring break!


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